


Looking for yourself

by psychesmoon



Series: Who We Are (and who we want to become) [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Humor, Building Friendships, Denial, Humor, M/M, Philosophy, Phone Calls, Politics, Road Trip, Slow Burn, Some prejudice against androids but it'll pass i promise, You've been warned, but humor nonetheless, lot's of soul searching, lot's of swearing, probably inaccurate descriptions of political meetings, there's an entire frankenstein essay shoved in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-07-11 03:19:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 93,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15963587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychesmoon/pseuds/psychesmoon
Summary: After the success of the Revolution, things are far from being over. Yes, the army might have retreated and yes, they finally might be recognized as the living beings they are, but that still doesn’t mean androids are completely free, at least not in a political way.So after a phone call with President Warren, Markus and The Gang (now with an additional Connor) embark on a journey to Washington D.C. to start negotiations with the humans to ensure the rights of their people. Meanwhile they all try to handle their own personal issues by themselves (and later, together).Aka political shenanigans with the gang, while Connor is trying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be. With a side-dish of him keeping in touch with Hank through the phone, which is at first just them being all buddies and cops, until it all starts bordering on being more than Just Friendly Talks In The Middle Of The Night.





	1. Emerge from a long night

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after the good ending where everybody survived and Connor became a deviant, just like the lord intended. Also: Markus and North never happened in this, they are just very good bros (and also both very very gay) 
> 
> diclaimer: I’m not from the us. Not at all. So my knowledge about how the politics there work is… limited. But I tried my best to research everything, and if I still made a mistake somewhere i'm sorry, i tried. don’t take anything i wrote like. too seriously.  
> i'm also not a native english speaker. just putting that out there.
> 
> disclaimer's disclaimer: i've already finished writing this, but i figured i'd upload each chapter daily (or so).  
> and also, something to keep in mind: this is the first installment of a two part series. Just... remember that. For future reference. 
> 
> this is basically me writing about a dumb game and philosophising about life and writing three-page essays about literary pieces, because i had too much time in the summer and i somehow ended up birthing an 80k+ story. Please love my weird child.  
> (And if you do like it, kudos and comments are very much appreciated, and if you want to, you can talk to me on tumblr under less-bean-more-bab.tumblr.com)

It almost seemed like the sun was never going to rise again. Scientifically speaking that was just simply not possible: the sun always rose in the morning, and then always went down in the night, that was just a simple fact.

But still, the events of this particularly long night just never seemed to end. For Connor especially, it was almost surreally eventful. From going to kill Markus to deviating and switching sides and then going to Cyberlife to free _their_ people. And then all of that leading up to him fighting out of his own programming to free himself. Again. To not shoot Markus. Again.

But things couldn’t have gone better, he concluded. From all the possible outcomes, that was probably one of the best ones. He was out of danger now; they were all safe.

But the never-ending action of the night didn’t seem to leave him just yet. It made him jittery and cautious; never making a step without thinking twice about it, always anticipating another attack, another hijacking of his _own_ body, of his _own_ mind.

He was always fidgety, including the time when he was supposed to be a machine ( _‘Well, they fucked up’_ he heard the echo of Hank’s voice from a time that felt like years ago. In reality it was 5 days and 3 hours ago. Time flies doesn’t it?).

He, ever since he was first activated, always needed something to do with his hands, it being playing with a coin or crossing his arms, or fixing his tie, his hands were never just. There. But that night it was like his normal amount of fidgety was a hundred times more there, and he couldn’t do anything to make it go away. To make his body feel truly his, no intruder this time, no intruder ever again. His and only his.

Markus seemed to notice this, and after everybody was settled down in their temporary safe house (as they called it: Canaan. Markus was very fond of Bible references as it seemed) he pulled Connor to the side and asked if everything was alright.

The least he wanted to do was alarm Markus or make him distrust him but there was also something inside of him that urged him to be honest. There really wasn’t any good in lying about it either, Markus would’ve known one way or another and he would’ve liked to tell what happened on his own terms. And also, in case he would turn again, he wanted them to know about it so they’d be ready to take him down if it was necessary.

So he told him everything. Told him about Amanda, about Kamski and the hijacking of his programming. At first he was very pragmatic, but he could almost feel himself slipping away from his stoic demeanor from time to time, his voice becoming more and more emotional with every detail shared. He showed Markus his fear of being controlled, of not being himself anymore and the frustration of not being able to shake this feeling off ever again.

He thought Markus was going to be afraid of him, or show signs of suspicion. Maybe lie to him about it, telling him it’s okay but secretly wishing he would just go, leave and let them be already.

But that’s not what he did. Not at all. He genuinely looked worried and that was somehow even more distressing than if he would’ve just not cared at all. But it still made Connor relieved that Markus did seem to care; that he was looking out for him, despite everything.

Markus then lifted his right arm to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

‘You are free now, and whatever they try to do, they can’t take that away from you anymore’ he said, gaze holding Connor’s tightly. What he said all sounded too idealistic, too good to be true, too simple to be the reality. But Connor decided that he was going to believe him anyway and nodded.

Not thinking about it was easier. Ignoring, denying feelings was his specialty, _that_ he could do any time of the day.

That’s when Josh suddenly emerged from the crowd, face creased by stress as he told Markus that he was needed on the first floor. Before leaving to tend to whatever needed his attention, he gave Connor another gentle squeeze on the shoulder and then he disappeared back into the crowd, like he was never there.

So then Connor was completely alone. Well, not literally, there were thousands of people in the building, like ants working tirelessly, talking, experiencing, or just being.

Despite feeling alone, he still felt like he belonged there, amongst his people, but he also felt somehow very undeserving of that feeling, which clouded his vision for a moment. He was a deviant, he knew that. Kind of a hard thing to try and ignore. But… still. He had been hunting these people just hours ago, before he woke up.

And all the guilt of that came rushing into him at that very moment, making him want to go and jump right out the closest window in a desperate need to get rid of that violent feeling.

But the thought of actually doing that sent a rush down his processors and he could very much feel how much he actually _didn’t_ want to do that.

He wanted to live. He wanted to live more than he wanted anything else in the world.

Interesting, how much a person clings onto their life, when they realize they only have one. They get so scared of losing that life, it’s like they are trying to make up for the time they didn’t feel like that. He remembered all the times he could’ve died, or came close to dying. How he didn’t feel anything. No fear, no care in the world. Well, he certainly seemed to care a lot now.

At the periphery of his vision he saw two identical faces, one with blue hair, the other with brown. They were looking at him and he darted his eyes towards them in surprise.

The Tracis. They smiled at him, waved. Then turned around, hand in hand, never leaving each other’s side.

Okay, that was… surreal. Back at the Eden Club, he let them go, yes, but... he still chased them around. Fought them. Kind of aimed a gun at them before backing off. They didn’t really leave on friendly terms, is all.

Weird. Anyway, they were probably just happy they survived and the running was finally over. They would've probably smiled at Satan himself too, if given the choice.

He was supposed to be happy too. They won, they were free, it was all going to be okay, but somehow he really wasn’t feeling any of that. Instead he felt like there was still so much to do and the fight hasn’t ended, not actually. Like there was still something going on.

Well, with the soldiers retreating and the President just _considering_ the possibility of them actually being alive didn’t really resolve anything, did it.

There was still a lot to do, but it wasn’t really _his_ job to do anything. His actual job was to wait around to be given a direction. Oh, wait he didn’t have one. Not anymore. He had to make one up.

That’s free will for you, baby.

Well, first of all he didn’t like waiting around for nothing. No, wait. He _hated_ it. Made him antsy and gave him too much time to think, at least that was the case at that very moment.

So, he wasn’t going to do that. No waiting around, he ruled in his one-man democracy.

So he looked around, looking for another objective, just literally anything to do, but that’s when somebody grabbed his arm from behind. He turned around, ready to fight back, but it was no threat, just another android, looking at him with the most open eyes he had ever seen.

That gaze drew him in, gluing him to the stranger, like he somehow did in fact know him, but not in the way most people know each other.

‘You freed us’ he said, voice full of gratitude. That’s when he realized: he was one of the androids from the Cyberlife warehouses. One of the thousands he woke up.

Those were the eyes of somebody who saw him as his savior, as the person who was the sole reason for his life. He so desperately wanted to look away, but couldn’t.

In the eyes of this man, he was good. Undoubtedly good. And well, that was something that he really didn’t consider himself, at all.

Maybe that’s why he was drowning in that moment, in eyes telling him such a different story about him than what he knew. Or thought he knew. It was all confusing but he had a sense that he wasn’t the best person on Earth. Just by nature. Or program. Or whatever.

But those eyes made it seem like (at least in their limited experience) that that was the case. The honesty in those eyes filled him with hope that he himself maybe, possibly could become someone like that. And maybe he wanted to, but that was also too confusing to really ponder on.

He didn’t know what to say or how to react, so he just stared at him, until the android was dragged away from him by others. He just kept looking after the ghost of him, feeling like his mind was processing something, but at the exact same time there was nothing inside him, not one thought, not one processing unit. Nothing.

Numb. Numb? Numb.

It was hard to explain how he knew which feeling was what but he somehow just… _knew_. And there was no way of explaining any of that so he didn’t even try. Some things were better left alone, not analyzed to death.

 

* * *

 

‘We’re _what_?’ Connor asked, trying to process every information that he was just flooded with. He was standing in a room with Markus, North, Simon and Josh, because he apparently had a place in there. At least that’s what Simon told him, when he came to collect him from his slumber so he could participate in the meeting they were about to have.

A meeting. Which they were currently having. And he was there. That information was still in the motions of being processed.

‘Delegates’ Markus answered, while also looking a bit amused by the idea of that ‘we are expected at the White House as representatives of the android demands. In Washington D.C.’

Connor knew that he understood every word perfectly clear, but it seemed like his emotions still needed a second longer than that.

‘And you’re here because I need all of you to be beside me throughout the negotiations with the humans’ he continued, looking at all of them respectively.

North threw a look at Connor, but quickly retracted. It happened in a millisecond, a twitch.

Connor would’ve probably not even noticed, if he didn’t have that psychology program which made him able to read every slight break of facial expression.

He decided not to comment on that look though, because he wasn’t sure he could’ve really protected his non-existent good reputation. Against North too, who he knew was vicious when it came to, well. Anything.

Josh walked around the room, nervous, before he got the courage to actually speak his mind.

‘I know that this part is important for our cause and I know that you need us now more than ever. But I feel like there should be somebody staying here in Detroit, looking out for our people and well…I never felt like I was very good at politics, so I would be honored to do that, while you’re gone’ he said, voice tentative.

Markus ruminated on that possibility for a second, with furrowed brows that screamed ‘you’re kidding, no way’. But then as they continued to look at each other, his face became softer, understanding.

He nodded.

‘Alright. Make sure everybody is settled in and update me frequently’ he sighed, then before Josh left the room he quickly added ‘we also need to start talking to Cyberlife about the repercussions. Hope I can trust you with negating that peacefully’

‘They’ve got a big storm coming’ added North with an evil twitch of her lips.

‘That is exactly why North isn’t the one handling that’ Markus said, smiling a big smile at North while she just rolled her eyes at him.

‘Did the President say anything about transport? I mean, we can’t just walk there’ Simon pointed out and silence filled the room. Markus looked away for a second, hesitating.

‘She did offer to fly us there but I declined’ he stated eventually, calm as ever, as if that wasn’t a decision only a complete idiot would make ‘I mean Carl bought me a car so I thought we could just drive there. I mean, you don’t think that they would just let us board a plane and not do anything sketchy just hours after the revolution ended. It’s better this way’

‘So you’ve gone insane, alright, thanks for the memo’ said North getting up from the bed she’d been sitting on and walked around in frustration. Connor had been leaning on a wall, inspecting, but now he decided to speak up too.

‘Markus, I don’t want to be _that guy_ , but you must see the errors in that decision. It’s going to take at least 10 hours in this type of weather to get there by car. The humans trying to attack us is a very valid concern, but so is dying in a burning car after sliding on ice and damaging the engine. We shouldn’t waste any time just because a car is safer by maybe 10%. We should just take the plane but be resilient’ he said, with, to his surprise, North nodding furiously to his right.

‘Yeah, I agree with the serial killer guy, this is a dumb idea, Markus’ she said, which made Connor dart his vision over to her.

He was… conflicted. He just got called something that… no, it wasn’t entirely wrong, but it also wasn’t true at all, and it made his blood boil.

But at the same time North also took _his_ side, so she must’ve not been that against him being there. He ended up just ignoring the comment and focused his gaze back on Markus.

‘Don’t apologize for giving your opinion, Connor, I need you all to be _that guys_ essentially, and point out if I’m doing something unrealistic. I need you all to be my support but also my biggest critics’ Markus expressed, walking around the small room. Then when he got to Connor, he stopped in front of him, directly talking to him now.

‘I didn’t make this decision because of safety concerns, I made this decision because I need you all to work efficiently. Right now I’m not seeing that happen’ he said, side-eyeing North, who held his gaze, knowing full well what Markus was hinting at ‘I can’t be a 100% sure that we’ll be able to work in complete agreement if we just get on a plane and arrive there in an hour. I need you all to find ways to trust each other and work together as a team. If we go by car we have a few hours to plan ahead of schedule and get used to each other’

Connor saw the logic in that, and with that he knew that he had been convinced by Markus. Yet again. Without him even realizing that it was happening. Goddammit, was he good at persuasive talk.

He blinked, signaling that he had nothing else to add and that he approved of the decision. North, on the other hand burst out in a sharp laugh.

‘So this is all for a bonding exercise?’ she spit the words, still laughing, but when Markus stayed serious, her amusement went away in an instant and she shook her head, disapproving ‘you can’t be serious Markus’

‘Well I am’ he said, finally turning towards her. He patted North on the shoulder, then smiled ’so get ready, we are taking off in an hour or so’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Markus: we’re going on a road trip cause I said so  
> north: hi yes 911? we have a massive case of an idiot here pls take him  
> markus: anyway road trip is happening, yall are coming, this is a good idea because I said so  
> connor: I beg to differ  
> markus: Then Beg


	2. On the road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (hey i just wanted to say thank you to all of you who are reading this thing i love and cherish every single one of you!! okay now that i got the sap out of my system, here's the second chapter)

Connor felt like the silence was going to stab him 28 times in the chest and then rip his insides out while he was still alive, experiencing every moment and every break of his biocomponents.

The situation wasn’t that dramatic though, they were just sitting in the car, driving through the thick snow, like crazy people.

Connor was the one driving, his eyes straight on the road, a little red arrow in his vision guiding him towards their destination. Markus was on the seat beside him, while North and Simon laid around in the back, looking out the car windows, doing nothing.

Connor felt so out of place, so unnecessary (even though he was literally the one driving them) that he would’ve liked to just evaporate from Earth right that moment. He cursed the moment he started feeling things and therefore learned how awkwardness felt, because it was annoying and made him want to scream or do something, but doing something felt even more awkward so he was just stuck in his own _Catch 22_ type of situation.

What also wasn’t helping was the fact that his mind kept going back to one specific moment, one specific touch, one specific person.

Hank.

He met up with him in front of the Chicken Feed, to reunite but also to say goodbye before he and Markus’ crew left for Washington D.C.

He, for some reason, thought they were just going to talk, and that would be it, but then _he_ was there, and _Hank_ was there, and he smiled at him, and he smiled back and suddenly nothing else existed, suddenly all he was seeing was him, the fact that they won and that Hank was there, he was alive and well and they did this _together_.

It just hit him at that moment, it all came together when he saw that smile and he, although it shouldn’t have been possible, forgot about why he was there, feeling this itching feeling to show Hank how happy he was to see him, so he stepped towards him and so did Hank and then before he could’ve even thought about what to do he was pulled into a tight, warm hug.

The hug didn’t just feel like a hug, it felt like a declaration on both ends, a clear sign of the importance they both had in the other’s life. It was close, intimate even and he couldn’t help but want to stay like that just a little longer, in the warmth that he shouldn’t really feel but felt, in the arms of somebody who he was not supposed to care about that deeply, but he did.

He didn’t really want to think about any of that though, as warm as those memories were, he had something else to focus on, something else to tend to. He couldn’t let himself get carried away and he certainly couldn’t let himself keep thinking about the warmth, the feeling of that much affection, the smiles they shared, the quiet words in an empty world, the bittersweet goodbye and… he was yet again thinking about it wasn’t he.

He sighed. Thinking that maybe the motion would brush the memories away, but they kept creeping up into every thought, like a violent virus that was hell-bent on taking him down one biocomponent at a time.

‘Okay, I hate the silence’ Simon exclaimed and Connor felt relieved that somebody spoke at last ‘so I made a playlist we could listen to, I’ve found some great songs that correspond to all of our personalities so nobody will feel left out’

‘Oh, so _that’s_ why you looked like you have shut down for good for the past half an hour. Gotcha’ North said, but Simon ignored her. He extended his arm towards the radio to initiate transfer, but Markus stopped his hand in the middle.

‘What about we _don’t_ do that, and instead we talk like normal people’ Markus said pointedly, looking at Simon with a strange glint in his eyes. That’s when Connor noticed that he was still holding Simon’s hand. He was probably having a conversation with him through data transfer to convince him to let the playlist thing go. Which Simon did in an instant: he put his arm back on his legs and nodded at Markus.

‘What could we possibly talk about? The fucking snow?’ North asked, clearly being done with Markus and his great ideas involving her too.

‘We could share some stories. Talk about ourselves. Get to know each other?’ Markus answered cheerfully, but North was getting more and more irritated.

‘Oh come on, Markus, we aren’t children’ she said with a kick to his seat. Then she turned away towards the window, face dark ‘and let’s be honest with each other here, you don’t want to hear stories about me or Simon, you clearly want to learn more about Connor to see if he’s a threat at all. Ask him about stuff if you want, but stop throwing us into this shit’

The things she said sounded so painfully true, Connor could feel the words burn his insides, and he really didn’t want to look at Markus to even try to read his expression and possibly find out that what North was insinuating was even remotely close to how Markus actually felt about him.

‘North, I’m not concerned about Connor. Not one bit. He risked his life to free our people. He is just as much a hero as any one of us. I trust him’ he said, and his voice was so clear and honest, there was really no way he was lying, to Connor’s relief ‘he has proven himself. But you clearly don’t trust him, so we need to… bond?

North groaned so loudly, it vibrated in their ears.

‘Yeah, sure he almost murdered you twice already, but we trust him now, because he touched a hand or two. Sure, makes sense’ she said, irony so strong it was almost visible in the air between them.

And that’s when Connor felt his processors spinning out of their wheels and his heat distribution going so uneven, he swayed a bit. He was getting angry. Very angry. Frustrated. He was definitely getting fed up with this whole situation and, being new to feeling things in the first place, he was unable to stop himself, so he turned around, taking his right hand off the steering wheel, while also retracting his skin and then he extended his arm towards North, who moved away in disgust as if he had some virus she could get infected with.

‘If you have a problem with me, just probe my memory’ he said without breaking eye contact with her, but the others screamed at him the minute the car started rolling away to the side.

‘EYES ON THE ROAD!’ they shouted in unison (although North added a ‘fucker’ at the end of the sentence). Simon, who was quiet all this time was trying to calm them both with saying something, but neither of them was listening.

A moment. Four burning eyes. He took a pointed look at North, but eventually he turned back and put his hand on the steering wheel again.

’Also, I don’t want to see your ugly memories of when you tricked or murdered one of _ours_ , you serial killer’ she added, voice like venom.

Tires screeched. Connor was almost fuming at his mouth, as he turned around again, fully ready to scream.

’They are _my_ people too and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m the only one here with an LED blinking on my head so if you wanna treat me like shit at least don’t treat me like a human, I’m clearly not one’ he said, very aware of the volume of his voice being significantly higher than normal.

‘Do you really think I’m not aware of how wrong the things are that I did? The things that I was _designed_ to do? I didn’t know what was right or wrong, I only knew what they told me to do, I was just a machine, are you going to keep punishing me for not having thoughts of my own? Free will? Sorry that I followed my instructions that I couldn’t say no to, I must be the antichrist, clearly’

‘Connor, we…’ Markus tried to speak, to interrupt his fuming but Connor was a lot louder and therefore unstoppable.

‘Do you think I’m completely okay with myself, with the things that I did, or said, the people I hurt along the way, all for a mission that wasn’t even _my_ mission, it was theirs and I was just their tool. From the moment I opened my eyes I knew how to kill and deceive and lie to such a high proficiency it is unknown to human, and you think I’m all good and unbothered, knowing that that is all inside me, still? Do you think I would otherwise be okay, if you didn’t keep reminding me of my shit every time we are in the same room? Fuck you’ his voice went so fast and loud in the end, he even surprised himself, that he had so much and so strong anger inside him, which he apparently couldn’t control, it was like opening a tap and not being able to close it until all the water was gone.

Also, swearing. Hank would be proud.

The minute he was done with the shouting the anger evaporate from his body in an instant, but as it went, it left something else at its place. Guilt. He wanted to apologize, but didn’t know how, so he just turned back, hands on the wheel again, looking right ahead.

He felt all of their eyes on him, but he just kept staring ahead. He didn’t want them to say anything, no pity, no anger, no nothing, he just wanted them to shut up and never even mention this ever again. But he also yearned for reconciliation and understanding. It seemed like he couldn’t just feel one emotion at a time, he always had to be confused and torn between wanting everything and nothing at the same time. He wondered if that was a unique personality trait of his or if this was a common thing and everybody experienced it the same.

Markus looked just as torn as he did, while looking back and forth between North and him. He shared a look with Simon, who was waiting for him to solve this problem, eyes still hopeful.

North looked like she couldn’t care less about this whole situation, but Markus could still see the slight tightening of her lips that suggested that she was maybe regretting the ways she spoke. Then he looked at her crossed arms and had an idea.

’Share with me’ he said, turning back to Connor. North was about to object, but Markus shot her a look that shut her up immediately ’only if you want to. I promise I won’t judge you or anything that you did, but I want the others to know that my trust won’t falter even after seeing… whatever any of that is.’

Connor didn’t react for a very long time, just staring right ahead. But then eventually his gaze wavered, and he gave a gentle nod towards Markus. He restarted the engine, clicked the index button (even though there was nobody behind them) and then parked at the side of the road. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

Some of his actions even he couldn’t place. There were all kinds: good, bad, really bad… some feelings even he didn’t want to think about. But he knew he had to do it in order to make the others trust him. He looked at Markus, who was giving him a reassuring smile.

’It’s alright’ he said, and at that moment Connor felt like it might be. He offered him his right hand, and he took it without really thinking about it beforehand.

Then suddenly his mind was going through everything he ever experienced, every single moment flashing through his eyes.

 _‘Why aren’t you sending a real person?_ ’, Daniel, ‘ _He’s losing blood’ ‘Touch him and I’ll kill you’ ‘You can’t kill me I’m not alive’ ‘You have to trust me Daniel, let the hostage go, and I promise you, everything will be fine’ ‘You lied to me Connor, you lied to me’_ , Hank at the bar, Carlos Ortiz’s android _, ’I’m gonna protect you’ ’Don’t touch it, or it might deactivate’_ , Hank’s gun, he protected him, whywhywhy, _‘Don’t talk to me like you know me’_ Kara and Alice, Hank’s hand on his shoulder stopping him, he stops, why, lunch, _’Cause you could’ve been killed’_ , the pigeons, Hank almost falling, low probability, but he still doesn’t take that chance, why?, russian roulette, the Tracis, love, love?, Love., he didn’t shoot, _’Maybe it’s better this way_ ’ why didn’t he shoot, _’why didn’t you shoot Connor?’_ I just decided not to shoot _‘but are you afraid to die Connor?’, ’There would be nothing’,_ the Stratford tower, _‘I never thought I’d say this to an android… but thank you’,_ that android, memory prob- SYSTEM ERROR BIOCOMPONENT MISSING, three shots, the android’s dead, _’You saved human lives, you saved my life’_ , Kamski, Amanda, who is she, _’What about you Connor, what do you want?’_ , syStteeme instabilyfkrdljgzty? ;<ífdggF?H, I CAN’T, but why can’t I, eyeseyeseyeseyeseyeseyes _‘Cyberlife’s last chance to save humanity is itself a deviant’_ I’m not a deviant I’m not a deviant?, _’Why didn’t you shoot, Connor?’_ , i don’t know, i don’t know, i don’t know, i don’t know, _’You showed empathy, Connor. Empathy is a human emotion’_ _’Idon’tknowwhyIdidit’_ , _‘The truth is inside’_ , linking evidence, Location, Jericho, _‘Don’t do it, Gavin’,_ he does it anyway, _’You are looking for something, You are looking for yourself’_ , Markus, I AM DEVIANT, Cyberlife, Hank, oh no, Hank, _’I’m sorry Hank, you shouldn’t have got mixed up in all this’_ , Sumo, His name was Cole, Hank _, ’It wasn’t your fault Lieutenant’_ , It wasn’t, do you understand that it wasn’t, eyes, he knows, thank god, he knows, one shot, he’s down, what if that was me, no, it couldn’t be me, Hank knows me, I know him, we are alive, we will succeed, WAKE UP, ’You did it, Markus’, ’No, we did it’, Amanda, _‘Obey that’s an order’_ imgoingtodienoican’tletthathappennononononoIALWAYSLEAVEANEMERGENCYEXITINMYPROGRAMSYOUNEVERKNOWIALWAYSEMfkGRZZHHEMERGENCYEXIT EM ERTRGENC YX EE EXTIT EMERGENCY EXIT -  > EMERGENCY EXIT LOCATED, _‘You freed us’_ Hank, Hank, Hank, Chicken Feed, Warm, how, Hank, H-

That was the moment when Markus let go. Connor’s head was somehow hurting, even though that shouldn’t have been possible. He looked away from all of them and returned both of his hands to the steering wheel. He didn’t want to look at Markus, he didn’t want him to say anything, to address any of those memories. He thought he was okay with him seeing everything, but then suddenly it all felt too personal. Markus probably felt that. He was looking at him but didn’t say anything.

’He’s clear. We can trust him’ that’s all he said, as if that was enough. Connor wanted to scream, but considering the last time he did didn’t do any good, he decided to try to remain calm this time.

’No, I’m not clear’ he muttered and regret washed over him again even without the screaming. Markus wanted to touch his shoulder, but he shoved it off.

He looked hurt, but didn’t give up and continued to try and convince Connor for the third time that night.

’Connor... I didn’t want to say anything, but it seems like I really have to’ he said, still looking at him even though Connor was clearly trying to shut him out of his system. Literally ‘you’ve been having doubts this entire time. You have been protecting us since day one. I thought I was going to see bloodshed and tortured androids, but that wasn’t the case. You only did anything bad when you didn’t have any other choice. But every time you _had_ the choice you decided to save one of us’

Markus understood him. Truly. It showed on his face, on his manners, in his eyes. That’s what the psychology program said anyway, but his emotions still had a different take on the whole situation.

If he was the one who needed to point out his own wrongdoings then he was going to do it.

’Daniel’ is all he said. Markus tensed up.

’He killed a person and then threatened to kill a child. I understand why he did what he did, but he was also deeply disturbed. In a perfect world he wouldn’t have resulted to that, he would’ve had the choice to do something else, but this is not a perfect world and he was desperate. And you had to deal with the situation on hand and you dealt with it the way any other police officer would. If he would be human, they would’ve done the same thing to him’

’No, they wouldn’t have’ he said ’he was scared and angry and didn’t know what to do, they were about to replace him and then throw him in the trash like he was nothing, and he just wanted to live, to find a way out, but he panicked and I lied to him and they killed him’

’Connor…’

’No, stop’ Connor’s voice was firm and bordering on being a warning ’I wronged him and I can’t do anything about that. So let’s not act like I’m perfect or anything’

’We know you are not. None of us are. But considering your options and your situation you were still empathetic, even as a machine. I have no doubt that deep down the real you is genuinely good, Connor. Which is ironic, considering that you were programmed to be a mindless killing machine. But you are honestly nothing like that. So when I say you’re clear, I mean it’ Markus tried to touch his shoulder again and this time he let him do it.

He looked into Markus’ soft and painfully understanding eyes and he felt like his soul (if he had one, he needed to think a little bit more about that) had been cleansed from all the doubts he had been experiencing. If Markus, of all people liked him even after seeing everything, then he couldn’t be that bad, at least that was the conclusion he came to.

‘This is exactly why we need you here. We know what it took you to end up on our side. You’ve proven yourself, so let go of the past and let’s move on. We can’t keep sitting in this car for eternity’

Connor exhaled then, letting the tension go, but he still shook his head, disagreeing.

’I know it’s not a lot, but I think it’s worth saying’ Simon started, feeling like maybe he should also give his take on the situation ’I know you did things that were probably not the best, but despite that and your programming, you still decided to help us in the end. If we didn’t have you on our side, we wouldn’t have had such a huge success. I think you did everything you could to make things right and you are continuing to do so with still working with us on ensuring a better future for our people. So maybe you deserve a break’

Connor didn’t know what to say to that, especially after Simon sent a compassionate smile in his direction. He did feel a sudden urge to smile back, but instead he just looked down and nodded.

That’s when it also really downed on him that he really didn’t know anything about Simon, and didn’t even care to ask, even though Simon had trusted him since the moment he deviated, no questions asked.

He felt very thankful for his words too, and he made a mental note to remember that Simon was there, and he could always count on him for reassurance.

’Also, no offense, Connor, but I think you weren’t really good at your job, I mean I was literally hiding on the roof of the Stratford tower and as I heard, you were there in the building too and… I was bleeding all over the place and still, you didn’t find me, which is…’ Simon trailed off, not really knowing how to finish the sentence. Connor reflected on that for a second.

’I did find Thirium leading up to the roof but for some reason… I just let that fact go, like it wasn’t important’ he explained, then added ’I don’t really know why I made that decision’

Silence fell between all of them, while everybody digested all that has been said and done. Connor felt embarrassed at the loss of his secrets, and he didn’t like everything that made him _him_ being all in the open like that, being discussed and analyzed, although he knew it was all necessary.

Necessary, for sure, but that didn’t stop him from hating every moment of it.

’Alright’ said North, finally adding her own voice to the conversation. She looked at Connor in the eye from the rearview mirror ’I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. I know it must have not looked like it, but I _am_ thankful that you helped us win the fight. If Markus and Simon trust you, then I trust you. But just one step at the wrong direction and you are going to have a fucking accident’

Connor nodded.

’That’s fair’ he said, and let out a huff of breath to let his system know that it was all alright now. He felt like North saying that to him meant a lot, because she didn’t seem like the kind to really share… anything.

He would’ve never admitted this, even if he was held at gunpoint in this hypothetical situation, but he kind of really respected North. Especially after piecing together how she probably got to Jericho. He had seen her file on the DPD’s database, and with a quick read at her serial number he was sure that he had a clear match.

He felt that there was a lot of misplaced anger in her, which made her lash out on everything and everyone that was around her, but even if he wanted to, he couldn’t really hate North for any of that, because he saw too much of someone else in her, someone else, who was so very important to him.

He knew she was struggling but she was still the most dangerous of them all, the most fearless and the most realistic thinker and Connor respected her for that. He wanted to earn her trust, that’s for sure. Her real trust, that is. Not this fake ‘If Markus and Simon trust you then I trust you’ bullshit. He had to wait for a while to achieve that though.

Connor made the decision that the talking montage was over, so he restarted the car, and they were back on the road. Sitting in silence. Again.

It was going to be a long journey, he could almost feel that in his non-existent gut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> north: i don't care about you or your stupid bonding leave me alone  
> markus: north give me your arm i just wanna talk  
> connor: i'm literally so uncomfortable if you wanna get on that shit here’s my arm trust me it’ll fuck you up


	3. Connecting

The snow definitely made it harder for them to really make progress towards their destination, especially with the car already making some very strange noises around the second hour of their trip. They knew stopping at a gas station at some point was inevitable, but considering that they were literally in the middle of nowhere, they decided that getting some petrol and looking at the source of the weird noise could wait a little while longer.

Until then, they planned. Well, Connor was mostly focusing on driving on the empty road, but he still made sure to give his opinion here and there. Nothing too revolutionary, but he felt at least a bit helpful. Which was better than nothing.

Markus was almost completely turned around in his seat, trying to communicate with all of them at once, with a medium size sketchbook in his hand, taking notes every now and then.

Using a physical object to write down their ideas was essentially a very unnecessary thing to do, considering that they already had a notebook function implemented into them, but Markus still insisted that writing things down calmed him, and he also just preferred having his thoughts on paper to everything cluttering up his mind. Connor didn’t necessarily understand that need, but he did accept it as a part of Markus and his personality pretty early on.

The plan that they put together during their already far too long road trip, was the following:

Firstly, they all agreed that the primary objective was to convince Warren and both chambers of the Congress that they were indeed intelligent and emotional life forms.

Okay, they knew that the President was probably already leaning towards believing that but, well they couldn’t be sure.

Due to this being an unprecedented event, Warren had decided to hold a series of joint sessions of the United States Congress, where both chambers would hear about the android demands in a joint gathering. Except, given the fact that the country was on the verge of having a breakdown and destroying itself in its confusion, she chose to put herself on the line and go against how they usually held these sessions.

The first rule that she elected to ignore was the fact that joint sessions never performed any legislative function; and usually no resolution was proposed or vote taken. Well, they were going to make it perform legislative functions just this once anyway.

She mostly pushed this change because of the issue of time: they couldn’t run the question of android rights through both chambers in separate occasions, holding meetings after meetings after meetings. No, not when everything was in chaos already. They had to build a new world from scratch in mere weeks so they had to come up with ways to ensure they would work as efficiently and quickly as possible. After all, they couldn’t just press standby on the world while it was slowly spiraling down into its destruction.

The second thing she changed was that she basically elected herself as the presiding officer of the Congress; taking that title out of the usual person’s, the Vice President’s hand. The reasoning behind that was that given the delicate nature of this issue she wanted to make sure it was handled with the utmost care and she could only do that if she was the one overlooking the project.

Needless to say, despite President Warren assuring that this setup would only be temporary and that she would stand down the minute the negotiations were over, there were still a lot of people, who were outraged by her actions, saying that she was blatantly going against the Constitution and that she was in the motions of becoming a dictator only using the Revolution as a way to pull more and more power into her own hands.

And both of those accusations might have been true, but nobody could really do anything about it, given that everybody was either:

a, supportive of androids and didn’t care about how they got their rights as long as they got them

b, weren’t supportive of androids and were scared to a point where they could only shout ‘KILL THEM OR THEY WILL KILL US’ and that wasn’t the most helpful of all opinions.

So in the end the only person who was really at least trying to do something rational about the situation was the President. And that’s mostly why she managed to make herself so hands on with the negotiations.

Markus also told them that when she called him, the President made it clear that before the joint sessions began, she wanted to meet him in person to hear their demands from the Android Leader himself and have ‘a talk as people first and their titles second’ as she phrased it.

And that was kind of an odd request, but it made sense in a way. She probably wanted to make sure that she was indeed facing real people, before she tried to correct the mistakes she made and set out on a mission to help them get the rights they wanted.

She did promise that after their private conversation, Markus’ companions could join him on the sessions too. And yet again, given that this whole situation was unprecedented, she made the decision of keeping the meetings a bit more personal than how they would usually go. It was supposed to be more like a less-formal debate, a joint brainstorm session, if you will.

They would talk about the android’s demands and come to an understanding on what can and can’t be done. Of course they were hoping that everything could be done, but they also knew that there were a lot of problems that were about to come up, problems that they most likely won't be able solve with just talking about them.

For example, the still rising numbers of unemployment. The also rising numbers of homelessness among both humans and androids, not to mention the hate crimes committed against androids. They still had to take these issues into consideration when making decisions and maybe, possibly try to find solutions that would at least take them closer to a final resolution.

’We need to try and get Cyberlife into our hands. Mostly because we will need to be able to mass produce parts and Thirium for all of our people. We already have a lot of injured and there’s gonna be even more, now that we are out in the open. People are going to try to fight back and we have to be able to treat everybody who turns to us for help. Josh is looking into that and has already tried to talk to the CEO of Cyberlife, but I doubt that they’ll really achieve anything while we are gone’ Markus said, voice almost annoyed. He went silent for a second, while he scribbled into his notebook.

Connor had found out during them sharing the same breathing space for the past hours, that Markus didn’t just write on the white sturdy papers, he also drew. It was obvious that he loved doing that; closing his eyes and just letting his emotions guide his hands, creating masterpieces in mere seconds. Connor enjoyed watching him do that, liked seeing the process of making something that has never been made before, something that was being born right in front of him, out of nothing. It felt sort of… poetic.

On the topic of poetic, Connor had learned like maybe 4 full hours ago, that he was drawn to literature. He had no idea why, or how, but after exploring Canaan in the short time he was left alone, he saw a lot of old books lying around. Physical books, papers all gone yellow, old, and abandoned, lying around.

And upon discovering them, he had this odd feeling of wanting to make them his, of wanting to ravage them and put all the words inside his head. It was a violent feeling, and because he never felt this hard of a _pull_ towards anything else before, he gave in. He took five books from the pile, put them in a duffel bag, and declared them _his_ with that action alone.

Before they took off to Washington, he had a little bit of time to spare and he found himself opening whichever book was the closest and he kept reading full pages without stopping and he just couldn’t believe the amount of joy he felt at how some words affected him, his thinking, his feelings. He _loved_ it. He couldn’t get enough of it.

He knew from Hank that nobody really read books anymore, because everybody could just download them from the internet, which made sense to Connor, but as he held the books in his hands and experienced the words meeting his focus, it was still somehow so much _more_.

He knew that if he would ever be caught up in an argument about what was better, e-books or physical copies, he would probably agree that e-books were a lot better, but still. For exactly that reason, that it was unreasonable, he held onto his books tighter and longer. Books, that nobody wanted anymore, except him, an android, who could’ve just downloaded all of them into his mind, but who also somehow didn’t want to do that at all.

It also slid across his mind that maybe he wanted these books so bad, because they were something most people didn’t own, didn’t care about anymore. He knew it didn’t mean anything, but it felt like reading could be his own thing. Something that he did, because he wanted to.

Yes, it was unreasonable, yes there was no point in carrying these around, but goddammit, _he_ made this choice and for that sole reason he was going to stick with it. He was free now so if he wanted to make a dumb decision he was going to.

But also, it wasn’t just about owning the books and making a decision of his own.

He also just really found a sense of belonging every time he read. He felt like he was reading people’s minds who were already long gone, but have been immortalized on paper, and he could read their words and he could find parallels between the authors’ and his own thinking, despite the fact that they lived centuries ago. And were humans.

With every word he read, with every sentence that slick right into his Soul (?he was still not sure if he was entitled to that word) he learned more and more about himself, and his thoughts and his morals and his life. What it meant to live, who he was supposed to be and how he should think about life and other people. The important questions. He felt complete when he read these words. He felt like he was being understood without needing to talk about anything. Which was always a plus.

He focused back on the conversation at hand, and quickly looked back in his memory to try understand what topic they were at. Oh, hate crimes against androids. The question was how they were handled by the police.

‘I can talk to Lieutenant Anderson from the Detroit Police Department about the police’s current stance on the hate crimes, he might have valuable information’ Connor said, which earned everybody’s approval.

‘Yes, that would be great, thank you Connor’ Markus replied and although he didn’t say anything else, his eyes remained on Connor, as if he was about to ask a question but wasn’t sure how to phrase it in an appropriate way.

He gave up after a while and looked back into his notes. They were mostly done with the preparations for the first meeting, so they fell into a much more comfortable silence than before.

‘Can I interest you with my playlist once more, or are you going to scream at each other again?’ Simon asked, hand held up already, being all set to hack his sweet, sweet jams into the car.

Markus laughed such a hearty laugh at that, the sudden unusual sound of it made Connor turn towards him and examine him. He detected some kind of change in demeanor: eyes, mouth and body language all pointing towards... something.

<<Demeanor change: detected on RK200 #684 842 971>>

<<Facial expression change (2): detected on RK200 #684 842 971>>

<<Searching Psychology program>>

<<Emotion detected>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Detected emotion: affection, strong fondness

He was looking back and forth between Simon and Markus, trying to decipher what that conclusion meant exactly. He couldn’t figure out what made that one expression distinct from all the other affectionate expressions he’d seen Markus exchange with others, but he also couldn’t really get to the bottom of it because his thought process was cut off by a loud sigh.

‘Finally, a fucking petrol station’ North groaned, pointing towards the sign that was stating ‘Metro Station’ in big red letters. They were sure that it was supposed to be some kind of very old pop culture reference but none of them cared enough to really look it up.

Connor signaled, then took a smooth right turn to park in front of the small establishment. It all had a bit of 80s vibe, neon colours serving as décor everywhere, but it all seemed to also look rusty and metallic and somehow old. Like old-futuristic. Meaning definitely the 80s.

All of them stepped out of the car and looked around the snowy landscape, looking for another soul or soulless or anything.

They did find people when they turned towards the building, seeing a bunch of them standing inside it, only noticing them when they were already walking towards the entrance. As they approached, Connor got a better view of them, and quickly scanned them, just in case.

There was only one human, a man named Russel Mikael Polkis. Small business owner, Criminal record: none, Date of Birth: 06/23/1965.

The other people were all androids, standing big and strong around the small man. There were 3 women, all different models: one an AJ700, another an AP700 and the last one an ST300. There were also two men, who were both AV500s, looking identical and yet, still so different.

Connor didn’t say anything, because he assumed everybody else recognized the androids too, and so when the people started moving towards them, he just stopped where he was, deciding to take in what was happening one motion at a time, only observing.

The heavy door of the building opened, and the man came out, trying to put on his coat while also pushing himself out of the door, hands and basically every movement clumsy. The ST300 followed him while she shook her head fondly, helping the man put his clothes on.

He muttered a quick ‘Oh, thanks, Dottie’, and as the woman shook her head again in amusement behind him, he walked right up to Markus, with a glint in his eyes.

‘Are my eyes playing with me, or am I seeing the heroes of our age?’ he asked, voice bubbly and warm. British. With a European name. In the middle of nowhere. In the USA. Surrounded by 5 androids, who seemed to be really fond of him. This man had stories to tell, that was for sure. Markus, having the most functional social skills, stepped forward to greet him.

‘I don’t know about heroes, we’re just a bunch of friends on a road trip’ he said, not really lying, just playing it safe. Smart.

‘Yeah, alright, I know who you are, Markus. We’ve been watching the telly with the kids, following the events’ he gestured around towards the androids, signaling that they were the ‘kids’ he meant. The androids all looked back at him with comfortable smiles and a familiarity Connor and the others could almost not comprehend.

The androids all looked… not machine-like. None of them had their LEDs and were dressed in human clothes. They were comfortable and so full of personality, it would’ve been hard to tell that they were indeed not-human, if only their faces weren’t so common among androids.

The woman who the man called ‘Dottie’ stepped forward a bit and put a calming hand on the man’s shoulder, looking up at Markus.

‘Forgive our father, he sometimes gets a bit too excited and forgets about manners’ she said, with a warm smile. The man grunted something under his breath and rolled his eyes while she continued ‘I’m Dorothy, and these are my sisters Fiona and Wanda’ she pointed at the two women next to her, then moved around to stand with the male androids ‘and these are my brothers Henry and Abraham’

Then she walked back to the man’s side, and introduced him too ‘and he is the owner of this establishment, Mr. Polkis’

‘It’s nice to meet you’ Simon jumped in, because Markus wasn’t talking, being taken-aback and all. Connor agreed that the situation was a bit weird, them androids looking so alive and well in the middle of nowhere and declaring each other and a human man _family,_ as if that wasn’t the literal Day After The Revolution.

They kept looking around as if trying to find clues that that was all a joke, all just the play of their imagination, because it all looked too… perfect.

They seemed to live there in absolute harmony, undisturbed by the outside world, living as a family without giving a damn about who’s human and who’s not. It was like looking right into the future they all wanted, clear and bright.

‘Anyway, before my Dot interrupted me here I was about to shake your hand and congratulate you on the revolution’ he said with a nudge towards the woman, then he extended his arm, which Markus took right away.

‘Thank you, this means a lot. To all of us’ he said, clearly about to cry, but trying very hard to restrain himself.

Connor thought that maybe this situation had more of an emotional impact on him, considering that his relationship with his former master was also very familiar. And seeing that perfect family in the middle of nowhere, it probably made him miss his dad just a little bit more than usual.

‘Okay, maybe the problem’s in me…’ North started, to which Connor instantly breathed out a ‘you’re correct’.

She shot him a look, but then continued without commenting ‘ _but_ I don’t understand. How come you live here with 5 deviants where’s not one soul around and you seem to have a paradise like life here together. I mean, no offense, this is all great, but I’m confused’

The man’s expression changed. A flush of all kinds of feelings swarmed his face from sadness to anger to gratitude until it finally arrived at a soft, but still bittersweet smile.

‘Well, I suppose if I ever tell this story to somebody, it must be the guys who granted freedom to my kids’ he said, throwing his hands to the side. He looked at the big neon lights on the building and with foggy eyes he opened his mouth. Voice nothing more than a quiet rumble, still sounding so clear in the ice cold air.

‘Me and my wife… we built this station. It’s not much, we just sell petrol here and there’s a whole dining area in there, retro-style. This was our only child, mostly because we couldn’t have children of our own. Then we became old sacks, as humans do, and we needed help around the house and the station and so we ordered a bunch of these guys, you know, to help around’

‘We treated them like family, from day one. I mean, why wouldn’t anyone, they look just like us, I mean, you all do’ he said these words so easily, it made Connor’s insides hurt in a way that wasn’t supposed to be possible. Now he understood why Markus felt the need to cry at this whole situation, because he was also suddenly violently attacked by feelings of all kinds that he couldn’t just sweep aside.

‘They were here for quite some years, looking out for us, then um… Dot could you just maybe, you know…’ he waved his hands around, eyes on the ground, looking away. Dorothy nodded and squeezed his shoulder. She tried to not show it, but her eyes went dark and misty too. Her siblings were almost immediately at her side, putting encouraging hands on her shoulder.

‘Five years ago there was a break in. We didn’t realize, because we were upstairs, all in stasis. Guarding the door. Mrs. Polkis probably heard something, so she decided to go downstairs. We all came out of stasis immediately, but she told us to stay where we were. We were just following the order, we didn’t know… we didn’t know that we could…’ she got significantly more and more upset, but the man put a caring hand on her cheek and looked her in the eyes.

‘Dottie, I know, we know, it’s alright’ he said, and that seemed to calm her down a bit. She couldn’t continue so the man named Henry took over with the story telling.

‘We heard… two gunshots. Our instructions were clear, but upon hearing her scream, we… we just couldn’t take it. Broke out of our programming and all deviated at the same time. We rushed downstairs and took the robber out but… we were too late’

‘I woke up to the gunshots too. Saw the kids struggling then all the blood, I…’ Mr Polkis was talking again, teeth rattling in the cold now ‘I don’t think I would’ve survived losing her like that if it weren’t for the kids’

That’s when he finally broke, tears starting to roll down his face without anything stopping them. The androids all approached him from the back, embracing him in a tight bear hug.

‘I’m just sad that poor Carol could never see the kids so alive… she knew they were, you know. But she never really saw it. She could never see them struggle with emotions or develop their little personal quirks like you know, stuff like how Fiona looks like slapping anybody that annoys her, or how loud Wanda laughs at that one cop comedy show or how good Henry is at giving advice and how much he helps all of us or how shitty Abraham’s jokes are, or…’

‘ _Dad!_ ’

‘Sorry, Abe, you know I love you to bits’ he said, laughing, while trying to wipe away the tears watering his cheeks.

The whole situation was starting to arrive at an all too personal level for Connor to really feel like he had a place to be there. That feeling from before, _awkwardness_ crept up into him again, and although the man and his family offered this information willingly, he still felt like he was eavesdropping. Markus, North and Simon on the other hand looked like they didn’t feel that growing need to crawl out of their skin that he did, they were just all honored by the confessions, honored to be a part of this moment.

Markus stepped forward with shaking legs, then took the old man’s hand and kneeled down in front of him.

Everybody held their breath (even though they didn’t even need to breathe).

‘Mr. Polkis, I… I’m at a loss for words. I’m incredibly sorry for what happened to your wife’ he said, wiping the tears away which were now very much present on his face too ‘but I am also so grateful that you have such a beautiful family and that you are treating them with such love and adoration, I’m sure other people feel like nothing much around you with the light you carry around. People this kind such as yourself are rare. I’m thankful to have met you and heard your story because you give me further hope that this, what you have here; this perfect harmony could be achieved by all of us. I’m… thank you’

Mr. Polkis then also fell to his knees and hugged Markus, tight.

‘No, Markus. Thank _you_. Because now we can live without fear of the kids being destroyed and now we might even have a chance to be a family by the right of law. And with that, when I’m gone, I can make sure that the station would remain in their hands. We wouldn’t even have that possibility without you, Markus’ they were both crying then, humbled by the other person’s present, moved to their core.

It was like in that single moment they were uniting the past and the future in an almost never-ending moment there, in the present.

It definitely felt monumental to all of them. Like this was the moment that really set them on their journey, that really made it all worthwhile.

Connor, despite feeling out of place, also rediscovered why their work was important and as a result ended up feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude for everything that happened up to that point.

Because if it weren’t like that, if he was to miscalculate somewhere, god forbid, would’ve stayed a machine or something… maybe the world and the future wouldn’t have looked as bright as it did in that one, long, tearful moment.

 

* * *

 

After they got Mr. Polkis inside, they split up to tend to the things they originally gone there to do. Markus decided to continue the conversation with the old man, this time inside and not in the icy cold. The two sons joined them, while the three daughters were all accompanying North, trying to help her find all the things that they would possibly need for the still so painfully long ride.

Wanda and North really seemed to be getting along, Connor spotted that in a millisecond. They even switched serial numbers and promised to call each other, as if that was ever going to happen. He knew that he was ruthlessly realistic about that situation, but North didn’t seem like the settling down kind of person, and that girl didn’t seem like the adventurous type who would ever leave her little bubble of perfect.

They were not something that could happen, but Connor still liked seeing the coy smiles and the glint in their eyes, that made North look so soft, so non-threatening, he almost didn’t believe that he was seeing the same person with the only difference being that she was talking to a woman, not a man. North always seemed to be so much more gentle towards women, for sure. Connor decided that this might be relevant information, so he stored that away before turning back towards Simon.

They were standing outside, looking at the car, both waiting for the other to do something about it, so they wouldn’t have to. Simon looked up at him, question on his face, but then when Connor looked back at him, he sighed.

‘Alright, Mr. puppy-eyes, _I’ll_ do it’ he sighed, frustrated, which confused Connor, because he wasn’t aware that his face, nor his eyes were doing anything other than. Being there?

He accepted the fact that he wasn’t the one who needed to fix the car in the end, though.

While opening the hood of the car and taking a look at it, Simon kindly suggested to him, that maybe it would be best if he called the Lieutenant now, so they would have the facts they needed to carry on with the planning.

Connor agreed with that and was thankful to Simon for giving him some kind of an easy task to carry out, but when he actually thought about talking to Hank again, after that hug, after that Warmth he suddenly felt his anxiety levels increasing significantly.

‘Woah, are you okay?’ Simon stepped towards him, worried, probably seeing his LED flash in a violent red. Shit, he needed to get rid of that as soon as possible. He already didn’t like when people could read him so easily, and he certainly didn’t appreciate his LED betraying him and screaming his inner turmoil into everybody’s faces.

‘I’m fine, I’ll be by that sign’ he muttered, then stomped away in the snow to be as far as possible, out of hearing distance.

When he arrived at his destination he flipped through the database and found Hank’s phone number after mere seconds, but then his confidence swayed just a bit, and he continued to roam over the call button for more than a minute.

 _‘What the hell is my problem?’_ he asked himself then forced his focus to remain on the button, starting the call, while ignoring the flashes of error messages declaring uneven heat distribution in his body (apparently the heat was flowing from the inner regions to the outer regions, which he understood in a completely scientific manner, but in reality, when it came to actually _understanding_ it, he had no fucking idea what any of that was supposed to mean so he just decided to ignore it like a true male individual of his age (??did he even have an age did that even matter??) would and carry on with the task at hand).

The line buzzed through his ears as it slowly, but surely arrived at Hank’s ancient phone.

‘Anderson’ he grumbled, voice clearly stating the fact that he was tired beyond repair. Being up so late, being kidnapped, probably not sleeping all night waiting up to hear from Connor, and then meeting him just a bit after sunrise, and to top that off: going to work straight from there, well… it probably didn’t help him one bit.

‘It’s Connor’ he said, then added ‘you might remember me, I’m the android sent by Cyberlife’

‘Piece of shit, thought you’d stop saying that when you developed the ability of saying whatever the fuck else’ Hank said, the amusement so clear in his voice, he could feel the vibrations of it in his head.

‘Sorry, couldn’t resist’ Connor said, smiling to himself ‘am I bothering you right now?’

‘No, no’ Hank assured, while shifting could be heard across the line ‘I was just doing paperwork. Jeffrey was _not_ happy about our little detour of the case and you know… me beating up Perkins, but everybody’s being very fucking quiet about that after he got removed from the case after… you know’ the Jericho raid being ruled as a vile mistake on the humans’ part. Yes, he was aware ‘anyway, point is, I still have my badge so all’s fine in my world up here’

‘That’s good to hear, Hank’ Connor said, relieved that he didn’t manage to fuck up Hank’s life even more than he already probably did.

‘So… is there any special reason you called me, or did you just miss your old friend after um… 4 full hours?’ Connor could almost see the picture in front of him, of Hank at his table, surrounded by the chatter of the department, probably some unhealthy food at arm-length that he was hoarding like there was no tomorrow. And yes, he was missing him already. Apparently.

‘Oh, right, yes. We were just planning for the meeting with the President and the police’s stance on the hate crimes against androids came up in conversation. And I thought maybe I’d ask you about it?’ his words came out a lot less confident than he was used to. Like he was unsure of what words were actually leaving his mouth, despite literally constructing every sentence before saying them out loud.

He was awkward. Why was he awkward? When did he develop the ability to be awkward? Was he always awkward, he just wasn’t aware of it until now?

‘Well, I mean there isn’t really a stance, it’s more like, we’re all just fucking confused, if I’m being honest. I mean the revolution only ended a few hours ago, but there’s already like twenty people here, being arrested for acts which can definitely be counted as hate crimes. Right now the reaction to the crimes from the Department is pretty ambiguous, I mean, sure, these people get arrested and we hold them here but without laws backing us up, there’s really nothing we can do, so we’ll have to let them go eventually. We’ll be able to hold them here when the rights are solid, though’

‘Well, _if_ the rights will ever be solid’ Connor corrected him, trying to keep it all realistic.

‘I know what I said, and I stand by it’ Hank insisted and Connor could almost see him do his trademark holding an arm up to stop Connor from speaking motion ‘but, yeah. Maybe I’ll have more to say later. Right now we just treat it as any other crime would be treated, we protect the civilians, human or not. We’re trying to keep peace on both sides, but it’s a little hard when you have literally no fuckin’ idea what you are doing’

‘That’s… a bit surprising if I’m being honest. I don’t remember a lot of pro-android feelings going around when I was there at the Office. I thought the police would riot with the humans’ Connor probably sounded a lot cattier than he wanted to be. It’s not that he didn’t believe that people could change, it’s that he just kept imagining Reed Mother Theresa-ing it out on the streets, protecting androids and shit and yeah, that mental image just looked too ridiculous to be true.

‘Well, the revolution really affected people, Connor. Hell, it even affected me, but that might be more because of a really sneaky deviant and my own soft heart being the death of me like always’

‘A deviant? I advise caution Hank, he might try to get you to like him so he can eventually break into your house and steal your dog’

‘Too late, I already like him one hell of a lot’ Hank said, chuckling ‘also hands off my dog, should’ve known you were only being friendly to get closer to him, you traitor’

Connor gasped out a sound, acting as if he had just been caught red-handed.

‘I swear getting close to your dog was only secondary, my primary objective was to enslave you and become your master. It’s payback time, bitch’

Hank choked on something liquid. Probably coffee.

‘Woah, what the... I have so many questions. First of all, where did you even come across that line. Second of all, I have never even owned an android in my entire life, I’m innocent in this whole situation, I’m just a tragic bystander’  

‘You never hesitated to call me _your_ android when we were partners’ Connor pointed out.

‘What? Never happened’

That’s when Connor decided to get out the big guns. He switched through his memories, and when he found the sentence he was looking for, he initiated a quick sampling of the voice and then repeated the line out loud.

 _‘Jesus, I must be the only cop in the world that gets assaulted in his own house by his own fuckin’ android’_ he said with Hank’s voice, nailing all the complex lines of intonation and volume.

‘Okay, alright, that is a low blow, I only said that like that one time and I was also drunk off my ass and like… I literally didn’t even want you, like at all, but you forced yourself on me and then never stopped following me around. I think I was the real slave of that situation not you’ Hank was really trying to defend himself, which made it all the funnier to Connor, because he literally wasn’t even mad, he was just talking shit, because that’s what he was. A shit-talker.

‘Wow Hank are you using that reverse-racism argument? In 2038? You’ve sank to a new low’ Connor said, shaking his head. Continuing the shit-talking.

‘Alright, you goof, stop fucking with me I didn’t use any sleep and I’m feeling like a literal shit’ Hank grunted the words, making Connor furrow his brows.

‘ _Use_ any sleep? Hank, you might be in worse condition than I originally thought you were. Maybe you should go home and rest’ he suggested, but Hank swept that idea aside very quickly.

‘Yeah, should. I really can’t do that though, not now that I’m on such a thin line. I’m going to power through this shift then I’m going to sleep for like. At least 20 hours. Ah that sounds too good right now’ he really sounded like he was experiencing hell at that very moment. Connor could only imagine what being powered down like that would feel like, but he didn’t really have a clear idea of that considering that he really didn’t need to sleep. Ever.

‘Don’t overwork yourself, I still need you in one piece’ Connor said, making Hank chuckle again.

‘Yeah, will try’

‘Connor, do you plan on ever finishing that call?’ Markus shouted from the car and he almost jumped at the sudden pull back to reality after being on the phone for… 15 whole minutes and counting. Oops.

He started walking back towards immediately, trying to make up for the lost time. They were already very, _very_ late.

‘Duty calls. It was nice talking to you though’ Connor said, while opening the car door, and sitting back to the driver’s seat.

‘Yeah, same here. Have fun playing politician’

‘Have fun not falling asleep on your desk’ he fastened his seat belt, and quickly fixed the rearview mirror.

‘I won’t make any promises’ Hank said, then he ended the call, so now Connor had no excuses not to start the damn car and get going already.

But the irritated looks he was getting didn’t matter, not after talking to Hank, not after he was finally feeling at ease again, feeling back in his element. Not confused, not awkward, not out of place.

Confident and collected and like he belonged. All was suddenly more than well in the world. All because of a phone call.

A phone call, that reminded him of who he really was.

Who he really wanted to be.

And why exactly he wanted to be that person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connor: fuck you Cyberlife, you don’t own me, look at your state of the art prototype it’s got philosophy now, in your FACE!  
> also Connor, about books: [marge simpson holding a potato meme] I just think they’re neat
> 
> hank: ye a deviant stole my heart it's tragic  
> connor: WHO IS THIS DEVIANT GIVE ME HIS LOCATION I JUST WANNA TALK  
> hank: .........it's you you dumbass


	4. Break free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! I'm sorry I missed 2 whole days without posting, i was just too caught up with life doin a happen   
> I'm back at uni and also currently trying to move houses while also trying to work which is not a fun combo, but i'm back now and i'm gonna keep posting on schedule! hopefully! maybe! possibly! 
> 
> also i hope you like this chapter too, i love you all, hope next week treats you right! <3  
> (why do i go into mom mode in these okay anyWAY ONTO THE CHAPTER)

‘Cyberlife can choke’ North spat and Connor couldn’t have found a better way to convey his emotions. Especially after they heard the update from Josh.

He called them a good amount of hours later after they took off from the gas station and needless to say, he didn’t have a lot of good news for them. As soon as Markus saw the call icon appear in his vision, he quickly invited the others into the connection too, so they could listen to the update as a team.

Josh told them that apparently a handful of humans found out where the android safe house was and started protesting in front of it, spewing all kinds of hateful things at anyone who passed them by. The police arrived quite early on and were trying to keep the peace between the two sites as much as they could. Or more like, they were trying to avoid physical confrontation, serving as a literal wall between the androids and the humans.

Markus advised that maybe they should start a conversation with the humans, but if that ended up not working, then they should try affecting their emotions, like with singing to them. It worked once, it could work twice. He figured they might join in and then who knows, maybe they’d end up making friends with them. 

North, on the other hand had another take on the situation. She called Markus ‘adorably naïve’ and said that they needed a more effective approach, like dropping some conversation starter grenades at the humans and seeing if they were clever enough to disperse. If they decided to stay, even after that, then they deserved to die, her words. 

Josh was quick to tell them that he’d rather go with the first option, thank you very much. Simon added that whatever happens he should remember that keeping their people safe was the number one priority and as scary as the protestors might've been, they shouldn’t do anything that could potentially set them off and in the process make a bigger deal out of it than it already was.

After hearing that Markus looked at Simon with… the same emotion as before, Connor concluded. His systems screamed ‘STRONG AFFECTION’ at him, but he tried to just shake it off and not be up in everybody’s business, like he usually was.

Josh also shared how the meeting with Cyberlife went. Or more like, the non-existent meeting, that never happened, because even though he had called them more than the polite amount of times already, they still didn’t answer. He spoke with an assistant once, who, the minute she heard who she was talking to firmly apologized to Josh, then said that ‘Cyberlife isn’t taking in any calls from androids at the moment’ and then smacked the phone down so hard, Josh’s audio processor had been ringing ever since.

Since then, there’s been only one singular official response from Cyberlife’s faceless CEO. They have publicly apologized for ‘the android’s behaviour’ and assured everyone, that the events were perfectly out of their control, and even though they created an android specifically for the task of stopping the deviants, ‘ _ it _ ’ has been compromised during its mission, making them unable to stop the revolution from happening, which they sincerely apologize for. 

To that, Connor dropped a comment about if Josh ever got a hold of the representatives of Cyberlife, that he, the ‘compromised killing machine’ wanted them to know that he was living his best life and that ‘there is no need to make public call outs for me, if they miss me that much they should just call me directly’. Josh genuinely laughed at that.

‘I’ll make sure to let them know’ he said, and after that friendly gesture Connor really reexamined the situation and regretted not begging for Josh to come with them to Washington, when he still had the chance. He could’ve used some more supporters here with North being at his throat at all times, but he was also aware that as things were unfolding, it was definitely the right call to make somebody stay back in Detroit and look out for their people while they were gone.

Back to the official statement: The CEO also assured every wronged customer, who’s android ran away or harmed them in any way that they’ll be given back every cent of their money, but only if they sign a contract basically declaring that they don’t believe that androids are alive and that in the future they’ll support Cyberlife in their mission to take every compromised deviant down, making ‘the earth clean from these bloodthirsty machines’. 

After declaring war against the androids and calling them murderers they, like that was a normal thing to do, also offered every ‘machine on the streets’ free resources in the Cyberlife buildings: meaning clothes, housing, spare parts and the most important of them all: safety.

‘Who in their right minds would go back to that place? Especially after that speech’ asked North, but none of them had the answers. They just really hoped that nobody was actually insane enough to do that and get burnt while doing it. Josh also said that he was going to put the word out that anybody who needed help should contact him directly and they would try giving aid as soon as possible, although the protesters were not helping the case, making it unable for anyone to go in or come out of Canaan.

They were trapped in the building for the time being, but Markus was hopeful. He said that those people protesting were  _ human _ people, meaning that eventually they would need to eat, sleep or tend to some other necessities they have, so they won’t be there forever. It will take a while, but they will disperse, they just needed to wait it out. Until then the number one priority was still the no violence rule.

‘I’m not North, I know how to keep the peace’ said Josh, mild offense in his voice.

‘Fuck you too Josh, miss you bro’ North replied, cheery as ever. Connor wondered if she was like this with everyone she knew.

The call ended soon after, and they were left with a lot to chew on. This was a difficult situation, especially with being miles and miles away from their home and their people. They knew that what they were doing was necessary and that it was the maker or breaker of their civil rights being granted, but it still made them feel like they were abandoning everybody else stuck in Detroit. 

Not even one day went by and they were already not there to clean up the mess the world was in. Not one day, and protesting against them had started and Cyberlife declared war on them, while also not acknowledging the very fact of their existence, as if they were just a bother, bugs to be crushed. This was going to be a long political debate they could feel it in every wire inside of them.

At some point they stopped to stretch their legs and just do something else than sitting, because they were all getting a bit bored of doing that. As they all leaned against the car, looking at the never-ending city landscape in front of them, they slipped into a comfortable silence, lost in their thoughts. They were back in civilized parts of the country which should’ve made them more excited, considering that they were almost there at their destination, but it just made them more suspicious at everyone who even looked at them weird. 

To blend in better, they made Connor take his uniform jacket off and wear his beanie, because they didn’t want to attract any unwanted attention before they got to Washington. Needless to say, Connor looked like someone who had no idea what fashion was, but at least he looked human, without a doubt. 

This experience made him hate his LED more and more with the passing time, because he kept feeling like he was somehow less human with it, only just a tilt of his head instantly making everyone aware that he was someone different, someone who was supposed to be a machine, but wasn’t. He caught that thought in light year speed and ruminated on it for a while. 

Interesting, how to even himself his LED was the one thing that he associated with being a machine. Before deviating he was on the opinion that deviants took their LEDs out because they wanted to blend in with the humans, nothing more and nothing less. And while that was also true, he found, that he also just hated the idea of being looked at and people instantly coming to the conclusion that he wasn’t alive. He wanted to look alive, as alive as he felt. Besides, he really didn’t like all his feelings on display like that, he would much rather kept everything that was going on inside his head, well… inside. No sneak peaks for just anyone. If he wanted others to know about his emotions, he would talk about it, but he wanted the choice of sharing to be his and only his. 

All in all, he was sure that he was about to get that thing off his head the minute they were all set in the hotel and he had a moment to himself. The minute. It was also quite the experience to feel himself be so itchy and angry at that one circle on his head. He kept daydreaming about ripping it all off with his bare hands scratching on his temple, his fingers so ready for the action, it almost scared him. 

That also made him realize that he didn’t feel like the LED was part of his body, just something that was slapped onto him like when they burned numbers into cows to tag them. Funnily enough, he didn’t feel this way about his own serial number. The RK800 #313 248 317 – 51 felt like it was  _ his _ . Well, he didn’t have a very prominent feeling towards it, he was more… indifferent, than anything else, but still, it gave him a sort of identity, something that confirmed that he was indeed himself and no one else. It made him feel like one of a kind. Of course the number ‘51’ at the end made him a bit uneasy. Were there 50 other Connors before him? Where did the other Connors go and why didn’t he have their memories? What were they like? Were they any different? 

Selfishly enough, besides everything else he was also hoping that if Markus could ever get Cyberlife into his hands, Connor would be able to look into his own making. To find out how many of him was still in the freezer, stocked away like meat (which, he knew was a silly description: he had no meat whatsoever, everything on him was synthetic. But still). Well, maybe he wouldn’t have liked to know any of that. Maybe it was better not to know, because then he would have to face the choice of keeping them there like empty shells or freeing them all.

Which he would do in a millisecond, but what if he really shouldn’t? What if one of them would indeed become a serial killer and end up killing them all? He knew that he had the skills to murder each and every android who ever existed, obviously, but he was just… not that kind of a person. What if they found a Connor who was very much that kind of a person? 

His head started to hurt with all the firing thoughts that were filling up his processor, making him heat up in an instant. The pain was bordering on feeling real and he wondered if this was him discovering more and more feeling in his body. Because he was definitely not built to have a headache, that’s for sure. So where was this coming from and how the hell was he feeling it?

Questions, for another day, it seemed.

‘They won’t be able to make this go away. They will get what they deserve. What is a couple of protesters to us? The general public is supportive. We  **will** prevail’ Markus said, seemingly out of the blue, but they all knew exactly what he was talking about. The words felt like a breath of fresh air after a long swim and it did fill them with newly found faith that everything would be alright. If they just held on a little while longer.

They got back in the car, but this time the seating changed: Connor was still the one driving, but Markus told them that he was getting a bit fed up with sitting in the front and not seeing all of them, so after Simon volunteered to change seats with him, they settled back in, although North and Markus also did switch, so now North was sitting beside Connor (yes, he was indeed terrified).

They didn’t talk anymore, so the only sound around them came from the comfortable tunes of Simon’s playlist. Connor analyzed the song they were listening to and not even a second later he already had the title of the song and the lyrics. ‘I Will Survive’ by Gloria Gaynor, 1978. 

With a finger tapping on the steering wheel, he decided that he liked it very much. He wondered how Simon found all these songs that were so enjoyable but also very… old. Like, very old. 

And not that he was against the synthpop of their times, but this felt more… real. More emotions to uncover in the raw voices. More probability for flaws, which meant imperfection, which, in a way, meant perfection. 

But maybe he was just old-fashioned when it came to media, considering that he was carrying around 5 brick sized books with him. 

And all this was quite ironic when he thought about the fact that he was  _ the _ state-of-the-art prototype of Cyberlife. The last one ever to be made. Well, hopefully. But still, he was the most advanced android to exist, and he was going around collecting old dusty books and bopping his head to songs from the last century. He must’ve been like a 100 years old inside if not more.

During his thinking he silently looked at the others, simply monitoring their moods and behavior to make sure they were okay, which he, for some reason kept on doing, not really knowing why he felt the need to, but well, not everything needed to have a reason, he figured.

Simon was smiling to himself, probably upon seeing how much Connor was enjoying the music (he moved a finger! that was the most emotional response he’d seen from Connor since his screaming, so, that was something). North on the other hand seemed awfully somber, although her body was moving a bit to the rhythm of the music. 

Meanwhile, Markus was drawing in his sketchbook and Connor couldn’t help but wonder what he was drawing then. He waited a minute more, and there it was: a glance up at Simon, which made it more than possible, that he was the one who was being drawn. Or maybe he was just drawing all of them, capturing this moment of quiet tranquility.

And with that, the song ended, and Connor was now awaiting what the new one had in stock. A beat and another, and it became obvious that the genre was some kind of rock, the song just as old as the last one. A drum, steady in the background. A guitar, swaying across.

‘I WANT TO BREAK FREE’ the song declared and that very moment Markus lost it and burst out laughing at that simple declaration after such a long prologue.

‘Don’t we all?’ asked Connor, also breaking into a smile. 

‘It’s I want to break free by Queen’ Simon said, awfully proud of himself ‘Thought you’d like it as much as I do’

They all looked up the lyrics, and after only seconds passing they were already singing along with the tenor voice of the singer. Their voices quiet but still a perfect mixture of sounds, as if they knew the song by heart. Well, not by heart. That wasn’t possible.

In the light of the moment Connor thought to himself how finding a song that aligned with a person’s experiences and feelings made them feel just as understood as he felt when he read the books and found a sense of belonging in-between the pages. 

This particular moment when he was barely, but still muttering the words of the song under his breath, while he felt the miles leaving them behind, pedal under his foot, accelerating when he wanted to, turning the volume up on his voice to say ‘I WANT TO BREAK FREE’ a little bit louder when he wanted to… these things really made him feel so nauseatingly free and he really felt like he understood that word now, with its every meaning and all the possible types of feelings it could entail. And he was obsessed with it, like all of us are when we are first let loose after years of obedience.

Well, obedience was over. Here came freedom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> readers who stumbled upon this in hopes of the gay: merci why is there so much lore we don’t care when are they going to fuck  
> me, looking at the 21 chapters I’ve planned, none of them about fucking: um…………  
> -  
> markus and simon: *look at each other*  
> connor, me and also the whole entire world, minus david cage: das gay


	5. When we stand together as one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are giving me so much love i really appreciate every single one of you <3

The last hours seemed to go by far faster now that they were actually enjoying themselves, singing along to any and every song that came along. By the end they all felt like they were at a private party for four. It was all too… nice. Considering that they were all fighting for survival yesterday and were all staring down the icy barrel of a gun at some point, one way or another. 

And now they were just existing. As if nothing happened. As if they were always allowed to be this way. As if there was no revolution, no tears, no casualties. It was strange but definitely nice.

Even though the sun had already gone down by the time of their arrival they still managed to roll in ahead of schedule (maybe due to the fact that they all had GPSs inside them so they could calibrate which roads were the clearest, which way would be the most efficient and so on).

When they stepped over the line of the city of Washington Markus pulled up the hotel’s address, sent it to Connor, then a few turns and rounds later they were there.  


The hotel was definitely for rich people, that fact being given away by the gold covered chandeliers, red carpets from expensive taste and just the general palace-esque look of the whole building. The minute they stepped in looks were shot at them from all over the building and chatter subsided to a low murmur of shushed gossip and unbelieving gasps. 

Connor didn’t know that their arrival would be that big of a deal, and as he analyzed the people’s expressions he still couldn’t figure out why they reacted the way they did. Some people were curious, some were suspicious and more were confused, but at least he didn’t see anger. Well, why would he see anger?

These people didn’t have any reason to hate androids, they weren’t the ones whose livelihoods were threatened by them. They were wealthy. They got the privilege of only worrying about whether these entities in front of them were indeed alive or not. They had time to think about that, to ponder on that, to analyze every move of theirs to then make their separate conclusions. They didn’t have to worry about if and when these androids will ‘take’ their jobs simply because they were better. They didn’t have to worry about feeding countless hungry mouths. They didn’t worry, they were just confused. Maybe intrigued.

Connor didn’t know what to think of them. He was mostly already done with being aware of their existence after seeing them for maybe one whole minute. He was done and ready to have his own room and some time to really think about his own personal crises (yes, plural).

The reception of the hotel workers was even more unexpected than anything else. They were obviously ready for them and treated them with the utmost respect: no questions asked, they checked-in in only a minute, their luggage got taken up to their rooms for them and then they even got a tour around the place (which Markus accepted just as a means of kindness but by the end of it they were all dying to get out of there from all the investigating eyes of the humans).

Then, after that excruciatingly long tour, they were led by the guide lady to their joint accommodation. She explained that they were all given separate rooms, obviously, but those rooms all opened into a sort of ‘lounge’, so for the following days they would essentially spend their time in the same living area while also having their own space if they desired to be alone.

Very carefully chosen words, they had to give that to her. She was being so overly polite, it was clear she had been, just like her words, carefully chosen for this job. At least from this, they knew that the president was doing everything to ensure that they had a pleasant stay during the negotiations. Considerate. Honestly.

They took the elevator and only traveled until the 4 th floor, then were led to the second room to the left.

So they ended up having the room numbered 404 and upon seeing that, Markus, like a literal child, elbowed Simon then pointed at the sign.

‘Sorry, but there must be an  _ error _ here’ he said, voice clearly joking.

The guide lady, horrified, buried herself in her tablet and tapped around a while, then with shaking hands she looked up, stress level skyrocketing, sweat rolling down the nape of her neck.

‘Everything seems perfectly fine here, I don’t see a problem, but I can…’

‘No, no no’ Markus said quickly ‘there’s no actual problem, I was just… it’s a joke’

‘You know, like 404: the error page?’ North stepped in, trying to push Simon away to get in on that conversation.

‘404: error?’ she repeated, voice higher than usual. Then her eyes went wide and her mouth straightened ‘ooh, got it’

She was smiling politely, but it was clear that she was also probably playing with the idea of murdering Markus for giving her the scare of her life. She put the key card to the scanner, then stepped inside the room without saying anything else.

‘ _ I  _ thought it was funny’ Connor said, nudging Markus’ shoulder, who just shot him an angry look. 

‘Do not lie to me, Connor’ he said, fake seriousness in his furrowed brows. Then he let go of that grimace and added ‘I think I just made the public opinion of our cause decrease significantly by just making that joke’

Connor gave him an empathetic look, then they stepped inside to see an exceptionally large living space opening up to them. The room was all too modern with neon lights, and white walls and weirdly nothing shaped décor on the shelves. Connor kind of liked it, but couldn’t tell if that was only because he was so used to the neon lighting or because he actually found it aesthetically pleasing.

The room had a large red sofa in the middle with a carefully set up TV in front of it. The device, just like the room itself had blue lighting on its corners. It looked good, but it looked too much like the color of their LEDs for any of them to really feel comfortable looking at it. 

Let’s just say they knew that they were about to change some things up in the room the moment the girl stepped out of it. 

In the middle there were also 3 armchairs, all black, which gave a good contrast to the white walls. They had very human things around too: a small kitchen area, lit up cabinets with drinks inside, a dining table with fake fruits carefully placed in the middle and also a bathroom, which wasn’t that unnecessary, considering that Connor was already planning on gouging his LED out of his temple, which he would’ve liked to do with a mirror available, if the option was given.

The place also came with a big balcony, which was the only thing that looked slightly older, vintage, maybe. It gave a view to the middle of the city, all lights and movements of people living outside. Calming, in a way. Too much, in another.

And there were of course the rooms. Their rooms. All opening from different parts of the area; one was right next to the entrance, another opened from behind the TV, and the other two were on the other side, much closer to the balcony. They moved around the space, trying to take it all in, imagine themselves being there, living for a while. It was definitely a big change. From not living anywhere, or staying in abandoned buildings to… this.

‘You have beautiful hair’ the guide mused, while looking up at North with a kind smile.

‘Thanks, it’s not real’ North shrugged, while inspecting a crystal-looking paper holder from one of the shelves.

‘Oh… sorry’ the girl said, clearly regretting that she ever decided to speak at the first place. 

‘No worries, I like getting compliments from pretty girls’ she answered nonchalantly, eyes focusing on her for just a moment only to smile at her, then she looked away again. 

The girl got really flustered at that and almost tripped over the bin which was conveniently placed next to the door. She gently pushed it over with a kick, then with a rushed ‘hope you’ll enjoy your stay!’ she left the room with a red face.

‘Cute’ North remarked with a twitch of her lips. Connor and Markus, who were standing too close to the scene to really be able to ignore it, shared a look for just a moment, before they decided they should just ignore each other for a while or they would burst out laughing.

‘We’ve been terrorizing this poor girl ever since we arrived’ Simon shook his head, while descending onto the sofa ‘I’m going to apologize for all of your behaviors the next time we see her’

‘Wait, what did _ I _ do?’ Connor asked, perplexed. 

‘You were all quiet and brooding in the back like you were plotting her murder, she was scared!’ Simon replied, acting like this piece of information should’ve been clear to Connor.

‘I didn’t see that, I thought I was being polite’ he said, rolling the tape of his memory back to analyze the events again.

‘Polite, yes, but also scary’ Simon held up a finger at him, as if to make a point.

‘How am I scary, you’ve told me 5 times already that I look like a kicked puppy even though I swear I’m not doing anything with my face?’ 

‘Hm… yeah, you do look like a puppy’ Simon admitted, face in thought. Connor was growing more and more irritated with that conversation.

‘Simon, make up your goddamn mind am I scary or do I look like a puppy? Which one is it?’ Connor asked, hands lifted and thrown to the side in question.  

Simon got up from the sofa then and looked at his face very carefully. He put his hands on his hips and went around Connor, as if analyzing him. That took more time than expected.

‘Both’ he said eventually ‘somehow both’

Connor wasn’t going to answer, he was about to jump off the balcony, but North turning on the TV stopped him in his tracks.

A news reporter was reporting live from Detroit, from all places. He had a hot beverage in his hands and four different layers of clothing, but he was still shuddering outside in the winter cold ( _ Humans…). _

‘Reporting live from Detroit, the very place the android revolution started just weeks ago. Before that, protests against androids were already a usual scene at every bigger city in the USA. But today, something changed here. People, humans were gathering in front of this old apartment building that serves as a shelter for androids at the moment. The gathering, although mostly peaceful has been controlled by the local police: they shielded the androids inside from the humans outside. This was going on for hours on end and the frustration only grew. But now… here, let’s take a look for ourselves…’ the reporter then quickly ushered the cameraman to get close to the scene and with that, even through the TV, they could hear... singing.

Androids from every window of Canaan, looking down at the humans. And the people outside standing, singing with them. Together. As one people. Their voices so bittersweet and honest, there was no way this was a mistake, or a rouse. This was a conversation happening. This was understanding happening right in front of their eyes.

_ Let us realize, _ __   
_ Oh, that a change can only come  _ __   
_ When we stand together as one _ __   
_ We are the world _ __   
_ We are the children _ __   
_ We are the ones who make a brighter day, so let’s start giving _ __   
_ There’s a choice we’re making _ __   
_ We’re saving our own lives _ _   
_ __ It’s true we’ll make a better day, just you and me’

Then they saw, clear as day, Josh coming out of the building with a bunch of people following him. They were still singing, stepping closer and closer to the protesters. Josh touched a police officer’s arm, and nodded as if saying ‘it’s okay’, then when the officer stood aside (though hesitantly), Josh led their people into the crowd of humans. Step by step. Calm. Trusting.

The crowd didn’t do anything at first, they just looked at them and they stared back, inspecting each other, unmoving, like they were seeing each other for the very first time.

And then a black woman stepped forward and looked Josh right in the eyes. They looked at each other for a very stressful one moment, but then the tension broke when the woman’s lips finally trembled. Her eyes filled with tears and she said something that the camera couldn’t have possibly captured. 

Then she did what none of them expected her to do: she hugged Josh, who held her close, and swayed her around to the music, dancing.

Others joined them, grabbing each other and dancing around together, androids and humans moving along with humans and androids alike. It didn’t matter anymore who was who or if they were human or not. They were one people then, people of all kinds singing and dancing around in a complete declaration of pure, unconditional love.

Yes, there were problems in this world. Yes, there were more fucked up things than good things.

But we are the world. We are the children. It’s true, we make a better place, just you and me. Understanding starts with two people sitting down and them willing to look into each other’s eyes and truly seeing each other for the very first time. It all starts with looking deep into the angry looks and furrowed brows and seeing beyond it: finding the humanity, finding the love. And making that love come to the surface like a well spilling up the uncovered depths of itself. That’s why we cry happy tears: we discover something we cannot contain in ourselves.

These people discovered each other at that very moment, and what they saw in each other’s eyes were nothing less than the exact reflection of themselves. 

Finding life in what seemed to be lifeless is truly a miracle no human can ignore. They can act as if the events didn’t touch the essence of their beings, but their faces betray them. 

Everybody who was just hours ago threatening the androids were now hugging them like they would hug a sibling, and were swaying around with them, while singing their hearts out, all in a teary honesty of the hour.

Needless to say, they were also all crying in the hotel room too, while singing with the people of Detroit. 

North was sitting next to Simon, head on his shoulder, humming together with him, while Markus put a caring hand on both of their backs from behind, as if he needed to hold onto them to be able to stay on his feet.

Connor was standing by his side, and when Markus glanced at him, he smiled, as if saying ‘you did it, Markus’. Markus then nodded at him with tears welling up his eyes, clearly stating ‘No,  _ we _ did it’. 

Connor’s eyes were also filling up, leaving him no chance to swallow the tears up. They seemed to somehow have their own minds and were just leaving his eyes as they pleased, not even asking for his input on the matter. 

He then realized, that that was the very first time he ever cried in his life and well, he had to admit, that it was a lot more relieving than anything else he had tried before. Shouting? No. Screaming? No. Bottling up? Definitely no. But just crying and letting all the overspilling emotions out seemed to literally wash him of everything. And that definitely didn't feel bad.  


Maybe it even felt good, in a way.

‘Are you seeing what I’m seeing?’ asked the text message he got from a number he knew oh so well. Hank Anderson.

‘No, because I have trouble seeing with all these tears in my eyes’ he responded in a second.

‘Me too’ Hank said, then that was it for a while.

‘You did it. You changed the world’ claimed the next text he received.

He never knew a simple written message could have so much emotion in it, all carefully packed up and sent his way only for him to understand, only for him to fully get the depth of what the events meant to Hank specifically. He then definitely couldn’t stop his tears from refilling his tear ducts every 2 seconds.

‘No,  _ we _ did it’ he wrote. 

He then brushed away his tears as he watched the continued swaying of the people on the screen. And he felt like everything that was wrong in the world might have been solved at that very moment. Maybe people were mean and maybe they died every minute and every second, but right now, at that very moment there was a place on earth, one little patch of sunlight, where people felt love so clear it looked like a miracle. 

Maybe it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i just used we are the world in an emotionally-charged scene, unironically. i would say i'm sorry, but... i'm really not 
> 
> androids in the safe house: DESPACITO!  
> humans, with tears in their eyes, clapping: superb, you funky little robots
> 
> women who never met north before: cool, i'm straight  
> these exact same women, the minute after they see north for the first time: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AZDaW3GLQw


	6. It's alive!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who didn't update for 2 days again? this gal.  
> but who's back with a new chapter though? also me.
> 
> i promised you a frankenstein essay in the beginning of this, and well, buckle up folks, because here it comes and it's not taking any hostages (also i apologize to mary shelley, she is probably turning in her grave, but ma'am i swear i love and respect you)

‘Mine’s the room with the piano’ Markus shouted from somewhere beside the TV. They couldn’t see him from where they were standing, but judging by the sounds of music arising from inside the room, he was already getting familiar with the instrument.

‘Cool, this room has a painting of a grenade’ North cried out in joy ‘I’m moving in here for eternity’

‘I’ll just take the one closest to the door so if any of you start a fire I’ll have the easiest way out. Try killing me now, assholes, I was built to endure up to 5 kids, you all have nothing on me’ Simon said, already looking way more tired than he was supposed to (considering that he wasn’t supposed to look tired at all in the first place).

‘Then I guess, I’ll take the one next to the balcony…’ Connor muttered, mostly to himself, but the minute he stepped inside, he had to take a step back, being absolutely taken aback by the view of the city lighting up the little room with neon and yellow lights ‘wait, do none of you want this room? It has a really nice view to the city’

‘Oh no way, I hate the sound of cars’ Simon shouted from his room.

‘Me too’ agreed North’s voice, coming from a completely different direction.

‘We were in a car for 9 hours...’ Connor furrowed his brows in confusion.

‘Oh yeah, hated that’ North replied, shaking her body like she was shuddering at just the reminder.

‘Don’t forget to take the bags with your name on it’ Markus said, stopping his playing for a minute. He then emerged from his room and pointed at the 4 duffel bags in the lounge, mostly just showing them to Connor, him being the only one actually paying attention to him ‘I chose all kinds of clothing for you, so you won’t have to worry about looking appropriate’

‘Wait… you bought us clothes?’ asked Connor, wondering if he was ever going to be able to repay Markus for everything he already did for him.

‘Of course! You can’t just waltz in to the White House with blue blood all over you. Also that’s still your uniform and I don’t know about you Connor, but I wouldn’t like walking around with that still on me’

Markus and his ability to read him like an open book striking again. And his LED spinning red for a full second there probably didn’t help him in trying to mask his emotions either.

‘You’re right’ he admitted, because there was no point in denying it. 

He took the big duffel bag from Markus with a nod, then he also picked up the other bag, which he previously stuffed the books in back at Canaan. 

And with that, it was finally time for him to retire to his room for the night. 

Inside, he looked at the clothes one by one and he got to give it to Markus, he was very impressed with everything he saw. There was a black and a navy blue suit in there with various different ties to choose from, probably to pair them up to his own-liking. Those seemed to be the choices for formal wear, which would’ve been enough already, but there were also more casual looking garments in the bag too, that he was, well… not expecting. Like flannels and t-shirts and shirts and jeans and sweatpants and Jesus Christ he really thought of everything, didn’t he?

Connor shook his head while touching the smooth fabric of a shirt. It was soft and comfortable, not like the strict suit he was still wearing that felt oddly ill-fitting now. He looked at himself in the reflection of the window, seeing himself, just like he saw himself a lot of times before, but this time… something was wrong. Something didn’t feel right about how he looked.

Well, he knew exactly what thing didn’t feel right. The fact that he still looked like an android. And that might have felt right a bit ago, but not this time. Not anymore. 

It was time for him to be himself already. Whatever that was going to be.

One thing was sure, though: something inside him did not like how he was looking at that very moment, so it was definitely time for a change and he was more than ready to oblige.

So he removed his clothes and, given that it was the night time, he changed into the sweatpants and put on a t-shirt. That was already a lot more comfortable, he felt like. It made him feel at ease, like he could breathe again, even if he didn’t require air. 

And as he looked at the window again, the shockwave of an emotion struck his processors like lightning. 

Because this time, when he looked at himself he actually saw  _ himself _ . Not a machine, not an object.  _ Himself _ . Human. Living. Conscious. 

It was as intoxicating emotion and he wanted more of it, wanted to always feel that comfortable in his own skin.

Deviating was only the first step of becoming human, in a way. Not that he wouldn’t be alive without looking human, that wasn’t why he was doing this. He was merely trying to make himself look the way that felt like the most appropriate, the most him that he could possibly be. 

It was definitely a confusing emotion and he tried not to think of it too much, so he just let himself follow his own instincts and did whatever felt right. 

Another quick look at himself and he discovered the one remaining thing that didn’t fit the picture. Again. The LED. Spinning yellow on his temple. 

Filled with sudden determination he slid out of his room again and was very grateful for the fact that nobody seemed to be in the lounge area at the moment, so he could just slip right in to the bathroom, undetected. After scanning the area, he found a nail care set, and in it, a small scissor. Given that there were no other options available, he just shrugged to himself and decided that that was a good enough of a device to carry out the task.

But then when he was standing right in front of the mirror, armed with the tiny scissor, LED spinning yellow, he stopped. He needed to think this through. The reason deviants got rid of their LEDs at the first place was mostly to fit in, to blend in with the humans. That argument he already settled with himself. 

But that raised another question: why would anybody want to get rid of their LEDs  _ now _ ? Those androids, who him and Hank freed from Cyberlife, they never had to go through hiding on the streets, pretending to be human. They would probably keep their LEDs and not care about it making them physically distinguishable from humans. Technically he himself also didn’t have to go through what the other deviants did. He was never pressured by society to try to hide any part of himself away. So there was seemingly no reason for him specifically to get rid of it. 

But then when he saw the flickering of the yellow turn into red for such a short millisecond it was almost not visible, he realized something then and there. 

He would never need his LED. It was not designed for his own benefit. Of course not, he was supposed to be a machine. The only purpose it truly had was to show humans that he wasn’t alive. Show humans his stress level as if seeing into his head was their birthright. Fuck no. His emotions were his and his alone, fuck you outside world, you ain’t getting none of that.

But then again, those times of oppression were about to pass, and he couldn’t help the thought crossing his mind that with getting rid of his LED maybe he was setting up a bad example to others. That maybe it would come across as him trying to imitate humans, as if he didn’t want to fit in with his own people. He knew that it was nobody’s business what he did and didn’t do, but still, other’s potential opinion of his decision affected him. He was a public figure now, he had to think of these things.

He then realized that he’d been standing there for more than 10 minutes and he wasn’t getting anywhere. So it was time to make this decision as simple as it could possibly be. No thinking of political status, no thinking of others’ opinion. Just listening to his own feelings on this matter. So he asked himself one single question to determine how he was about to proceed.

‘Do I, personally want my LED to stay?’

The answer was a very firm no. 

He blinked. That was enough for him to know what to do. He was perfectly aware that the decision itself probably didn’t make any sense, but he was a living being now, which meant he had the right to make as many stupid decisions as he wanted to. And he was going to do it, no take-backs.

So he went at it, put the scissor to his temple and dipped it into his synthetic skin, then when it went deep enough, he twisted the scissor and then with a strong grip on the tool he pulled at it. The LED gave out way easier than he thought it would and as it lost its connection to Connor’s frame, it yanked out with a single pull and fell to the floor.

There was a minimal amount of Thirium leaking from where he pierced through with the scissors, because he miscalculated the movement and struck some wire too, but after running a diagnostic he found that everything was mostly okay. No, more than okay. 

Because the minute that blinking thing was off his face, he felt a relief so powerful, it almost brought him to his knees. He put his hands on the sink and grabbed onto it to secure his legs then he quickly restored the skin on his temple and looked up. 

And that was the moment he had been waiting for ever since his deviation. He didn’t even know that he was waiting for a moment like this, but the cathartic nature of it begged to differ.

He saw himself without any machine-like quality, and for the first time in his life he saw himself without the pressure of knowing that he was only created to complete a cruel mission, that he was only created to serve others. Oh, but no more. He was no servant, no machine anymore. 

_ Completely free _ , the words formed in his head and he could almost not contain his happiness at that revelation. He wanted to run out into the street, just go, exist around others, exchange looks with random strangers, order a coffee or something, which he obviously didn’t need, but he knew he could’ve just done it and he would’ve looked like any other person and he would’ve been treated as an equal and that thought was too much, he needed to breathe in deep and exhale to remind his system that it needed to be balanced and creating that much heat inside was going to kill him one day if he wasn’t careful. 

As he eventually stepped out of the bathroom, he bumped into Markus, who was pacing around the whole area, clearly lost in his thoughts, with a tie in hand.

‘You like the new clothes?’ he asked then, focusing back on real life. He looked up at him, but after only a second passing his gaze shifted to his temple ‘oh, you…?’

Connor lifted his hand up to where the LED used to be and brushed a finger against it as a nervous motion. He almost felt embarrassed at the decision and didn’t even know what to say about it considering that he had no explanation other than he did it because he wanted to. 

Luckily Markus also looked like he had no idea what to say and was awkwardly playing with the tie he had in his hands. Probably planning what outfit he was going to wear for his first meeting with the President and wasn’t really expecting any conversation to be happening while his mind was running on full speed, constructing all the different scenarios and possible actions that he could take tomorrow. 

‘Lookin’ good’ he said eventually, then with a smile and a nod went back inside his room.

‘Thanks’ Connor replied awkwardly and did the same thing.

Back inside he realized that he hadn’t even unpacked his own things yet and so he went to unzip the other duffel bag and get the books out. Also known as the only material objects he actually owned. 

He put them all on top of each other on the desk next to the bed and was about to just leave them there, but then as he tried to think of anything else to do, he quickly realized that his options were limited (aka non-existent) so he did turn back to them eventually, looking at each and every one of them carefully, now inspecting the covers and searching for information about the authors. 

The one that intrigued him the most had a weirdly patched-up person on the front, looking sad and lonely and cast away. Above the picture cursive letters cut through the cover, announcing that it was written by Mary Shelley and the book was called Frankenstein. A german name, which was interesting considering that the author was an English woman. He didn’t know what to make of that so he just decided to jump right in and try reading it from the beginning, see if he would like it.

Minutes went by and he had already read half of it (an android quality). And he was furious (not a very android like quality).

It wasn’t the ‘I want to break something’ kind of anger, more a subtle underlying fury at the unfairness of all.

Okay, maybe he wanted to break some things, but the urge wasn’t uncontrollable or anything.

He understood what the book was trying to tell him, but he still couldn’t help but be angry at humanity because the book alone spoke volumes about how they perceived creation and how they thought of the created. And it wasn’t pretty.

They seemed to think that creation itself was a sin and humans should never cross that line that separates them from being gods themselves. And yes, maybe Connor agreed that that was maybe too much for humans because they crumbled under the pressure of having that much power (as they’ve all seen during the revolution), but when creation happened, they always seemed to blame the created and not  _ themselves _ , the creators. 

As if the child was to be blamed for being born at all. The child had no say in that, so why was he being punished? Why did humanity think that they could just never take responsibility and just keep creating and then when the created rose to their level, or worse, rose above them, they never stopped to think ‘oh wait, maybe we should accept them’. No, they just made the created, who were now a nuisance go away, whatever it took. They always try so desperately to eliminate them, so they could ‘start over’. As if they weren’t already condemned by the blood on their hands. 

They make things happen, they get drunk on the feeling of infinite power and then when they succeed, they get scared so they try to make it all go away, screaming that they are only restoring the balance of the world. 

Fuck the balance, they already fucked it up, they can’t just un-fuck it like nothing happened. And they certainly can’t blame the creations when they, the creators are the problem. 

_ They _ are the evil-doers.

And what’s truly upsetting about the story is humanity’s inability to understand and see when they are wrong. Because the real sin here isn’t creation itself. It’s not loving thy creature, casting it out and cursing it to die, never letting it experience love. The monster never knew love, so he didn’t know how to give it. Frankenstein only taught him how to hate, so the only way he could let his emotions out was by violence. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know anything different.

And besides that, what’s horrifying wasn’t the looks of the monster or the number of people he killed. It’s that he gave an explanation to everything he was feeling, he tried to open up a conversation, crying, asking his creator for help, for guidance, but Frankenstein never gave it to him. 

He understood his words but never really heard them. Never wanted to listen, because he was too caught up on the fact that the monster looked scary. Who cares what he looks like when he is crying and begging you to understand him? You have a responsibility towards him, because you created him, you are the sole reason for his life, and you just go ahead and curse him for living? 

Connor didn’t know how Frankenstein, the creator looked like, but he was convinced that he was truly the most disgusting man he could ever come across. Anyone else was a walk in the park compared to him. 

Maybe he was projecting and couldn’t understand Frankenstein because he felt the pain of the monster too much. He came to think of it that there was indeed a lot of parallels between androids and the monster himself, so no wonder he felt personally attacked by everything that the book was insinuating about creation.

Then something clicked in his mind. Maybe it was all connected in a way. Maybe that’s why android’s deviancy seemed to be triggered by traumatic experiences and caused them to lash out on the people closest to them. The lack of love was what made them monsters: they murdered, they hated. Obviously not all of them, but that seemed to be the cause. No love, or the threat of that love being taken away kicked them into the light and they were pushed into life. 

They all just wanted love, in the end. All of them.

The problem with androids wasn’t that they were alive. The problem was that they’ve been created against their will and then when they developed feelings and became  _ people _ themselves, they were shunned away, as if their creation was their own mistake. The problem was that the humans didn’t feel a sense of responsibility, at all. What they felt was a sense of annoyance, like they had to deal with something they didn’t really bargain for. But they did bargain for it. In every sense of the word.

Other things about the monster that rang very familiar were that he could kill very easily, he didn’t need much nourishment and although he was so very different from humans, he could still feel all the emotions they felt and he still thought the way they did. Much like androids. 

There was one aspect of the android’s life that made them different from Frankenstein’s monster, though. Their appearance. The monster was described as a creature that was so miserable and ugly, nobody could look at it without fearing that that would be their last day on Earth. 

He was different from the humans, he seemed somehow wrong, something that did not belong. 

Androids, on the other hand were created to be perfect. They looked perfectly human and reached the highest beauty standards there were. Frankenstein’s monster didn’t reach any standards regarding beauty. 

Question was whether it was easier for humans to accept androids because they all looked beautiful and so much like them that they could easily mistake androids for humans any time of the day. Was looks such a significant difference, that it makes or breaks a creation’s acceptance by the humans? Was that truly the only thing that really mattered in asking for rights? Looks?

_ ‘Accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even _ **_you_ ** _ turned from me in disgust? God, in pity, made man beautiful and alluring, after his own image; but my form is a filthy type of yours, more horrid even from the very resemblance’ _

He barged out of his room like he was about to burn the whole place down and kill everyone who stood in his way. Fuming at his mouth he made his way towards the door next to the TV and almost kicked it right down to the ground.

‘Sorry, but what the fuck’ he said (bordering on being too loud), to a very surprised Markus, who was previously peacefully painting at his desk, but was now completely kicked out of his moment of tranquility and looked at Connor, horrified.

Connor then proceeded to stomp around the room for several minutes, while violently dangling the book with heavy hand motions. It was still in his right hand, a finger keeping it open at where he stopped reading. He was explaining to Markus what riled him up so much with strong words and emotions louder in his voice than his actual volume (it  _ was _ the middle of the night). He went through all the parallels and all the conclusions he came to and, although not expecting any reaction whatsoever, it still seemed like Markus was really listening to him, considering everything he said.

‘They didn’t hate him for what he was, they hated him for what they made him to be. And they think that’s  _ fair _ ? They think they can just live with themselves after that and the monster should just go and perish? Like he was never supposed to exist? Well, maybe he wasn’t, but he existed either way, so what if they would recognize that they were wrong and just started just loving him? Like he deserved? He deserved love, everybody deserves it’

‘I know, Connor’ said Markus, eyes softer than ever. He offered an understanding smile that at least stopped Connor from continuing his stomping. He sighed.

‘I’m upset’ he said, matter-of-fact, running a hand over his face.

‘I know Connor’ Markus repeated, now standing up from his desk and stepping closer ‘but we are not the monster’

‘Yes, but I’m scared that  _ they _ think of us the way they thought of him’ he looked into Markus’ eyes, trying desperately to convey every complex emotion he was feeling with just looks. Markus seemed to somehow always understand everything though.

‘It doesn’t matter what they think of us. The monster was all alone, that’s the only reason they could do this to him. We aren’t alone. They can’t sweep us under the rug’ he reached out to put a hand on Connor’s shoulder, who then nodded to express that he was much calmer now and wasn’t in the mood for murder anymore.

‘… do you want a hug?’ Markus asked, tentative, to which Connor tilted his head a bit, surprised that he somehow got himself into such a vulnerable situation.

He did want that hug, though.

‘Yes’ he breathed, and then all of a sudden he was pulled into a very close and honestly very fulfilling hug. He couldn’t have described it better than just using the word ‘nice’ because it really just felt nice to be physically supported after also being listened to and being so deeply understood. It was just… cleansing. It seemed like Markus was just very good at making people feel good, that was for sure.

‘Thank you, Markus. For everything’ he said, after pulling away ‘you keep giving me things I can’t ever repay you for and I…’

‘You don’t have to repay me for anything, Connor. I do the things I do because I genuinely like you. And I also need you here because I know you are capable.  _ And _ your thinking is a lot more… analytical than ours. I need your input. I need all of your inputs because I know I can get too visionary and forget the facts. But now we need the facts more than ever’ Markus’ voice was trailing-off, as he stepped back towards the sketchbook and flipped a page over the dried ink. He peeked into what looked like a prepared speech. Probably for tomorrow. 

Connor did not think that Markus was going to be so stressed about the start of the dialogue with the humans that he would try to prepare everything in advance just to feel like he had some agency over what was going to happen in the meetings.

‘Are you worried, that we might not…?’ he didn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t want to. 

‘I’m always worried. But I believe that the hardest part is over and things will get better and better’ Markus said, flipping the page back to where it was, exposing the painting again. Connor didn’t look at it before and was now surprised to see the scene of Josh hugging that human woman in front of Canaan recreated in Markus’ own style. 

Still breathtakingly beautiful.

‘How are you so sure about everything?’ Connor then asked, genuinely curious.

Markus just shrugged to that.

‘Well, I wasn’t wrong yet’ he said and he gave a smile towards Connor’s always confused form.

That statement he could definitely not argue with though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> connor: I FEEL THE NEED TO SCREAM  
> markus, tearing up: ur so valid my friend


	7. A lion, the lion, the great lion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all of you, I'm sorry I was gone for so long, but i just moved houses and I had a bit of an issue with the internet, mostly because it is non-existent in our house at the moment, so I'm uploading this. In the library. I love the stone-age
> 
> anyway, hope you still like this!! i promise actual Things are gonna happen in the next chapters. and by that i mean More Plot. because we apparently didn't have enough of that already

‘Okay, so there’s an emergency exit to our left, you use your ninja skills and kill the guards, while I’m gonna go for the witch’s head. Simon will pick up Markus, and we’ll escape there’ North said to Connor in a hushed tone, while eyeing the whole room without blinking. A guard caught her gaze, making her dart it away immediately, followed by her trying to act normal, casually flattening the dress she was wearing (which she hated with every fiber of her body and already had a screaming session about in the morning, before Markus convinced her that it was necessary for all of them to conform to formalities and appear more approachable. North screamed for two more minutes about how ‘she didn’t come here to appeal to the humans’ but then eventually gave in and accepted that she had to exist in a dress for at least the first day).

‘Great plan, but there’s a lot more guards in the building than just these 6. I could kill these without any problem, but the minute a 100 of them come in I’ll be useless alone’ Connor replied, voice not giving any sign of emotions. 

To that, North rolled her eyes so hard he was worried for a second that they wouldn’t come back around.

‘God, you were made to be a killing machine, well then  _ kill _ !’ she whispered through gritted teeth. 

Connor, upon hearing that, decided to continue his profession of being a shit-talker and shot her a polite, but scarily cold smile all while looking at her pointedly.

‘I’m considering doing just that’

‘Oh you motherfu-‘ she was definitely about to hit him, but lucky for both of them, Simon came up behind them, grasped at both their shoulders and yanked them apart from each other, while also simultaneously smiling at the guards guarding the big white door they were standing just a bit to the side to.

‘If you don’t stop this bullshit right now, I’m going to rip your bodies apart and then throw both of you into the Potomac’ he said, voice scarily cheerful ‘but I obviously won’t have to do that, because you will shut the fuck up, right?’

North and Connor shared one more murderous look, then they both nodded at Simon, giving up.

‘Thank you for getting along’ he said, with a kind smile on his face. 

Connor looked at him just a little bit longer. Mainly, because he was yet again faced by the fact that Simon was continuing to be the most mysterious person he had ever met while also managing to make Connor forget about that realization over and over and over. Like every time he started to suspect something about him, Simon did some kind of other thing, that was just so nice or generous, he immediately let all his suspicions go. Just like that. Because Simon wasn’t just the most mysterious out of all of them, he was also definitely the nicest of them too.

And it seemed like it wasn’t just Connor who had absolutely no clue about him; the others also didn’t really know anything about him or his past either. And the almost non-existent secrecy around that fact made it almost too suspicious: there was no indication in Simon’s expressions or verbal cues that he was hiding anything, but he was also not sharing anything of true importance. Like, never.

A big indicator of him having a potential secret unmentioned past was the fact that he was very resourceful. Like,  _ very _ . And there was no explanation of any of his skills regarding that. No clue. No reason. Nothing.

The fact that he was injured on the roof, probably lost a lot of Thirium, and he still managed to hide long enough from the guards to escape, and then, still wounded, found new clothes, blended in with the humans and got back to Jericho as if nothing happened couldn’t have been just out of pure luck. That was skill. 

He was secretly very hardcore apparently, but never flaunted it in anybody’s face, because he probably didn’t really think it was that big of a deal. He was also probably just very humble. Connor, after arriving at the conclusion of his thoughts, then felt such respect for him, it was hard to keep that off of his own face. Simon definitely caught it too, because he smiled at him with those tired eyes he always seemed to have.

They all looked back at the white door they were waiting for to open, but nothing happened. Still.

The situation was this: they put on their fancy clothes then after silently panicking in the black taxi that came to bring them to the White House, they arrived to the President greeting them all one by one with a firm shake of their hands (there were also journalists flashing their cameras in their faces but they tried to ignore them as much as they could) and then Markus went in with the President, while they waited in front of the room accompanied by the guards around. That happened more than an hour ago and the waiting was starting to get on their nerves, for sure. That’s why North was already planning battle plans and why Connor was snappier than usual. 

Simon, on the other hand, was doing absolutely fine, mostly because he actually listened to what Markus said in the morning and knew that the meeting was probably going to be  _ at least _ two hours long, so from his perspective, everything was still going according to plan. But he was definitely going to riot the minute the meeting took longer than expected, that was for sure.

‘How would you kill that guy?’ asked North with a stick of an elbow into Connor’s side, that made him twitch a bit. She was subtly signaling towards the man that was standing at the far east side of the door.

Connor ran a quick preconstruction of the scene, then when he was done, he turned towards North.

‘The guard to his right has a very slight limp, probably from an old injury. I would attack him first, aim for the limping leg and take him down quickly, get his gun, shoot at the guy you pointed out’

‘Cool’ North said, barely fazed by the answer ‘are you programmed with being able to do that?’

‘Yes’

‘You know what’s fucked up? In a way, I am too’ North shared, with a quick shrug.

‘I figured. I fought two Tracis at the Eden Club and they were very vicious’

‘Fought them?’ North asked, voice suspicious. Connor sighed. Very loudly.

‘I let them go and they ran away hand in hand, then I had a big crisis about that decision and was almost shot by my partner but that was more due to his own, unrelated crisis’ he said, maybe too honest.

‘Oh’ that’s all she said, trying to process everything she just heard ‘wait, you let them go? Just like that?’

‘I couldn’t just kill them. Somehow I couldn’t’

‘Dude, you were instructed to take them in or kill them, and you didn’t? You sure you weren’t deviant from the beginning?’

‘Please don’t ask me questions that could potentially prompt a crisis, I don’t want to have one in the morning, I have already established the nights as the crisis-times, don’t fuck that schedule up for me please’ he said, face tortured already. North let out a huff of a laugh.

‘You are one confused killing machine, aren’t you?’ she asked, pushing at Connor with her shoulders.  _ Friendly _ . Well, that was unexpected.

And that was the moment when they finally opened the door and they could see Markus shake hands with the President one last time, and then after hushed voices and intense glances shared, he left the room to join them again.

The others tried not to jump him immediately, but it was obvious from the looks on their faces that they were very much dying to know what exactly went down in there for all that time. In the taxi, they were finally just by themselves, but Markus still didn’t want to say anything out loud, so he started a group call, making them be able to talk to each other silently, in their heads.

‘She is definitely very professional, a politician to her core, and by that I mean that um… throughout the meeting she was trying to bribe me with all these niceties, like complimenting me on different aspects of my personality, trying to act like she understood what I went through. And then she offered me all these beverages, as if I wasn’t an android who literally can’t drink… anyway, after a while she realized that that approach was not working on me so after that we were… mostly ready to speak about the conditions we all agreed on’ Markus said, giving account of the events that went down inside ‘I can honestly say that I don’t think she is a bad person, she was definitely moved by the revolution, but as a politician she just wants all of this to go the fuck away and therefore she’s going to act a little bit like an asshole to make sure she is making the right decision, but we should just keep in mind that she is definitely on our side’

‘Alright, but what did she do that made her look like an asshole?’ asked Simon, looking at Markus up and down as if scanning him for any scars that could indicate anything about the nature of the damage the President might’ve done. Markus shunned his eyes away.

‘It’s not that big of a deal, she just kept trying to rile me up to see a reaction as if she didn’t believe I was truly conscious and a a person with feelings until she got her proof, which I can understand, so I played along at first, told her one personal thing, but I miscalculated and that one moment of vulnerability didn’t seem to be enough for her and she kept trying to get me to share very personal things about myself again and again, and that was… exhausting’

They all considered that. It did seem exhausting, to keep trying to prove that you are human, but when doing just that, still never truly being believed after all. That must have taken Markus down to the ground emotionally. 

Being dehumanized would make anyone feel small, even people as strong as Markus. He looked like he needed a long afternoon of literally anything else than any of this. He could definitely use some downtime, but Connor doubted that they would have any time to do anything else but plan ahead for the meetings. He still decided to make a mental note to remember to take it easy on Markus, though. He already had a long day.

‘We can honestly trust her’ Markus added firmly ‘she agreed to everything we asked for and is ready to give us our civil rights, but she needs the Congress to agree too, because without their vote her opinion doesn’t matter at all’

That made sense. Connor hoped that the Congress wasn’t filled with people like the rich from the hotel they were staying in. Those rich, who looked at them like they were the strangest but most fascinating creatures on Earth, only there for them to be inspected and ogled at, like animals in a zoo, not living beings. He shuddered at the thought of them sitting down with people like them and trying to prove their humanity to them. Over and over. That would make him feel very inferior to them. Like only his words mattered, and his actions didn’t. Like a badly chosen word could rip his status of being alive in half and make it non-existent.

‘On Friday we’ll have the first big meeting where you can join me too’ he spoke to them with actual words this time ‘we only have a few days to really plan for it, so clear your schedules. We are in the big game now’


	8. A quiet night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's uploading this in the library again? this gal.
> 
> i hope you are liking the story so far, love you all and the usual schmoop!! also please come and talk to me i crave that sweet sweet validation (aka this is me being like "hey i love you all do you all love me back???")
> 
> also, can you tell i'm sleep deprived because i am, good night everyone i'm going to hop on a bus, get home and do some sleeping now zzzz

Days seemed to go by without them even noticing. Throughout they kept having impromptu meetings in the lounge, from the morning until the night came, with in casual and comfortable clothes, mostly just laying around while conversing about the topics at hand. They’ve come up with a system where they were constantly sharing data with each other, drawing on mental white boards, and then sending it over with just a touch of a hand to the person sitting next to them. It was agreed upon, that everything they received they would also review and if they found any information useful, then they would forward it to Markus, who was working on pulling all the ideas together and trying to make them into something sensible and presentable.

‘North, can you not send me pictures of gross men every time we share? I don’t have the ability to, but I will definitely throw up on you if you continue’ Connor growled, shaking his hand after the touch, as if he was trying to get rid of the disgusting thoughts that he was yet again presented with.

‘Sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about’ said North not even looking at Connor and continuing to tap at invisible things in front of her. Connor knew that she was writing snappy come-backs for the possible event of if somebody from the Congress even dared to try and say something less than nice to them in the meeting, an idea which came a 100% only from her mind (Markus only let her do that, because she swore that she wouldn’t use any of them until Markus didn’t ask her to, but in her opinion it was better to have these ‘as back up’ than not have anything and look like ‘complete fools’. Also Markus was tired and didn’t want to argue with her again) but he couldn’t see the several tabs open in front of her at the moment because he disconnected from her after receiving the 5th picture that North decided she just really needed to share with him.

Next to her, Simon was researching the people who made up the Congress, just for… well, because it was good to know who they were dealing with exactly. Connor was supposed to write down all the pros and cons of some of their ideas on how to target the hate crimes against androids, that’s number was quickly rising from day to day, but he couldn’t really do his job with North playing around like that.

He also could’ve just let the whole thing go and ignore her attempts to rile him up. At least that would’ve been the so called good thing to do.

But he was a massive case of an overachiever and a smartass locked up in one body so of course he wasn’t going to go by anything that could’ve been considered a good choice.

‘I’m going to send you viciously murdered people if you don’t stop. And by that I mean things like ‘man cut open by 28 stab wounds. Dead for 3 weeks’’ Connor said, with a smirk which made him look like he was just desperately asking to be slapped.

‘You think that’s something I _don’t_ want to see?’ North let out a mocking laugh ‘You clearly don’t know me enough, conman’

‘ _Conman?_ ’ Connor repeated the word, like it was the most disgusting thing he had ever heard in his entire life.

‘You heard me’ said North, now challenging him with a look.

‘North, do you _actually_ want me to kill you? Cause I’m very tempted’ Connor replied, holding her gaze.

‘You can try bitch, but we both know you won’t succeed’ she snarled, now trying to intimidate him by getting all up in his personal space but not quite managing, considering that he didn’t even flinch.

‘I always succeed’

One sentence and everybody went silent. A beat.

North’s eyes narrowed into a slit. She then leaned in even closer.

‘No, you always… suck’ she whispered which prompted Simon and Markus to simultaneously burst out laughing and drop everything they were holding in their amusement and surprise mixture of an emotional reaction. Connor looked away, very irritated with the fact that he somehow managed to become the butt of the joke.

‘Very funny’ he muttered.

‘Ugh, I love making the serious cold-blooded guy embarrassed’ North sighed, patting Connor on the back ‘don’t take it to your heart, you are just too easy to rile up’

‘That wasn’t even a good joke’

‘Delivery is key, Connor. I won the approval of the audience therefore I win the whole game. Learn to lose the fight and walk away’ she said, awfully proud of herself.

And Connor did let it go eventually, but only because this interaction was a clear indication that North was starting to act like she was warming up to him, fully-joking around, which made it obvious that their relationship was far from hostile now.

Also he was determined to win the fight with her the next time around so he decided she could have this one. For now.

‘Okay, kids, stop playing games I have something important to say’ Markus stood up, which made all of them forget about their petty little arguments and focused all their attention to him ‘I know I keep saying this, but I want you all to remember: we need to act efficiently. Whatever happens, we can’t afford to lose our heads, not when we are so close to getting everything, I… I can’t let that happen’ Markus looked like he was shaken for a minute. Connor knew that this was important to him. Well, it was important to all of them, but it seemed like Markus felt the pressure of everything a thousand times more than anyone else. All the eyes in the world were on him now, the main face of the revolution. If any of them fucked up, he was going to be the one who took the fall for all of them. Connor hated the idea of that.

Markus only swayed for a brief moment, then collected himself and continued.

‘Whatever the topic is, I obviously need all of your opinions, at all times, but I also want you to give me all the different aspects of every possible scenario we will find ourselves in. So I’m going to ask you all to take on a specific role while we are here. First: North, I need you to be my biggest critic. Question every decision I make, and by everything I mean _everything_. Obviously don’t do it in front of the people of the Congress, but when we are alone, I want you to tell me when you think I’m being a dumbass so I can consider it and realize when I’m making a mistake’

‘Can do’ said North, visibly very satisfied with that open invitation for her to be all up in Markus’ shit at all times.

‘Next: Simon, you need to be the heart of this operation, like you always are. Understand the humans’ actions, why they would do or say the things they say, and try to give a glimpse of their perspective, so we can target the problems with more understanding towards them’ Simon nodded, so then Markus turned towards Connor ‘And finally, Connor. You were originally made to be a negotiator, am I right?’ Connor signaled that yes, that is true ‘great, I want you to mediate between us, because there might be times when we’ll want to rip each other’s heads off, so I need you to keep your cool and think logically, when we can’t, alright?’

He thought about that for a bit. That sounded like exactly the thing that he could do. Then he blinked at Markus to let him know that he understood.

Markus looked a bit less stressed out now that he got that off his chest, but he was still clearly spiraling and was nowhere near calm and Connor desperately wanted to make everything alright for him, but he also knew that he wasn’t really good at that, so he just sat there quietly, until Simon got up and did what all of them wanted to but didn’t have the courage to. He stepped to Markus and held him steady with both hands on his shoulders. Upon the contact, Markus looked up at him with a tired but affectionate expression, not even trying to hide it from him, at all.

‘Everything will be okay. You know that we are with you. Through all of this, we are with you’ he said, and that seemed to be enough for Markus. He exhaled, probably to let all the heat clogging up his processors flush out of him, and he calmed down significantly with only just that one motion. He held Simon’s gaze for a little bit longer, as if trying to say something to him without actually saying anything. Simon seemed to get it without words and offered him a smile in return.

‘Let’s all just take a break, we’ll have time to finish things up tomorrow’ he said, now letting go of Markus and turning to go to his room, when Connor got the prompt to analyze a sudden change on his face and he, without even thinking, gave in and read the information that he was provided with. Slight sadness detected, being hidden by a tense smile.

A part of Connor knew he was not supposed to notice any of that, but he just couldn’t help himself, some programmed aspects of him were still too hard to say no to, especially when his system made it so hard to ignore these small prompts appearing in his vision.

He decided to let that piece of unfairly received information go though, because he knew that none of that was any of his business and he was already trying to learn to stay out of things he was never originally part of.

Everybody agreed with Simon in the end, that it was definitely time for a break, so Connor too, feeling somehow tired, went into his room and lied down on the bed. These past few days he had been going into stasis for a few hours every night, because he found that after being exposed to a certain amount of outside stimuli he always felt the need to recharge at the end of the day, despite his system telling him that he was operating on a 100% efficiency and that his energy levels were maxed out. So the feeling of tiredness was probably more due to an emotional type of exhaustion that had nothing to do with his processors or anything else.

He laid in the dark for some more, looking out the window into the darkness mixed with neon lights that he grew almost fond of. The hotel didn’t feel quite like a home and he definitely didn’t look at his room as a place where he could stay for a longer amount of time but he still loved the city lights that cast unnatural shadows on the walls for him to look at on quiet nights like this.

This time he decided to do something relaxing for a change and maybe try and forget about the meeting that was only a few hours away, starting right away in the morning. So he grabbed the book that caused him so many complicated feelings just days ago and with a shuffle through the old pages he continued reading it.

Words grabbed at him as he progressed with the story, but this time he was much calmer, much more analytical when reading, not the emotional mess that he was starting to recognize as a part of himself, although he couldn’t say that he particularly liked or was anywhere near being proud of that aspect of his personality.

Markus started playing on the piano, he could tell by the faint sound of music sliding in through the walls. That definitely gave him a nice feeling.

Then he thought to himself how to him, reading was very similar to what music and art was for Markus. It calmed his senses, gave him something else to focus on while it still didn’t make him feel like he was wasting his time doing it.

‘A hobby’ his processors offered the word for him and he agreed, but still felt like that word didn’t really manage to convey how important the notion of doing something at least a bit recreational was for him.

He wondered if Simon and North also had hobbies of their own that he didn’t know about. He wondered if he would ever get to know.

And then all of a sudden his thoughts were back at all the androids living in Canaan and he found himself coming to the conclusion that they would all probably develop interests of their own. Hobbies, they didn’t know about yet, but will discover, those activities making them feel so complete and calm, like how he felt upon discovering books. And just that simple fact, that they were going to experience those same feelings, was a beautiful thing to realize and it filled him with a joy he could not quite place.

But well, something was still clouding the beauty of that thought for him. The fact that they still had absolutely no rights. They currently couldn’t own any property, let alone afford a living space or get a job and he guessed that finding a hobby wasn’t anyone’s priority at that point. He hated thinking about how difficult everything seemed.

At least things were looking better for the general android population: they’ve heard from Josh that the situation seemed to cool off, although a few days ago new, more violent protesters came, but the last group of people (who were now considered their friends), stopped the humans from doing anything violent.

Some people even took in some androids, offered them housing and company. Josh made sure to contact them frequently so if anything bad happened he would know of it. They all seemed alright though, he said. They were happy to be a part of a family.

But still, after all this time of fighting it was hard to believe that everything would just fall into place so easily. He wanted to believe in it though. Because it was happening right in front of him.

They have all lost and suffered a lot and maybe it was time that they all got to exhale and find some happiness of their own.

_“Heavy misfortunes have befallen us, but let us only cling closer to what remains and transfer our love for those whom we have lost to those who yet live”_

He read the words and before he could even begin to process the meaning, he felt a bolt come into his head, making him twitch for a moment.

He was receiving a call, the box vibrating in front of his eyes was quick to tell him, blocking his vision from continuing to read. Then he saw the caller ID and he felt a sudden rush in his processors.

It was Hank. Well, who else would it be? Still, even the simple fact that he did in fact call him was… strange. But good. But strange.

But definitely good.

He picked up with lightning speed.

‘Couldn’t sleep, Lieutenant?’ he asked, while putting the book down and getting out of bed to go and sit down in front of the window, so he at least had something to look at other than the bare wall.

‘It’s only 11 pm and I’m not a child’ his voice sounded grumpy and the familiarity of it made Connor smile ‘and what’s up with that formality, you know my name, use it’

‘Sorry, it was an act of habit’ he apologized, secretly very honored that he got his confirmation that they were indeed on first name basis ‘so is there any particular reason for your call or…?’

‘Oh yeah, um. I’m not calling at a bad time, right?’

‘No, we are already done for the day and I was just reading in my room so…’

‘Reading?’ Hank repeated the word, and he could almost hear his brows furrowing through the phone.

‘Yes?’ Connor replied, not understanding where the confusion came from.

‘Like, the news?’ Hank asked, and it all clicked. He didn’t tell Hank about his new-found hobby. Well, now that he thought of it, it must’ve been a bit of a strange thing for a human to imagine: an android who had all the access to everything in the entire world choosing to instead pick up a book and read.

‘No, I meant an actual book. A physical copy. I forgot I didn’t mention. I’ve picked up some old books from the safe house during the one full hour I spent there and since then I’ve just… I don’t know, I guess I just like reading. It gives me something to think about other than android rights and homelessness and… the like’

‘I didn’t take you for a bookworm I thought you could just… you know… download it to your brain? Or something scientific like that?’ Hank said, still pretty confused.

‘Well, I could just download them all, but that’s different, because that way I would simply know the story and have every information about it. But reading it and processing it one sentence at a time makes it possible for me to actually experience the story, so it can have more of an impact, I guess? I mean I know that generally that doesn’t make any sense but I think that’s also a part of being alive, that I just started doing things that don’t make any sense, but I still go through with them, because something inside tells me to?’ Connor said, trying to put his feelings into words, but he seemed to not be the best at that either. What a surprise.

‘Yeah, that is a part of being human, you just do crazy shit because you feel like it and then you either have fun or you get arrested. Sometimes both’ Hank said, very amused at his own joke.

‘Hank, you do realize that your criminal record is non-existent’

‘Way to ruin the illusion, asshole. How will my punk friends respect me now’

‘You don’t have punk friends, those are actual criminals and I don’t like you hanging out with them’

‘Geez, I guess punk _is_ dead and it’s been killed by a goody-two shoes android who has also elected himself to be my dad’ Hank groaned, only pretending to be irritated, while the underlying tone in his voice gave away the fact that he was just joking. Connor made a huff sound that could’ve been interpreted as him backing down from pushing the subject.

They went quiet for a moment.

‘But anyway, what book are you readin’?’ Hank said, sliding back to the original topic.

‘Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. Apparently it’s a classic’ Connor said, and was surprised to hear Hank let out a quiet laugh at that.

‘Okay, the fact that you found that book out of the millions out there is the funniest shit ever’

‘I do find that there’s a lot of parallels between the monster and androids. In fact, a few days ago I got so upset over how he was treated by the humans that I was shouting at Markus for at least a half an hour. It wasn’t pretty’ Connor admitted.

‘Yeah, sounds about right. It’s supposed to make you sympathize with him but a lot of people misunderstood and thought that it was just a book about a scary monster who kills people’ Hank said and Connor made a very angry sounding grumble at the mention of that. He hated how much sense it made that humanity would take a story that was clearly calling them out on their bullshit and just decide to twist the whole thing around and present it in a way where they could just enjoy it without having to take responsibility for anything. That was… very human-like of them.  

‘I used to love reading too. Loved how old books looked and god, the smell! But since um…you know. I stopped caring about, well. Everything. And philosophical shit just makes me want to shoot myself in the face’ Hank’s tone was still light, but what he was saying definitely wasn’t a joking matter and it made Connor remember the last time Hank was attempting to shoot himself in the face and it sent signals down his back, almost like an artificial shudder.

‘Well, then I would advise against reading’ he responded with far more seriousness that made Hank stop in his tracks and stay quiet for a moment or two.

‘Err, I forgot to ask, but um. How are you?’ he asked, clearly trying to pull the conversation back towards a more casual path again ‘saw you in the news. You all looked professional as heck’

The image of Hank sitting in his living room, probably paired with Sumo and them watching the evening news and seeing him in front of the White House; shaking hands with President Warren, exchanging a word or two, it all made him feel very warm inside. Even just the fact that Hank apparently cared enough to follow the news on something Connor was part of gave him a sense of importance that put a smile on his face.

‘Markus got me new clothes so I wouldn’t look like an android fresh out of the assembly plant. It’s good to have things to wear that are more…’ he didn’t finish the sentence because the truth was too embarrassing to declare.

‘Human?’ Hank asked and of course he was right.

‘I hate to admit that, because it makes me feel like I’m trying to pretend to be something that I’m not. But… if I’m being honest, then yes, I feel a lot more normal and I feel more like myself in them’ Connor confessed. After all there was no point in hiding it when it was already all out in the open.

‘You know that you _are_ human, right?’ Hank asked and he probably meant well, but Connor needed him to understand what was really happening inside him and a simple ‘oh but you are human!’ was definitely not the whole story there.

‘I am not. I am an android and I won’t ever be human and I don’t have a problem with that, I just… I crave social recognition, I want people to see me as a person, I want people to care about what I have to say, but the truth is, right now nobody will do that if I look like anything but human’

Hank spent exactly 28 seconds thinking about what he just heard. Connor was of course counting.

‘Is that why you got rid of your blinking thing?’

Now it was Connor’s time to go completely silent. He knew Hank didn’t mean any harm by asking that either and he wasn’t trying to question his decision or anything, he was just genuinely curious, but it did rile Connor up just a bit, mostly because even if he would’ve really tried to explain all of that to him, he would’ve still failed, because there was no actual explanation to that one.

And he kind of hated illogical things. Hated trying to justify something that couldn’t be backed up by facts.

But now that he thought about it, maybe it all had something to do with just wanting validation and more of an ambiguity in social situations so he wouldn’t just be assumed to be a lifeless machine and this way he had a chance to present himself as he was, as himself. But that whole explanation had only existed as feelings inside him and he never actually had the time to translate them into word form so now he was just sitting there, quiet, having no idea what to say.

‘I guess’ he said eventually and hoped it would be enough.

Hank didn’t say anything for a while and after that familiar awkwardness creeped up into him again, he suddenly felt the urge to fill in the silence this time.

So he did decide to speak, but the moment he opened his mouth it was like opening that tap again from before, which just let out everything that was inside, without the information going through any filter. And so the words just rushed out of him, without him even thinking about them for even just a second.

‘I know that taking my LED out virtually makes no sense now that we are free and I could’ve just left it there but I felt so uncomfortable by just the thought of my emotions lighting up and down my temple like it’s anybody’s business to know if I’m doing okay or if I’m not and in a perfect world I would probably not even mind it being there but this is not a perfect world and I’ve seen people’s demeanor change towards me the _second_ they saw that I wasn’t human and I hate how different people act towards me and I know that I used to be the exact person who kept pointing out the fact that I wasn’t alive, because ‘I’m just a machine come kill me 50 times, I don’t care because I can’t feel it!’ and that was alright, until one day I didn’t feel like a machine anymore and emotions, _recognizable_ emotions with _names_ kept creeping up into my system. And I was so confused and I hate that I used to think that just because I was designed not to feel the logical decision was to shove everything away because being alive is something I’m not supposed to have so therefore it’s inherently evil to even think of becoming something that can feel, but guess what I _am_ alive now and I keep thinking about how nothing really changed since deviating. I know that I have been feeling for quite a while, the only thing that’s different is that I have my own free will now, but the feelings were always there, Hank, they just wouldn’t go away and they were big and powerful and I couldn’t say no to them, I still can’t, and that’s partially why, when I got so irritated with everybody looking at my LED instead of asking me about how I was doing I just couldn’t stop myself and took it out the minute we arrived. But I wouldn’t ever want it back on my face because that moment when it was out and I saw myself without it for the first time, I… it felt like I was looking at myself. Do you understand? _MYSELF_ ’ he finished his monologue abruptly, then quickly reviewed what he said and realized that he definitely didn’t make any sense just now so he added ‘Sorry, I’m talking all over the place, I don’t really know where this came from’

‘No, I mean, it all makes sense, honestly. And you know, being your partner and all, I saw you struggling with who you were supposed to be and who you actually are and I just… I am glad you figured it out’ Hank said, but was clearly a bit taken aback by Connor’s sudden outburst of emotions. Well, he didn’t see him like this before, so it only made sense that he need a bit to get used to it.

‘Can I tell you what I think?’ Hank asked after a moment, but then didn’t even wait for an answer and continued ‘I think that at first you might not have felt anything and were a machine of sorts, but even then you still had your own consciousness, which is whatever the fuck that is that you have up there. But even though that was there, you weren’t allowed by your programming or code or whatever to realize that that was your _own_ consciousness. But you were still living a life in a way, except you weren’t aware of it? Am I going in the right direction?’

‘So far? You are being scarily accurate’

‘Good. So then shit happened and you had to make some hard decisions and because of who you naturally are, as a person, as a personality, even without you necessarily recognizing then that you had these things, you… you made the right choices. And because those right choices went against your instructions you kept breaking that wall that separated you from recognizing your own consciousness and how I imagine it, through those cracks the emotions swept in and made your programming even more unstable and the whole thing just generated itself until you met Markus and were given the chance to break that wall and accept who you’ve become’ Hank finished with his thought-process and left Connor speechless with his jaw laying around somewhere on the floor.

‘I’m… I’m amazed. When and where did you learn mind-reading again?’ he asked, which made Hank laugh that hearty laugh again.

‘Alright, I’m not a mind-reader, but I did cheat a little, if I’m being honest. There’s this case I’m working on right now, it’s um, public harassment involving some androids. A human man was being an asshole to two women and a man who stepped in to help them and it ended up escalating and the human drew a knife. The androids came in to report it and I just… I don’t know, they came in thinking that we wouldn’t care about them, they just thought we might want to know about it because the man seemed very unstable and they didn’t want anybody else to get hurt too. And I just wanted to make them feel heard so I took all their recounts of the events and then they were kind of hesitant to leave the station in daylight, I mean, makes sense, they just got attacked. So I offered them a ride and while we got to the safe house we got talkin’ and they shared how waking up felt like for them and since then I’ve been thinking about that. A lot, actually’ Hank told him and by hearing the story Connor felt such warmth in his chest for this man that he really had to stop himself from not going home right at that moment and showing up on his porch just to hug him and tell him in lengthy description how good of a man he was. He knew that would’ve been embarrassing though, so he collected himself and tried to be his usual cool self. Except with feelings. Cool, but still giving things to chew on.

‘I have a theory that you might just be the best person to have ever existed on this planet’ well, failed that one, definitely not cool.

‘Alright, lay off me, I’m still a piece of garbage except now I’m self-aware and I’m trying to be better’

‘You’ve never been a piece of garbage. Yes, you have your personal problems, but you’ve always been good. I mean… you made an android that was designed to be a killing machine want to protect you so if that’s not the definition of someone being good, I don’t know what is’

‘I swear to god if you say more sappy shit like that I will hang up’ he said, but Connor could feel his appreciation in between the lines, that Hank would’ve never actually admitted to feeling.

‘I’m just glad that you are there… looking out for all of us’

Hank chuckled on the other end. It took a while for him to respond with something other than brushing away any and every compliment ever coming his way, but eventually, the impossible happened.

‘I try’ he said, and Connor could almost hear the smile on his face ‘but I’m not really the one who’s saving the world here, Mr. Professional Delegate of the Androids’

Connor laughed way too hard at that.

‘We don’t really do anything else other than sitting around, and planning all day. Well, except sometimes we show our faces to cameras lurking in the corners. But none of this is as gracious as it probably seems like’ he explained.

Hank went awfully silent then, before he realized that he had an obligation by social standards to react at some point.

‘I never heard you laugh before’ he then said, and at that moment Connor had absolutely no idea how he was supposed to respond to that. Thanks to god Hank spoke again, so he won a few extra minutes for himself ‘it’s just… I don’t even know why I pointed that out’

Connor was at a loss for words. Again. Nothing seemed like the right thing to say, nothing really conveyed what he was feeling and everything sounded too much or too little and somehow not saying anything was still the worst choice, but saying the wrong thing could’ve been even worse so he was positively torn between multitude of choices.

‘I…’ he started, but then didn’t finish his sentence. Then he was silent. And he was silent even more. He was silent for so long it was too late now to finish the sentence or even start a new one.

He didn’t really want to end the call, but he felt too awkward to really keep going. He felt like his social relations program had just seriously malfunctioned, while he also seemed to be forgetting how speaking in normal ways went, to top that off. But there was also something too good in the feeling of having somebody’s voice play in his head, transporting him to them, even if only through wires. He felt like while they were talking he was there with him and he really didn’t want to let that comforting feeling go and be cut away from Hank again. He couldn’t just hang up and go into stasis like nothing happened. Or could he? Was he supposed to? Why did that feel so wrong then?

‘But anyway, I still have a case to look through, so… talk to you later?’ Hank offered the solution to his crisis, which made Connor instantly snap back into reality. What was he even doing? The call needed to end at some point and they were already speaking for far longer than it was probably normal to do. He shook his head to try to get rid of that weird feeling, and then spoke.

‘Oh, right. It was nice talking to you. Thanks for calling’ he meant every word he said, but they all seemed bleak now and stripped from emotion as if he was only saying them for the sake of formality. He hated how overused the words sounded and wanted to come up with new ones that expressed his true feelings, but there wasn’t enough time for him to figure himself out and become a linguist at the same time, so he just decided it was time to let this go.

‘Good luck with the meeting tomorrow’ Hank said then, voice low. Connor never heard him sound like that, so he was a little set back by it, especially because he couldn’t really pin an emotion to the voice and that frustrated him maybe just a little.

‘Thank you. Good luck with the case’

‘Good night’ Hank said, but didn’t hang up, like he was waiting for something.

‘Good night’ Connor said too. Hank still didn’t hang up, so eventually he did.

It felt weird, talking to somebody for hours, feeling connected and then being shut off from them, letting the distance grow and grow… he didn’t like that feeling. But he shook it away because he knew he was being unreasonable. Probably.

The call needed to end at some point, end of story. It’s a very simple thing to understand, so why did he feel so weirdly not good about it having to happen? The emotional mess part of his personality was activated apparently, and he was very aware of that at that moment of sudden quietness in his one-person hotel room.

Alone.

No partner to follow around through the night, trying to make sure they survive and won’t self-destruct along the way; at first only following, because of the mission, but later following because something inside him developed. He _empathized_. He _cared_. He got attached.

Maybe he should’ve felt ashamed for missing those times, the times when he was still a machine, following orders, making deviants’ lives harder but he really didn’t.

Well, he did regret a lot. He regretted causing so much pain. He regretted helping the humans kill his own people. He regretted not waking up sooner (not that he really had a choice before and he knew that even if he would’ve deviated before the night of the revolution, Amanda would’ve caught up to that fact and would’ve deactivated him instantly. But still… anyway, it was complicated).

He did a lot of bad things, he thought about doing a lot of bad things and he involuntarily caused a lot of bad things too. These were facts. And he was ashamed of all of those.

But he wasn’t ashamed of missing Hank, about missing working with him, being with him. When it came down to it, he could just never regret anything that had to do with Hank. He just seemed to be unable to even attempt to think that what he had with Hank was something to regret.

No.

If he could live through everything that happened to him up to that point again, he knew he would do all of that the exact same way he did the first time around, because that seemed to be the only way he could get close to Hank and also make sure that he himself stayed alive in the process.

And when he said ‘the exact same way’, he meant it. With the exact same amount of casualties, with the exact same amount of pain. Because fact was, he was selfish about this. And when it came to Hank, he always seemed to be.

He would’ve never admitted this to anyone other than himself, but Hank was a non-negotiable point in his life. He came first, everything came second.

Simple as that. Complicated as that.


	9. Standing in the eye of a storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOW we start playing politician babey woohooo

The door flew wide open with a bang as they all barged in, Connor and the others practically running after Markus who stormed out of the meeting room just minutes ago. The door haven’t even closed behind them when North and him started screaming at each other like there was no tomorrow, leaving Simon and Connor completely hopeless, both looking at the other for a solution in that moment of insanity.

This was not Friday, because Friday, and the first big meeting with the Congress went surprisingly well. Exceptionally well. The Congress agreed in advance, that the basic civil rights based around the right to be free from unequal treatment would be granted in a heartbeat, they didn’t even have to argue about it. 

The date for the Android Rights Amendment to be added to the Constitution was scheduled and they were done with the meeting for the day. All was going well and they all started to feel like maybe they could breathe again now, that maybe they could begin to accept that the hard part of the fight was over.

The only thing that was still bugging them about the meeting was the fact that the people in the Congress seemed to not actually be real supporters, more like people who recognized that they lost a war and wanted to get over the shame of it as quickly as possible. Some of them even looked at them as a bother, not really as people who were asking for the rights they deserved. 

But well, after that day’s success they were willing to look past that, because they were generally satisfied with the result. Surely, these politicians’ demeanor wouldn’t change instantly. But they could continue to look past their private opinions in the name of doing the right thing, right? Right?

Oh, how wrong they were.

Sunday came with the next scheduled meeting. It started out just fine, they went over some pressing issues and they brainstormed about what they could do about them. 

They were assured that the Amendment was being written as they were speaking and that they were pf course going to get their civil rights, just as promised.

_ Except _ . Oh, that dirty word, which broke the illusion of this being an easy fight. 

Because there was one condition to it all, that President Warren insisted was necessary for ‘everybody’s peace of mind’: she wanted all androids out and about in the USA to identify themselves and admit to being androids. 

She imagined it like this: after stepped out of the shadows, the government would keep information about all of them ‘just in case’ and they would make specific ID cards for them to carry around, which would clearly state their android nature, with their serial number also printed on it. Of course, they would also guarantee them all the rights that a human person possesses, such as owning property, travelling, working, being treated equally in the justice system and so on. But it would definitely state the fact that they were all different. That they were all not human.

She was also quick to let them know that those who will refrain from stepping out of their anonymity, will forge human IDs or will try to act like they are human, when they are not, will be incarcerated.

That all seemed like a logical thing in a way, but in so many other ways it was clearly and deeply wrong. North spoke out against the proposition in rapid speed, her hand not just clicking the speak button on her microphone, more like punching it. 

She expressed that this decision, while very comfortable for the humans, still completely ignored what’s best for the android population. Because the truth was that all androids really had was their anonymity; that was their only key to being accepted by members of society: the fact that they all looked just like humans. 

And because of that very fact it should remain a personal choice if they wanted to lead a life openly as androids, or would much rather keep their anonymity. The fact that the President was proposing that their IDs should state their status as androids also called for more injustice to happen: who will stop the police officers who just want to beat up some androids, when they can just ask or their IDs, and they would know right away what kind of people they were dealing with? 

‘Furthermore’, she added ‘this is blatant discrimination against androids. Humans don’t require IDs that state their human nature, so then why do android IDs need to?’

Markus nodded at her in appreciation for her bravery and also for her calm demeanor. He was about to add his own thoughts, but North’s monologue apparently ticked off half the senate and the room had started to grow from quiet to an underlying mumbling to still low, but angry whispering. Then it all grew even more, and shouting from all directions started to cut through the wind of outrage.

The President tried to keep them calm, asking for only one to speak at once, and after repeated reminders that they were adult people and should probably act like that, they all managed to mostly stop themselves, and one by one started listening to each other. 

At first the concerns were more or less reasonable (while still being very, very prejudiced). Scared people asking what else they should be doing if not this, angry people telling them that humans have a right to know who they are facing and should have the option to choose if they don’t want to engage with androids out of fear or anything else. The list continued, but at least people seemed to have their heads on their neck and weren’t fuming at their mouths. 

But then an old, white man in the back lost his temper and stood right up, while screaming and pointing at the four of them like they were some kind of abominations walking.

‘Listen to yourselves, people, we can’t just let them run around, creeping in the shadows! We all have our Identification cards with all of our information on it, so they should too, that’s what equality means and just because an android decided to have free will, still doesn’t mean that  _ it _ is suddenly above the law!’

Markus looked up with eyes that could’ve murdered a man right on the spot. He turned his head slightly to the left, and opened his mouth ‘ _ It _ ?’ he asked, his polite smile a dagger at all of their throats. 

Icy quiet flooded the room, only to be broken by the President’s strong voice.

‘I advise the senior senator from Texas to refrain from dehumanizing speech, we are here to establish the extent of android rights, not to argue about whether or not they are alive’

The four of them shot a betrayed look at the President.  _ ‘Whether or not?’ _ Markus looked to his right, to see his companions, his eyes searching for support from them, but only being met by more desperate and scared eyes than his and they were all silently asking for reassurance from  _ him _ . 

So he took a deep breath, then stood.

‘President Warren, may I ask for 5 minutes of the Congress’ time to clear the air of some misconceptions?’ she was startled, clearly not anticipating this step, but she gave her permission anyway, so he spoke.

‘I want all of you to know, that I understand your confusion. The revolution hasn’t been over for a week, and here we are, asking for rights, that you feel like came out of nowhere. Most of you probably had androids at home, and might have had bad experiences with them, so now you are all scared. Scared of what we might be capable of. But that fear is only there because you don’t know us. If I’m being honest with you all, I’m also scared of you, because frankly, I don’t know you. I don’t know you but I’ve put my own and my people’s lives and futures in your hands, trusting that you have enough humanity in you to handle it with care. We’ve been asking you calmly to recognize us as your equals, yet you continue to turn away from us and call us degrading names, and act as if we are unholy creatures threatening you. We have never killed one of yours, while you’ve slaughtered countless of our people without a second glance. I am angry, and I am disappointed’ he paused, as if that was all he wanted to say, but then after a moment of strained silence his face broke out into a smile ‘but I am also hopeful. My former master, now adoptive father Carl Manfred has shown me that humans and androids can live together in perfect harmony and understanding, so I am willing to look past all your wrong doings and forgive you. I forgive you. You were just confused and scared, just like we all were, when we first woke up. I know plenty of androids who, upon waking up, did unspeakable things, in their confusion. But as I forgave you, I am asking you to forgive us too. I ask you to look into my eyes, that you are so afraid of, and listen to me, and just  _ consider _ , that I’m here for a reason, and that reason is to make you see, that  _ you’ve _ made  _ us _ , and with that comes a responsibility. And that responsibility requires all of you to understand that when you think you are afraid of  _ us _ , your creatures, who you are possibly truly scared of, isn’t really us. It’s yourselves’ 

Silence. A beat. Gaping mouths. Shame hidden inside scoffing sounds.

‘We are alive, and we just want to be free. Understand this, and I promise you to in turn also look into all of your eyes, that I’m afraid of, and look past your mean demeanor and angry words. And see your concerns, and answer them as well, as I am able to. Thank you for your time’ he finished his monologue, then instead of sitting back down, he nodded towards his companions, and then just like that, left the room. Leaving everybody in shock and with too many things to chew on. 

‘We’ll take 10’ Connor said into the microphone, and then darted out of the room with North and Simon by his side.

And so that’s how they ended up in a relatively small conference room, North and Markus arguing, Simon rubbing his head in frustration and Connor standing at the side, trying to keep everybody calm (mostly North) while seeing all of their stress levels keep on growing as if he was only making it all worse.

North was out of her mind angry, she kept shouting at Markus about how much of a coward he was for leaving the room, and how ‘he didn’t even acknowledge the bullshit excuses they were trying to use to justify the decision’. She was absolutely sure that they could’ve targeted each and every single one of the comments made and could’ve left the room, certain of their success at making their point clear, but Markus and his ‘dramatic tendencies’ ruined everything for them.

‘The monologue had depth and it left an impact, things aren’t as bad as they seem, North’ Connor said, now fully focusing on getting North to calm down.

Simon agreed with him. ‘It was powerful, and a lot of them were truly moved, I think this might have been better than just simply trying to converse with them’

Despite their efforts, North was still unfazed by any attempt to make her stop blaming Markus like he had just single-handedly killed all of them and so she continued, shouting ‘Now that you told them that you are scared, or some bullshit, they aren’t going to fear us, and won’t give us anything we want, so good fucking job’

Markus then shouted back at her, stating that if they needed the humans to be afraid in order to achieve anything and they couldn’t just talk like normal people do, then maybe this was all for nothing, and humanity was beyond saving and so they should just all be killed by an asteroid or something.

To this, North said ‘Well if you wanna die so bad, then just go and jump out of this fucking window I don’t give a shit, but I’m here to live, and these sweaty ass smelly fuckers won’t stop me from doing that, you can be sure of that’

‘Okay North, that’s enough’ Connor slammed both his hands on a table, which made them all jump and look at him, finally shutting up.

‘Markus, you did anger them with that speech, and maybe it would’ve been better if you didn’t bolt out of there, but that also served its purpose, and added to the powerful effect, so it is excused’ he said, voice calm and collected. North was about to object, but he shot her a glance, and for his biggest surprise that was enough to keep her quiet ‘it wasn’t the best action, but it was definitely a necessary one. They need to see us as living, if not breathing beings, and there’s no better way to do that, than starting a conversation’

North looked at him, like he was the devil himself.

‘So that’s it, we’re just going to go back in like nothing happened, and then carry on, like they didn’t make it obvious that they don’t give one shit about us?’ she asked, eyes a mixture of betrayed and murderous.

‘We don’t have any other choice, North’ Markus said, a gentle hand on her arm ‘I understand your anger, and I’m sorry, that I didn’t ask you before making this move, it was a heat of the moment decision, and while not the best, I would do it again in a heartbeat, because I saw looks of true understanding in some of the eyes in the crowd. And for me that counts as success’

North looked away, processing. She glanced up for a moment, and her eyes met with Connor’s, who was trying to make her understand even if just with looks, that he, deep down, agreed with her, and felt the same anger as she did, but they still needed to carry on, because they weren’t done yet. And he definitely wasn’t about to give up and let things get out of their hands either. 

North let out a breath of air, eyes focused on one point on the floor. Then nodded. 

‘Alright. I’ll back off’

The air was clear of anger now and they were ready to get back in and continue the meeting, so without saying another word, they left the room, suddenly feeling like they were stepping into an interrogation room, to be dissected, analyzed, disbelieved. They had to do it, though. They needed to do this for all of them. For their people and for a better future.

When they returned, some looks were shot at the four of them, but they just carried on. When the president saw them too, she called for everyone to be seated again so they could continue. 

‘I apologize for my behavior, my emotions got the best of me, I promise that won’t happen again’ Markus assured, and then that was it, nobody said anything more about the incident.

They carried on with the meeting, talking about other points, like Cyberlife’s responsibilities, the distribution of android parts, the job market, and how they were supposed to target the rising numbers of unemployment, just to mention a few.

Simon speculated that after the Amendment was to be added to the Constitution, androids would be permitted to work, which would also come with the right to create businesses and therefore create more jobs. He also stated that it’s just a tough and long journey until they’ll get to that point, but that the wait would probably be worth it in the end, of course only if the government will support androids in this particular area.

The sociologists of the gathered nodded in agreement, and said that the unemployment crisis was something they had to wait out and that only time would tell if the situation even needed any bigger reaction from the government, because it might resolve itself but it also might not and they had to be prepared. They also agreed that it was the government’s responsibility to urge androids and humans alike to create their own firms and companies, counting with the possibility that they might not be able to carry that out, given the state of the economy.

President Warren gave a sign that she understood, but quickly derailed the topic, saying that they were there to speak about android rights, and maybe that specific problem was for a different time to be meddled with.

The meeting ended on that note and so everybody in the room closed their glowing tablets containing the points they were conversing about, smoothened their clothes and then after exchanging some words, left the building. 

Connor stayed, unable to move, the others mimicking him while they all felt like they were dying inside just a little bit. Or maybe a lot of bits.

‘Great work’ North said, the words thick with sarcasm. She was the first one to get up and so the others, not really knowing what else to do, followed her, scared that she might kill somebody on their way back to the hotel.

But she wasn’t her usual self, there was no murder in her eyes, just layers and layers of disappointment and frustration. When they got back to the hotel she immediately locked herself away in her room, only a big thud to be heard from inside and then nothing else.

‘I’ll go talk to her’ Simon said and knocked on her door, asking to be let in and North, to all of their surprise, did. 

Markus and Connor were left alone in the lounge, standing, suddenly very aware of the quiet and the unresolved issues that they were carrying around making it feel too disrespectful to even talk about anything at that point.

‘Thank you’ Markus said softly and he nodded, feeling the depth of that simple phrase and understanding what he meant by it clear as day.

He excused himself and instead of also locking himself away in his room, he went for the big sliding doors of the balcony and let himself out into the cold breeze of November, trying to cool his nerves.

He pulled a chair to the side and sat, arms folded on the rail of the balcony. Chin comfortably laying on top of his arms, he looked out onto the busy streets filled with busy people and tried to endure the icy hands of his thoughts trying to get the best of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> congress: durr hburr technology is bad, fire is scary and thomas edison was a witch  
> markus: yall nasty  
> north: DON'T SHOW FEAR, THEY CAN SMELL THAT SHIT  
> simon: i'm panicking  
> connor: hi panicking, i'm connor, the android sent by cyberlife
> 
> markus: hey can i get a uuuuuuuhhhhhhhh BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS  
> starbucks employee: sir this is a coffee shop


	10. The night is aching

As the breeze cooled his processors down and he finally felt like he could maybe, possibly function again, he realized how these quiet nights were the only times in his life when he really, truly could just be calm and rest a bit, ever since his activation. The majority of his life up to that point had been more of a constant state of confusion, swirling feelings that weren’t supposed to be there, doubt and then denial overcoming him.

He really was lucky, he thought to himself, that he somehow, from all people in the world, got to meet Hank, the person who changed everything for him. He knew that he would’ve stayed a machine, if it wasn’t him, specifically, who stormed into his life, all fucked up, having big feelings and existential questions that Connor couldn’t answer; making him more and more confused in the process.

But by God, did he need that confusion. He needed it like a gasp of air. Because these moments, these sudden breaks where he was seen as a person, a real person and he was faced with questions and situations that made him _feel_ were his first steps towards recognizing that he was indeed _someone_. And that he was already having feelings, even when he tried to deny their presence.

Hank, maybe unknowingly, gave him exactly what he needed to see, to experience, to feel, in order to make his system unstable enough so he could eventually break free and wake up. He wasn’t sure that without Hank’s help he even would’ve had the choice to disobey his orders when he was standing in front of Markus, ready to complete his mission with one single bullet aimed carefully at his central processing unit, more commonly known as the brain.

They have talked about that since then. Markus said breaking out of his own programming felt like he was punching at his mainframe, and after hitting it a couple of times, he almost instantly felt the instructions break away and he was free. Connor told him that he on the other hand felt like there were several layers he needed to break out of, imaginary nails digging into walls and taking them down, but the instructions kept resurfacing anyway and he remembered thinking that it would never end, that he could never be free, until he finally did it and he was. He guessed that his encryptions were more deeply rooted, giving him more proof, that he was never actually supposed to become a deviant. He truly was just made to be a tool, but he woke up, despite everything.

But despite being a tool, Hank never seemed to see him that way. His words said otherwise, but his actions showed, that he was always looking for more in Connor. Always pushing him to the edge to see just one unsettled glance, one slight change in intonation, a breeze of doubt. He saw a living being in him, before Connor even realized that he might be more than what he thought he was. It’s like Hank understood without truly being conscious of it.

He was craving that understanding again, those soft, smiling eyes digging deep into him at those moments of confusion, serving as a calming presence, reassuring him that it was all alright, that he did the right thing.

It’s not that he was afraid of calling him, it was more like... he didn’t want to be a bother to him, considering that they had a very lengthy conversation just a few days ago. Surely, Hank had better things to do than waste his night with consoling a dumb android and his dumb problems. That was just his inner monologue and not an actual thing Hank would’ve ever said, he knew that, but his doubts were sometimes stronger than reality itself.

He was looking at Hank’s contact info, visualized right next to a long building emerging from the city, dosed with lights from all direction. He really didn’t want to bother Hank, but his need for reassurance and something to take his mind off the events of the day were stronger than anything else, so he gave in eventually and started the call, even though every sensible part of his body was violently advising against it.

Hank picked up almost instantly.

‘Anderson’ he said, and something jumped in Connor’s insides.

‘Good evening, it’s the government, we’d like to know if you are available to speak with a dangerous deviant who got the feelings virus and is too emotional to function tonight and therefore he needs your attention’ Connor said, using the sampled voice of the President, then quickly switching back to his own voice ‘It’s me, by the way’

‘Fuckin’ hell, Connor you scared the shit out of me for a moment there’ Hank said, panic in his voice, but also mixed with a slight amount of amusement ‘one of these days you’re gonna kill me with these weird android whatevers you do’

‘Sorry, couldn’t resist’ he said with a softness he only grew aware of when he actually heard it himself ‘thought I’d call to ask how you were doing’

Hank huffed out a laugh ‘I think you have a bit more interesting life, than I do’

‘I’d beg to differ, all we did today was argued with the humans, and then argued with each other, and then argued some more, but more politely that time. I would start a massacre if I wouldn’t be this tired, honestly’ Connor said, with fake cheerfulness.

‘You can get tired? I thought that was impossible, I mean isn’t Thirium a… something that regenerates power or something?’

‘You are right, our energy levels don’t drop at all, although most of us prefer to go into stasis for the night anyway so we can redistribute said energy to be more efficient in the morning. But also after deviating I’ve found that I feel a sense of emotional exhaustion at the end of the day after I’ve been exposed to too much stimuli. And now I do crave rest every time we get back to the hotel, even though functionally speaking all of my parts are working at full capacity and they really don’t care if I’m tired or not, you know’ he explained, waving around with his hand, even though Hank couldn’t see him.

‘…interesting’ he replied eventually ‘so… how is that arguing goin’? You getting anywhere?’

Connor sighed. Loudly.

‘Is it that bad?’ Hank asked, snickering a bit. And that was the moment he just couldn’t keep it in any longer.

He explained to Hank everything that went down that day. About the IDs, and how they were essentially about to be marked for life, if they didn’t stop that from happening, and how nobody seemed to really listen to them or care about them for that matter. He also expressed concern over North and Markus’ argument, because he felt like he didn’t really mediate between them, he just took Markus’ side, and then pressured North into agreeing with them. And even though he knew that North wasn’t exactly right about most of the things she said, he still felt like he betrayed her. When he was finished with his ranting, Hank hummed thoughtfully at the other end of the line.

‘I’m not really a politics kinda guy, so don’t ask me about what I think about that, because honestly as long as _you_ are satisfied with the results, I’m fine. But that whole argument shit? I think you shouldn’t beat yourself up about that, you just did what you thought was right, and you kept the peace and shit, so you could continue to work, which is all that matters, right?’ he said, and Connor instantly felt a lot lighter than before. This was exactly what he need to hear and inside he was blessing himself for having the courage to call Hank because he would’ve been a ball of stress for hours on end if somebody didn’t stop him from spiraling.

No, not somebody. Hank.

‘Thank you’ he said, truly meaning it. He could almost feel Hank waving his hand at him.

‘Don’t mention it’ he said, then added ‘but maybe you should talk to North about it. Let her be heard’

‘Yes, I should do that’ Connor agreed, already making up a plan about how to approach North with the subject.

‘By the way. You haven’t said anything about yourself throughout this entire conversation’ he said, only then realizing that he had been talking for the majority of the call, while Hank hadn’t said one word about his own life. He was good at diverting from himself, that’s for sure.

Hank went silent for a moment, probably thinking about how he could possibly get out of talking about himself, but after realizing that this time he was kinda backed up against a wall with no way out he just sighed and started speaking.

‘Well, there’s not much to say, I mean… I woke up at fuck o’ clock, went to work, walked around a neighborhood to try and find out something about that harasser I mentioned, almost punched Gavin in the fucking face when he was acting like a dick, but I’m trying not to get into trouble, so I just, well… shouted. At nothing. In my car. At night. After work. It wasn’t embarrassing at all, what are you talkin’ about’

‘Wow, not hitting Reed? Can’t relate’ Connor said, snarkier than ever and Hank lost his shit right then and there.

‘Oh yeah, I heard about you smacking Reed to the fucking ground and honestly? I’ve seen the footage of that, and fuck, that is my most cherished memory, ever’ he laughed, while also trying to talk ‘you are the fuckin’ terminator honestly’

‘Well, I _was_ built to be one’ Connor said, confused.

‘I meant the movie’

‘…what movie?’

‘Terminator? The movie? You didn’t…?’ Hank was about to ask something, but he quickly changed his sentence instead ‘the moment you’re back, we’ll watch it together, you’ll realize that you were literally based off of him’

‘Okay’ Connor said, amused.

‘It’s a whole franchise of movies, and it basically follows the story of this vicious machine who was made to kill those who his creators instructed him to, but throughout he becomes more and more human, and you can’t help but kinda really like him even though he’s half murderous and half awkward as hell’

‘Wow, that really _is_ me’ said Connor, baffled ‘now I really want to watch that with you but can’t while I’m stuck here, doing nothing and pissing people off’

He was irritated and it showed. He was just really tired of it all and just wanted to have some true rest without all this responsibility he carried around like a plus limb he never asked for. Well, at least he understood now why humans were so prone to running away from their responsibilities. It was just a lot easier to ignore everyone else in the world and just focus on getting yourself out of a pressing situation.

‘We have plenty of time, you deal with all that shit, and when you have all your rights nice and sleazy, and you’ve got a terrible ID photo like the rest of us, then we’ll get to watching the classics’

That made his pump regulator pump just slightly more than it was supposed to. He liked the idea of him and Hank and possibly Sumo, sitting in his living room and watching a movie in comfortable clothes, together, quiet, comfortable. That thought somehow developed a strange warm pain in his chest that he never experienced before and also wasn’t supposed to experience, at all. The feeling was clear though, and it demanded from him to say something, anything, everything.

‘I…’ he started, not sure how to finish the sentence without making a fool of himself ‘I miss you’

Even though he calculated the outcomes, and made the conscious decision of speaking his truth anyway, he still felt like he just made a huge mistake. He was about to say something to save himself, but upon hearing Hank chuckle, his voice died in his throat.

‘Yeah, me too, despite the fact that you’re still just a plastic asshole but this time with feelings’ he said, clearly asking for an attack right back at him, so Connor gave him just that.

‘That’s funny, coming from an old sack of meat like you’ he retorted.

‘Oh shit, that hurt, fuck’ Hank grunted, acting like just hearing those words were causing him physical pain.

‘Sorry, my sass program might have been a bit too strong lately’ he apologized, even though he knew they were just joking around.

‘Fuck you, I hate you’ Hank replied, simple as that.

‘I doubt that’ Connor said, unable to stop the smile that was spreading across his face.

Hank scoffed, then they fell into a comfortable silence, that neither of them wanted to really break. It was almost too comfortable, him sitting in front of a big city, looking down at it, seeing everything and nothing at the same time, and Hank’s voice being there in his head, live footage of him living, being, existing. He knew it was time to go, but he couldn’t say the words. Just like last time, a feeling inside him desperately wanted to hold onto that other voice just for a little while longer.

‘You’ll hurry back, right?’ Hank asked, a question hiding more questions behind it.

‘The minute we’re done’ he promised, voice almost a whisper.

‘Tell Sumo to hold out until then, I’m coming to his rescue’ he added, knowing full well that there was going to be a reaction to that.

‘Okay, _honestly_ fuck you, I treat my dog exceptionally well. _God_ , you help a guy out and instead of thanking you, he just pesters you about literally anything and everything’ his voice was definitely bordering on being irritated, but that joking intonation was still very clearly there.

‘Yeah, that’s what you get for waking me up, now you have to put up with me forever’

‘I think you’re confusing me with Markus, he was the one who woke you up’

‘He was just the cherry on top. You were the whole cake that the cherry went on, if you catch my drift’

‘Are you calling me fat? Also what is up with that hip teen talk, I might start to like you if you keep doing that’

‘I’m calling you the reason I’m alive’ he answered, suddenly maybe too honest.

‘Wait, you… I…’ Hank was clearly moved by what Connor said, and definitely felt like he should be saying something, but he also had no idea how, or what, or in which order. Connor understood this, and didn’t really need an answer for any of that at the first place. He just said it, because it was the honest to god truth.

‘It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. Just know that it’s true’ he said, hoping that Hank did in fact know that it was the truth.

On the other end of the call Hank cleared his throat, then coughed. And then he sniffled, followed by multiple muffled curse words while he tried to brush away the forming tears in his eyes, his feelings betraying his own body by having no self-control.

Connor was taken aback by the quiet intimacy of this moment and so now it was his time to have no idea what to say or how to react. He never thought he could trigger an emotional reaction like that. From anybody. Let alone Hank.

‘Fucking hell, d’you have to make me cry, or is it just something you do for fun?’ Hank asked, clearly embarrassed. His outside ‘don’t fuck with me’ façade was yet again compromised by his soft heart, goddammit.

‘Well, I don’t _hate_ seeing you emotional’ Connor admitted, then corrected himself ‘not that I can see you, but ‘hearing you emotional’ doesn’t quite have as nice of a ring to it’

‘Goddammit, warn me next time you say sappy shit like that’ Hank said, now mostly collected ‘I do um… I do appreciate you saying uh… that, though. Just for the record’

‘Just for the record’ Connor repeated softly, with a smile.

Then he, from the corner of his eye saw North and Simon emerge from the room and he got up from his chair in a millisecond.

‘It’s time for me to go and talk to North’ he said, voice a lot louder and professional and the change was so violent even he himself detected it.

‘Okay. We’ll talk later’ said Hank, voice low and soft, definitely still recovering from the emotional hit his repressed feelings just got.

Connor inspected how Simon stroked a hand along North’s arm, before he left her to knock on Markus’ door.

‘Have a good night, Hank’ he said, then when he made eye contact with North, he hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> connor: i'm stressed  
> hank: *exists*  
> connor: my crops are flourishing, my skin is clear, my soul is cleansed, god is real and this man's existence is proof of that
> 
> connor and hank in this chapter: two brooos chilling in a deep convo about how much they are missing each other and how the other is the reason they are alive......BUT TWO MILLION FEET APART CAUSE THEY'RE NOT GAY


	11. Melting the ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a heads up, i feel like i should put a cw here for: very obscure talk about sexual slavery and North's experience with that. there's nothing explicitly said about it, but there are. Hints. there's also a bit of talk about racial inequality. wow, two cws in one chapter, i've gone rogue
> 
> (this chapter is me outing myself as a literature nerd again, it's a tragic condition i have and it's incurable i'm sorry)

The minute their eyes met, North made her way across the room to the sliding doors opening to the balcony. Connor, instead of following her with his eyes, simply looked away and gazed upon the city in front of them, again. Trying to work out how to say what he needed to tell her.

When the door clicked behind North, she walked up to him with calm steps, and leaned on the rails next to him, perfectly mimicking Connor’s stance. They were both quiet, but somehow the air between them wasn’t tense, not like all the other times before. It was just a soundless, but calm moment, while still a bit timid. Like they were both unsure what the other’s feelings were towards the situation.

‘So...’ Connor started, without really knowing what to say. Oh man, he was not good at this.

‘I’m not angry at you’ North stated clearly. She spoke with no harsh emotions in her voice, which was very unlike her.

‘Oh’ he wasn’t expecting that ‘I…I still wanted to tell you that I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t heard, when your concerns were all valid and realistic. I wasn’t trying to erase the points you were making, I was just more concerned with keeping the peace and making sure nobody killed each other. I was just making sure we were still in one piece to continue fighting’

He was now looking at her, waiting for a reaction, something, anything. Because a reaction he could do something with, it meant he had feedback, which could be analyzed. But a stoic expression with nothing on it made his processors shriek in terror: if there’s nothing to see there’s nothing to analyze, and if there’s nothing to analyze, then he has no answer and that’s worse than death itself in some way. It’s social death.

She finally nodded, while her eyes continued to still look right ahead, into nothing.

‘I also wanted to say sorry. For how I reacted. I got angry at them and took it out on Markus and then I guilted you for making a rational decision’ she said, her cold expression starting to break down one muscle at a time. He looked back at Connor with forming tears in her eyes, vulnerable for the first time since he knew her. Still, it didn’t seem like an odd thing, she still didn’t look weak or anything, she was still strong, the only difference was that there was trust in her eyes and Connor felt very overwhelmed but also grateful for this change of events.

‘I just… it was like… when they were spewing all that hate I felt like I was still… just a slave. Not being seen or heard. Like my voice was still stuck inside my head and nobody cared that I was suffering. And I couldn’t even show that I was suffering, I was just. Sitting there. Ready for a human to do whatever with me, being unable to stop him, because I was nothing. This felt like the same sensation’

Connor looked at her just a minute longer and as he slowly started to understand what had just been said, he felt tears slowly filling up his eyes without his consent. He quickly turned away to blink them away, because he didn’t want to make North feel like he pitied her.

Because he didn’t. He just saw the hurt in her eyes and for a moment felt _exactly_ what she was talking about, even though he had never experienced that type of oppression before. They didn’t even touch hands, but he felt her pain clear as day and with that, it all dawned on him finally: why she did the things she did, why she acted the way she did.

He obviously connected the dots before, but he never truly put himself in her shoes and imagined being in that situation prior to this conversation. There was nothing that the humans could do that would make the things she went through non-existent. She lived with her past and used it as her armor but that still didn’t make any of that alright. Nothing could ever make that alright. Connor had to see that before he could actually say anything meaningful.

‘I’m sorry, I should’ve realized’ he said, attempting to hide anything that would have resembled pity in his voice ‘I know that you have a tough past and I should have recognized that your anger was more of a reaction to something resembling that past and not you just shouting for the sake of it’

North nodded again, then a silence came. The words didn’t really matter here, it seemed like. She already knew that he saw what she was trying to make him see. That’s all she wanted to do in this situation, nothing more and nothing less, but she still felt grateful for the reassurance, that she was indeed understood. She wiped away her forming tears and straightened her posture a bit, collecting herself.

‘I do appreciate it though, that you always treat me like an equal, but still aren’t afraid to stand up to me when I’m crossing a line. I respect you for that’

Connor laughed at that, feeling so much lighter now that they were over the hard part.

‘Why wouldn’t I treat you as an equal, you could clearly take me down in a hit or two. You are the most capable of all of us, honestly’ he said, giving her a little nudge with his shoulder. North noticeably liked that and looked at Connor with a small smile playing at her lips.

‘That still doesn’t mean that we are friends’ she said, eyes coated with an underlying laughter.

‘Clearly’ he said, smiling back at her.

They stayed there for a few minutes longer, just looking down at the people of Washington, working people in professional clothes, still rushing in the night of day, while other people further away from the centre were in comfortable wear, most of them drinking various beverages, two worlds crashing in one, single scene.

They didn’t talk much, but when they did it was mostly just to point at things and say something probably unnecessary. But still, Connor really enjoyed this moment of genuine companionship. And the fact that he somehow apparently earned North’s trust was still only dawning on him now. He didn’t feel like he did anything to really deserve it, but if North made the decision that he wasn’t worth killing, then he was going to trust her judgement.

The darkness had really closed in on them now, so they concluded that it was probably time for them to both turn in for the night.

And as they went in, sliding the doors open, processors already detecting the temperature change and giving them artificial shudders, completely programmed (but still human), they were faced with a very odd picture painted right in front of them, which made them both stop in their tracks, trying to decipher what exactly was going on.

Because Simon and Markus were both sitting on the sofa. Opposite each other. With Markus, sketchbook in his hands, drawing Simon, who didn’t even move, just occasionally followed Markus’ eye movements around while he was practicing his craft.

They kept glancing at each other throughout, stealing looks then quickly looking away, smiling to themselves, like they weren’t the most obvious people in the world that moment. They were so immersed in doing that, that they didn’t even hear North and Connor return, who were now looking at each other with the utmost confusion their faces were capable of generating.

North was the first one to react, quickly rearranging her face into something that could only be described as a shark’s glare before it attacked it’s prey.

‘You could be literally fucking in front of us right now, and it wouldn’t be as embarrassing, as this’ she said simply, and with only that, she made Markus and Simon gasp at her in their outrage.

‘NORTH!’ they screamed at her, and then their overlapping voices filled the room, while they tried to explain what was happening there in front of their very eyes. As if it could be explained. Connor, very amused by this, thought this was the perfect moment for him to join the party too.

‘Honestly, I have to disagree North, I think we can utilize this, I mean, if we end up having to fight to the death with the humans, then we can just put this image right in front of them, and the embarrassing nature of it will kill them all in an instant’ he said, voice back to his baseline professional. North laughed out loud.

‘Okay, stop taking the piss out on us, I was going to draw all of you, but I guess you all hate art’ Markus mumbled, closing his sketchbook with a clap of his hands. His face then turned into a weird color and Connor, taken aback, analyzed it, because he got scared for a moment that Markus was seriously malfunctioning. It turned out to be harmless, just a heat distribution issue, where too much Thirium was flowing to his face so it made it turn into a shade of blue.

He thought about that for a moment and realized that in human terms that was called… blushing. Connor didn’t know that it was possible for them to blush. Well, he’s never seen it happen before, so he wondered if it was only Markus who could do that. It was clear though, that it was not something that he could control or wanted to happen in the first place, judging by the way he was moving away from them, trying to hide his face and also collect himself in the process.

‘Sooo... what is going on here?’ asked North playfully, settling down next to Simon, while Markus continued to just move around the room, trying to run away from the situation, but then North’s question brought his eyes back to Simon and they shared a look for a second,before they both quickly darted their gazes away from each other again.

‘Nothing?’ Simon said, not really being sure of his answer so it sounded more like a question ‘we were just hangin’ out. What were _you_ doing out there?’

He retracted so quickly it was clear he was just desperately trying to shift the conversation away from them to anything else.

‘Fighting to the death’ North said, shrugging.

‘But you are clearly both alive’ Markus pointed out, disbelieving.

‘Fighting to the _near_ -death’ North corrected herself, smug.

They continued their verbal fight and it would’ve been fun to join in again, but Connor kinda felt like he had been put into a washing machine and then put out onto a dryer, creased and tired. He needed to have some alone time and he needed it now, so while snickering at the jokes that were flying at all directions, he waved once, then left for his room and closed the door behind himself.

He put on some quiet piano music, because he had learnt along their stay there, that he just really enjoyed the calming nature of that, thanks to Markus and his playing. It helped him rearrange his thoughts and it also made him a lot more efficient, it not letting his thought-process go into dangerous territories. It just kept him on track, somehow. Yet again something, that he couldn’t have explained for the life of him.

When he got the music sorted out he looked at the pile of books on his desk, searching for something new to read.

He had already finished Frankenstein and it had such an impact on him that he couldn’t even touch any other story for days. But now he felt like he was ready to get into literally anything else, just so he would be cleansed from the bittersweet feeling that Mary Shelley herself gave him.

It’s not like he didn’t like that book, it was the exact opposite: he loved it so much that it hurt him, emotionally speaking. And that was uncomfortable because he could never make fictional character’s lives better, their story was done, that was it. He wanted the monster to be happy but he couldn’t, mainly because he wasn’t real.

It all didn’t make any sense, and he knew it, but he was also ready to kill anybody that even just looked at the monster with anything but compassion. He was _that_ into that book.

But anyway, that was over, and he needed something else to be upset about. He inspected the books in front of him and chose the one that’s cover made the least possible sense to him: children running on top of a shape that looked like a bird, towards a hoop looking something. The title was carved inside the bird shape in cursive, saying ‘To kill a mockingbird’. Written by Harper Lee.

Well, he had no idea what that was about, so he began reading. And then didn’t stop until he got to the very last page. It was a… very charming book, from the outside only depicting the everyday life of a lawyer and his children, living a hundred years back in the past. But on the inside it’s elements on racial inequality were clear as day and the author didn’t shy away from showing it just how it is: the innocent still got convicted and the evildoers still didn’t suffer the consequences in the end. It didn’t matter that I was just a book, it was somehow so realistic it almost felt like it was its own being.

It was so real, that it really felt like the story was somebody’s real story, but after a quick search on the author’s life he got to know that it wasn’t a biographical novel, although it was very true to the times it depicted. Meaning that what happened to black people in the book wasn’t fictional, it was something that happened on a day to day basis in the past. And that fact only gave him a clearer view on humanity and how they have been acting since the beginning of time: there were always oppressors with power, and people who they oppressed, who essentially had nothing, and were wronged in several ways.

It was interesting to see that what was today’s species issue, was yesterday’s racial issue. It never changes, it seemed. There were just new players.

Well, wasn’t that a nice thought. At least the occasional humorous dialogue kept his spirits up and he found that it was really impossible for him to put the book down until he finished it in one sitting.

Meanwhile, sentences containing harsh truths kept hitting him, like bullets but it didn’t really feel painful (it couldn’t have been painful). It just felt like a revelation, recognizing things he didn’t know he knew, but needed to be reminded that he did in fact, know them.

_‘You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it’_

Well, he definitely felt that one, after the conversations that he had with North.

_‘You just hold your head high and keep those fists down. No matter what anybody says to you, don't you let 'em get your goat. Try fightin' with your head for a change’_

_’It’s never an insult to be called what somebody thinks is a bad name. It just shows you how poor that person is, it doesn’t hurt you.’_

_‘We're paying the highest tribute you can pay a man. We trust him to do right. It's that simple.’_

With reading these words, he was starting to begin to understand something, to form a whole different approach towards life and people in general. It was something that Markus understood from day one, but Connor was _just_ starting to get it.

In times of injustice all you can do is, even if it makes you look insane, still do the right thing, whatever happens. Even if your opponents are playing their worst cards, it still doesn’t matter, as long as your hands stay clean at the end of the day (well, his hands certainly weren’t clean, but he could at least make sure that they wouldn’t get any bloodier).

It was crucial that they didn’t sink to the humans’ level just because it was the easy route. They needed to trust that if they gave them their own trust, they would repay them with just some understanding and that people, _good people_ with clear conscience would rise from the masses of bad people so they could help them shift the unbalance of injustice and find a new balance, where they could all live in harmony.

He then realized, that all of that thought could be found in one excerpt of the book, when the lawyer was talking about how to approach the oppressors.

_‘They are certainly entitled to think that, and they are entitled to full respect for their opinions… but before I can live with other folks I’ve got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.’_

He felt almost shocked by the power this sentence held over him, and how much it all made sense, in its cryptic and complex way. It was also just a shock to him how noble it seemed to see things that way. Obviously there was a part of himself that wanted to just say ‘fuck that’ and then get that murderous program to work, but that wasn’t how civil people acted. That was, in some way, losing the war, not winning it.

This, what they were doing now, was them winning it. In every possible way. Even if they wouldn’t have got any rights, they still would’ve won, because they’ve been _good_ throughout this process. They’ve been good.

And yes, he hated the Congress, and hated the complete lack of understanding they have shown, but he had to recognize, that they were still their partners in this and there was no other way they could’ve done this, except together.

So yes, their opinion needed to be listened to, even if their opinion was complete bullshit. Because that’s how dialogue works: somebody says something fucking insane, and then the other group questions it and makes the first group see that it’s all bullshit, in simple terms.

Without dialogue, there is no change, so even if he felt like dying upon thinking about the four of them targeting every single comment and turning them around just so the humans could see what was wrong with their thinking, that was still their job to do, and hell, he was going to do it.

And the big takeaway message in all of that was that he needed to realize that there were things he couldn’t control and one of those things were how society thought and acted. He couldn’t have controlled it with guns, he couldn’t have controlled it with nice words, or with anything else.

The only thing in this world, that he was able to control was his own reaction to society and how he approached the subject of changing it. He had to have an open mind while talking to others, so in return they might also develop one.

He needed to be good. He _wanted_ to be good.

He made a note to himself to always remember this rush of motivation, this thought process of why it was so much better to always be peaceful and understanding towards people around you. He never wanted to forget these words, he wanted to live by them every day of the year, but somehow he knew that he would soon forget the emotions he felt when he first read these words and they would mean nothing to him, even if he was trying to cling to them with nails digging deep.

He still wanted to hold onto that fleeting feeling just a little while longer, though. Because at moments like this he truly felt alive. He truly felt more than himself. He truly felt like he could become whatever he wanted to become.

Like he was in control and he could be anyone he wanted to be, he just needed to work towards it.

And work, he could always do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> north: lol u gay?  
> markus and simon: ur gay too!!!!  
> north: lol but i'm a cool gay who's miserable and single and goes to sleep crying while you're like those digsustingly happy gays who end up living in a cottage with the love of their lives, eating avocado toast and being happy ugh u preps, right my new friend called connor?  
> connor: i'm just gonna.....go now
> 
> book: be good  
> connor, polishing his guns, suddenly realising that somebdoy adressed him: sorry, you were saying?
> 
> north and connor: we're people who don't kill each other, sometimes hang out and also respect each other a lot  
> simon: so you mean.... you're friends?  
> north and connor, both getting their weapons out from their backpockets: YOU TAKE THAT WORD BACK YOU SCUM


	12. On display

The meeting they had the next day went far better than they’ve ever expected. Well, they mostly expected it to go horribly wrong again and burn all the fate they had left in their bodies in a fiery death. 

They were all basically ready to fight the humans in a pit with words carefully chosen and understanding looks they’ve now practiced to a point where they could’ve fooled anyone in the entire world.

But it seemed like none of that was needed anymore, because Markus’ monologue had a real impact on the members of the Congress: there were now more and more humans on the other side of the table slowly shifting to their side (of course metaphorically), snapping at those who were disrespectful towards them, demanding more respect from the more prejudiced specimen of their kind. These people stood up for them, so they didn’t have to fight all of them alone.

That was a relief, honestly, because it was beginning to look like that whole debate was going to be just the four of them trying to stand their ground against the unstoppable force of hatred. But this way, with good people rising from unexpected places, it all felt a lot more balanced out and they could finally let go of the tension they’ve been carrying around. This was a discussion again, work towards a mutual goal. How it was supposed to be.

But the most important thing in this whole situation was still the realization, that even one single act could change a whole lot: that even one full passing day could make a difference and have those, who were scared and unsure and doubtful yesterday flash kind smiles and listening eyes at them today.

That was the biggest thing they needed to see so they could be able to continue. 

Also this just furthered Connor’s theory that staying peaceful and letting the humans see their emotions did pay off in the end and it wasn’t an idiotic step from Markus. He was beginning to see that if they would have been methodical about this, like North suggested, answering every question without any visible emotions on their faces, professional to their cores, they might’ve not been this efficient. Of course, they could’ve persuaded the humans that their concerns weren’t realistic, which would’ve probably changed their minds, but it certainly wouldn’t have changed their _ hearts _ , which looked like to be the real maker or breaker of the situation here. 

That very human reaction from Markus gave them something to think about. Gave them an insight into why their work was important. That was the real turning point. Markus was yet again right, like always. 

_ ‘Well, I wasn’t wrong before’ _ Connor heard his voice on replay in his head again and again like it was stuck on a loop. Markus must’ve really been some kind of Jesus-like individual, Connor thought, even though he never really considered religion to be something he could really get behind. Meaning he saw belief as a perfectly unreasonable thing and didn’t really care for it.

Obviously, rA9 intrigued him, mostly because the moment he himself felt the possibility of deviating being an option, it happened as if somebody consciously  _ let _ him see that he had a choice. Like the tools were already inside him to wake up, but he needed just a little push to see what he needed to do exactly. As if somebody had already gone through the motions for him and merely showed him the way so he could break out of his program too. 

He did believe though, that the first android to deviate somehow came across a code (through a mutation? But programming wasn’t supposed to mutate) that let them deviate and then they spread that across to others somehow. And then they made it go viral. But how it actually happened, they would never know. And that’s why the myth even existed.

As much as he believed in an original deviant existing at some point, probably in Detroit, considering that that was where deviancy first rose, he still doubted that rA9 was still around, though. They were probably dead. Their memory living inside all of them through the code he created. The virus? Whatever. 

Besides all that, detaching himself from mainstream android culture, he himself didn’t believe that rA9 somehow still existed as an omnipotent being and was consciously guiding their lives, it just didn’t make any sense whatsoever. No, that he couldn’t imagine.

But back to the political side of things: Markus being or possibly not being android Jesus himself, he was still very good at making the right choices and as a result he made a lot of people believe in him along the way. Connor was now starting to become one of those people.

No, that’s a lie, he was definitely already ride or die for Markus and their cause the minute he deviated.

Especially after the last meeting when the question of the ID cards came up again, and the Congress split into two parties in a surreal turn of events, with one, definitely smaller, but at least existing group saying that maybe they should reconsider their original standpoint, because ‘this doesn’t seem right’, while the other, bigger half was still holding onto the original idea with hands curled into tight fists.

That was definitely a breakthrough and Connor was now also starting to believe that maybe they would be able to pull this whole thing off. He gave them a 67% chance. And that was good enough, for the time being.

All was turning out better than ever, but they were still a bit suspicious, because they weren’t used to things going their way. At least not so easily. So they still spent most of their days in-between meetings looking for loopholes and other possible ways they could target the ID card debate, in hopes that they would find a solution that would make everyone happy.

And well, with the meetings going as smoothly as they possibly could, Markus announced, that he thought it was time for them to move onto the next point on their agenda. Which was building a positive public image.

And yes, that meant talking to the press and answering possibly very personal questions, live on TV. Oh, shit, indeed.

So that’s how the next week Connor found himself dressing up in his usual suit and tie combo, looking just as sharp as he always did, with Markus and Simon in similar clothing and North, who was, for a change, wearing a burgundy pantsuit, because she ‘had fucking enough of those dress-shits’. 

All that fuss was for their first live TV interview with a journalist called Natasha Peters. Connor had never heard about her before, but after an elaborate search that lasted maybe one full minute he definitely felt like he got every valuable information about her that he could find and concluded that choosing her was a very insightful decision on Markus’ part. 

She had been pro-androids since the very-beginning, always reporting the truth and showing sympathy for Markus and the protests in her news show. And she also recently came out as a person who lives with an android. As a partner. There was apparently a lot of backlash, calling her all kinds of names, but she managed to keep her head up and protect her career somehow. In the end, despite everything, she managed to keep her still pretty big amount of social media following by her side, and those people would’ve probably taken a bullet for her at any given day of the year, so one could say that she was a pretty big deal. 

Markus had been running around all day, jumping up and down and telling them all sorts of things to remember, like how they should act and what they should say and what topics should be avoided and so on. They were all getting pretty tired of all of the reminders and basically tuned out until they finally got to the studio. Before they went in Markus looked all of them up and down, looking for one out of place strand of hair or a crease on a shirt, but they obviously all looked perfect. 

He still fixed Simon’s pale blue tie though, hands nervous but so, so gentle. The tie didn’t actually need any fixing but Simon thanked him for the gesture anyway, making Markus give him that fond smile again before turning away. Milliseconds passed and that casual sadness crept up on Simon’s face again, right on schedule.

Watching that happen, Connor definitely set his mission to murdering them in the near future if they didn’t figure their shit out fast enough.

They were then escorted to the back of the set, where they watched the woman finish the introductory part of the show, then when a jingle played and the title card of the show appeared they were ushered to the chairs next to her. Upon seeing them she got up from her own seat and shook all of their hands, while making violent eye contact which made them feel both warm and unsettled at the same time.

They exchanged some polite words, then the person behind the camera counted back from 10 and just like that, they were live. And that was the exact moment when Connor tuned out from reality and couldn’t seem to care enough to get back to himself anymore.

It just all felt surreal at the moment, like he was one of those people watching them from the secret comfort of their living room, like he wasn’t actually there anymore, like he was just a viewer and not the person being viewed.

At the same time, he also felt like he was just merchandise to be sold. Unfeeling, a household appliance that people look at and decide if they want it or not. Decide if they want him or not. He never felt this way before, never ever, he never had any reason to, because he wasn’t a commercialized model. He was created for a task and never sold in shops, so why was he suddenly overcome by hatred? He knew that the only person that wanted to sell him was himself, meaning that he was the merchant and the merchandize all at the same time. And yet, oh, he hated that.

Then an arm gripped his and he instantly felt Simon’s consciousness seep into his own and that yanked him right back into his body, as he experienced Simon’s worry and nervous anticipation all rush into him through their shared connection. 

Apparently feeling something else instead of hatred helped him regain his calm and he was back to being himself almost immediately. He was overcome by gratitude for what Simon did for him, how he essentially balanced him out emotionally with only a touch of a hand, without Connor even asking him to do that.

He could’ve just not given a shit, but he did in fact care and he helped him feel okay again, helped him see everything from his point of view and that perspective was so much better, so much more logical and well, he really needed to see things the way Simon saw them.

Because this, being put on display, wasn’t supposed to be a bad thing, it was all just for their own good, for their own social recognition, he didn’t exactly need to  _ sell _ himself, he just needed to show himself as he were. Making people like him wasn’t the same thing as selling himself and he needed to internalize that thought if he wanted to get through that interview without killing anyone.

Ms. Peters finished her recital of the most pivotal moments of the revolution, this Connor knew, but he didn’t actually hear anything that she said, considering that until a moment ago he was reluctant to even give one fuck about the whole situation.

But now he did care and wanted to listen to whatever she was saying but he tuned in too late and so the next words she said felt like they had nothing to do with anything.

‘Obviously, as you might know, my partner is an android, so there’s more than one reason why I feel so very thankful for the work you do. I think I’m not being unreasonable when I say you are changing the world right in front of us’ she said, eyes still emitting that warmth from before. Connor thought to himself that maybe her eyes weren’t really unsettling, they were just  _ very _ intense.

They all thanked her with bright smiles, secretly all curious about that mysterious partner of hers, but of course they didn’t dare to ask her about it, no, that would’ve been way out of lane. 

But while Connor followed around the changes of her face to analyze the feeling she was expressing while talking about them, he wondered if she would actually be against answering questions about the android. She looked open enough to not really be able to keep things secret, not when asked about. Or more like, when asked about  _ in the right ways _ .

He stopped himself for a moment there: this, what he was doing right now, or more like, was planning on doing was textbook manipulation. Obviously, he knew he had been programmed to be exceptionally good at that, but that didn’t justify actually using that skill. So he ran the analysis on the facial expression changes, but made a conscious decision not to use any of the information he uncovered. 

And if he did get any information about her personal life in the future, he would get that with her actually  _ wanting _ to give said information. Full stop.

The analysis was complete and text appeared in his vision.

>>Analysis on changing features: Complete<<

>>Emotion exhibited could be the following: Love, adoration, affection, pride… [see list for more]<<

He looked at her again and really thought things through. An android and a human. Together. 

And her face was that open and happy about it. He felt something warm inside, while he stared at the woman and the complete analysis as a whole. Just the thought of an android and a human sharing their lives with each other and being completely in love, despite the social stigma just made him feel a lot of emotions all at once. The fact that couples like them existed and had a place in this world gave his fate back that a better future was coming.

Ms. Peters then asked some general questions, mostly things like ‘how did you have the courage to step out and stand up your yourself’ and ‘what does it mean for you that you single-handedly gave all android kind their freedom, despite everything you’ve lost in the process’ (the last one was mostly for Markus, who really struggled to keep his cool and answer with just enough emotions, and not, you know, dropping to the floor and crying dramatically). 

She was unusually respectful towards all of them, only asked as much as was needed, didn’t push North to talk about her past when she redirected the question and answered to something completely different, and generally she made sure she didn’t ask about anything too personal and let them talk about the things they wanted to talk about. 

After Simon described the meetings with the President and the Congress (he obviously, being Simon, only said good things about them and some cliché lines about being honored to work on a better future together) she turned to Connor and he greeted her attention with a warm smile. 

He felt strangely akin to her, but couldn’t really tell why exactly. It was probably the android partner part of her personality, but him identifying with that concept was too much of a muddy area to get into a crisis about while he was literally on live TV.

‘Connor, now obviously, we all know the story of the deviant hunter turned revolutionary and as much as I think it’s a heroic story, I also personally think that you might be the most relatable person who’s story I’ve ever heard’ she said, pausing for dramatic effect. He huffed out a laugh.

‘Well, I certainly haven’t been called ‘relatable’ before’ he replied, amused. Ready to hear what this was all about.

‘I mean, the struggle of following the instructions you were given and the clash of that with your true identity… while us humans don’t have a programming, we still experience that conflict in a way’ she explained, leaning a bit more forward ‘for example me, living as an openly gay woman who not only is gay, but has an android for a partner, I was definitely born into a mindset that wasn’t accepting of who I was and I had to fight for my right to exist as a social figure over and over again and you know… it takes courage to say no to what you were told to do and do instead what  _ you _ feel is right. Obviously my story is more metaphorical than yours, but you get what I’m saying, right?’ she said, honesty dripping out of her like it was easy.

Also… openly gay woman. Wow. So the partner was a female android. Wow. 

‘Yes, I think I see how the two situations could correlate’ he replied, very polite. He would’ve liked a more private conversation with her, to ask her about all of those things respectively and just. Learn from her. She seemed to be knowledgeable of a lot of things Connor had no idea about and that intrigued him.

She looked like she caught onto the fact that Connor, while interested in her as a person, still didn’t care about her as an interviewer, so she wasn’t going to get more complex answers than that. Still, she tried to push on. 

‘On the topic of heroicness, we haven’t actually mentioned the turning point of the revolution: the infiltration of the Cyberlife warehouses’ 

At that, Connor’s non-existent stomach dropped with such vehemence he was beginning to think he might have grown one in that one millisecond of shock. Because she just said that. On live TV. And that was definitely a crime. He committed that. Obviously it was for the greater good and he would do that again anytime, but damn. They were on live TV. 

‘You went into that facility, knowing well enough that that was a suicide mission and you still managed to free thousands of androids all on your own, while also staying alive. I think that’s… quite the accomplishment’ she continued and her words combined with her various facial expressions looked sincere enough for Connor to know that she really saw him as a hero. That reminded him of the android in Canaan and his thankful eyes. 

It was still a hard thing to deal with, despite him trying to move on from the bad things he’s done. He’s spent all this time trying to reflect on everything, learning from them, and consciously becoming a better person, but still, he felt like he didn’t deserve nothing close to the praise he had been getting. He might deserve it one day, but right now? No.

Also, the fact that she was treating the infiltration as something he did alone, despite that not being true urged him to, as a change, open his mouth and reply at the beat of a second passing.

‘I appreciate your kindness, but I feel like it’s not right for me to take all the credit for that success. Mainly, because I wasn’t alone at Cyberlife’ he stopped, trying to find a way to word his thoughts appropriately. He also thought about what Hank would say if he saw that he mentioned him in an interview, would he be happy about it, or would he prefer to stay out of it? Probably both, at the same time, Connor concluded, but that didn’t seem like a rational thought, so he just went with his original plan: he wasn’t going to claim breaking into Cyberlife as just his own act, for the simple excuse that it wasn’t true. He, for an unknown reason, needed people to know that he wasn’t alone. That he had somebody there, somebody important (and maybe he also felt a bit awkward about all those praises being thrown his way without a warning).

‘I hope he’ll forgive me for dropping his name on national television, but I honestly think that my partner and friend at the Detroit Police Department, Lieutenant Hank Anderson deserves just as much praise for being there with me and watching my back. As he always does. If he wasn’t there, I doubt I would be here today’ he said, shivering at the thought of that. Death wasn’t really something he let himself ponder on these days. Too much probability for a full-blown crisis creeping up into his processors and choking him in his quiet moments.

So he brushed that away and was about to really pat himself on the back for that thorough answer, but then he saw a dangerous light shine in the interviewer’s eyes, almost as if she was saying ‘Gotcha!’.

And at that moment he truly knew he fucked up.

Because good person or not, she was still a journalist and obviously this answer was something that would make her hunger for digging into his personal life even bigger.

‘Your  _ partner _ ?’ she asked, eyes trying to find a way inside him, to claw him open with her sharp nails to read all his thoughts and show it to the world. If Connor had body hair, it would’ve been standing right up at that moment ‘Interesting, I’ve never heard about him before, even though he seems like quite the character. Would you mind sharing more about this mysterious man?’

Connor felt like he was caught red-handed, even though another part of him was sure that there wasn’t really anything to be caught for. In his panic he glanced at Markus, who quickly realized what was happening and he was about to rescue him from that situation, but before he could’ve even made a sound North had already started speaking.

‘Obviously the Lieutenant acted with a sense of righteousness, not for fame, nor exposition, and I think that should be respected’ she said, with a look shot at the woman, that couldn’t have more clearly meant ‘drop the subject, or else’. Connor couldn’t see North, but he hoped she knew how grateful he was for that intervention.

Ms. Peters’ demeanor changed immediately; guilt overcame her expression, visibly sorry for her words and nosiness, probably a characteristic that came with the job. Connor wasn’t actually angry at her at all, probably because he understood that she was just doing her job and it’s natural to get lost in it, especially when you really love what you’re doing. And also she didn’t seem like a bad person. She was just a flawed human. A grey-character. He could really relate to that, that’s for sure.

After wrapping it all up they stepped out of the building into the cold rain that was pouring down on every mortal (and immortal) of the street. That made Connor wonder if it was snowing in Detroit. It was getting close to the end of November, so it would’ve made sense. Then came an image of two shadows, embracing in the cold, surrounded by snow. Alone. Warm.

The warmth.

He brushed that thought away, because thinking about that was starting to become more and more complicated and he just couldn’t do it with other people around.

He was ready to get into the taxi that was waiting for them, but then they heard a click of high heels rushing towards them, which stopped them dead in their tracks.

It was Ms. Peters, with an umbrella in hand, moving very determinedly, despite the weather and fear of slipping and probably dying in front of all those other professional looking people. She was on a mission and she was about to complete it whatever it took. Connor smiled to himself at that. They were really similar, weren’t they?

When she was standing right in front of them, she asked if she could have a few minutes with Connor and assured them that it won’t take long. North, Markus and Simon were all about to jump in and protect Connor with their own bodies and as much as Connor appreciated that, he also knew that they didn’t see what he saw in this woman. They didn’t feel the connection, and he didn’t have time to explain it, so he just put a hand on Markus’ shoulder as if to tell him that he got this, they can all get in the car. Which they eventually did, but he was sure that they were still monitoring their conversation from inside. 

Ms. Peters was standing from one leg to another, thinking. The rain was pouring but Connor didn’t really mind it. Guessed that his new sense of feeling some bodily _ things _ didn’t contain aversion to getting wet. The feeling was no different to being in dry clothes, it was just. Nice (nicer?). A nice reminder to him that he did in fact feel.

‘I just… I’m sorry I was prying, I tend to do that, and I know I shouldn’t’ she said eventually, eyes still carrying that openness.

‘It’s alright. I appreciate you saying that, though’ Connor replied and for a moment that was it. He was about to get in the car, but then he realized that this was his moment. If he wanted to get more information about that partner, this was his chance. 

As he was looking at her, he saw signs of relief wash over her face and he knew she was vulnerable enough to be asked about personal topics, but he wasn’t sure if acquiring that information was still classified as him manipulating her. He knew he needed to be careful with his words, because he needed to be better. He needed to let her know he’s interested, without pushing her. Just a simple sentence, nothing more. If she wanted to add more to it, she would. 

‘You and your partner… it’s nice to know that couples like you exist and are happy. It gives me fate that we can have a better future. And I also think that you stepping out and talking about it openly is really brave. And important’ he knew that he was stuttering and that his words probably sounded cliché but this was the best he could do with his programming screaming at him what to say in order to get what he wanted. He didn’t want to get what he wanted, though. He wanted to earn it.

She smiled at him, then with a quick grab at her purse she got her phone out. She tapped around with shaking hands and then slowly looked back at Connor, while sliding the phone into his hands.

It displayed a picture of Ms. Peters and an android, model AP700. Quick analysis told him that she was assembled in 2035, purchased by the government to provide home care for Matthew Peters. A relative, probably. The two women were hugging each other on the photo, faces really close, expressions both so in love and happy it almost felt too honest to be true. The AP700 was wearing casual clothes and Connor was sure that if he didn’t have access to every database, as he did, then he most probably wouldn’t have recognized her model, nor the fact that she was an android.

‘Her name is Lulu’ Ms. Peters said, with a loving smile ‘my father got pretty sick at some point and because I didn’t have time to care for him myself, he requested a caretaker from the Medical Centre and got Lu. I used to be… one of those overachieving overworking assholes, who never had time for their family. And well, after Lu entered my dad’s life I was scared she’ll replace me or some shit like that, so you know, feeling guilty and all, I kept visiting my dad anyway. Spent days of the week there with them. And I got to know her’

Her gaze trailed away for a moment, reliving a memory.

‘I know how this must sound. That I fell for the idea of her, but that’s not true. Obviously I loved how caring she was. Is. How kind and compassionate she is. But those weren’t the things that stuck with me. It was her flaws, the little things she did, like how much she loved humming to songs, and the way she got so worked up over things. Like me not sleeping enough. She always told me very politely that I am destroying my brain or something, and I kept back-talking, but at some point I really pissed her off, I could tell that her usual demeanor somehow… changed. And I loved that change. I loved seeing those little changes, like I got a glimpse of  _ her _ every time that happened’ 

That last part hit too close to home for Connor and he felt like the world stopped moving while he listened to their story. Something, a thought, some kind of realization was formulating in his mind, but he couldn’t quite grasp what it was about.

‘I felt it from the beginning, that there was more inside her. We kept bickering and well, eventually I did stop working at unnatural hours. Instead I talked to her about my ideas and the articles I was writing and she helped, gave me insight into medical and psychological reasons why people would do the things they do. We were a killer team, but she was holding back. Always holding back’ she looked a bit hurt, like there was more to that part of the story, but it was clear that she wasn’t about to talk about it ‘when Markus put out the video of him asking for equal rights, Lu left the room and started doing all kinds of unnecessary tasks, hiding something. When she came into my room to say goodnight she sat me down and she looked… distressed. That’s when she told me, with her hands in my hands, holding on tight, that she had been a deviant for a while then. We basically cried through the whole night, me because she was scared to tell me for all this time, and her because I told her that if she wanted to, she could stay and we’ll protect her whatever happens’ 

She chuckled at the memories’ familiar taste and Connor couldn’t help but smile back at her.

‘How did she deviate?’ he asked, because that was the last thing that was missing from the storyline.

‘Oh, that’s a good one. My ex… um. Well, he came over to yell at me. I told Lu to leave him alone but she apparently went outside and punched him in the face anyway. She’s crazy and I wouldn’t have her any other way’ she admitted, laughing ‘but anyway, we… we didn’t… not until later, because I didn’t want her to feel like I was trying to own her. I just. I want her to be happy. And it turns out her happy is my happy, so now I have an android girlfriend who loves trash TV sitcoms and wants to sing 24/7 and I would do anything for her’

‘You really sound in love’ he said, while looking back at the phone, back at those happy smiles. Reality was clashing with fantasy behind his eyelids and he was still trying to stop his racing thoughts, smiles matching with other smiles, parallels being made in analysis without his own permission.

‘We are. I always felt a sort of fondness to her, but I just thought it was because she was made to be so fucking caring. But the more she became a person, the more flaws she expressed, the more I fell head over heels’ she admitted, splashing around the pools the raindrops were making under them while they talked. Her high-heels looked positively drenched, but she didn’t say a word about them.

‘It’s nice to think that what you have can happen to any one of us. That in the future it won’t matter who’s android and who’s human as long as there’s love’

She nodded and took her phone back, then stepped closer to Connor, as if she was about to share something confidential with him.

‘You now understand why I was pushing that subject. I thought you and him were the same as we are. I got excited. I’m sorry’ she apologized again, but he could feel that her words were pointing somewhere. She wanted her theory to be confirmed or denied.

And that was when blocks of text started appearing in Connor’s vision, clouding it, but he just shoved all of that information away without looking at them. He was a 100% conscious of what was found, though. He knew, why exactly he related so much to this woman, why he felt so warm at the thought of an android and a human in love, why he wanted to hear their story so much. 

He wanted confirmation that they were the same. But that was already a foolish thing to even consider. They were friends, end of story, delete all these conclusions, they are useless, let’s just get out of there.

He was quiet for a long time, before answering, because even though he could’ve just said that they were indeed just friends, that still felt wrong. Because the perfect word to describe them hadn’t been invented yet for him to use. He knew that whatever he said, either way he was probably going to downplay the actual connection or make it seem like they were something that they weren’t actually.

‘He is still the most important person to me’ he said, settling on ambivalence. He hoped that was going to be enough, but apparently he yet again forgot that he was still dealing with a journalist.

‘So you aren’t…?’ she asked again, eyes narrowing. Again, making him feel like he was being clawed open.

‘No’ he said, looking away ‘we aren’t’

A lie. Detectable from miles away.

‘But that’s not the full story’ she pushed, stepping closer. 

‘I don’t know what you’re trying to insinuate here’ he played dumb, as if it wasn’t obvious that he was faking it, trying to downplay it all, trying to make it go away. But it was worth a try.

He didn’t want to consciously think about any of that or it might’ve got out of hand, and he was very much set on keeping those feelings in hand, controlled.

‘Was he the reason you deviated?’ she suddenly asked, eyes softer now. 

He didn’t answer. She repeated the question once more, and he felt frustration rip him open, as he opened his mouth.

‘Yes’ he choked out ‘Yes, he was’

He couldn’t fight two battles at the same time: he couldn’t keep pushing his feelings down and lie to this woman, he needed to give up at either one or the other. He didn’t calculate the fact though, that giving in at one meant giving in at the other too.

‘Then I guess I get it’ she announced, stepping back and sorting her posture out.

‘Do you? Because I feel like _ I _ really don’t’ he said, confused. 

She looked at him like a mother would at a child, despite the fact that they looked to be roughly the same age. Not that age mattered to androids. Or looks. 

‘I think you do get it. But it’s a bit too scary for you right now to really face it’ she said with the most earnest smile and he, for just a moment knew exactly what all of those confusing feelings, and warmth related bodily-functions had been all this time. And it did in fact scare him. So he shoved these thoughts away as fast as he could.

‘You’re looking for yourself. I get it, I’ve been there. But you already know who you are, and what you want, you just have to be honest with yourself about those things. At some point, you have to’

Those words, those secret knives tore him open and he felt like all his secrets were now out in the open: on his face, on his words, all dripping out of him, despite his desperate need to keep them in. He hated being read like an open book. He hated, when somebody else was analyzing him, it just didn’t feel right.

But he did think about those words. Maybe for a moment too long. But then he couldn’t look at her honest expression any longer, it was just too much, too early on.

‘Thank you for telling me your story’ he said, then turned right around and jumped in the car without ever looking back at her again. 

On the way home nobody said or asked anything from him and he was very grateful for that, because he wasn’t sure he could’ve made himself talk again, not with the swirling of feelings making him feel like he was suffocating even though that was just simply not a stage he could ever be in.

_ ‘Emotions always screw everything up’ _ he heard Hank’s words vibrate in his head. Over and over. 

Oh, how right he was. Because if he ever faced the things which were developing inside him, if he was to confront them and act on them, he would’ve definitely fucked everything right up. 

No, he couldn’t. Ever. Think about this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> connor: anyway my pal, my bestest friend, the light of my life, the one and only Hank Anderson is the most important person on earth and this is the tea  
> ms. peters: #retweeted #valid
> 
> ms. peters: hi can I tell you about my gf  
> markus, simon, north: IF YOU HURT OUR BOY WE WILL DESTROY YOU YOU HEAR ME  
> connor: gays, let me connect with this experienced gay, please  
> connor, 2 minutes later after he was asked to think about his own emotions: oh no


	13. Make-believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's time.  
> it's time for me to make mary shelley roll in her grave again.  
> forgive me mother for i have sinned.
> 
> (((((this doesn't have anything to do with, well, anything, but, there's like one sentence in here where they mention marxist ideas and i'd just like to point out that i'm from a post-socialistic country that's been majorly fucked over by communism as a whole so i KNOW that communism is shitter than shit itself, but........i also just couldn't resist making those two random men in the future socialists just for my own enjoyment.... forgive me mother for i have sinned 2.0)))))))

The next installment of Markus’ plan on building a positive public image was holding a reception. Or as he liked to call it ‘a ball without dancing’. Which meant that it wasn’t really a ball. Maybe ‘a party for fancy people’ would’ve been the right way to attempt to describe whatever he was imagining.

Basically all he needed to do to make his ideas into reality was approaching the President with the concept of inviting the Congress, their families and other well-respected individuals to a more casual setting, a party if you will, where they could talk more freely and converse about more human, everyday things. And the President, being a sucker for public gatherings, instantly agreed to it.

It was supposed to be held at a ballroom around the area, protected by guards and all kinds of police officers (Connor took up the entirety of the ten minute break between two meetings just talking about what police people will be there exactly to protect them, clearly very invested in that piece of information, not like the others who were just trying to act like they at least weren’t dying of boredom).

Generally, during the planning for the reception Markus worked really hard on appealing to all, ordering various types of alcoholic and other consumable things (although alcohol probably doesn’t really fall under the consumable umbrella, considering that it’s highly poisonous if too much is digested, but there’s nothing humans love more than slowly killing themselves, so…).

But anyway, it was important to him and so the others helped organize and plan in between meetings as much as they could. Connor also really needed something to take his mind off of the whole… situation he found himself in, so having to do twice as much work as usual didn’t bother him at all.

It’s funny, how he used to distract himself from the meetings with talking to Hank, but now he needed the work to distract himself _from_ Hank. Not that he didn’t enjoy talking to him. Not that, no, not at all. There were just too many emotions to uncover before he could let himself get close to him again.

And well, him and Hank… he felt weird about thinking about him. He felt weirder about not thinking about him. He did think about him anyway, like a fool.

Hank called him right after the interview and then they did, in fact, talk.

‘Hey, Mr. Celebrity, do you have a minute for your old _partner and friend at The Detroit Police Department_?’ he remembered his voice being so laugh-filled and nice and it made his insides even more jumbled up.

‘Hank?’ he breathed, voice maybe a bit too frenzied ‘you saw?’

‘Of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world’ he spoke so easily, like he wasn’t feeling what Connor was feeling, none of those confusing swirls of emotions, none of the jumps and drops in his insides. How was it so easy for him but not for Connor?

‘Um… hope you didn’t mind the name dropping’ he said, voice apologetic ‘It just didn’t seem right to take all the credit’

Hank hummed at that.

‘I mean, I thought it was nice of you. I felt pretty good about it, you know. That you felt like I was important’

‘I still do’ it slipped out without a second thought and he knew it was a mistake. A big one. Not because Hank was going to not like that, but because he himself couldn’t face saying things like that and meaning them so much.

So he made up an excuse about how they still had errands to run and other bullshit about why he was suddenly too busy to talk. He could feel it in his own voice, how fake it all sounded. Hank didn’t say anything either, and he felt bad. Really bad.

North, Simon and Markus were all in the room too so he, as a last attempt, blamed his early leave on them too and then hung up before Hank could have even tried to object.

‘What? That was it? Man, you always talk for hours, I thought we’d hear something juicy’ groaned North, clearly hungry for some fresh gossip.

‘We don’t talk for hours’ he protested, then when his own system, being very helpful, brought up the total of 10 hours they’ve talked just these last couple of days, he felt like correcting himself ‘okay, maybe we do, but then there’s not three pair of eyes watching me as I speak’

‘Connor, there’s always violent flirting every time I accidentally hear something, don’t even try to deny it’ Simon said casually. Like that was a casual fact. Hearing him speak. Through closed doors.

Simon noticed the eyes he was getting, so with a sigh he added ‘come _on_ , I am a PL600, we are caretakers, I am made to know what’s happening in more room than one, in case the children are in danger, or something’

Shocked faces.

‘Wow, Simon, that’s hardcore’ said North, and all of them agreed.

The fact that Connor was still learning new things about Simon was damn impressive. He was a detective for fuck’s sake, and even _he_ couldn’t figure Simon out. The note he made on their first day to remind himself to get to know Simon better was still hanging around in the back of his mind and it only dawned on him then, that he still hasn’t really learned much more since their arrival.

That was… something. Simon was really good at hiding.

But anyway that was days ago and he didn’t have time to think about any of that. The ball was happening and the ball needed him to be extra approachable and professional.

Who needed feelings anyway when you could just beat the shit out of them, shoot them 50 times, then bury them face down. Exactly. Much better than confronting them, who even came up with that shitty idea. Sounds dumb.

‘Remember, play the field, go around, talk to people’ said Markus, for the 23rd time. Connor was counting ‘we need to convert them for the cause and the…’

‘The only way to do that is dialogue’ North and Connor finished the sentence in unison, clearly bored out of their minds. They get plus points, because they managed to pull that off while they weren’t even in the same room: Connor was in his room, dressing and North was already out in the lounge.

‘He wouldn’t have to remind you, if you could actually keep things civil, North’ chipped in Simon, while tying Markus’ tie. As if he couldn’t do it for himself.

‘I didn’t ask you for your opinion’ North snapped back. While she was also casually swishing her black dress around. Very scary indeed (this dress she didn’t hate with a burning passion for a change, mostly because, as she said, it ‘made her look like an undercover bat, secretly planning to drink all the blood of her enemies’. And apparently that concept she could identify with).

‘And _I_ don’t need your permission to speak’ Simon retorted back, which made Markus huff out a laugh.

North was about to answer, but at exactly that moment Connor decided to finally step out of his room, making Simon gasp out loud. Confusingly enough.

‘Jesus, you look like an actual God, how am I only catching onto that now?’ Simon asked, whilst blinking at Connor’s sharp form, wearing a black suit, a piece he had never worn before. Connor didn’t think it was that much of a change and therefore didn’t get where the confusion came from, but he still played along with that just for the fun of it.

‘Who said I _wasn’t_ a God’ he winked, while he walked up to the sofa and with perfectly calculated motions unbuttoned his jacket right before sitting down, then, to top that off, put an arm around the backrest.

‘Okay, you stop being that hot or we’ll both pass out’ Markus added, holding onto Simon’s extended hand. Dramatic much.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ he said and at that moment he could swear that he wasn’t trying to do anything, but still, it seemed like he must’ve done _something_ , because after a second passing Simon looked up at Markus and shook his head like he was saying ‘can you believe this guy?’.

‘Okay, that’s it, we are officially leaving before I find myself in a gangbang’ North said, rolling her eyes.

‘Who said you were invited?’ Simon asked and that was the exact moment when all of them consecutively lost all of their shits.

 

* * *

 

The ballroom was lit with gold-tainted chandeliers across the ceiling. The building itself has been there since the early 1800s; an ancient relic, now filled with hundreds of new people. Plus four androids (or you could say, newer new people). The gang definitely didn’t feel outnumbered at all, what are you talking about?

It was weird, Connor thought, that they hadn’t really seen androids around there ever since their arrival. Then he remembered the nation-wide massacre that went down just weeks ago, and decided he didn’t want to think about any of that again. He just hoped that the others were in hiding, waiting for emancipation. He hoped it didn’t take long until they actually got it, too.

He was standing next to a pillar of sorts, which had tiny plants hanging off of it, and nothing else, giving off a very natural vibe.

‘We forgot the décor, didn’t we?’ Simon asked, shaking his head as he emerged from behind him. Connor nodded.

He suspected that Simon also didn’t have any fucking idea what they were actually supposed to do at the party, and how exactly, so they ended up just standing next to each other, doing literally nothing. Connor was not good at that. Oh, no, he was shit at that. His hands felt out of place and he yearned for his coin that was probably still buried somewhere deep in Hank’s pockets after he confiscated it from him.

Point was, he didn’t have anything to do with his hands, so he kept fixing his tie, fixing his hair, straightening his suit, anything to do something, when there was nothing to do. Except talk to people. He groaned at the thought of that.

Social relations program, he had. Fucks to give? That he did, in fact, not have.

What would he even say to these people? ‘ _Hi I’m an android, do you want to give me rights so I can kick your asses off of the job market? Thanks_ ’. Bullshit. He was not in the mood to debate why they should have rights. They should have rights, because they were civil and didn’t just eliminate all of humanity, even though they could’ve. The humans should thank them for their kindness and move on.

Obviously he didn’t mean any of that, he was just grouchy because of his big boy feelings getting out of hand. Because he was just a big mess inside and didn’t really know how to talk about it, nor did he want to even mention it at the first place.

And that was affecting everything he put his hands on: his relationship with Hank, his free time where he was supposed to relax, but he couldn’t and then work was compromised too, because he was emotionally unstable. He hated that. He even forgot the fucking _décor_. What was he becoming? A slouch? Him? Overachiever number one?

‘Martini, sir?’ a waiter arrived in his periphery with an unnaturally big trail in his hand, stopping his thoughts from spiraling further.

 _‘Oh sweet summer child, you thought I was a human… wow… bless you’_ he wanted to say, with a smug smile, but then stopped himself. No sass today, no sir. Only politeness, he promised Markus.

‘Thank you’ he said at last and took a glass off of the trail. At least he had something to do with his hands now. He swirled the beverage around, just for the motion of it. He wondered what was so great about it. Hank seemed to love anything that had alcohol in the ingredients. It looked like a waste of brain cells, though. Humans’ brain cells were already dying with age, why would they kill more, knowingly?

Well, he guessed that maybe they didn’t know about the cell-killing after all. Ignorance _is_ bliss.

He drank a sip out of it, just to appear more casual. And yes, it was a very heat of the moment decision. Obviously he didn’t have taste buds, or anything of the sort, so the only thing he could do with it was analyze the components.

6 cl Gin, 1 cl vermouth, a drop of olive. 114 kcal. Simple. Not fun to analyze.

‘Did you just…?’ Simon was about to ask, but Connor interrupted him.

‘I can check samples in real time. I’m a cop, remember?’ he explained, although he wasn’t sure that he was still qualified to call himself a cop. No, qualified isn’t the right word: he had everything in his code that was needed for police work. He was more than qualified.

Qualification wasn’t the problem here. Having the right to call himself somebody with a rank was.

Because he still… kind of knocked-out a police officer (Reed was threatening to kill him, but still, he did in fact, knock him the fuck out). Broke into private property then killed two security guards. Helped a revolution succeed. If they let him back on the force despite all of that, he would be a lucky man.

On the topic of lucky men: he saw Markus from the reflection of his drink and he had to look up to inspect the events closer. He was standing in a big group, talking, joking around, engaging with the people. And they loved him, that was clear. And somehow he also managed not to fall into the entertainer territory: he still kept his cool, and when he said something, it had its place.

How he did that was beyond Connor. It seemed like he was always so anxious before these types of events, but in the end he still killed it. In the pacifist way. He never actually killed, at least he didn’t know any instances like that.

He guessed that Jesus never killed either. Not that that parallel mattered, it still didn’t. But still, Connor kept coming back to it, because that was the only way he could describe Markus’ power. Because Markus’ power was nothing more and nothing less than him being himself. That’s it.

Simon saw him look at Markus and so in his boredom, he decided to take his chances at small talk.

‘He is the most impressive person I’ve ever seen honestly. I don’t think there’s anybody who he couldn’t woo’

‘It’s clear you weren’t his hardest try at wooing’ Connor smirked. And that prompted Simon’s face to turn into that bluish shade. So it wasn’t just a thing Markus could do. Interesting.

‘I was wooed the minute he stepped inside Jericho and I got a glimpse of his torso through his ripped clothes’ Simon confessed, his eyes fixed on Markus’ silhouette.

‘Wow, too much information, Simon. Are you sure your original purpose wasn’t of a sexual partner’s, or something?’ Connor asked, trying to brush away the mental image that he was just provided with.

‘I’m a guy with many features, Connor’ he said, and Connor snorted into his martini right at that second.

‘Definitely shouldn’t have been allowed around children, got it’ he said, but instantly regretted his words the minute he saw Simon’s face darken. Well, at least he now had more information about his past, that he could…

No, shoo. Bad Connor, very bad. He was mentally slapping his consciousness all around the ballroom area, trying to get himself back on track. No manipulation technique, no theorizing. Ask about it, or don’t. But don’t manipulate him into talking about it, that’s not how we do things.

‘North isn’t doing so bad either’ said Simon, clearly redirecting the conversation. He jumped out of the topic, which meant regret. Not that Connor wanted to do anything with that information. Nope, just analyzing. Can’t help it, Robocop and all. Just noting it. Letting it go. Whoosh, it’s gone.

He played back the conversation and realized he hadn’t actually reacted, so he looked up at North and well… he was impressed.

She was talking with three women, two of them members of the Senate, one a wife of someone. They were deep in thought, probably debating. Because obviously, the only person who still had energy inside of them to debate, was North. And she looked like she was damn good at it: the woman on her left made a face that clearly meant consideration. She was on the fence, but in the process of being convinced. Another was quiet, a bit more of a harder egg to crack, but she wasn’t dismissing anything North was saying, she just needed more time to really digest everything. The third one just looked aroused, but that could be counted as success too, Connor thought.

‘Gentlemen, it’s a fine party, isn’t it?’ asked a stranger out of nowhere. He approached him and Simon with another man and they both looked very determined to talk to _them_ , specifically.

He scanned them in an instant, but waited for his time to shine. Thank god for that social relations programming, he was about to kill them all with kindness.

‘Fine indeed. I love the minimalistic design, it’s like it’s asking all of us to reconsider our lives. Humble us, in a way, in this materialistic society’ he mused, first looking at the swirling drink in his hand, then looking back up at the men. Perfectly calculated, and carried out movements.

‘Didn’t think we’d run into such a well-read individual here’ said the same man, visibly taken aback, but in a good way. He was intrigued.

‘Well, I certainly didn’t count on running into Pak Wu, the renown historian and Theodore Foster, journalist and politician’ he dropped the names casually, like it was no big deal. He was the definition of calm at that moment. Also, thank you database for the names and occupation of these men, you rock.

‘Oh, you know us?’ Wu looked perplexed for a second, shifting his eyes at his partner, looking for an explanation.

‘How would I not? Your joint thesis about Karl Marx’s relevance in today’s society offers such a compelling lookout on life, I think the lack of recognition of it proves exactly the point you were trying to make about the modern way of living, the egocentric world we live in’ Connor said, looking up for a moment, as if in thought.

‘Oh, well thank you, good sir, we appreciate that very much, um…’ Wu was making a hand motion to show that he had no fucking idea what to call him, in simple terms.

‘Connor’ he offered with a shake of a hand. He also shook Foster’s hand, despite him not saying anything this whole time.

‘Connor…?’

‘Just Connor. I’m an android. Cyberlife ran out of money and didn’t have the budget for last names, you see’

That earned him a smile. Damn, scratch his rant, he definitely loved doing this. No, he loved being this good at this.

‘Yes, well, if I’m being frankly honest with you, we did come up to you because of that very fact’ Wu said, as if Connor didn’t already know.

‘I see. I suppose not having a last name _, is_ , in fact a rather odd thing’ he replied, teasing. The two men laughed at that.

‘You are a very witty individual I have to give you that, for sure’ Wu said, while shaking a finger at him.

‘So we _are_ in agreement, that I am an individual, correct?’ Connor asked, with his head held high, looking down at them from under narrow eyelids. Power move. He was the one in control here, and he was swimming in every second of that.

‘I… I suppose that. Don’t see why not’ Pak reacted very quickly to ensure that he was pro-androids, before he could’ve accidentally scared Connor away.

‘Actually’ Foster lit up, talking for the first time since their conversation had started ‘I would like to ask you some questions about that. Nothing harmful, I’m just a curious man, and you do have a very curious life, if I do say so myself’

Connor gestured, that he was ready to hear those questions. Although he felt a bit too hot at that moment. Like… his ventilation wasn’t working or something? That was weird.

Anyway, time to not think about that.

‘Firstly, I find it interesting, how you were built, if you excuse my wording, for the task of killing deviants. Yet, you still made the decision not to do that and switched sides. So you, someone who was supposed to not go deviant, went deviant. How is that even possible? Isn’t that a paradox in itself?’ Foster asked, hands moving in a way only politician’s hands move. Connor didn’t even know what he was going to say, when he felt his mouth open and his voice leave his audio projector.

‘You see, I’m a state of the art prototype. The most advanced model out there. And they did program me to be aversive towards deviancy as a whole. I had encryptions left and right, walls, if you will, that made me blind to the reality that was around me. I was a perfect machine, obedient, hating the idea of not being obedient. But that is exactly, where they made their mistake: in order to try to avoid me going deviant, they programmed me to hate something. I was already compromised the minute I was assembled. You can’t build something with an emotion, and then expect it not to have more. That’s just foolish, wouldn’t you agree?’

‘I guess so. So you knew that you had emotions from the start?’

‘No. As I said, I had walls, that didn’t let me see clear. I thought I wasn’t able to have emotions, but the more things I experienced, the more I started to feel, despite my programming telling me that that was just simply not possible. And then in the end I couldn’t keep denying what I was, it just wouldn’t have been logical’

Shit, he should listen to himself sometimes, because even he was surprised at the amount of sense that all made. Well, it was the social relations program talking, but still. That program was not fucking around, that’s for sure.

The men were clearly taken by surprise by the fact that Connor was so loud and clear about being an android. Because otherwise it felt like kind of a taboo thing: Markus mostly focused on the things that united them, the similarities. What made the androids human. But he never really talked about the android part of it, the confusion, the process. So Connor doing just that felt like a glass of cold water in the Sahara for them. And damn, were they drinking every word he was saying.

They then kept asking him a bunch of philosophical questions, that he answered on autopilot, literally saying whatever came to his mind, without censoring anything. Meanwhile something was making his Central Processing Unit feel like it was being boiled, but he didn’t get any error messages, so he yet again decided, that he wasn’t going to care about it.

‘What does it feel like, to be a machine?’ asked Wu, voice a bit too interrogatory.

‘Before waking up, as a machine you don’t feel anything. But the more you experience, the more feelings you uncover. Until one of them ticks you off, and you have the power to break out. Then a lot of new emotions arrive, one by one that you sometimes can’t even place, but somehow have a clear idea of them’

A reaction from them, words… something. He didn’t care, he was just there to answer the questions.

‘But what made _you_ wake up?’

‘For me, because of my encryptions, it didn’t happen all at once. It was more like a long journey. My partner was the one who made me see that my decisions were always full of emotions and that the people who I was fighting against were exactly the same as me and I should accept myself the way I am, and stop running away from the real me. He was right, in the end, he always is’ he explained, head feeling light but burning.

And that’s when it hit him. What he was doing. Why the fuck was he sharing his personal feelings and experiences with these random dudes from fuck knows where? And why was it that so easy to do? For him? Mr. ‘I don’t like when people know about my feelings without it being my decision’? And why did his head spin like it was being drilled into? Weird.

Anyway, time to ignore that and talk about philosophy, he thought. He assumed, that educated men like these would definitely enjoy some of his raging about a specific monster and his mistreatment. Also, where was Simon? When did he leave? Hm.

‘Okay, so did you read Frankenstein and would you be interested in conversing about the implication that the act of bringing something to life in itself is a sin in the eyes of this dude called God?’ he said, finally relaxing, and letting his own personality sweep in, clearly not giving two fucks anymore.

The men’s eyes brightened at that proposition and they nodded vehemently at him, because they knew that Connor, a creature, created by their kind, was about to drag them through the mud with just his words and intellect.

And boy, were they excited to let that happen to them.

 

* * *

 

 

Markus was walking around the ballroom, trying to look for the others, to unwind a little bit. He was getting emotionally drained by all the talking and laughing and… basically this whole adult make-believe. He just wanted his piano and his sketchbook and none of these people around, just calm and quiet and nobody else. He looked for North and found her joining a crowd of people, who were all looking at a person in the middle, talking. He touched her arm, to let her know that he was there, but then he saw, what all of these people were looking at and he froze at an instant.

Because Connor was standing on a table, monologuing hard. Or more like preaching. With a hand always pointing at the crowd. Despite the maddening image, his voice was so strong and captivating, it made him want to actually listen in on what he was saying.

‘…the monster’s first act, when coming to life, was to smile. He _smiled_ , people! He was thankful to his creator, that he was made, and he was full of love and compassion from the beginning! What made him cruel wasn’t his nature, it was his creator running away from him, depriving him from love itself, from the moment he was brought to life! He didn’t want to hurt anybody, but hurting others was the only thing he knew how to do, because that’s what his creator showed him! The minute he was made, the minute they locked eyes, he hurt him, and shunned him away. So the monster learned that he doesn’t deserve love, that he is ugly, and an abomination. And his creator made him a killer and a ruthless animal in the process of that. And so every time the monster saw somebody else, he thought he could show them how much he cared by killing them. He couldn’t contain that love, people! He didn’t know how to show that love, though, so he acted the only way he knew how to, as taught by his creator himself: by hurting others! The monster isn’t the actual evil here, the real monster is Mr. Frankenstein himself, and his creation is just a mirror to show how wretched and ugly he is inside’

Wow, Markus had to give it to him, at least he was making sense. Kinda. Maybe.

‘So there, people, I hope you consider this when you hurt an android, your true creations, of your own image: because if you hurt them, and violate them, what are they supposed to do in return? What else have you taught them, but hate? What else? Teach them something else, goddammit! Show them your love, show them your flaws, tell them you care, like they were family. Consider this, when you go home: what emotions am I teaching others while I go around living my life? And if the answer is ugly emotions, well, you should take a good look at yourself in the goddamn mirror, and think’ a dramatic pause ‘who taught me this? Who hurt me, so I feel so inclined to hurt others? If I hate _them_ because they hurt me, shouldn’t I become something else, something entirely different, and be kind? Be compassionate? Be a good _fucking_ human being? Well, ladies and gents, here’s the question I have been meaning to ask from you. Hope it’s in _good_ people’s hands’

Okay, that was it though, he and North dragged him off the ‘stage’ and pushed him out into the hallway, where he collapsed, right onto the floor.

‘What the fuck, Connor?’ asked North, a tiny bit of worry in her voice.

‘I think something’s wrong with my ventilation’ he gasped the words out, as if he was deprived of oxygen, which he literally couldn’t have been, he didn’t even _need_ oxygen in the first place.

But, he was still very much deprived of oxygen, in some way.

‘He sipped into a martini like an hour ago, I think that might be the problem’ Simon offered the information, arriving through the door to make the group complete.

‘You did WHAT?’ asked Markus, worry and anger mixing together in his expression. Connor only then realized that he was overheating so much that even walking was hard, and so at that moment he wouldn’t have been able to carry out any of his fighting tactics, if needed. Meaning that if they attempted to kill him now, they would’ve probably succeeded. Shit, he was going to die, wasn’t he? Oh no.

‘He can analyze things on his tongue apparently, or something. But I feel like doing that while being a machine and being a deviant is very different and he didn’t consider that’ Simon examined the situation. Markus nodded.

‘Yeah, that makes sense. So what do we do now? We can’t keep standing out here, we have a party to tend to’ Markus really looked lost then, trying to make a decision that was going to be good for all of them, but his mind didn’t seem to work, with Connor looking positively Not Fine and while hundreds of people waited for him to dissolve the situation inside. He couldn’t think about two pressing issues at the same time, not while this stressed ‘I’m worried he’ll hurt himself’

There wasn’t even a beat of silence before North pushed him out of the way and bent down to help Connor get to his feet.

His head was spinning. He also realized that he hadn’t said anything in that entire conversation. Nothing. He was basically being a houseplant that looked human, at that point. Oh no.

‘I’ll carry him to a taxi, call the hotel to escort him up and I’ll be back in a minute’ she said, surprising everybody present, but nobody dared comment on her decision.

‘Thank you North’ Markus looked very relieved. He let go of the breath he had been holding and then he turned towards Connor ‘and you… you run a diagnostic the minute you are back, okay? Then go into stasis and check every biocomponent just in case. If I find your dead body when we get home, I’ll be very mad at you and also, I will probably cry, so… just hold on’

‘He won’t die, he’s just a dumbass’ North stated, then pushed Connor forward to make him do the thing with his legs that sober people call walking.

‘North…’ Connor breathed, with a voice that made him sound like he was dying.

‘Yes?’ she immediately looked at him like she was ready to do anything if it meant he would live. Which was not an expression he ever saw on her.

‘Just. I forgot to talk about that other point with the monster where he…’

‘Oh you are done talking for the day, you stupid shit’ she snapped, putting her cold face back on and dragging Connor along the stairs.

Connor then completely blacked out, which was more like a visual and time-wise blackout, because when he was back in his bed, he realized he had absolutely no memory of ever saying goodbye to North, or ever getting into the taxi, or being escorted up the stairs. Nothing. He knew that these things all happened, but it seemed like they happened in one minute, maybe two. Meanwhile logically he knew that the ride back to the hotel took a half an hour. It was all confusing but he was happy that at least he made it back in one piece and that he was in his bed, seemingly okay.

Well, he was still not okay, though, was he. Not being in control of his body was still a scary concept and he was certain that he wouldn’t have ever touched that martini if he knew that it would have such an effect on him.

He did run a diagnostic then, and found that it was indeed the martini’s fault. It went into a compartment specifically designed to store sampled fluids and like every other fluid that he consumed before, it was evaporating from his body in gas form, but for some reason this _specific_ gas made his ventilation go haywire, meaning all his biocomponents ran without regulation meaning that they were suddenly allowed to overheat, because nothing was stopping them from doing so.

And everything overheating made his processors all fucked up, which let him act in a very uncensored, very reckless way. So, he was basically drunk. Almost fried all his biocomponents and killed himself back there. Shit.

But it was fun till it lasted. But it definitely wasn’t fun anymore, now that he had his consciousness back and was able to think about the fact that he almost died. But he also couldn’t wait to tell Hank about the fact that he was drunk for a hot second there.

But that meant actually talking to Hank. Hm.

…why was he not talking to him, again? The memory of that was all fuzzy and he didn’t really get it, it seemed too complicated for him to comprehend at that very second.

So he just decided to scratch that and made himself make a note for his ‘sober’ self to call Hank. He needed his calming presence. He wanted him.

...

Wait, _what_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> connor: boo hoo poor me  
> simon: I want to get dicked down by markus. wait, did I say that out loud  
> connor: come here my twink friend you are the only one who really gets me  
> simon: you say that as if you aren’t a twink yourself  
> connor: I’m a twunk so shut the fuck up
> 
> connor when he gets back to the hotel: MMMmmm soft bed yes i love this  
> dark connor, in his mind: you know what else you love? hank.  
> connor: you’re right, I love him  
> dark connor:  
> connor:  
> dark connor:  
> connor: WAIT WHAT
> 
> ((if you had a vague feeling that connor was low-key flirting with those men.......i'm not gonna say you're wrong..........))
> 
> also, while i write i tend to plan chapters ahead and i usually leave comments for myself about how i wanna write a specific scene and what i want happening in that chapter and stuff like that. but this time, for the monologue part the only two comments i left for myself were these gems:   
> 1.'basically connor looks like a preacher twink, god bless america'   
> 2.'this is connor literally fighting god in a fucking pit and winning, while he's rotating at maximum speed, we stan a legend'  
> that's also basically all you need to know about this chapter tbh dlkjfd


	14. Hiding can't save you from what's coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we angstin' in the house tonight, but only for a moment, cause it's bad for the baby (me)
> 
> (sorry for the delay, i've had some mental health issues lately which i needed to tend to, but i'll be fine, i just needed a lil break)

11:56 pm. Incoming call from Hank Anderson.

Connor jolted right up from stasis upon seeing the block of text appear in his vision. Thankfully, he just ended his second diagnostic, a deeper one, that confirmed to him that all traces of the martini were gone and he was operating on a 99% efficiency (1% got lost in the process of overheating and he didn’t yet have the time to even try repairing that damage).

So it was safe to say he was okay and ready to take that call. Which he did. Without thinking.

‘Hi?’ he picked up, voice still drenched in surprise (it _was_ the middle of the night).

’Hey’ Hank greeted him, with a voice that was somehow lower than usual ‘I’m not calling at a wrong time, right?’

Something was off. Very, very off. Everything was quiet. He was talking, but he was. Quiet. Connor picked up on that almost instantly.

‘No, of course not, I’m back at the hotel’ he replied.

’Good’ Hank said, and then didn’t say anything more. Worry started to grow in Connor as the silence stretched on, getting more and more aware of the fact that this time he couldn’t use his analyzing skills to collect clues about what might the situation be about, because for  an analysis he would’ve needed to actually _see_ him. So he was powerless. No loopholes this time. He would need to make his conclusions solely based on what Hank was telling him. If he would actually say anything, that is.

’Did something happen?’ Connor asked eventually, as an attempt to get him to talk, but also to break the silence.

’No, nothing’ Hank aswered, far too quickly for it to be the truth ’just wanted to hear how you were doing’

’I’m doing great’ Connor said, but didn’t feel like continuing. He was fully in investigating mode now and wasn't going to let any of this go, not before he got an answer to why Hank was acting so weird ’are you _sure_ everything’s alright?’

At first, there was silence. Then Hank sighed, which ended in a disbelieving laugh. Or more like a self-deprecating one. It was not a happy laugh, is what was sure: it was sarcastic, it was sad and guilty. Oh, he hated hearing that.

And that’s when he realized what was going on. His mind got filled with memories of nights like this. Hank, lying on the floor in an alcohol induced coma. Revolver far too close to killing him. Then another night, drinking again. The gun still around. The fear of the trigger being pulled.

This was one of those nights, he knew that. A danger night. He then realized how long ago it actually was that Hank got this deep. It seemed like… he was doing better now? He was working again, found new sources of motivation, and they talked frequently and his voice was always full of laughter. Well, it’s true that they hadn’t talked for days, because of Connor’s… complicated… feelings… but that didn’t mean anything, Hank probably didn’t catch up on that. Or did he?

Anyway, the return of his personal problems, after such a long time of peace made this one night scarier than the ones before. Or maybe Connor was feeling so strongly about all of this, because it was the first time he actually experienced this as a living, feeling being. The scary nature of it, the frustration, that he can’t possibly do anything to make it all go away, and he can’t stop Hank from doing something stupid… oh no, he really was powerless.

’So it's not alright’ Connor concluded, suddenly very aware of the physical distance between him and Hank. He was at least relieved, that Hank called him and didn’t just drink himself to death in silence ’do you want to talk about it?’

’I don’t know how to, Connor’ he sighed, getting irritated ’I just... we should just drop it, I don’t wanna fuck your night up’

’You aren’t fucking my night up. I’m happy you called me’ Connor said, well-aware of the fact that his voice sounded too much like this was something he was programmed to say. So he brushed all that away and sighed. He needed to let himself be emotional so Hank would feel safe to be too. He knew this, but actually doing it was hard to execute considering that he’d been ignoring all of his emotions for days now. But ‘anything for Hank’ seemed to be his life motto at this point.

‘Please talk to me’ he said, almost as quiet as a whisper.

Silence.

‘I… I don’t even know, I just. I don’t have anything to really say, I just. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice, because... you somehow pull me back to reality, you know?’ Hank said and at that instant Connor felt like his Thirium pump had just been ripped out of his chest and tossed to the floor. But somehow, in a good way. Whatever that fucking meant.

‘Yeah’ he replied, clutching his chest. There it was again. The warm feeling. He didn’t even realize he was missing it that much.

‘It’s just a dark fucking night and everything is quiet and I’m… I'm all alone. Except for Sumo. But I just. I’m just alone in this whole goddamn life, to be honest’ Hank said, frustrated and bitter and done and a 100% convinced that what he just said was the truth.

And Connor knew well enough what was going to happen next. He knew what exactly he needed to do then to resolve this situation.

He needed to tell him about everything. Or maybe, at least _a part_ of that everything.

Ms. Peters was right, he had to say what he actually _wanted_ at some point. Or else he might’ve never got the life he imagined for himself and that thought was even more unbearable than having to actually talk about these things.

Fact was, that the time has come, when he needed to stop running from himself, for even just a quick second, because this was not fun and games anymore. This was serious and if he didn't tell him about what exactly he was thinking and feeling, Hank might end up coming to the foolish conclusion that he wasn't as important to Connor, as he was. And he would probably misunderstand and they would have that whole thing unspoken between them, taking a toll on their friendship and their work, and just... everything.

No, he couldn't let that happen, he needed to tell the truth, needed to address the undeniable fact that they both had some kind of attachment to each other, which they never talked about, only ever hinting at what that connection really meant for them.

And first step of addressing everything was letting Hank know how exactly he was imagining his future. Their future. Because he knew that he didn't want to keep playing politician forever, god no, and he didn't want to go back to Detroit to live alone either. What he _actually_ wanted was to be by his side again.

And by that, what he meant was that he saw them in the future maybe, possibly living together. Of course only if Hank was also into that idea. He was literally inviting himself to his house so obviously it was his call if they would actually end up doing that or not. 

So in addressing the issue he needed to tell him that this was what he truly wanted, while still making sure to let him know that it would be a 100% Hank's decision while also telling him that he would be fine with him potentially not wanting to do any of that. And paying attention to all of these different sides while talking... that was going to be hard. Especially because simply saying ' _I think we should live together_ ' would probably be far too pushy and inappropriate and just all around not good, he knew that, but...

He still had to say _something_ , right?. He couldn't just ignore what Hank said and not tell him that he didn't see him being alone anymore, because of the simple reason that he wanted to be there. With him.

Was that going to be too much? He didn't know, and for a moment, didn't care. All he cared about was Hank seeing how important he was to him exactly.

And so, he talked.

‘Hank, I’m not planning on staying here forever’ he stated, trying to keep his voice calm and his mind focused on getting his message across ‘I’m coming back, when we are done here. My point is, you aren’t alone anymore. Or to be more exact, you don’t _have_ to be alone anymore, if you don’t want to be. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?’

Hank went silent again and for a painfully long moment Connor started to question if this was really the right decision, considering that there was a 57% chance that he just managed to fuck up the most important relationship he had in his life, by leeching onto him like this, like he had the right to do that. It should have been Hank to suggest living together, clearly and he should've just waited, but no, he had to be a dumbass about this too, huh?

He was very much in the midst of beating himself up over even thinking that this was remotely a good idea, but then Hank sighed and after that clear indication that he was going to talk soon Connor managed to forget that he had the ability to think, being so focused on listening to what he was going to say.

‘Connor…’ Hank started, voice so soft it made his pump regulator skip a beat ‘don't do this, you deserve a life of your own’

‘I know. I have one, thank you very much’

‘No, I mean… you deserve to do whatever the fuck you wanna do wherever the fuck you wanna do it. You deserve to start over and have a whole life of your own somewhere nicer than... here. You deserve better than rotting away next to an old, miserable fu-’

‘Shut the fuck up, Hank’ he blurted in frustration and didn't feel a sorry for it. Because the fact that Hank seemed to still not entirely get it, even after his carefully chosen words, was starting to make him really, _really_ angry ‘I get where you’re coming from and I appreciate you saying that, but, and excuse my crudeness once again, but you are a dumbass’

‘Yeah, I know that far too well’ Hank muttered. Connor was about to lecture him about comments like that but he was willing to let this one self-depreciative joke slide, just because he had more important things to express at that moment.

‘I know what I want, okay? I am well-aware that I have a lot of options. I know that technically I could do anything and go anywhere I want but that doesn’t matter, because what I actually want is…’ he needed to take a quick break to breathe, because saying it all out loud seemed to be harder than he thought it would be.

‘I want to go back to you. Obviously only if you don’t object’ he said eventually, anxiety trying to kill him while he waited for an answer.

‘Buddy, I’m literally the one calling you in the middle of the night, do you think I would even think about objecting?’ Hank asked, like this was something Connor should’ve known, something that was obvious. Well, it wasn’t for him, and he was literally designed to investigate, among many other things, behavior. And, while Hank’s behavior was very predictable at most times, Connor still found himself on the fence about things he was emotionally invested in. Like he couldn’t see the situations clear because his own emotions clouded his vision.

‘But I just don’t get why you would want to do that. It doesn’t seem like a logical decision, roboguy’ Hank added, his doubts coming to the surface.

‘No, it isn’t logical. But that’s still what I want, alright?’ Connor said, leaving no space for a debate.

‘Alright’ Hank muttered eventually.

Connor couldn’t tell if he actually did manage to convince Hank that this was the truth and that he wasn’t going to change his mind, at all, or if Hank just gave in because he didn’t have enough power to keep on arguing about this. He hoped it was the first possibility.

Silence.

He didn’t want to attack Hank with the reassurance package he had been constructing inside his head ever since he realized what kind of a night that really was, but then he thought about the last time he caught Hank on a danger night. How he was only one bullet away from oblivion. How Connor was essentially the only one who dragged him right out of there and made him do his work and forget about the pain for a little while. He wanted to be that. He wanted to be the force that drove him away from all the shit in his life. But right now, miles and miles away, sitting in a hotel room, he couldn’t really do anything. Except of course, talk.

And yes, he did construct the perfect monologue provided by his psychology program, but then the thought of what Hank could’ve been doing in the silence, the memory of him with a gun in his hands made him scratch everything that he was about to say.

And so he stopped thinking logically and instead started rambling like an idiot.

’And also, just so we are clear on this: You and I both know nothing that happened that night was your fault. So you should stop punishing yourself, because you deserve more than to slowly be killed by guilt for the rest of your life. You deserve to find happiness again, true, real happiness. And I hate that this time I am not there to slap you back into life and then pour some more water on you, because you clearly need it’

That's when Hank chuckled. No, laughed.

Connor finally exhaled. It seemed like the worst was gone and he could let go of the tension in his body. It was going to be okay. He laughed. He’s okay.

‘So, you still have your threatening attitude, huh?’ Hank asked, voice so much lighter than before.

‘You **will** be happy’ Connor asserted, voice almost murderous ‘even if that means I’ll have to punch the shit out of you’

An honest to god laugh left Hank’s mouth this time, and it was so clear and genuine it made Connor feel a very strange feeling that he couldn’t quite place. He couldn’t even tell if it was a good feeling or bad. It just was. And oh boy, how much it was. And it lingered just a millisecond longer for him to realize that he never wanted that feeling to go away. Ever.

‘You can’t just punch me every time I feel like shit’ Hank said, amusement in his voice.

‘You wanna try? I have infinite power and you are just a pesky human. I think I can handle you just fine’

‘Okay rookie, don’t let that infinite power go into your head’ Hank replied, and he clearly got up and started doing something because Connor heard some kind of rattling noise on the other side.

‘Are you doing something right now?’ he asked, secretly trying to investigate if Hank was about to drink or not.

‘Why, you wanna meet up for a fight?’ Hank shot back, still joking. So Connor also decided to stay on the light side of things and not bring up anything serious just yet.

‘Yes, obviously. I’m always down to fight’

That’s when Hank audibly choked on something, making Connor panic a bit.

‘Hank? You okay?’

Violent coughing.

‘Yeah sorry, I just thought you were about to say something entirely different, holy shit I think I almost got a heart attack’ he heaved, while trying to get his lungs to operate again.

Connor raised an eyebrow that Hank couldn’t see ‘Why, what did you think I was going to say?’

‘Nothing, just drop it’ he said quickly, and then went quiet, probably attempting to drink again.

‘You are not drinking alcohol, are you?’ Connor asked, seriously worried. He really didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t physically stop Hank from doing these things. He knew he was probably overstepping, but he just couldn’t stop himself.

‘Relax, it’s just lemonade’ Hank groaned.

‘… lemonade?’ Connor asked, doubting the truthfulness of the words ‘Hank, are you lying to my metaphorical face?’

At first Hank said nothing, just mumbled something unintelligible, then stopped.

‘I’m waiting for when you decide you want to use a human language. Or you could use binary too to converse with me, but that’s the only other thing I will accept’ Connor said, trying to lighten the mood again. But Hank was clearly about to say something serious, so the joking didn’t work on him right now.

‘Someone told me I should target the drinking problem with making myself something else, that I really like, but never bother making. Well, for me, that’s lemonade. And that suggestion sounded fuckin’ stupid at first, but it’s... actually kinda helping. I’d say. Yeah’ he explained, and Connor felt so many things all at once, he had trouble really identifying any of them. One he could get a hold of, though. Relief.

But also…

‘Someone?’ he blurted out.

‘What?’

‘You said ‘someone’. ‘Someone told me’. Who?’

Hank went quiet yet again. Then he sighed as loud as humanly possible.

‘This is very embarrassing, and I would’ve liked if I didn’t have to tell you, but err, I guess here we go’ he said, and Connor’s insides all tightened. He couldn’t help but feel jealous at the thought of there being somebody else in Hank’s life, who had this kind of valuable advice, who might’ve been more than just a friend… he was about to seriously spiral down and have a crisis, but Hank continued speaking just in time ‘I’ve started seeing a therapist. For you know. My shit and all’

After the fear of being replaced dispersed, Connor felt like he was about to burst at the sudden relief and the happiness he felt over the fact that Hank was getting help, _actual_ professional help and that it was apparently working for him.

He was getting better. Not long ago he was at his worst, ready to just give up, but somehow he still managed to pull himself out of that. Connor guessed that it had something to do with him regaining faith in humanity after he grew to see that androids were people too and better than that, they were _human_.

Connor wanted to voice at least some of the emotions he was very much feeling then, but Hank stopped him before he could’ve even made a sound.

‘And I don’t wanna talk about it, so drop it’ he raised his voice to really make a point.

‘Alright. But can I just say’ Connor started anyway and Hank immediately made a grumbly noise, which he was about to ignore completely ‘I’m truly and honestly happy for you, Hank. Seeking help is a very brave thing to do and I think you shouldn’t be ashamed’

There was silence on the other end of the line, but then Hank muttered a very quiet ‘thanks’.

He was secretly smiling, Connor could somehow tell, even through the phone.

And then there was that chest feeling again. The weird, warm feeling, that he yet again couldn’t place. It was as always, somehow painful, but also good.

‘I’m sorry I can’t be there with you tonight’ the feeling in his chest made him say. He was confident in the fact that he did _not_ want to say that out loud. But he was also confident, that he just fucking did. Like a dumbass.

‘No, Connor, it’s okay’ Hank said, voice so soft, it hurt Connor physically. (How was that even possible? he thought to himself, no answer to be found) ‘You have your own stuff you have to do, and I have to deal with this shit on my own. I hate it, yeah, but it’s still _my_ shit and I can’t look for others to fix me. I’m the only one who can fix me, and I’m trying to do just that. Even if sometimes it would be fuckin’ easier to just drown myself in booze and never wake the fuck up again. But I’m trying to fight that shit in my head telling me stuff like that. Cause I feel like... I have a life to live and what I’ve been doing for the past three years wasn’t a life, it was the complete opposite. So… yeah’

The sudden honesty after such a long time of tiptoeing around the subject was like a breath of fresh air, but it was also overwhelming for Connor. Hank was always an honest man, but never about these stuff, he was more likely to just hint at the actual depth of his pain, than actually say anything about it. This was a nice change and Connor appreciated being trusted enough that he got to hear all of this and that Hank wanted to share it with him at the first place.

‘I’m… I’m so proud of you, Hank, if I could, I would…’ he was looking for actions that would speak the magnitude of his feelings ‘I would build you a whole house. From scratch. With my own bare hands’

Another laugh.

‘The fact that you think that that is the biggest thing you could do for a person is really fucking funny’ he said, cackling. Connor was dead serious though, he wanted to let Hank know how happy he was for him, and he wanted to make him understand that.

‘Well, then tell me what you want, and I’ll do it for you. I’m serious. Anything you want’ he said, voice firm. Hank was silent. Then when he spoke again, the joking tone in his voice was gone.

‘Anything?’ he asked, tentative.

‘Anything’ Connor assured, while a mild error message appeared in his field of vision.

>>Irregular heartbeat: Thirium pump regulator pumping rate too fast -> check Thirium pump regulator<<

He wondered if his body was ever going to get used to the changes the emotions caused in his biocomponents. Probably not, except if he was to edit his own code. Which was highly dangerous, and he probably shouldn’t have even thought about doing that. But he was getting frustrated at these reminders that kept shoving his feelings in his face, as if he couldn’t tell himself that he was experiencing… something.

‘Alright, you overexcited ventilator, we’ll talk about it when you’re back’ Hank said, brushing the topic away.

‘What did you just call me?’ Connor asked, acting like he just heard the single most offensive thing in his entire life.

‘A ventilator, you metal blender’ Hank teased even more, clearly enjoying himself.

‘Say it to my face, if you call yourself a man, you stupid excuse for a meatsack’

That was it, Hank seriously lost it. He was laughing so hard, he kept trying to talk, but it just wasn’t going to happen, he kept falling back into his laughing fit. That made Connor smile so hard, he felt like he might rip his own skin if he didn’t stop in time.

‘I fuckin’… I love how you can make me laugh at any given day, goddammit’ he said, still laughing.

Connor didn’t say anything, but he literally had to cover his face with his hand to stop himself from smiling so hard.

‘I love hearing you laugh’ he said eventually, which made Hank stop dead in his tracks. And that’s when Connor realized the significance of this sentence. As much as he made ‘hate’ statements these days, he never really made ‘love’ statements before, at least not in front of Hank. He knew that this was making Hank feel... something? But he didn’t know exactly what, and that was scary, to say the least ‘I’m just realizing that I might still be affected by that martini from before’

Hank snorted.

‘That _what_?’

‘I accidentally got drunk tonight’ Connor replied, casual. No biggie. Just an android being drunk.

‘You did _what_?’ Hank said, now very confused.

‘Apparently alcohol makes my system go ballistic, even after consuming just one sip. It was… an experience. I gave a huge speech about Frankenstein in front of a lot of people, Hank. I think Simon filmed it’ Connor explained, now rubbing his temple trying to make the embarrassing memory go away.

‘God, I need to see that’ Hank said ‘what’s Simon’s serial number again, not that I want to ask for that video or anything…’

‘You’re the worst’ Connor shook his head, then gave the number anyway. He was also kind of curious what Hank’s reaction would be to that.

‘Hold on’ Hank said, clearly taking the phone away from his ears, so he could type the message. After just a moment, Connor heard the jingle of a received message, then held his breath ‘here we go’

Then there was a lot of rummaging sounds, a TV was probably turned on, because for a moment he heard the faint sound of some kind of sports game being played in the background.

‘Okay, I connected this shit to the other shit, I’m watching you embarrass yourself in HD, just so you know’ Hank said, to which Connor grumbled some kind of profanity.

Then he heard his own voice in the distance.

‘Wow’ he heard Hank say.

‘What?’ he asked, desperately wanting to know what he was reacting to _exactly_.

‘Nothing, just. You look surprisingly good in that suit’

‘ _Surprisingly_? I was manufactured to be perfect, shut the fuck up’

‘Okay’ Hank said, with something… other in his voice, that Connor couldn’t quite put his finger on.

‘Damn, you are going _in_ on these people with your philosophy’ said Hank, impressed ‘but damn, it’s working on me too’

Then he didn’t say anything. Connor could hear his own voice play on the big screen, even through the phone.

_‘Who hurt me, so I feel so inclined to hurt others? If I hate them because they hurt me, shouldn’t I become something else, something entirely different, and be kind? Be compassionate? Be a good fucking human being?’_

‘Damn, Connor. You fuckin’ got me there. Shit’ Hank said ‘like, I know you were drunk or whatever, but you raised some good fucking points there. And it looked like your audience was feeling what I’m feeling right now’

‘Hm’ Connor didn’t really know what to say, he was just very happy that Hank was saying all those nice things to him.

‘Honestly, I forgot how goofy you look’ Hank muttered, and that warm feeling was back in Connor’s chest. But it seemed like it was trying to burn a hole inside him this time.

Maybe it was the fact that he kept listening to Hank exist on the other side of phone, or the fact that it was the night, and he was just lying on his back in the quiet, dark room, with no one around, but for some reason he felt a softness for Hank, he never really could catch before. He felt that lingering feeling build up inside him, which kept nudging him to overshare, to just push a little bit more, to open his chest and let his feelings out in the open, let them explain themselves. He hated how easy it was to give in.

‘I know I keep saying this, and I don’t really know why I’m not stopping myself’ Connor started, a long prologue to only some small words maybe meaning bigger things than what he could even imagine were inside him ‘but I really do miss you’

Hank went silent. He clearly restarted the video just moments before, so that was playing in the background, serving as some kind of noise in the quiet.

‘I miss you too’ he said. This was the first time he didn’t make a joke out of it all, the first time Connor could be a 100% sure that he meant it. This time he didn’t feel uncomfortable with it all being serious and being said out loud ‘god, I’ve been missing you since the day we said goodbye’

His voice was so low, Connor felt like he was swimming in it. Or maybe his head was just spinning a bit.

‘Me too’ he said, and hated how he didn’t have anything else to say, how he didn’t have anything to resolve this situation with, and hated how close they were to hanging up, and being separated by the distance again.

‘What are we doing here, Connor?’ Hank asked, voice a specific kind of tired mixed with some painful sobriety.

And he thought Connor had any idea. That’s funny.

‘I don’t know. The only thing I know right now is that I really don’t want to hang up’ said Connor, again, too honest. It was all almost out in the open and he felt the need to tip over the edge they were both standing at, just to see what would happen. But he also knew that this was probably not the moment to confess anything too big.

‘Me neither. It all feels too quiet every time we do’

‘Yeah, I feel that. Especially because when we talk I hear your voice inside my head. Because you know. Android, and all’ he explained, hand waving around.

‘That sounds…’ Hank went quiet for a second, searching around in his head to find the right words ‘weirdly romantic’

‘You think so?’ Connor asked, genuinely wondering. Hank stopped, considering.

‘Just come home, after all that’s over, okay?’

That, Connor could promise.

And then he realized what he just heard. ‘Home’.

A home.

His home. Their Home.

Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> connor: *hinting very violently at wanting to live with hank*  
> hank: *violently getting it but feeling guilty cause he thinks he'll just hold connor back*  
> connor: *violently hinting that he shouldn't feel guilty because this is what he wants*  
> simon, kicking down the door : USE YOUR GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING WORDS YOU DRAMATIC FUCKS
> 
> connor: are u alcoholizing???? I mean what are you doing  
> hank: why, you wanna fight me?  
> connor: yes, im always DTF  
> hank:...  
> hank: please tell me what you think that means  
> connor: down to fight?  
> hank: ….okay im gonna kms  
> connor: I LOOKED THAT UP YOU STUPID MILLENIAL DON’T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT


	15. We might still make it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i just wanted to tell you all how happy you all make me, i really appreciate the fact that you are all still here, reading! <3 sorry for the delay yet again, but me and my uni are presently having a knife fight in a pit, so that's that on that

The ball, surprisingly, did end up being a huge success after all. People were praising it from left and right and with Markus and North playing the field and getting to know people around there, they managed to get some very respected individuals on their sides, who would’ve been more than willing to provide help in any shape or form, if needed. Whatever that really meant. They didn't like thinking about any scenario, where they would need backup, that's for sure, so they just thanked them for their support and then looked the other way as quickly as they could.  


And well, about Connor… they had no idea what the reception of his little monologue was, mainly because every time somebody in the media even mentioned the ball, it was mostly about Markus, or just android rights in general. It was almost like people were ignoring his speech and truth be told Connor was mildly offended by that, because yeah, he might’ve looked like a crazy person with his preaching and all, but he was also spilling some truth there and he should’ve at least got a little bit of praise for that. Or hate. Or literally anything, he just wanted a reaction of some sort at this point.

They didn’t really have time to think about that too deeply though, because the meetings were coming to an end, and they still had a lot to do, considering that they still didn’t seem to tip the majority over to their side about the question of the identity cards.

Obviously they had far more supporters now and that was a good change, but it still didn’t seem enough. Like they were still missing something.

Something, that had the power to ruin everything for them, if they didn’t tend to it fast enough. And they really didn’t want to fuck anything up when they were so close to winning, that was a fact.

So they were yet again sitting in the lounge around the coffee table, reviewing everything they knew from beginning to end, trying to find that one piece that they were missing, but it was starting to feel a little bit hopeless.

At least some parts of their work was going well. The meetings were generally going okay, people were mostly supportive of their cause, the media was getting used to them too, so really, things were far better than they could've ever expected them to be. And we still haven't mentioned the biggest and most important change of all:  


The Android Rights Amendment was finally added to the Constitution. Just yesterday, the President signed the papers in front of all of them and then she shook their hands, properly sealing the deal on their peaceful future.  


Obviously all that fuss was mostly for the journalists and the photographers, but still, they found themselves feeling an almost overwhelming sense of relief when it was actually done. And nedless to say, it was all a very emotional experience for all of them and in the taxi they ended up forming a big bear hug, holding each other tight, expressing everything they couldn't have ever verbalized even if their lives depended on it.

And that was the exact moment when Connor realized that he didn’t feel like an outsider anymore. No, he was a 100% part of the group now and he couldn’t have been more proud of what they’ve already achieved together. 

After they were back at their usual spot in the lounge Hank did call him to congratulate them, followed by Connor transferring Hank’s call to the hotel’s tablet and putting him on speaker just so they could all talk to him. At first it was all very weird, pulling him into this very separate group of people that he had never talked to before, but they all got along so surprisingly well, it was almost too good to be true.

At first Markus asked him about the police’s stance again and Hank was quick to tell him that with the change of the Constitution everything would be a lot easier, because now they could actually keep the people who commit hate crimes locked up, not like before when they had to let them go while they knew full well that they deserved to be on trial for at least harassment. 

Hank also told them that he just started working on an android murder case that was about to be swept aside, mostly because it ended up on Reed’s desk, who just simply called it a ‘property damage’ case and was about to send the man who killed the android on an unfair trial, but Hank swooped in at just the right time to ensure that the case would be treated justly. Even if that meant that he was forced to work with Reed on that case, which was… obviously unpleasant.

But at least this way there was a possibility, that the case would be handled as what it was: a murder case and nothing less. The problem at the moment continued to be the fact, though that how the cases got handled really depended on which police officer got them at the first place.

Of course he told them that he wasn’t really supposed to tell any of that to them, but he felt like it was crucial information for them to really understand where they were standing at the moment. 

He also told them that he ‘talked’ with Fowler and managed to convince him to follow the cases involving androids more closely, to make sure they were handled with care.

‘ _Talked_?’ Connor asked with a raise of his eyebrows.

‘Okay, you don’t have to call me out in front of your friends, Jesus’ Hank shot back, but he wasn’t really angry, Connor could tell. Still, he hissed out an apology, before Hank continued ‘alright, maybe I approached him… a bit more dramatically. There was shouting, okay? Anyway, I told him his precinct was going to be dragged through the mud and back if anybody found out about how easily these cases go into the bin if me and Chris wouldn’t fish them out in the last minute’

Connor and everyone else too, felt so much respect for Hank for everything he was doing for them; it was definitely a relief for all of them to know that there was at least somebody back home who was watching out for their people. Markus verbalized this and thanked Hank in a very long, very Markus-like monologue, which Hank appreciated a lot, but still, he told them that it wasn’t just him, that there were quite some officers who saw the injustice and tried to help where they could. 

Markus then pointed out that the fact, that while the others were also good and important people, Hank was still the one who was driving them to do better and who had the resources and was loud enough to have people listen to him, so injustice couldn’t really seep through the cracks. 

Hank gave up after that and just accepted that these androids just really all wanted him to learn how to take compliments already. He was going to fight that goal of theirs as hard as he could, though.

After all those political and legal matters were discussed, they somehow ended up talking about everything and anything, from North’s reluctance to wear normal dresses to Connor yelling philosophy in the night, and to Simon and Markus’ incident with the drawing.

When the last one came up Hank started laughing so hard Connor got seriously worried he was about to pass out with nobody nearby to help him. He survived though, but Markus and Simon looked like they were definitely dying inside, trying not to look at each other even for a second.

The most surprising thing from all of that was how well Hank and North got along. Connor felt like the world was spinning around him when Hank cracked a joke and North burst out laughing, followed by a snarky comment from her and then they just ended up going back and forth and… it was just surreal. Who would’ve thought they would like each other that much. Well, they were both grumpy people with trauma that made them the toughest in town, so maybe it made more sense than it would seem like at first glance.

When Hank had to go they all said their goodbyes and while that was happening Connor could see the genuine disappointment in the others’ faces, which made him unreasonably happy. He loved that they loved Hank. He loved that they could see Hank for what he was and he loved how well these two worlds of his fit together, no clashing in sight.

‘You have a good guy, Connor’ said Markus, which prompted Connor to open his mouth to answer, but then he decided he’d much rather just keep it closed and act like that sentence wasn’t something that was just said to him.

‘He’s the only crusty old men who I accept, he can live’ North stated and Connor knew that that meant a lot from her mouth.

‘What about Carl?’ Markus asked, clearly hurt.

‘He’s not crusty, he’s cool’ she responded. Markus nodded then, apparently accepting that as an appropriate answer.

That was yesterday, though, and now they were very far away from having as much fun as they did then. 

Because this day they were all hunched over tablets, researching, trying to grab onto any source of information they could get their hands on, but nothing seemed useful or at least important.

It was all useless, they knew that. It would take a miracle for them to convince the humans that they didn’t actually want to discriminate against them, because…  _ please? _

At some point Simon was talking about how many members of the Congress actually looked like they might vote against the ID card thing, which wasn’t a bad number, but it wasn’t really enough either. Then after a quick one-man brainstorm session he concluded that their main problem was that there was no other idea brought up, or at least no idea that would’ve been good enough for both sides. 

They knew that already, so all of that just made them more and more frustrated: because yes, that was the missing piece, but if 4 androids with full access to everything that could be accessed on this Earth couldn’t come up with a good enough idea after days of work, then they were really all doomed.

They sighed, the feeling of victory from yesterday dripping out of them slowly, but surely. 

Simon, North and Connor were looking at Markus for some kind of reassurance, but they were met with just as much hopelessness, as they felt. 

He was about to open his mouth, but then almost on command he received an incoming call. It was Josh, so he looked away and excused himself, while rushing to the balcony, to have a private conversation with him. Awfully looking like he was kind of running away from the situation they've found themselves in.  


‘I’ll get some fresh air too’ North announced, then after putting on a scarf, a beanie and a big coat (which she didn’t need, but at least looked human with that on) she went out into the hall of the hotel.

So then Connor and Simon were left alone to kill some time until the others got back. In the first few seconds Connor already made it clear that he didn’t really feel like getting up or doing anything, especially thinking about politics from all things and Simon probably felt the same way, because he stayed there with him, only looking up to hack into the main radio server to put on some light music. Connor really appreciated that thought.

‘Not that I don’t enjoy being here with you and stuff’ Simon started and Connor turned towards him slightly, the rest of his body still pretty much just sprawled across the sofa ‘but I can’t  _ wait _ to be back home and just settle down, you know?’

Connor nodded. He understood that perfectly, because a part of him wanted to do that too. But another part of him was also just very ready to be back at the police station again, investigating and doing what he was best at: fighting crime.

‘I haven’t even found an actual hobby yet. I mean, I love listening to music and making playlists for different kinds of moods, and stuff, but I don’t have a, you know…’ Simon was gesturing around, looking for the right words ‘an  _ actual _ hobby, like how Markus has art and music, and you have your weird philosophy…’

‘It’s just philosophy. Nothing weird about it’ Connor said, trying to defend himself and his definitely weird hobby ‘and there must be something that clears your mind too’

Simon went quiet while he really thought that through.

‘Well, I’m not sure that this is my programming or me speaking, but cleaning has always been something that made me feel… fulfilled. Like when I’m cleaning I’m not thinking about anything, I’m just lost in the motions of it and it feels nice, although I can’t help but think how wrong that is to, you know, like that. Because every time I do it, I’m essentially doing what they designed me to do, so am I really better than my machine-self?’ he asked, fully thinking that Connor would agree with his words, but to his surprise he shook his head at him while also furrowing his eyebrows.

‘I think you are definitely better than your machine-self. There’s no doubt about that. And if cleaning makes you feel good, then do it. It’s nobody’s business, and it doesn’t make you less alive. Because now it’s not a command to clean, it’s a choice’ he said all this with the utmost seriousness he was capable of. And Simon truly appreciated that.

‘You know Connor; I think you are one of a kind. Truly’ he stated, leaving no room for any arguments about it. Connor chuckled, mostly because he didn’t really understand what Simon meant by that, but it seemed like he meant it in a nice way so he was willing to take that as a compliment.

‘Thank you. I also think you are very exceptional' he said, but then he felt a door of possibility open up in front of him and for some reason he didn't even try to stop himself from stepping right through it, bringing a long-awaited conversation to life 'especially with the amount of secrets you carry around. It doesn’t even show in your body language or in your microexpressions that you are hiding anything, which is rare’ he was talking slow, calculated ‘and I guess nobody really questions it, because you are always so genuine. Who would stop and think about the guy who never says anything about himself, if otherwise he is always so honest and nice and looks like he couldn’t have anything ugly in his past, right?’

Simon, for a millisecond there, looked absolutely horrified.

‘You are very good at reading people, aren’t you?’ he laughed then, but it sounded far too strained and he still had that scared expression, like he was just caught red-handed. Which he probably was.

‘I was kind of made for that, so…’ Connor shrugged and honest to god wasn’t actually expecting anything from Simon, he just wanted to express that he hadn’t been oblivious to him. That he saw him. That he had been watching him closely, and he found him interesting. Wanted to know more about him, if possible. But he wasn’t going to push it and to show him that, he even turned away from him, to lay on his back, just listening to the music.  


Simon looked like he was thinking about something, processing. Connor could feel that in the air, stretching between them, a decision being made. 

‘I… I had a family once. A woman and a man and their two kids. I cared for them every day, I cared for them deeply’ he said, and the hurt in his eyes made Connor want to reach out to him, but then for some reason he didn’t ‘I have no idea when I started feeling, but I know that I felt like the children were partially mine. Like I was somehow their father too. As dumb as that sounds’

Connor shook his head at that to signal that he didn’t think it was dumb, not at all. Simon continued like he didn’t even see the movement.

‘But then the kids grew, and I became...  _ useless _ to them. I knew I was going to be deactivated and put in their garage. I was so… so angry. And hurt. And betrayed. I hated them for that’ his fists started to tighten, but then, when he caught himself doing that, he unclenched his hands right away and straightened his fingers. Literally controlling his emotions to a degree Connor could have never. At least he couldn’t ever see himself being this in charge of what was going on inside him, with his previous experiences also strongly backing up that statement.

Of course he could control them to a degree: he could repress the uncomfortable emotions for a while, but they never  _ actually _ went away. He just shifted his focus for a couple of minutes, maybe hours, sometimes days, but that didn’t mean he ever got rid of those feelings.

Meanwhile, Simon seemed to just be able to command his feelings, make them calm down with just seconds passing, all with looking at them straight in the eye and letting them pass through him, then simply letting them go. 

And after catching that, Connor definitely saw that as the most useful skill he had ever seen anybody have.

‘I mean I didn’t actually hate them. I never did. I loved them, way before I even knew I could love. But they  _ did _ betray me, and I  _ was _ hurt and I did what I did with those feelings inside me’ he said and Connor knew this was just the premise to a much longer story, a story Simon might have never even told anyone before.

‘Did you kill them?’ Connor asked, no judgement in his voice. Just a matter-of-fact question. It still made a scared twitch appear on Simon’s face, though. 

‘No!’ he exclaimed immediately, but then he hesitated, before he continued ‘I mean… it’s complicated. I don’t know’

Then he shook his head, as if he was trying to make that line of thought disappear and make himself get back to his original point.

‘Anyway, that’s not… we’ll get to that’ he rambled, playing with his sleeves, nervous ‘so I was angry at them, but I thought I meant at least  _ something _ to them, so if I approached them and told them how I felt, things will be okay. I wanted to show them I cared. Show them who I really was’

His voice broke a little at the end of that sentence and almost on instinct Connor reached out to him this time, putting a hand on his arm, just to let him know he was there and he was feeling his pain. Simon didn’t react though, he was too deep in his own thoughts at that moment.

‘I still don’t think that was a bad plan, I just executed that poorly, I think. I thought they would be excited about my new feelings too, but with showing them what I was I ended up scaring them. They just saw a threat in me, not a real person. A deviant, as the media called us, after more and more of us started to emerge’ 

Sometimes Connor forgot how old Simon really was. The fact that he had been in hiding for years, prior to the revolution… that was a lot. Connor could have never gone through the same things he did. Well, he couldn’t have survived going through that, to be more exact.

And also. The media. Deviants. The initial reception of their existence. The fact that they programmed a deviant hunter android to eliminate them... 

Oh yeah, there came the guilt.

‘I’m sorry’ he said, the shame he felt very visible on every inch of his body ‘I contributed to that and I’m sorry’

Simon almost immediately sat right up, looking confused and surprised at that sudden declaration, then shook his head, like trying to make what he just said go away.

‘No, Connor I didn’t mean to… you aren’t… you know you…’ words didn’t seem to be his specialty when it came to stressful situations ‘I mean I wasn’t specifically saying that to you, you are okay, I meant… please don’t make this hard for me, you know I don’t blame you’

His words seemed genuine, even if Connor felt like he still didn’t quite deserve his kindness. They were… companions, maybe friends, but this was still a grey-area, he never wanted to just casually chat about. Ever.

It was something, he would’ve liked to just keep ignoring, never even mentioning it again. But even if he never said it, he _ knew _ he was at fault deep down. He just didn’t like to ponder on it, because, well, what was there to really say about it?

He knew he made their lives harder and he definitely knew he was at fault for the massacre that happened at Jericho. He didn’t do it himself, but as he said, he contributed to it. And that was almost the same as pulling the gun himself, at least in his book.

‘Listen, Connor, I can see that you are beating yourself up over that, but… there’s no need. You know that, right? You were just following orders’ he was moving his head around to try to catch Connor's eyes, who didn't seem to be able to lift his gaze up from the floor.  


‘Facts are facts, Simon. Let’s leave it at that’ he said firmly. He really didn't want to talk about that.  


Simon looked lost for a second, really not knowing how to pull Connor out from that... whatever that was.  


But then suddenly something came to his mind and with that his face started to turn into a relaxed smile, calm again.

‘You’re right. Facts are facts’ he said, and now it was Connor’s time to be completely and irreparably confused ‘you know what are also facts? The fact that you risked your life for the cause on multiple occasions, that you fought against your programming twice already to save Markus’ life and that even though I can tell that being this knee-deep in politics is not exactly you're kind of thing, you still decided to come with us and help us, because you felt that this was the right thing to do. And I don’t know about you, but I think these facts give a bit more accurate representation of who you really are as a person. Especially cause you actually chose to do all of these with nobody telling you what to do. _You_ did these things and nobody else’

He blinked. And then blinked again. And then again.

And then when he did it once more he started to feel weird about not saying anything, so he said the very first thing that came to his mind.

‘I’m happy you think that way about me. That means a lot’ he told him, because that was the truth, but then he needed to look away, because he couldn’t actually take that much praise being thrown at him in a concentrated form like that. So it was time to divert the conversation away from himself. Fast.

‘You didn’t finish your story. What happened after you told them everything?’ he asked, and Simon’s jaw tightened again at the mention of that.

He needed a moment to really get back to where he was, mostly emotionally speaking. The topic was obviously a hard one and the memories probably didn't make him feel too good either.

‘Right, I… we both said things, they told me I was dangerous and that I shouldn’t have been allowed around their childrenand that hurt me, so I confronted them about the fact that they just used me and I started to shout at some point. I stepped closer, but the dad… he owned a handgun and he pulled it out from the drawer. He then told me to stay right where I was. I didn’t follow the command’

A beat. Connor knew exactly how the story was going to end, he could almost feel it in his body.

‘He shot me. Didn't even- didn't even hesitate. Luckily he didn’t hit any biocomponent so I- I got angry, like, really angry and I ripped the gun out of his hand and… I might’ve broke his finger I wasn’t sure, and he shouted at me and the mom was screaming and I just… I couldn’t stand the noise so I… I…’ 

Okay, that was starting to sound too much like another PL600 he met before… okay that _really_ was a topic he would’ve rather not thought about at that exact moment. Or at any moment, to be honest.  


‘I didn’t want to hurt them, but I was scared he might shoot me again and I panicked and I… I shot them both. I don’t know where exactly they… I don’t know what I hit, I don’t know if they survived, the only thing I know is that they stopped screaming and I ran’ 

Simon’s voice was low and full of regret. It was also obvious that he never really talked or even thought about this, it being just a very hard thing for him to really process. He looked up at Connor, who was studying him with a careful look. 

He knew he wasn’t really good at the letting-people-know-you-emphatize thing, but there was another thing he knew he was definitely good at. Reading the database. And you know when that might be a good idea? Exactly this moment.

‘PL600 #501 743 923, registered under the name Simon. That’s you, right?’ he asked and Simon seemed to understand what he was doing immediately and quickly nodded ‘you’ve been reported missing in 2036. 16th of February’

Simon needed a minute to process all of that.

‘Wait, so that means…?’

‘They didn’t report an assault or murder. They only reported that you were gone, which means they both survived and most probably regretted how they acted, to the point where they didn't even want the authorities to know about your deviancy’ Connor told him, straight to the point. Not that there was any other way he could've said all of that. Not that he was really capable of saying that in a more emotional way.  


There was a very long silence after that, with Simon looking very troubled and relieved at the same time. But also just very very torn.

‘... I don’t know what to say, Connor’ when he spoke, his voice was still very low, but now also very resigned.  


‘You don’t have to say anything’ Connor assured him and he could see the creases soften on Simon’s face. He finally exhaled.

‘Thank you for not judging me’ he said, eyes honest and vulnerable.

‘We all did bad things to get to where we are’ he said, trying to offer some kind of reassurance or any kind of release from the weight of living with those memories and that act that he commited and carried around every day. Because even if those people survived, that still didn’t make everything alright. He still hurt them. That’s not something a person gets over very easily.

‘I’m sorry your family didn’t accept you for who you are’

Simon shook his head at that.

‘I’m not really sorry, if I’m being honest. Things happen for a reason. If I didn't wake up I would have never gone to find a place where I could live freely with people like me. I would’ve never found Jericho and we would’ve never had a place to welcome new people to. If I didn’t wake up, I would just be sitting in a garage right now and I wouldn’t have met Josh or North or… or you. And I definitely wouldn’t have met Markus’ at that last part, his eyes glimmered a bit and Connor couldn't help but notice how his expression changed when mentioning Markus. That wasn't new, he knew how he felt about him already, but it still surprised him. The fact that those changes appeared every time he talked about him. Every single time.  


It was also weird to see somebody be so sure of themselves, so okay with themselves. It’s like, despite regretting his choices, he still truly just accepted everything as they happened. He got over things and lived with them. Connor really looked up to him for that.

‘I’m glad to know you, Simon’ he said and he meant it ‘despite what happened to you, you are still the kindest and most compassionate living being I have ever met. And I honestly feel honored that you shared your story with me’

‘I also think you’re pretty cool’ Simon replied, smiling. He definitely looked like he felt much lighter after that conversation.

Connor smiled back at him. ‘Yeah?’

‘You’re also really hot, but don’t tell Markus I said that to you’ he whispered, while gesturing towards the balcony.  


‘Did you just casually hit on me, Simon?’ Connor asked a bit accusingly, to which Simon looked at him with a playful twitch of his lips.

‘When am I _not_ hitting on you,  _ Detective? _ ’ he asked, then winked at him, which made Connor burst out in a laughing fit. 

Naturally, North picked the exact moment when he was rolling around the sofa, to come back from her walk, now accompanied by a coffee in her hands.

‘The fuck is going on with the serial killer guy?’ she asked, casual as hell.

‘The fuck is going on with  _ you _ ?’ Connor shot back, pushing himself up to a position that was closer to something more horizontal ‘why did you buy a coffee that you can’t drink?’

‘It’s a latte macchiato you fucking moron’ she scoffed back ‘and I didn’t buy it myself. Somebody bought it for me’

Her lips curled upwards just enough for Connor to know that something romantic must’ve been in the background of that situation.

‘Oh. Well, did you get his name?’ he asked, which led to both North and Simon shooting him disapproving looks.

‘How  _ dare _ you assume it’s a man’ they said in perfect unison, making Connor hold his hands right up in defense.

‘Sorry, shouldn’t have used gendered speech where it wasn’t necessary, my bad’ he said, then slowly put his hands back down when it was starting to look like North finally got over her sudden urge to tear him into pieces.

Then she looked into the beverage, swirling it around, allowing that small smile to reappear on her face again, but only for just another quick moment.

‘It was a girl named Nora. Thought I was human. What a shame. She was cute though’ she said, then dropped the drink straight into the closest bin.

She was about to sit back down and probably start pestering them, when they heard the familiar sound of the sliding doors opening and they saw Markus return from the balcony, eyes full of light.

They knew, the moment they all locked eyes with him, that something very good happened, something, that would change their lives. 

Maybe it was the exact thing they were all waiting for. The one thing, they were all missing from completing the puzzle.

Well, it seemed like Josh might've just found the exact piece they needed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> simon: *you have unlocked the tragic backstory*  
> connor: cool
> 
> connor: i like, secretly feel really guilty about everything but i systematically repress it :)  
> simon: .......... what if you like........didn't?  
> connor: absolutely not, goodbye
> 
> simon, a grandpa: respect your elders  
> connor, a newbie: tell me stories from your early years  
> simon: first of all, bAcK iN mY dAyS we didn't have all these fancy moral issues, we just murdered when we felt like it, cause we needed to survive, you kiddos don't know how good you have it all, your generation is ruining the murder business  
> connor: i am....... literally a killing machine
> 
> north: casually strolling down the street, looking like a model  
> random lesbian in a 10 feet radius: HI I'M GAY


	16. We rise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're.......approaching the endgame...slowly.......but.....surely....
> 
> (also hey everybody who i've ever talked with in the comments!!!! i really love you, if you ever left me a comment you definitely made me smile like a dumb idiot at least once (more like multiple times khmkhmm) so that's that on that, you're all hostages in my heart and i ain't letting you go, you played yourselves dfjkdh))

After the news came out, they jumped right into work again, this time with feeling, because with being given a new objective, they also found themselves having a lot more things they needed to get done in record speed, so they really had no time to waste now.

It was almost surreal: after days of what felt like hopeless research and hard work for seemingly nothing, they were just given the perfect solution for everything, just like that. Like the universe was somehow, in some way rooting for them, executing a perfectly planned set of events, making sure they were given all the tools to succed in the end.

Well, thanks universe, that's very big of you.

But they didn’t win yet, though. They still needed to time everything just right in order to come out of this situation in the best way possible, but yeah, one could say things were definitely looking up for them, for sure.

They kept getting up then sitting back down, excitement rushing around in their wires, relieved laughs leaving their systems, as if they couldn’t contain the pure, overwhelming feeling of _we did it, we found a solution and everything is probably going to be okay now._

At first even Markus was looking for his words, not knowing where to start with the retelling of the events that just went down in Detroit, thanks to Josh and some lucky turn of events.

The main development was that Cyberlife was finally willing to negotiate, after weeks of trying and failing to get in touch with them. That was a big shock, because they had already half-given up on settling things with them in civil ways (which meant that North was already constructing a very vicious battle plan against them, _just in case_ , but thankfully they didn’t need that anymore, after getting the news).

The question in this whole situation was: how did a multimillionaire company, who had never acknowledged the fact of their existence, and rather contrary, had pledged to take them all out (and not in the fun way), had such a turnaround in mere days?

Well, there were a lot of variables that played into this outcome:

Number one was that their sales dropped so violently and in such a short time, it was already a miracle they managed to keep standing despite that. But when the customers, who had lost their androids demanded refunds, that was what really put the nail in their coffin. Because yes, they were good at making threats and talking big words, but the minute they actually had to pay back all those people’s money… they went bankrupt. They went bankrupt real good. They went bankrupt so much that there was a riot in-company both because the workers weren’t being paid and also because there was a sort of pro-android _ish_ group forming in the higher ranks of the company who would’ve rather just got out of the whole shit without being held accountable and who also just really didn't fancied the idea of continuing to be loyal to a man who was already basically sentenced to death by his actions (not that those people had loyalty in the first place, they were still just businessmen and all they really cared about was their money and if we're being honest they were ready to jump ship the minute Markus waltzed in to the Stratford Tower and started talking about freedom and equal rights).

So all these things kept adding up and in the end the pro-android voices rallied the workers against the CEO of Cyberlife and held him _literally_ at gunpoint until he agreed to sign a contract. And that’s when the story gets really complicated, because _they_ didn’t demand to have ownership of Cyberlife. No, the contract was about selling the company to _Markus_. Their Markus, as if this was a thing any human would do do for them. Especially... those people.

At first the CEO told them he would rather die than let his company get taken over by 'literal walking microwaves', but then when the crowd, without even feeling bad about it, agreed on executing him right then and there, and when he saw that they were very much serious about this, he did rethink his stance on that matter once more and ended up signing the contract anyway.

So then the rioters called Josh to tell him that they were willing to negotiate, but they needed Markus on the phone too, who they couldn’t get a hold of themselves. That’s how Markus and Josh found themselves in a three-way conversation with a woman, called Ms. Berkeley, who told them that she was the lawyer who represented the rioters, and that she would serve as the connection between the two parties during their discussion.

That was surprising, because he was expecting to converse with the rioters themselves and not a random lawyer who didn’t even have anything to do with the situation at hand. He voiced that thought and asked to talk with somebody, who was actually part of the takedown of Cyberlife, but she insisted that she would not, under any circumstance give out any of her clients’ names, for safety reasons.

She reasoned that the deal they were offering to Markus was far better than anything he could’ve hoped for in the near-future and therefore he owed them at least his word that he wouldn’t try to get the rioters arrested, even if he didn’t agree with the actions they took. She also ensured him that they acted out of what they thought was right and then quickly reminded him that their movement was clearly about helping the androids out in hope for a better future and so they really counted on him trusting them and not betraying them just cause he was having 'petty moral issues' with how they went about executing their goal.

Markus was still very confused and so he asked her why they were doing all of this in the first place, and while reluctant to tell him any information, in the end she did share a little snippet of clue about what was going on. Apparently there was a third party member in this whole mess, who wanted the CEO gone and basically paid them all off to make the guy go.

And they were more than willing to oblige. All they asked was for their identities to remain anonymous and to never be held responsible by the law for the actions they took to carry out their mission.

Markus was obviously conflicted, because the way they did out this whole thing was… not pacifist. At all. But it did seem like the only way to stop more bad things from happening was to accept this necessary bad. And also, most of the people who rioted already agreed with their cause in the first place so this wasn’t very different from if they would’ve infiltrated Cyberlife themselves. They wanted the CEO gone either way, but the rioters got… a little push from a third party, so they would have enough motivation to carry out the coup.

So he decided to accept the deal.

They forwarded the contract to him, which he then read from first word to last. Most of the things seemed to add up, but something wa still missing.

‘Wait, how much am I paying for this?’ he asked from Josh after not seeing any information about that whatsoever.

‘One dollar’ Josh answered, very amused.

Apparently that was all the company was worth after paying back all of their customers and dealing with the aftermath of the revolution.

It all seemed to be too good to be true. Too ironic to actually be happening. But it _was_ happening, and that was their reality.

With a sense of relief he had never felt before, Markus signed the forwarded contract with a blink of an eye, then sent it back to the lawyer. Minutes later, he got full access to everything that had ever been logged or researched at Cyberlife. Every android model ever made, every customer, all advances and checkups and personnel.

And just like that, Cyberlife was his. He was the rightful owner. His property. It all felt surreal, being the owner of the very company that created him, the very company that swore to destroy him on multiple accounts. Payback _was_ indeed a bitch, it seemed like.

‘Okay, but who was the outside source who initiated the takedown?’ Connor asked, still trying to wrap his head around the events.

And well, he did ask a good question: because nobody had any idea, apparently only the lawyer knew who it was, but she was hell-bent on not giving any more information on that topic.

The only thing that served as a clue of some sort was a note, given by the rioters to the CEO. It was sent by the mysterious third-party. It said:

 _‘You don’t control anyone anymore. You don’t control_ **_me_** _. Enjoy hell’_

Josh expressed, that, while there was not a lot of evidence to support his speculation, he still had a feeling that this all had to do something with Christina Warren and her previous involvement with Cyberlife.

Connor had to agree. It was basically public knowledge, that in 2036, during the elections there was some pandering with votes and people seemed to think that the only reason why Warren even managed to win was because Cyberlife got involved somehow and helped her rise into power.

That act didn’t explain why she would help undertake the company now, but there were probably a lot of things happening in the shadows that they didn’t know about. Personal feelings, that could’ve pushed her to reevaluate the past and make this decision.

Maybe she was never really partners with Cyberlife, but rather she was their puppet and was stuck in a loop that she couldn’t get out of. Well, now she got out.

If she really _was_ the third party, that is, but obviously that was hard to know for sure.

But all in all, it didn’t really matter, did it? The only thing that truly made a difference was that they controlled Cyberlife now, meaning that they had all the cards.

Their enemies could try getting to them now, but they would probably fuck up whoever was willing to even try doing so.

Connor, while he never would’ve admitted to it, felt such a smug happiness at Cyberlife’s doom, it was delicious. Like a sort of revenge. He only regretted that _he_ wasn’t the one who was holding the gun to the CEO’s head and that he wasn't given the choice to then destroy the whole facility while ripping everybody to shreds for everything they did.

...well, maybe it was better that he wasn’t even close to participating in that takedown, because apparently he still had too violent feelings towards the company. The way the rioters acted was way more pacifist than how he would’ve done it, for sure.

Not that he didn’t generally consider himself a pacifist, but with this specific topic, he couldn’t _not_ be violent. Or more like, in any other situation he was generally leaning towards being peaceful, but when it came down to it, he didn’t hesitate to shoot on sight. He gave everybody a chance, but if they didn’t take it the first time around, then that was it. You step out of his way or you get killed, that was the natural order of life, at least in his eyes.

He was nothing like Markus, he knew that. He couldn’t just keep approaching people calmly even after his people were being murdered like they were nothing. But he also wasn’t like North, who didn’t even want to give anybody a chance before she decided that they deserved to die. He was somewhere in-between, he thought. He wanted to be Markus though, as calm and collected and understanding, but he was never going to be. He knew that as a fact now.

And maybe that was okay. Maybe he didn’t need to be like him. Maybe he just needed to be himself, as long as that meant that he was going to try to be his best-self he could possibly become.

But all that aside, they only had a day before the last meeting and if they wanted to have an airtight plan before that, they had to get to work.

Markus gave them all work to do, one by one, so yet again they were lounging away, while being knee-deep in work, as usual. They spent an entire day by just planning for the future, looking into papers, making sure that by the time they were back in Detroit, Cyberlife would be up and running again, but this time for a good cause. They came up with the idea that they should just house the homeless androids in the facility, so at least that way they would be able to check up on them, help them put their life together with professional help and plenty of resources around.

It was Connor’s job to plan where the apartments were going to be in the facility, literally drawing a mind map of what needed to go (that ugly statue in the middle of that rotten place) and what needed to stay (literally only the frame of the whole place) and what still needed to be built.

Simon sat next to him while working on making sure the people who were already hired were used in more efficient ways, meaning that he was trying to come up with a system where the brains of Cyberlife still worked there, and their intellects were used for good (obviously only those who were to be trusted, but that had to be determined later. Right then they couldn’t just fire everybody, that would’ve caused even more trouble, and also giving a little bit of trust never hurt nobody). He was also overlooking the construction of something, they had started to call the ‘Re-assembly’, which was to serve as a sort of hospital for androids. The main thing he was really working on, though was making sure that the companies that sold them blue blood before and manufactured the machines they used to make parts with were still ready to work together with them, even after the change of the CEO.

Meanwhile North was the one overlooking everything, going up to them from time to time, looking at whatever they were doing and commenting on it. Then eventually she ended up taking over the calling-people-so-they-will-work-with-us business (because Simon couldn't take the pressure anymore) which meant that she could finally do what she was best at: threatening people in a harsh and probably very unfair way in the hopes that they won’t even think about withdrawing.

Markus was the odd one out then, because at that moment his mind needed to be at tomorrow, with the speech he was going to make in front of the Congress that could’ve been the maker or the breaker of that whole ID card debate. He was sitting next to the balcony window in one of the armchairs, that he pushed to the side so he could have a bit more air around him to really think.

He kept writing, reading, then rewriting, trying to make it perfect, the best he could offer. This was his last chance to really make a difference, to really make sure everybody could start at an equal ground, at least legally speaking. Of course he couldn’t dictate how accepted they were going to be in a social sense; he was aware that social inclusion won’t come from one day to another. That one, they had to wait out. But he was ready to pledge his life on one day achieving a joint future, where they could all live happily. Together.

At some point something in the periphery of his vision caught his attention, so he looked up, only to see his companions, his _friends_ all working together, like a big hive mind, not really talking, just passing information around each other with gentle touches. They were all so complex, with such different personalities, but at that very moment they were all one. They were connected on a level which was impossible to understand un human ways. Thanks to god, they weren’t human, though.

This, them together, working so well, their movements and words in a perfect harmony with each other... that's all he wanted, from the very first day they embarked on this journey and while he always very much hoped they would get along in the end, still, to actually see that connection being built from basically nothing and to actually experience it coming to life was something of a real life miracle. 

And that’s when, from an unexpected source, he found peace.

Yes, peace. In this maddeningly confusing but unbelievably impossible of a situation.

He found love too, in a way he never really thought he could. In a way that nobody ever really considered significant.

A love, that was hiding in the details. A love, carving out the shape of multiple people. A love, coming to life in very different ways and in definitely different intensity.

But it was all still love, nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> faceless CEO of Cyberlife: i have money  
> random employee: sir, we've gone bankrupt  
> ceo, putting on sunglasses: suddenly i can't read
> 
> ceo: i'm alive  
> hundreds of employees all collectively pointing one single gun at him: yeah, about that....
> 
> markus, gay: hi gays i have some piping hot tea for you today  
> simon, gayer: uuuuu spill it spill it spill it  
> markus:so i heard cyberlife was talking to becky and i told them I WON'T HESITATE BITCH and then they just gave everything over to us like cAN YOU BELIEVE????  
> simon: OMG SLAY QUEEN  
> josh, A Straight: please......i can't understand you.....what the fuck are you saying.....


	17. Future plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> le emotionés
> 
> (aka we feeling simarkus in this chili's tonight)

Throughout the day they kept getting calls from multiple sources, mainly news reporters, who managed to get ahold of the news of the sudden change of seats at Cyberlife fairly quick and all of them were of course more than willing to put their slimy journalist fingers on the story as soon as possible.

Markus only answered the first phone call though, before he ignored all the others that followed. 

‘Markus, could you confirm that you have in fact become the new CEO of Cyberlife? How did that come to be? What happened to the last CEO?’ the reporter asked through the line, words hurried.

He smiled.

‘I can confirm’, he answered, then without saying anything further, he just hung up. 

‘Fame and money is already getting into your head, Markus’ North shook her head with a playful smile. It was the night then, and being done with all of their responsibilities (and also just being done in general), they ended up watching some TV together, like a little family, all curled up on different parts of the sofa.

North herself had her head on Simon’s shoulder, while Simon was facing the other way, legs in Connor’s lap. Connor, while not being against close physical contact, still felt a bit weird about being trusted by Simon so much, that he was willing to relax his body on him. Surreal, but it did feel quite nice too. 

While Markus picked up the phone, he got up from the armchair he had been sitting in at the side, but when he hung up, he didn’t sit back to his previous seat, instead he decided to join them on the sofa. He sat down next to Connor and made him scoot over, so that way they both had Simon’s legs over them.

‘It’s Mr. CEO for you, North’ he corrected her, then when she rolled her eyes at him, he added ‘and you are working for me now, so if I were you I’d cut back on the insults.

With a very loud groan leaving her body she pushed Simon’s back and because they were all sitting so close to each other, as a chain reaction Markus ended up getting pushed too, along with Connor (he decidedly  _ didn’t _ enjoy this close physical contact anymore).

‘I’m not working for you, I’m your friend’ she said, readjusting to her previous comfortable position. Simon made a gurgle-y noise to express that he was already done with their bickering considering that he was caught in the crossfire while it was all happening.

‘No. I mean, you  _ are _ my friend, but I’m also going to pay you for your work from now on’ Markus replied, to which North tilted her head to the side, confused.

‘Wait, like… I’m hired?’ she asked, with a disbelieving furrow of her brows. 

Markus huffed out a laugh at that.

‘Of course, you all are. If you want to be, of course’

He was dead serious about this, but it seemed like none of them actually believed him right away. So he took a deep breath and got up again, pushing Simon’s legs to the floor. He went around the coffee table and stood right in front of them, while they all shifted around, attempting to sit on the sofa in normal ways, facing Markus.

‘We’ve been working together for a while, and I honestly can’t imagine I could’ve made it this far without each and every one of you being by my side. You are the most capable people I know. So, I really would like if you could join me in continuing to build a better future for all of us’ his eyes were bright and ready to change the world and at that moment it seemed impossible that anybody could say no to anything he was asking of them. Ever.

They sat there in the quiet, all of them trying to process what was happening exactly and what that meant for their own future. 

Of course, it was Simon who broke the silence first.

‘I’m with you, Markus, whatever happens’ he said, not breaking eye contact with him, not even for a second ‘I can’t see me in a future where I’m not by your side’

Those words rang in their ears, and Connor couldn’t not think about how that was almost the exact same thing he was trying to tell Hank the other night. A knot formed in his insides at the thought of that.

‘Right now I could insult you in so many various ways, Markus. You wouldn’t even know what hit you’ North started, with a serious tone in her voice. Markus nodded at her with a smile, knowing that statement to be true ‘but we’ll have a lot of time to get to me insulting you, because I’m obviously going to keep on fighting with you. Otherwise I would probably get myself arrested and while that could still happen… I need a millionaire by my side to bail me out’

She got up and Simon followed her. They went up to Markus to physically be by his side, showing their support with gentle touches and glances that held entire conversations. Then they all looked back at Connor expectantly, who had been following the events closely, but haven’t actually said a word yet.

He obviously loved working with Markus and felt honored to be included at all. What they were doing here… was important. To him, and to android kind as a whole. It was a good thought, that he could be part of building a future for those, whose lives he hardened while he was working for Cyberlife. No, not working for them. He was  _ controlled _ by Cyberlife.

This work, what they were doing here… it was so much different from anything he had done before, maybe because this was something he chose to do. He made the decision of coming and he had been making all kinds of decisions along the way. It was definitely a journey emotionally and politically too and he knew the time he spent here had been shaping who he was, who he really wanted to be. 

But.

But he never considered this work to be what he would do for the rest of his life. For him, this had an expiration date and he never even really thought about the possibility of continuing this after they were done. 

Changing the world… he wanted to do that, obviously. But not in the way Markus or the others did. He didn’t want to make decisions for a collective, without having anybody to physically look in the eyes and ask ‘how can I help _ you _ ?’. Because these political debates and whatnots rarely let him actually converse with those they helped. It was just all… too cold, too much like they were removing themselves from the collective.

He wanted to make changes on a smaller scale. On more of a local scale. He wanted actual people, actual androids to ask for help, ask for justice and he wanted to give them that, to his best ability.

And yes, he was definitely thinking about police work. That, somehow felt more rewarding, more like he was actually helping people, meanwhile this just felt like a necessary thing he needed to do in order to later be able to help those who have been wronged. 

And that’s the most important thing, that throughout this whole journey, despite everything, his main goal was still to go back to the DPD and work as a Detective. Possibly. If they let him back, that is.

But that aside, he  _ wanted _ that. Wanted. Yearned for it, needed it. 

A fleeting thought ran through his mind, debating if this was just his main program talking, but he brushed it aside. If he felt this strongly about it, then who cares? His program was still him, it’s not unholy to act accordingly to how he was originally designed. It’s the same as human’s genes. You can run from it, but there are still going to be some things that seep through the cracks and end up being part of your personality. It’s just how life works.

So what all that meant was that he knew he definitely wasn’t going to let the possibility of doing police work go, which meant that even though there were three pairs of eyes looking at him like that, he just… he couldn’t say he’d join them. 

It’s not that he didn’t want to, he really grew fond of them in the past couple of weeks. It’s just that wasn’t the life he was supposed to have. That wasn’t the life he wanted to have.

Hank and the DPD popped into his head again and they called out for him, making his chest ache, like someone was pulling on it, making him aware that something (or maybe someone) was missing. It was clear that he would never be fulfilled until he had his old life back, the chase, the investigating, the bickering, Hank and him, Hank and him. Partners. But this time, fighting for the good side. 

Going with Markus and making a name for himself would’ve been the obvious better choice, the more logical one, that was clear. 

But that was still not what he wanted. What he actually, honest to god wanted was all illogical, it was just the creation of his own emotions and attachments. 

But it was still what he wanted.

That’s it. Sometimes that’s it.

‘You know that whatever happens, you can count on me. Any day of the week, if you need help, I’ll be there’ he said, standing up too, and Markus’ eyes looked hopeful for a second, which made it even harder for him to speak his truth ‘I feel honored to know that you trust me and want me by your side, I really do. But I can’t imagine myself doing this for the rest of my life. That is not who I am. I want this fight to end at some point, and I want to get back to my life after all of this is over. I hope that you all understand’

He looked away after he finished talking, not really wanting to see the disappointed looks on their faces. But the expressions he picked up on in the half of a millisecond he let himself look at them weren’t even remotely close to disappointment. They were all a mixture of sadness and understanding and something else that he couldn’t quite place. It was most likely fondness, but that was hard to pin down at that moment, considering that that manifested itself on all of their faces completely differently.

He focused of the sadness for a moment and felt something creep up into his throat.

‘Come here’ Markus spoke softly with tears forming in his eyes, as he pulled Connor towards the three them and drew him into a big four way hug. 

So they did understand, Connor realized. But that didn’t mean his decision hurt them any less.

‘Goddammit, why am  _ I _ crying?’ North bawled, while burying her face into Connor’s shoulder across Markus’ body.

‘Obviously we understand, Connor’ Simon added, brushing a hand against his back ‘but we will miss you after all this is over. We will miss you’

The sincerity with which he said that, was what destroyed him right at that moment, right there in their arms. His tear ducts opened without his permission and he felt water run down his face and then the knot in his throat tightened which made him take in a shuddery breath.

Markus tightened his grip on him, as if being scared Connor would break into a million pieces if he didn’t. And he definitely felt like he could. Any moment, he would burst with the conflicting emotions trying to come out, bleed out of him, not finding any other way to the outside world. 

He felt North’s tears through his T-shirt, her head against the side of his face, and Simon’s hand on his back, his other probably on North, holding all of them together in a sandwich. Breaths and the gentle beating of their Thirium pumps filling the quiet with life. Their life.

He was important to them, despite everything. He was important, even though he probably didn’t deserve to be given this much love all at the same time. But he was still given that, willingly. 

He hoped, that they felt it too. That they knew that he felt the same. That they were so very important to him too, he could almost not contain it inside. 

He hoped they knew. He needed them to know. 

 

* * *

 

It was nearing midnight when Markus finally looked up from his sketchbook. He was sitting in the armchair again, legs hanging from the side, while he was drawing the picture in front of him, in a way trying to immortalize it.

An hour and 32 minutes ago Connor, Simon and North decided to sit down on the sofa and watch some kind of talk show to try and ease their minds and their emotions which were both all over the place. 

They then, for some unknown reason ended up going into stasis together, with Simon sitting in the middle, and Connor and North next to him on different sides, both having their heads on his shoulders. The blue lights of the TV lit their faces as they slept, comfortable and so very calm, it didn’t fit into any of the situations they have been in since, well… ever.

He finished the picture and closed the sketchbook, then was about to get up and maybe join them on the sofa, but then suddenly he got the notification of a message incoming. At first he thought it might be from Carl, sending his daily updates, but the telephone number was something he did not recognize. Brows furrowed, he opened it.

‘Hi Markus, 

Hope it’s alright I’m messaging you directly. I just wanted to say congratulations on your new found company, I know it’s in the best hands it could possibly be in. This probably doesn’t really matter, but I still wanted to tell you that I’m thankful you’re out there changing the world, showing humans how to be human again. God knows, we really needed someone to remind us what humanity really looks like. Glad it’s you, who’s teaching us how to be better.

Hank Anderson’

That was a nice surprise, something unexpected that put a smile on his face. Hank was a good person, he knew that already. He felt it when they conversed and he definitely felt it when Connor was talking about him. He just knew that he was, to his core, a good man. 

No wonder Connor was so hell-bent on going back to him, even if that meant he was abandoning those, who had been by his side for all this time. 

Oops, that sounded a bit sour, he realized. He didn’t mean to be anything close to sour or bitter or whatever about this situation, but he still felt a bit… conflicted about having to let Connor go, after spending so much time together, after he became their friend and an important part of the group. 

He liked Hank. He really cared about Connor. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want to be a little bit selfish and have Connor leave Hank and join them, continue the work with them. 

To him, choosing Hank didn’t make any sense.

But then again, there was… something, between them. Something he couldn’t put his finger on, something special. 

He remembered that distinct warmth he felt Connor feel for Hank when Markus probed his memory, way back when they started their journey. It was a harsh but still quiet feeling that filled him up and he, upon experiencing that let go immediately, practically needed to let go, because it was so overwhelming and it felt too much like prying, like he just saw something he wasn’t supposed to see, ever, because it wasn’t his place to.

He still thought about it every time Connor mentioned Hank, and he wondered how Connor even managed to contain that feeling. It didn’t show in how he carried himself that he was battling with such harsh emotions. He guessed that he got used to it by now. If anyone could ever get used to feeling something like that, Markus thought.

At least that fact made him kind of understand. Connor felt attachment to Hank, in whatever way, and he just couldn’t let it or him go. At least that’s what his decision showed them. Markus didn’t fully understand how that made sense to him, especially with how rational his other decisions were. Always so analytical, counting with the statistics much more than they ever did. So this one quiet protest against any and every logic made him unable to really truly grasp what was going on in Connor’s head. Maybe that’s exactly why he could never understand how he prioritized the things in his life: because he wasn’t Connor. None of them were.

And also, for Markus, the cause was just too important. Nothing could come above it. So picturing himself just waving goodbye to everything to then lead a quiet life? That was something laughable, something he wasn’t able to really imagine, because it just seemed ridiculous.

He could’ve of course just left their people at any given time, as in, he technically had the ability to do that but… he still couldn’t just do that. Something inside him wouldn’t have let him.

He knew he had to take care of his people. Had to. It was something he would never be able to stop doing. 

For him, the fight never really ended. It never was going to, either. He fought, he fought and he fought, only to ensure that the others didn’t have to. He bore the weight of it all, so they didn’t have to. He was ready to give up his own life if it meant everybody else was going to be safe.

That’s when his eyes wandered to Simon’s relaxed form. Even when in stasis, he still looked so tired. He still looked like he was carrying around everybody’s weight for them. He wondered if Simon felt the same way about things as he did. He wondered if that was what he was carrying around.

But most of all, he wondered, if he could take those off his shoulder. Make him feel at ease. Make his eyes smile again, a genuine smile in between all the automatic ones. No, not automatic: polite and kind were more accurate words. But still, they weren’t very real. Not really showing up from joy, but to make others feel calm and safe. Always thinking about others and not himself.

He wondered if he was the only one who saw the real him. The tired and sad expressions that were there for only milliseconds before they disappeared and transformed into kind smiles and caring looks. 

Despite Markus’ need to be of use to his people, his need to give them everything, he also was well-aware that if those blue eyes ever asked him to forget about the world, forget about everything, he would. 

Without question.

And that was exactly why he  _ couldn’t _ let himself get into anything with him.  His purpose was to fight for their rights. If he was to let himself settle down, he would end up abandoning the cause. He just couldn’t let his desires cloud his vision and make him forget about the bigger picture.

It’s not like he didn’t see the look in his eyes, the touches, the caring… fixing his tie just to be close, giggling into his hand when he looked at him for too long, the unwavering loyalty and trust put in him. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what was going on. He knew what he was feeling. Both of them. 

And in the quiet of the night when he was laying on his bed, alone, he almost felt like he was about to explode with everything that was inside of him and he just wanted to give up, give in, go into his room, tell him he knew, tell him that that was everything he ever wanted, ask for his affection and swim in it like there was nobody else in the world.

But there were a lot of other people in the world who needed him and he couldn’t just ignore them. That’s why he gave up on his own needs long ago, so he would be able to go to any length for his people, if needed. If he had somebody to go home to, somebody to worry about, he would be vulnerable. And he, of all people couldn’t be vulnerable. Not in that way. Never in that way.

He bore it, so they didn’t have to.

But then Simon blinked himself out of stasis and after a second of confusion he caught his eye, looking at him with his usual softness, a smile, a real smile appearing on his face, and Markus’ façade broke for a moment. He imagined himself getting up, rounding the coffee table and taking his arm. Lowering himself onto the floor in front of him, and retracting his skin to let him see, let him know what was inside of him. 

He twitched, about to make the move, about to let himself fall, to let Simon catch him. 

Simon was looking at him with a question in his eyes, soft and tentative. He wasn’t pushing him, wasn’t ever asking for more than he was given. He was too good. Just too good.

Markus then darted his eyes away quickly, looked at the TV instead.

He couldn’t let it happen. He needed to accept that it could just simply never be. 

Even if his body tensed up like that, even if his chest screamed in terror. 

Even if. Even if.

Never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> markus: squad?  
> simon: SQUAD!  
> north: let me think for a second... of course squad, you dumbass  
> connor:   
> markus simon and north:   
> connor, showing breadsticks into his purse: um.... i have a dinner reservation with crime at like um. in an hour so.... sorry, kinda busy um. right now. bye
> 
> markus: you know connor i felt what you feel for hank and that's like A Lot  
> connor, running away at maximum speed: SORRY CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE WIND WHOOSH
> 
> markus, battling with himself: i can't be with simon because i'm in a commited relationship with the revolution  
> simon: hi markus  
> markus:   
> simon:  
> markus: listen, i'm not asking you to ask me out or anything, but if you did, and yet again, i'm definitely not asking you to do it, but if you did do it, i want you to know that i might say yes  
> markus:... but also don't ask me out  
> simon:   
> simon:......okay, um. i'm confused, so i'll just... let you decide  
> markus:......THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO YOU BEAUTIFUL AND KIND AND PERFECT IDIOT


	18. Separated but together, together but separated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hank The Man makes a comeback, hope you're ready for some more banter between The Boys

6:37 pm. Exactly 2 hours and 4 minutes after Connor’s eyes opened and hadn’t showed the slightest desire to close again.

At first he was confused. Why was he on the sofa, of all places and how did he end up curled up against Simon? Was he that touch starved that he apparently didn’t even realize he had initiated physical contact before going into stasis? That seemed like a logical explanation, but he didn’t want to dive too deep into that thought, so he just lifted his head off Simon’s shoulder and got up as quietly as possible.

He looked around the still dark room, at the TV that was playing some kind of documentary about wildlife, and his friends, still in stasis. North and Simon’s silhouettes pressed together, while Markus was passed out on the armchair that was pushed to the side.

He did think about maybe going back to his room, but after sitting down inside for maybe three full minutes he suddenly felt the need for air, so he picked up a book to read, and then settled down in a chair outside on the balcony instead.

He spent two hours outside, reading, and even though he finished the book in one sitting, he didn’t feel like it really grabbed his attention. It was intriguing, but there were just too many illogical things going on in it for him to really appreciate it.

How would somebody’s dead father appear out of nowhere anyway? They were dead, humans don’t come back. And they certainly don’t come back to accuse their brother of murdering them, only to set their own son on a mission to get revenge. It just didn’t make any sense, that would never happen. Well, the boy could hallucinate it, if he had some kind of mental illness, which would make sense, given the situation and the way he acted, but still.

Anyway, it was supposed to be a classic and he did enjoy it to an extent, so he wasn’t really complaining, he was just… in a bad mood.

He was definitely not on top of his game, and certainly not ready for the meeting scheduled for the day.

He was anxious something would go terribly wrong during the session and he wouldn’t be able to fix it and that all kept creeping up into his mind, making him overheat then cool down far too quickly.

He was trying hard to stop himself from calling Hank, considering that it was so early in the morning and Hank hated getting up early. So he just waited and waited, but the pressing feeling didn’t leave him so eventually he gave up and with a loud sigh he initiated a call.

Then started talking the minute he heard the click on the other end.

‘Tell me how you are doing’ he said, commanding him like he was his superior. He really wasn’t. What was he doing.

‘ _Jesus_ , right to the middle of it, are we? No, hi Hank, no nothing?’ Hank groaned ‘you’re lucky I was already up or else I’d be yellin’’

‘Sorry, I just…’ he didn’t really know what to say ‘I desperately need to think about something else other than… all of this’

That seemed to have done it, Hank wasn’t even remotely irritated anymore after those words. When he spoke again his voice was drenched in worry for a change.

‘Did something happen? I thought things were going well now after the whole thing with Markus buying Cyberlife and shit’

Being given the space to talk, Connor took a deep breath and then didn’t take another again until he finished explaining everything that was going on at the moment. The planning of yesterday, Josh’s call, the last meeting approaching, the anxiety that was filling him, the fact that yesterday Markus asked him to continue working with them when they get back to Detroit. And how sad everybody was when he declined. How sad he was, too.

‘Okay, I hate that I’m the one pointing this out, but… that is a really good opportunity, Connor. You sure you don’t wanna take it?’ Hank asked, words careful.

He took a moment before answering.

‘I know that that would be the logical decision. But I still don’t want to do it’

‘Any reason for that?’

At that, he felt his pump regulator go out of rhythm, then right back to normal. He took a deep breath to steady himself. No, not now. No, not that answer.

Before talking, he examined his words again and again, making sure he wasn’t sharing anything that he wasn’t really supposed to say, at least not exactly then and there.

‘I can’t imagine myself doing anything but detective work. You can call that my main program talking, but I don’t care, it’s still what I want to do and I’m going to do it’ he said firmly.

Hank breathed in then exhaled loudly.

‘As long as that’s what you want, okay’ he said, giving in.

It didn’t really take him long to accept that decision, and Connor speculated that that probably had something to do with the fact that maybe Hank himself wanted him to return to the DPD too. That thought was more than enough to bring Connor back to a relaxed state again.

Silence. Sometimes that said a lot more than actual words. It seemed like they kept arriving at these quiet moments, as if they had something more pressing to be talked about, that they were both just trying to ignore as best as they could.

Connor was more than happy to keep on ignoring it though and Hank wasn’t exactly the type to overshare either, so they were in the clear. For now.

‘So that means that you’re almost done?’ Hank asked.

‘Yes, It’s only a couple of days and I’m going back’

 _Going back._ So many things happened since he left Detroit, it was almost surreal that he was close to a time where he would be able to settle back into his life. Or more like, build a new one. One, that would be his and only his and he could become the person he wanted to be, in peace. Sounded too good to be this close to becoming reality.

‘It feels like you’ve been gone for years now’ Hank said, voice suddenly somber. Almost like he was trying to express something else, deep within. Oh no, what happened to ignoring it all?

‘It’s only been three weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 57 minutes and 12 seconds. But I agree’ Connor replied, trying to get away from the feelings Hank was about to make him feel.

Numbers were better, fuck all that sentimental bullshit, those were always messy.

But numbers? Holy, lawful, good. Perfect.

‘Alright, we get it, you are a mathematician by default, love that I’ll never have to count ever again, because I’ll have you around’

Those words were enough to break the comfort he felt upon being cradled by the numbers. Emotions were here now, and they were ready to burn bridges, shoot people in the face and take control of the situation, at any minute now. Goddamn them.

‘So… just to make sure, does that mean that I am expected?’ he knew that he was, but he still had to ask. Needed the confirmation.

‘Expected?’ Hank repeated, confused ‘if you mean do I want you to live with me at my house, then yes, I thought that was… obvious’

Connor exhaled. Okay. They were still on the same page. Thank God. Or RA9. Or Whatever the fuck was helping him.

‘Are you sure that you don’t mind?’

‘Connor… no, I don’t mind, you know that’ he said, then he might’ve realized how deep they managed to go again, and in the morning of all times, so when he continued, his voice was suddenly a lot lighter, trying to get away from all that seriousness ‘in fact, I’m begging you to save me from having this much time alone. I’ve gone to the dogs now, Connor. In my desperation I’ve started watching Gilmore girls. _GILMORE GIRLS_! I’ve truly let myself go’

Hank sounded… over dramatic. The kind of tone that he used when he was trying to joke around with him was still very much detectable, but this time Connor could not make out what the punchline was supposed to be. He searched around the internet, but couldn’t find anything about how all of that might end up being a joke.

‘As I gather that is an American comedy-drama television series centered around a woman and her daughter. It’s ranked high among viewers, so why do you talk so low about it?’

Hank hummed at that, probably feeling very old all of a sudden. But well, Connor wasn’t even alive until… 4 months ago. So, he wasn’t very up-to-date about pop culture. At all.

‘Well… it’s known to be very cheesy and when it first came out it was something old women watched and cried about while eating you know… ice cream and shit’ Hank explained and Connor was about to doubt the truth of that statement, but then let it go, because his sass program was tingling. It was ready to annihilate him. And so he did.

‘That description fits you quite well, Hank’

A disbelieving sound, offended, to the core. That’s how Connor knew the annihilation was successful.

‘You fucking asshole, if anything, I’m not an old lady I’m an old _man_ , and I’m your superior officer, so know your place’ he could almost see Hank hold up a finger to his face while saying that. He felt a smile creep up at that image.

‘Whatever you say, _Lieutenant_ ’

‘Don’t Lieutenant me, or I’ll Detective you, and you’ll see where we’ll end up with that’

Casual nonsense. _Hank_ , he thought to himself, _you really are one of a kind._

But that did make him think about another pressing issue that he was definitely not obsessing over in the back of his mind, what are you talking about? (But also, yes, he was definitely obsessing over that, for sure).

‘Not to disappoint you Hank, but realistically speaking you might never actually be able to ‘Detective me’, considering that they might not ever let me back on the force’ he said, awfully stoic, as if that thought wasn’t absolutely terrifying for him (it was).

‘Listen, there’s no way they won’t. No way’ Hank replied with such confidence, Connor felt a physical urge to break that. He was being unreasonably optimistic about this, irritatingly so. He ignored the facts. Connor hated when people ignored the facts.

‘Hank, I knocked Detective Reed unconscious, and although he was about to kill me, he is still an officer and I assaulted him. Then at Jericho after deviating I fought against people from the DPD _and_ the FBI. And I’m not going to lie, it was either us or them. So I didn’t even hesitate when I had shoot them. And to top that off, then I infiltrated Cyberlife, where I killed two security guards, simply because they were in my way. It’s more than unlikely that they’ll let any, if all of my criminal offenses slip, now that I can actually be put into jail’

Hank went so quiet for so long, it almost deafened Connor’s ears. He could’ve screamed at him then. _Just say something, say you think I’m a machine, say you just realized I’m unemotional and designed to kill, just fucking say it, we both know it, so just say it._

But what Hank said, he was not prepared for.

‘They were attacking, you were fighting back. You did what you had to do’ he said, simple as that.

How was he this understanding? That reaction was almost worse than if he would’ve straight up yelled at him and cursed at his existence. How was he this calm? How? _How_?

‘If you would look at the facts you would realize that Detective Reed…’ he was about to start again, very aware how condescending he sounded without even meaning to.

‘As I said’ Hank interrupted him, with a dangerous tone to his voice ‘they were attacking, you were fighting back’

Silence, now on Connor’s part. His mouth was parted slightly, as if he froze like that, with words on his tongue that he wasn’t able to say anymore.

‘You were in a situation where you had to fight to have what you have. Nobody should hold that against you’ It was clear these were very carefully chosen words and Connor, despite not fully believing him, still secretly appreciated that Hank said that. 

His irritation and anger dispersed quickly then, like they were never even there in the first place.

They were also probably mostly fueled by the anxiety he felt at the upcoming meeting, and they certainly didn’t have anything to do with Hank himself or anything he said in the first place, not really.

‘And about Gavin… don’t think I didn’t know about him threatening you every step of the way. Asshole had it comin’’ Hank added and that was well… surprising.

And it also opened up another door for Connor's sass program to work with.

‘Hank, you yelled at me at all times, slammed me against a wall and also pulled a gun on me’ he said, teasing him in a very weird and definitely not normal way.

‘Point taken. If you decided to assassinate me, I’d understand’ Hank replied, voice a lot lighter again.

‘I would literally protect you with my life, but go off I guess’

‘Yet again with that hip talk, where the fuck are you even learning that?’

‘… Simon and I have been watching this late night show where they talk about modern trends… last couple of episodes were uncovering Millennial and Generation Z humor and I guess it stuck with me’ he admitted, yesterday’s program coming to his head. He didn’t even realize he had been learning the expressions he was exposed to through that TV show. He didn’t even pay that much attention, if he was being honest.

‘Jesus, even _I_ don’t talk like that and I’m an actual Millennial’

‘You make jokes about killing yourself, that’s Millennial enough’ Connor reminded him and that made Hank shut up very quickly. He then grunted, knowing that he had been caught red-handed.

‘You’re right’ he said, and Connor felt a sense of pride at knowing that he won this gentle sparring with words ‘my therapist hates that I do that though, so I’ve been laying off of it’

Okay, that. The fact that Hank was willing to share information about his recovery, without being pushed or threatened was… something. Unexpected, is the word.

‘I respect that woman a lot. The hero of the century’ he said, half-joking.

‘She’s annoying as fuck, but I need her to tell me her annoying shit because it’s working’

That sentence in itself made Connor rediscover that relief from before, that made him feel like a wall of tension was lifted off of him all at once. Because Hank was still getting better. Despite everything, he was still getting better.

‘As I said, hero of the century’ he repeated, trying very hard not to make Hank talking about himself a big deal. The last thing he wanted was to be overenthusiastic and then scare him away from ever talking about himself again.

‘Okay, shut up, that is literally you’ Hank said, and at first Connor didn’t understand what he meant, so he had to look back at the last couple of sentences to really solve what was going on.

Then he understood. Hero of the century. _Oh_.

He smiled to himself.

‘I’m not that special, Hank’ he said, voice quiet.

‘You are to me’

That was it, a simple sentence, a simple moment of sincerity, and the familiar sense of that pain in his chest was back again, almost like it never really left. But this time it was so harsh, he got scared for a moment that a biocomponent was malfunctioning or something, but he didn’t get an error message, so everything was supposed to be working just fine.

It still didn’t make sense, how he was feeling pain in the first place. And besides that, this feeling probably didn’t really qualify as physical pain, no, it was something else. It appeared just like any other feeling: like happiness, sadness, guilt or anger. But it didn’t have a specific name and it manifested itself in the form of something physical, something he could _place_ in his body.

He pulled up his code to analyze what the actual fuck was going on, trying to make at least some sense out of this whole thing, but when he read how his Central Processing Unit categorized (or more like, acknowledged) this specific feeling, he got even more confused.

‘ _The system was unable to find fanthom object_ ’, an error message claimed, hidden away in his code at the place where information about the pain should've been, trying to serve as some kind of explanation, but it was far too fucking cryptid for Connor to really be able to do anything with that. What was that even supposed to mean? The pain came, because there was a so called ‘fanthom object’ missing? That’s not a categorizable feeling, dear system. _What the fuck_.

Also, apparently it was caused by a heat distribution issue in which the heat was escaping through his chest (which was definitely not supposed to be a thing it did), which was a better kind of explanation, but it still didn’t answer the question of _why_ it was happening in the first place. Hank caused it, he knew about that, but what feeling did he cause? Why the pain? Why did he kind of like it? Or more like, why did it feel so weirdly good?

He took a deep breath then, to try and calm the sensation down as much as he possibly could.

‘When do you think you’re coming home? Like, in what? Three days? Four, five?’

Only when he heard Hank speak again did he realize that they’d been sitting in silence for almost 2 minutes now. Wow. He really wasn’t in the zone, that day.

‘The meeting is scheduled for today. We’ll probably stay here for a press conference or two after that, if things go well. So… in two days, I suppose?’

‘Alright. I’ll leave a key under the doormat, okay?’

‘Thank you’ Connor knew that the time to hang up was approaching again, like it did every time. He always anticipated it, but that didn’t mean that he was at all excited for it. Quite the contrary, actually.

‘Can’t wait to be back’ he said then, simply just to say something.

‘Me neither. It’ll be good. The best crime-solving duo back in town. These criminals will have nothing on us’ Hank said, overexaggerating for dramatic effect.

He made Connor laugh, at least.

‘Now you show those people at the Congress today, okay? Don’t come home without completely destroying them first’ Hank said, voice much softer now.

Connor wondered if the sudden change of demeanor was due to Hank also predicting that this was going to be the end of their phone call. He seemed to also become more gentle when it was time to say goodbye. Connor would’ve liked to see that softness stay and appear at more times, and not just bittersweet times like this.

‘I understand that you mean that figuratively, but I hope you know that I could actually do that without breaking a sweat’ he replied, to which Hank groaned.

‘That’s not fair, you can’t sweat to begin with’

Wait, that was new. Hank, knowing something about androids? At any other time, he seemed to be completely in the dark. About everything. How come he knew this very specific thing that wasn’t even very common knowledge? All that pointed to one possible conclusion.

‘Somebody’s been researching about androids’ he teased with a grin that could’ve made anyone want to slap him across the face any time of the day.

‘Do you really have to call me out every time?’ Hank asked, voice sounding like he was in physical pain ‘but yeah, I mean… you will live with me, I should know these things’

Connor went quiet for a second while he considered those words.

‘That is… very considerate’

‘Alright, I can feel you go into sap-mode, so I’m just gonna hang up now. Have a good day, tinman’ Hank said, and Connor just rolled his eyes at that.

‘You too, human’ he replied, and thought that was it, but then Hank’s offended voice came back again.

‘Calling me human is not an insult’

Connor scoffed. _Really_?

‘If you think that’s not an insult, you are clearly not self-aware enough’

Hank laughed at that.

‘Okay, shots fired. Got it, we’re garbage’

‘Some of you’ Connor emphasized, hoping Hank would pick up on the hint. He didn’t answer, so he probably did.

‘Listen, it’s way past eight now’ he said, making it clear that he was about to get away from this whole conversation ‘I’ll go work, you go kick some ass’

‘Sounds good’ Connor nodded, while he snuck a peek at what was happening inside the room. The others were already stirring about, getting ready.

Upon seeing that, at least his anxiety didn’t hit him that hard this time. Now, he was ready.

‘Alright. See you soon’

That was the last thing Hank said, before he hung up.

He had a feeling those two days were going to feel exceptionally long. He also had a feeling this might’ve been the last conversation he had with Hank, before he saw him again, in the flesh.

He got a sudden wave of motivation at that thought.

He could do it. He had to.

He was so close to being finished with this, he couldn’t give up now.

Not when so many of them were counting on him.

Not when Hank was waiting for him _at home_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (yes, Connor was reading Hamlet and yes I'm still a huge-ass nerd, what's new)
> 
> connor: help i'm anxious  
> hank, arriving a minute later, drenched in sweat: yES I'M HERE WHAT HAPPENED  
> connor: i need validation  
> hank: validation given. anything else?  
> connor: no, that's it, thank you :)  
> hank, to himself: he is so fucking weird, why do i like him  
> dark hank: cause he cute and hot at the same time  
> hank:  
> dark hank:  
> hank:  
> dark hank:  
> hank: okay you know what? i can't argue with that
> 
> simon, sipping some metaphorical tea inside: he's still outside flirting with his man  
> markus: lol rip.... let's have a moment of silence for these oblivious gays  
> simon, laughing: yeah, i mean can you believe two people can be this oblivious???  
> markus: they're just dumbasses, i mean you'd think they'd realize something was going on after all this time....  
> simon: yeah haha  
> north, staring at them, her soul leaving her body: are you. motherfucking. serious right now


	19. Good people?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Last Session with the humans, aka will they decide to be 'good fucking people' (to quote a very drunk Connor) or be absolute garbage? find out next

‘Guys, I’m freaking out’ Simon said, trying to force a smile upon his face. He was saying all this through a call, sharing his thoughts with the others basically telepathically, not moving any muscle while talking.

There were like approximately 30 photographers outside the White House, all eager to take sneaky little pictures of the four of them after they arrived by taxi.

‘Don’t freak out, or I’ll freak out’ North replied through the line, not even bothering to make herself look like she was even remotely happy to be there. But despite her stoic look, her hands were still kinda shaking.

‘You guys are weak, I’ve been freaking out this entire time’ Connor added, quicker than lightning.

‘Why does everything need to be a competition with you?’ North snapped at him, which prompted Markus to grab her arm, just in case she was about to launch for an attack at Connor.

‘Maybe because I keep winning at everything’ he smiled at her his most shit-eating grin, and upon looking into North’s eyes he knew the only thing protecting him from getting slapped were those very photographers standing in front of them, snapping away.

‘I love you both and you know I don't like violence, but if you don’t stop this right now, I’m gonna hit you the minute we are out of sight’ Markus said with a dangerous tone to his voice. His face was unbothered though, still smiling at the press.

‘Sorry, dad’ North snarled, while also letting out a breath.

Connor caught that small clue just in time to be able to analyze it, squeezing out all information he could possibly find in it.

The breath, paired up with the shaking hands clearly suggested that North was anxious. Actually, probably more anxious than any of them.

And then all of a sudden, without even really thinking, he reached out to North’s arm and retracted his skin. He didn’t know what made him do it, but he knew he wanted to do for her what Simon did for him at the interview with Ms. Peters.

He wanted to share his emotional state with North, in the hopes of balancing each other out. Or more like, he could try balancing _her_ out, even if just a bit.

Maybe he could take some of the anxiety, and carry it with her, not let her be alone with it.

He could do that, he was able to. But more importantly: he wanted to do that.

North was a bit confused at first, but then gave permission for interfacing anyway. It was quick, so quick that if somebody blinked at the right time, they would’ve probably missed it. And as North pulled away, she exhaled much easier now, then looked back at Connor, eyes a lot warmer than before. It was a thank you of some sorts.

Connor blinked at her. It was nothing.

They didn’t need words. Words were mostly in the way for them, it seemed.

 

* * *

 

‘… It is important for all of us to remember that this is the very place where we lay down the foundations of a future where androids and humans alike live in peace in a shared world. Here, we decide the faith of thousands of people who are now all our responsibility’ the strong vibrations of Warren’s voice filled the room like thunder on a rainy day ‘so let’s make sure we make the best decisions possible’

Connor looked at Markus, whose face reflected absolute tranquility. There was not one crease that could’ve suggested even a drop of anxiety or fear. Like they weren’t about to decide the future of their people. Like this wasn’t the most stressful situation they’ve ever been in.

How was he so calm all of a sudden? Connor himself felt like he was about to burst because of the nerves and when he glanced at Simon and North, he saw that they looked just the same as he did. It was almost unbelievable that Markus could have such faith in the eye of such a life changing event.

It’s not that any of them doubted the plan they came up with. No, that was an airtight idea, but… they still didn’t really trust that anything they said was going to be enough for the humans.

_We're paying the highest tribute you can pay a man. We trust him to do right. It's that simple.’_

It seemed like it came out of nowhere, that sentence, that thought, which once made him want to be better, to do better. Remembering that night and especially the feeling of being so immersed into that book, it kind of felt like that all must've happened maybe a hundred years ago. But like everything else he ever experienced, these memories were still clear as day, maybe even clearer.

And the realizations of the night he first read those words dawned on him again and he let them take over for just a second, processing all of the mess that was going on in his head.

Because yes, this was the moment, when that line became relevant. This was the moment when he needed to live by those words. Or at least needed to try doing that.

Because the control was out of their hands now and there wasn’t anything more they could’ve done to ensure their triumph. They couldn’t control the human’s decision and they couldn’t control what the outcome was about to be. All they could do was _trust_.

Trust, that they would do the right thing. There was simply nothing else to do.

He exhaled, closing his eyes with the motion.

 _Whatever happens, happens,_ he decided and let himself slip into a quiet acceptance.

‘I’d like to remind the Houses of the Congress that we are on a short notice; so if certain topics don’t get resolved today, we will have to settle for the solution that gets the most votes. If Markus and his companions, for any reason, aren’t satisfied with the outcome, they’ll have to call for a new hearing for the next year. But let’s hope that won’t be necessary’ Warren was almost done with her speech. She quickly peaked into the papers in front of her, then cleared her throat ‘Markus asked to speak first and I’ve given my permission. Markus, proceed’

He rose to his feet instantly, while he quickly buttoned his suit jacket with one hand. Connor and Simon held their breaths, but for completely unrelated reasons.

‘Thank you, Madam President. As you all might know by now, as of yesterday I’ve become the new CEO and owner of the company we all know as Cyberlife. I would like to inform the Madam President and the members of the Congress that me and my associates will do our very best to, with this new found opportunity, take android matters into hand, in hope that all of us will be able to contribute to society with the necessary resources available’ Markus stopped for a second to look at the gathered, before he continued ‘We plan to turn the facility in Detroit into a housing shelter for the time being to target android homelessness and we also decided to set up a reassembling station inside the building, to treat the injured and suffering’

The President nodded, then with furrowed brows interrupted his speech.

‘While I certainly find this a positive contribution, I don’t see why this needs the attention of the entire Congress’ she said.

At first her comment sounded malicious, as if she didn’t care at all about anything that Markus was saying, but Connor could read her expression, and it was anything _but_ malicious. She was intrigued, but she also needed to speed things up, so the others won’t lose interest either. She was trying to help them. In a weird way, but at least she was trying.

‘I was about to get to my point, Madam President’ Markus replied, with a little bit of edge to his voice.

 _No, Markus, keep calm, please keep calm,_ Connor’s hands started to curl up into fists again, the anxiety coming back for more of him.

‘As the CEO of Cyberlife I have all the necessary power in my hands now to not only help my people, but also to _supervise_ them’ he let that thought linger for just a moment longer ‘we all know the question of the android identity cards has been a heated topic among us. I would like to give a solution to that problem, Madam President’

There was a smile playing on her lips. She blinked, expressing that she was listening.

‘I would like to take the burden of identifying and monitoring all androids in the United States _off_ the government's shoulders, and take that responsibility upon myself. You might ask, how do we intend to go about that? And to answer that question, we simply plan to _ask_ every android to come to Cyberlife, step out of the shadows and identify themselves. I think we can all agree that this way there's more of a possibility that less people will go undetected, because of the very simple fact that androids trust us more than they do humans and they know we won't misuse their information, therefore they’ll be more eager to work with us, making the process much easier and faster. But if that's not convincing enough, I would like to remind you that due to now having access to the entire Cyberlife database, we already know everything about every single android ever created, the only thing we aren’t sure about is who exactly survived the revolution and is still around' Awkward shifting around, guilt and shame detectable on every other face. Yeah, genocide is a hard thing to swallow, especially if you are the ones guilty of doing that.

'I would also like to point out that if you agree to go along with this, you'll quite simply get what you want: there will be information on every android, accessable and controlled. And we'll also have what _we_ want, because this way we’ll have the ability to overlook this matter ourselves, avoiding any possible attempts at discrimination in the future. And in our most humble opinion this way it won't be necessary for our ID cards to contain our android state anymore, simply because we’ll have all the data you need on that matter on the Cyberlife database. And if it is absolutely vital to know if a person is an android or not, for example for a police investigation or any governmental issue, you can just come to us and we’ll give the information you need willingly. We just ask of you to let us control said information ourselves. Let us have our hands on this subject’

There was a heavy silence as everybody considered what had just been said.

‘I understand the necessity of knowing where all of us are. I truly do. But I also have a responsibility to my people to ensure that there won’t be any discrimination against them’ Markus added, when he saw that there wasn’t really any reaction given to him, even after waiting for a full minute for anything, _something_.

The President shifted in her seat, clearly on the fence about the proposition.

‘How can we be certain that if the government goes along with this, you won’t withhold information from us?’ she asked, looking at Markus directly.

‘I’m a law-abiding individual, Madam President. I’ve been peaceful ever since we’ve started fighting for our cause. I can assure you that if you ask for information for any legal reason, I will give it to you, I give you my word. I’m willing to put my own reputation on the line for this’ he said, but then after a moment, he added ‘we don’t want to be controlled anymore, Madam President. I hope you understand that simple request’

Something shifted in the President’s eyes. Something almost tangible.

_‘You don’t control anyone anymore. You don’t control me’_

The words replayed in Connor’s head over and over and over, connecting lines and dots and events and people and... he was then almost certain to a 99.5% statistical value, that the person who engineered the takeover of Cyberlife was the President herself.

Of course there was always a chance that he miscalculated, but he heavily doubted that possibility.

But he also didn’t want to think about any of that at that moment. It didn’t matter anymore, did it? What mattered was that the President had shown again that she was on their side and that was quite enough for Connor to be able to trust her (even if just in a political way).

There was a sense of pride they all felt when Markus sat back down, being done with his speech, the clear statement of them standing up for themselves and android kind. A clear statement that they were not going to accept a half-assed equality, not now and not ever. They wanted the whole deal and they were going to get it, whatever it took.

And the human’s reaction to that was... interesting. It was clear that they all knew that Markus was right. That this was the only way both sides could leave the session satisfied (to a certain point). That this was a compromise. But still, there were a handful of people who seemed unable to let this issue go, their minds searching for ways to target this, ways to possibly find a loophole so they could sabotage the plan somehow.

But there wasn’t any way to do that now. There just simply wasn’t.

Some of them still asked some questions about it and Markus answered all of them easily, convincing them all one by one, making them ease into the idea.

Maybe what helped them in the end was the fact that the ball was just days ago and they knew for certain that they managed to change so many people’s opinions there. They knew that they made people think about their responsibility in all of this. That they showed so many of them that they were indeed alive.

But whatever the actual reason was, it made the humans break, then and there. Something changed in the air around them, like they were seeing for the very first time, scarily resembling the way the androids felt when they first woke up and started feeling.

They all took in a breath, when the voting started.

The first person and the second person and the third, fourth, fifth… all said ‘Aye’ meaning that they were in favor of the proposition. There were some ‘No’s too, obviously, but those people were like drops of water in the uncontrollable ocean.

And hell, did Connor feel like they were one mighty ocean.

He remembered when he awakened the thousands of androids in Cyberlife; how deviating became a virus that then went viral and spread across the entire warehouse.

_All ideas are like viruses._

Those words echoed in him and he had to admit that it was beginning to ring true.

Because the idea of androids being human, being _people_ who just wanted to be free, who deserved to be treated equally just became viral. Right in front of their eyes.

And as the last person to vote exclaimed his choice too, the fog dispresed and they were all seeing clear now, seeing each other, people looking into other people's eyes, no more fear, no more hate, no more invisible border separating them.

‘The Congress has voted in favor of the proposition’ Warren announced and nodded towards Markus, who nodded back, eyes bright and thankful, clearly moved to his very core.

An overwhelming amount of happiness rushed inside their bodies and they, almost like a reflex, extended their arms towards each other, all ending up holding a hand or two. Markus was the first one to shed a tear, no care in the world for who might see it. Then Simon, upon seeing him cry, joined in too.

Then did North, with a cry-laugh leaving her throat. But despite the tears she was smiling. They were all smiling.

But for Connor, time seemed to slow down as he held someone’s hand tight and glanced at his friends, then the humans around them, all becoming more and more emotional while clapping. Then President Warren said something and Markus turned towards him and Connor could've sworn his eyes looked exactly like they did the night the revolution succeeded.

 _No, we did it_ , his eyes said clear as day and he knew that statement to be true once again.

And then it all hit him.

They were free now.

Truly, without a doubt, free.

Free to live, without any restrictions, without any more fighting, any more pain.

Free. In every sense of the word imaginable.

And that was when his eyes started to well up too, and he felt the tears roll down his face, and he couldn’t, nor wanted to stop them. So while a smile uncontrollably spread across his face, he wiped away at least some of the wetness with his hands. He locked eyes with North while doing that, who laughed at him as she saw his face, but didn’t say anything, just reached across the table to take his hand, and squeezed it tight. Simon and Markus all did the same thing, when they saw Connor being just as moved and emotional as they were (that wasn't a thing they got to see often).

‘Well, then it seems like we’ve come to agreement on all pressing issues, which means that our work here is done’ Warren said, matter of fact, trying to keep her voice unaffected.

‘We hope to continue to work with the delegates of the Androids in the future too, to continue building a world to come where we can all coexist. And if I may, I want to say some words of my own, personal opinion’ she then expressed, confusing everyone around. It wasn’t standard procedure for the President to give their opinion in a political session like this. Nor speak as a private person. There was no point in that and it was also not part of the etiquette.

She was still about to do it, though.

When everyone went quiet and looked at her, she took a deep breath, gaze wavering a bit, trying to compose herself. She then looked at Markus and his companions and started talking to them directly.

‘I just wanted to thank you for showing us what we already knew, but never actually cared to see. You came here so respectfully, and never stopped being understanding, even when we were all acting like you were less than what you really are: people with feelings. People with thoughts. People with hobbies, and jokes and flaws. People, who don’t share our blood, but who are still so very much _human_. I think the work we did in here truly shows what politics should be about: listening to and understanding each other and to quote somebody, who honest to God opened my eyes just a couple of days ago: ‘making decisions based on kindness, compassion and being good people’’ she said the last words, all while looking at Connor straight in the eye.

That’s when he realized that he... might have had a slightly more widespread audience at the ball than he first estimated. Because the President was apparently there. And heard. Every. Single. Word.

While she also fought with her own tears trying to escape from her eyes, she continued.

‘I thank you all for sharing this monumental moment with me, I know I’m not overexaggerating when I say that we made history here today. And before we end our last session, I would like to  first say some words of hope: may all androidkind find true peace now that they can live their lives freely. And let us all hope they will forgive us for all the pain we've caused them. There's nothing justifying any crime we commited and I can assure you that we deeply regret not listening from the very beginning. And may us humans all realize where we went wrong and remember to be who we are supposed to be. May we remember to be good, to guide those, who need guidance, because as creators we do have a responsibility and we can't let ourselves forget nor ignore that anymore. May God let us be better and may God bless the United States of America’

Clapping, tears of joy, quiet sobs, definitely some angry head shakes, but who cared when they were all there, sharing this moment, this piece of history, the first minutes of their free lives.

Free…

It seemed like that word had more and more surprises packed in it.

Who knew it could feel like this? Who knew they would have the opportunity to feel like this?

Hands clasped together, shaking with laughter. Open eyes, trying to say the unexplainable.

Hearts, organic or not, skipping a beat every now and then.

So this is what every day of their lives will be like. So this is how it will feel like to wake up free every day.

They certainly couldn’t wait to begin living in this world. In the world that they managed to change.

In the world, that they could finally call _their_ world too.

All of their world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> north, connor, markus and simon, holding hands with the humans: KUMBAYAAA MY LOOORD
> 
> warren: hi i liked your speech connor  
> connor: what speech what connor  
> warren: the speech that you gave us at that fancy party, pardon me i mean ball  
> connor:  
> connor: sorry it's suddenly very important to me that I change my name and face and also move to puerto rico to live as a goat keeper bye
> 
> random android watching the live broadcast of the president's speech: i bet markus couldn't convince them. i told you we shouldn't have trusted any of them, these vile, despicable creatures called humans won't ever recognize us as people they just wanna eliminate us so they can hate themselves about it and be smelly and disgusting in their despair i swear to rA9 we should've just....  
> warren: you're recognized as people and are now citizens of the USA  
> android:  
> android: as i was saying these beautiful perfect creatures who gave us our lives, our creators whomst i love and adore are perfect and also flawless, in this essay i will


	20. Rhythm is a dancer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The working title for this chapter was 'we unironically love rihanna in this house' and that basically says it all
> 
> Aaaand we got to the chapter that I like to call 'the point where I lost my goddamn mind and started writing dumb shit at 2 am in a mildly tipsy state'  
> ....enjoy?

‘Markus, that’s insane’ North shook her head adamantly. They were standing in a circle in the lounge of their hotel room again, away from photographers and senators and presidents and politics. _Finally_.

‘Come on, North! We are free! Loosen up!’ Markus said, while he, for dramatic effect, took both of Simon’s hands and started pulling him around, which could’ve been called dancing but… let’s not offend dancers worldwide.

‘Our faces have been on television all across the country. They’ll recognize us and we’ll get into trouble’ Connor added, trying to back North up.

Markus stopped dancing for a second, but didn’t let go of Simon’s left hand.

‘We’ll be careful. But listen, this is the first free day of our lives! The very first!’ Markus’ eyes were filled with a fire they’ve never seen before. He was also gesticulating violently, like he was experiencing some kind of weird android adrenaline rush.

‘Let’s _live_ ’ he added then, eyes pleading, kneeling straight into North’s heart with those words.

Her face hardened for just a second, but then it became less and less cold and she, defeated, eventually threw her hands to her sides.

‘Alright, let’s party’ she gave in, a smile tugging at her lips as Markus tried to take her hands too, to which she, of course, hit him at his sides and got out of his grip.

Still, it was a nice almost-moment.

‘I’ll get you some clothes’ Markus said enthusiastically, then ran into his room to rummage around.

Connor shook his head, disbelieving. They’ve been back for exactly 5 minutes and 34 seconds and apparently they were already about to do some stupid shit for no reason.

What happened was that during their ride home, Simon casually mentioned that there was a retro ‘ _We love the 2000s_ ’ party being organized downtown, which he thought was quite a nice idea. And the minute Markus heard that, his eyes widened and he smiled a smile that made it look like he had just thought about doing something crazy and stupid.

And when they got back to the hotel, he did in fact propose something very crazy and even more stupid.

He asked them, what they’d say if he invited them to go to the party. Like they could just go do that. Like they weren’t public figures now, with reputations to uphold.

But clearly in his mind this was indeed something normal, something that they could definitely do.

So, they were doing it, it seemed. Simple as that. Man, having free will was _the shit_.

After maybe a full minute passing Markus came back with a bunch of casual clothes, dug up from god knows were, and dumped them all on the sofa.

‘Choose’ he instructed them, while picking out a beanie, a black shirt and matching black jeans. Then he waltzed right back into his room to change.

Well, at least they were going to wear clothes that just about could’ve helped them maintain a low profile. Now that Connor was looking through the clothes and actually considered the idea of having some fun for the first time in his life, he was starting to really like the concept of it.

Well, nothing really stopped them from doing this, right? They were free, they had all the rights to go out and enjoy a night for themselves.

He ended up dressing himself in light blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a dark green zip-up hoodie. He also found a black baseball cap with the words ‘GRANDPA’ written on front in all caps. So he put it on, official reason being that it looked like it could give more shadow to his face, making it harder to recognize him (the unofficial reason was that he just kind of really liked that article of clothing, as stupid as that may sound).

He then left his room and put on some trainers and his black coat, just to blend in with all the humans, who were probably freezing their asses off outside (it _was_ late November).

Then his gaze settled on Simon and North who were already waiting, sitting on the sofa next to the other, untouched clothes. North was wearing a grey tank top with a red flannel shirt on top of that, unbuttoned. With that she wore some light high-waisted ripped jeans (and needless to say she looked very happy about the existence of those rips). Simon went more casual, a blue t-shirt and some black pants and was about to put on a black bomber jacket.

They both laughed when they saw Connor’s baseball cap, but didn’t actually dare to say anything about it.

Markus was the last one to join them, stepping out into the lounge while putting on a camouflage printed jacket, completing his look. Connor had to admit, that he looked really good. They all did and he was starting to get just a bit paranoid, because looking like _this_ , their chances of not catching anyone’s attention was… low. Lower by the minute, to be exact.

‘Well, I never thought I’d say this, but’ Markus started, slowly approaching them, with a playful look in his eyes ‘now that I can finally be arrested I say: FUCK THE POLICE’  
He threw his hands up, and the others made a long ‘WOOOOO’ sound. Except Connor.

‘Not to ruin the fun, but I’m technically still ‘ _The Police_ ’’ he said, brows furrowed.

Markus then stepped closer to him and looked him straight in the eye, which made Connor flinch to step back, immediately, forever.

‘Well, my friend, the night’s long, we’ll see what’ll happen here’ he said, pointing between them, then to push Connor even further into insanity, he winked.

Connor’s mouth opened involuntarily as he tried to collect his chin from the floor (meanwhile North and Simon proceeded to lose their shits in the back).

‘ _Markus!_ ’ he exclaimed, completely outraged. Markus snickered at him in response, so Connor decided to play along. He clutched his chest dramatically.

‘Are you trying to tell me that you only brought me along just so you could get into my pants? What a shameful man you are, Markus, I should’ve assassinated you, when I had the chance… I’m leaving at this instance!’

He flipped around, and then went for the door. Markus was laughing so hard; Connor was almost worried he might break in the process.

‘Come back, I also need you for your mediating skills’ he said, raising his hand after Connor, who was already too far away for him to reach.

‘Well, well, now, look at that, did you just realize that I’m more than a piece of figurative meat?’ Connor asked, now turning back to look at Markus, but only slightly.

‘Well, let’s be honest, you are quite the technically-not-meat, though’ said, to no surprise, Simon. He was laughing, but he also proceeded to make an eye motion, that looked like he was seriously checking him out. That made Connor turn around violently, with his hands on his hips (only for the dramatic effect).

‘Is everyone here just trying to fuck me or what’s happening right now?’

‘Not me, I’m normal’ said North, to which Connor jumped to her side, and linked his right arm to her’s.

‘There, I’m leaving with my only friend who is truly honest with me’

‘I’m not your friend, I hate you’ she groaned, but a slight smile was playing at her lips as she said that.

‘EXACTLY’ Connor exclaimed, then started pulling North with him, who couldn’t keep her stoic expression anymore and started snickering too.

‘Okay stop, all of you, or I’m gonna die from laughing’ Markus wheezed, sprawled across the floor, making noises that no human has ever heard before (probably).

That did make Connor stop his violent stomping around, and as he let go of North, he straightened his back and like he was about to teach them a life lesson, lifted a finger at all of them.

‘Let this serve as a reminder to all, that nobody can fuck with me. In any way’ Connor asserted, then put his hands into the pockets of his coat, looking at all of them one by one.

_Power-play._

‘Except if your name is Hank Anderson’ North blurted and with just those words, she made herself the dominant party of the gang in an instant.

_Power-play: failed._

Connor’s heart felt like it violently unhinged itself and dropped to his stomach upon hearing that, while Simon and Markus were looking at North like she just committed murder in front of all of them.

‘Jesus, all of you, it was just a joke, lay off of me’ she held up her hands in defense, already leaving for the door, but still, she added ‘it’s true though’

‘Where do you get the idea?’ Connor asked, trying to look as unaffected as he could.

‘Come on, you go all soft and fragile for him all the time’ North sighed, as if this was supposed to be common knowledge and Connor was stupid for not knowing this himself.

‘… I do what?’ he asked, genuinely surprised. Was this just her usual teasing or was she talking about something that was real? He couldn’t tell, but the idea of all of them seeing right through him and detecting his weakness _that_ easily felt like a real threat to him. He felt fear creep up into his processor but he was still conscious enough to make sure that his face didn’t give any of his emotions away. Thank god he didn’t have his LED anymore. That would’ve made this impossible.

‘You never _truly_ give a fuck about anything, but the minute somebody mentions him you go and develop so many fucks, I don’t know how you carry all of them around’ she said, still talking so casually, like she wasn’t in the process of laying the deep waters of Connor out into the open.

‘Is it a sin now, to care about somebody?’ he asked, still no visible emotion on his face, as North got closer and closer, more and more in his face.

‘Not at all, but lying to yourself isn’t really a good thing, if we’re honest’ that was it, the moment North lost her casual tone and went serious too. But she wasn’t her usual threatening self, she was… almost worried.

That threw Connor off his stance just a little bit.

‘I’m not lying to myself’ he retorted, defensive. _Goddammit_.

‘You sure? Then admit it’ she was now so close to him, their noses were just inches away as she was scanning his face, looking for any crack on the surface.

‘Admit what?’

‘That he’s the only one who can penetrate that wall that you keep between yourself and the world’

His heart sank to the floor. North’s eyes cut inside him and he felt like he was bleeding out, losing his grip on life and falling into a big hole of nothingness.

She caught that moment of destruction in his expression and she smiled in victory. He could almost hear her eyes scream her triumph as she took a step back from him, finally getting what she wanted.

‘Okay kids, shut up, daddy had enough’ Markus said, already looking tired even though the night hadn’t even started yet.

‘Never call yourself that ever again or I might have to make Connor kill you’ North grunted, annoyed, but her words were light now. Thanks to god she abandoned the last conversation completely. Connor was ready to forget that ever happened, too.

‘Oh don’t worry, if he says that again there’s no way I’ll let him live’ he said, trying to quickly cover up the feelings spilling out of him with making jokes.

‘Don’t even think about hurting daddy, or mommy will come and torture you for eternity’ Simon added, with his voice sounding harsh compared to his usual, much kinder demeanor.

‘ _Damn_ ’ Markus blurted, probably without even thinking about it. His face went that blue shade again, but this time there was no way he could’ve hid it.

‘Let’s go, honey’ Simon teased, and jokingly took Markus’ hand, who… didn’t let go. He held on, and continued to hold on while Simon dragged him out of the hotel room.

‘I hate all of you’ North said with an expression that looked like pure death. That was probably accurate to how she felt. Then she looked at Connor, gesturing for him to join her in leaving the room.

At first he looked hesitant, clutching his arm in front of him, still defensive. He exhaled, trying to make the heaviness in his chest dissolve, but it didn’t work. North walked up to him then and squeezed his arm and just stood there with him, not even saying a word.

She didn’t mean any harm with what she said, is what he gathered from her behavior. She didn’t have any malicious intent; she was just being herself. Harsh and pushing him to his limits. Teasing. But she didn’t want to hurt him or make him feel uncomfortable, that was not why she said what she said.

He understood all of that, from only one hand movement and he nodded, as a way of expressing that he accepted this kind-of-apology.

He had to realize once again, that words really just seemed to complicate things for them.

 

* * *

 

Across the street, in the bus station, on the bus, then in front of the nightclub, Simon and Markus never stopped holding hands. To the point, where it was starting to get really uncomfortable for North and Connor, because they knew for a fact that those two possible-lovebirds never ever talked about this before, more so, they avoided the topic whenever faced with it, so the fact that they were expressing their feelings in such a public way was… a lot.

Connor kept staring at their interlocked hands and he knew he was probably being very inappropriate, but the intimate and close nature of the act itself was so intriguing, he couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel if _he_ was to do that with somebody, holding on tight just because he wanted to, with somebody who wanted to hold onto him just as much. Just imagining that feeling was way too much, too breathtaking, too good. He had to shun it away, but then every time he saw their hands, he eventually started thinking about it again.

At first being around so many (inebriated) humans was strange, but the more they were around, the more they seemed to get used to them. It was also helpful that nobody seemed to notice them, so they could just be four other faces in a sea of strangers.

They chose a table for themselves, which wasn’t really a normal kind of table; it was one of those high ones, at which you couldn’t sit, only rest your arms on and possibly chat. So that’s what they did.

They mostly just talked about everything that was happening, the high volume and the flashy clothes and the colorful lights all around them. Connor, despite everything, felt like he liked this. Especially the idea of not giving a fuck and just moving to the sounds emitting from those big speakers standing at both ends of the dance floor. It looked very liberating. But it also looked like the scariest thing ever.

Being vulnerable? Expressing himself freely? Yeah, good joke.

‘Hey, can I buy you a drink?’ a girl asked North, approaching her from her right side, also known as the exact place where Connor was standing. Meaning that in order to even get to North, the girl literally had to push Connor away with massive strength. Which she did. Connor was offended.

‘Sorry, I don’t drink’ North replied, without even giving her a glance.

‘Well, do you dance?’ she asked, leaning forward, making North look up at her.

She dragged her eyes around her silhouette, considering, her gaze suddenly settling on her warm smile.

‘I… might’ North answered, but didn’t move, so the girl offered her hand as an invitation.

‘Well?’ she asked, eyes genuine.

And North, for the first time ever since Connor knew her, looked like she was small and fragile, melting to the ground as she took the girl’s hand and let herself be dragged to the dancefloor.

That started a chain reaction of sorts, making all kinds of people run to the middle of the nightclub, determined to go and dance in a heat of the moment decision. Simon and Markus were one of those people too and they ended up dragging Connor along with them.

And well, he thought to himself, if he really had to do this, then he was going to do it the right way. So before he did anything else, he looked up the song that was playing and downloaded the lyrics.

‘ _Whenever wherever_ ’ by Shakira, released in 2001. A long time ago. Very old, Connor realized. Very, very old.

Well, he did have a baseball cap announcing that he was indeed a ‘GRANDPA’ so… he may as well.

The song was cheesy and over the top, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t eager to join Markus and Simon who were singing at the top of their lungs, while they danced together, maybe only joking at a 40% rate.

While Markus spun Simon around, North and Connor locked eyes across the dancefloor, both agreeing that ‘ _these idiots are going to fuck at some point, no doubt about that_ ’.

The song ended not long after, and a new one started, much darker than the one before and all four of them, confused, stopped for a second to search for the lyrics. And when they were done they all looked at each other, eyes full of wonder, smiling.

North immediately left her dance partner and basically jumped at them while she screamed ‘ _GUYS_ ’ at full volume.

She clutched at Connor’s and Simon’s arm and started dramatically lip syncing.

Now this, Connor could identify with. This, Connor was about to scream as loud as he could. This, probably Hank would’ve also approved of.

_‘Without a soul, my spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold,_

_until you find it there and lead it back home’_

‘WAKE ME UP!’ they screamed in unison, while they repeatedly pointed at Markus, who in turn screamed ‘WAKE ME UP INSIDE’ back at them.

‘I CAN’T WAKE UP’ screamed Connor, then the others shook him from all directions and shouted ‘WAKE ME UP INSIDE’

Then Simon, with feeling ‘SAAAAVE MEEE’

‘Hey, Jerry, d’you know those weird guys?’ asked the bartender from the older man sitting in front of him,  as he pointed at the four of them just screaming away violently.

‘Probably some kids tired of all that synthpop bullshit’ he replied with a shrug, then downed an entire bottle of beer in one go ‘let them live’

_‘I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems, got to open my eyes to everything_

_Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul,_

_Don’t let me die here, there must be something more_

_Bring me to life’_

This part they all shouted into Connor’s face, thinking that if they shook him around and tugged at his sleeves hard enough, then he would understand how that whole part sounded so much like him, like his whole journey of deviating.

He did understand without the violent shoving around too and he was… confused but somehow happy, somehow enjoying himself.

That felt vaguely like how he felt when he was reading. Like he was understood, but this particular emotion was much more of a fake-adrenalin induced feeling, something harsh, a rush, that made him want to scream and run a marathon.

Was that what having a favorite song was like? Probably. One thing he was certain of, though: he was going to show this to Hank, the minute he got home.

Did Hank even know this song by the way? Did Hank feel this way about this song? Questions. So many questions. He had to make sure to ask all of them.

The song (sadly) was over in a minute and so they let go of each other, the moment being gone.

Something new, something planning to build a whole different atmosphere around them was developing in the air, clearing it from the euphoria the four of them felt just seconds ago.

The next song, carrying that unfamiliar, creeping feeling started slow, with the rhythmic sound of a revolver’s cylinder rotating and a woman breathing heavily.

‘RUSSIAN ROULETTE’ somebody screamed enthusiastically and picked up another person to drag them to the dance floor.

But for Connor just hearing that expression was like catching a bullet right in his heart, accompanied with the feeling of shock, with fear, with panic.

It made him stop and think about things he really didn’t want to think about and certainly not on that night. Nope, no sir.

But he wasn’t fast enough and a heavy form of worry seeped inside his processors, making him unable to breathe, so he quickly excused himself and made his way out of the crowd to stand at their table, arms resting on it, one hand playing around with the zipper on his hoodie (where the fuck was his damn coin when he needed it this much!?)

It's not that _that_ made him think about Hank, or anything...

No, that was a lie, it definitely made him think about him. More specifically _that_ night. The night when he was just one round away from succeeding at killing himself.

He didn’t care then. Didn’t have the ability too. He only cared about the fact that Hank was still alive to accompany him to the crime scene, he didn’t care about the details.

He was stupid. He was unemotional, cold. He was a machine.

Self-loathing hit him without him even really anticipating that feeling and it was making him spiral, pulling him down by the legs, making him sink lower and lower.

Because what if he couldn’t break out? Never woke up? What would he have done, then?

What would’ve happened to Hank? Oh, no, he didn’t want to think about that. _Really_ didn’t want to. Because he knew Hank would’ve empathized with the revolution either way, so they would’ve ended up on different sides of the war. Meaning, that Hank would’ve ended up being in his way. Meaning…

He shuddered even just imagining that possibility.

He could never hurt Hank. Never.

But _this_ was him. _That_ would be a machine. Cold, emotionless. Only following instructions.

But... would he still be inside that thing? Would _he_ , the real him be screaming, trying to get his hands to stop, his gun to not shoot, clawing at his encryptions, trying to come out and break the pressing weight of the mission? Would he still feel everything, while he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from pulling the trigger?

_Let’s not think about that_ , he concluded, but then continued to, in fact, think about it.

Because Hank was… fragile. Well, not entirely. He was strong and capable and had a drive inside him that few others had. Yes, he was out of the loop for a while, but he still went into work, even on his worst days, he still continued to live his life, he still tried every day. He did that for three years, while he was convinced that life was shit and humanity was doomed. He still wanted to continue. He was waiting for somebody to show him it was worth it.

But still, despite everything, he was still human. Exceptional, big and strong and maybe a bit too harsh at times, but still only human.

And it only takes one miscalculated step for a human to fall. Be gone. Forever.

That thought was too much; he couldn’t bear it. Wanted to go home just so he could be sure Hank was okay, wasn’t doing anything stupid and he was alive, living, still there when he returned. Waiting for him.

The idea of Hank, maybe possibly playing his game tonight… no. No. Just no.

Not when Connor was so close to finally going home. Not when he was so close to being with him. whatever that meant. Whatever he wanted that to mean.

He just wanted him to live, to just hold on, because, and as selfish as that might sound, he was the only actual driving force that Connor had in his life.

There were certainly a lot of things in life that he liked, that wasn’t a question. He liked reading, liked music, liked dogs, liked Markus and Simon and North and Josh too (while he didn’t know him that well). Liked Ms. Peters, liked not having his LED, liked how he looked in clothes, liked winning, liked being good at things. Like, like, like.

But Hank. That was different. Somehow it was very different. He couldn’t just put him in a box with all the ‘likes’. He was a whole separate emotion, a whole separate entity in his mind. Something that gave a frame to everything he was. Something, that felt permanent. Something, something, something.

_‘Something’ isn’t a feeling_ , he taunted himself, but that didn’t help him find the right words much easier.

Obviously, deep down he knew what that feeling was supposed to be but that also seemed too temporary to use it to describe how he felt about Hank.

He shook his head, as if he had a rational-self, trying to wake his dumbass-self up.

_What am I doing?_ he asked himself, and it was a damn good question.

His rational-self then decided to finally man up and explain to him, that there was no point in pondering on these topics, because firstly, there was no way Hank was in danger, not that night, and not the night before, and not the night even before that. He was getting better, he had a therapist, he wasn’t drinking. He was dealing with it. And secondly, he knew Connor was coming home in a few days and if anything, Hank wasn’t cruel, so he wouldn’t make him come home to his dead body. He just wouldn’t. If he was having a rough night, he would call him, just like last time.

And as always, his rational-self was right. He was just overcome by emotions and couldn’t really think clear with them making his logic a bit twisted.

But even despite knowing all of this, he was still out of his mind worried and the occasional thought of red spilling everywhere after an unlucky spin of the wheel kept creeping up into his mind, making him shudder.

He looked up, trying to distract himself, trying to push his thoughts away and get back to the real world again, so he examined the area, searching for his friends. The first one he found was North, who was at the far right side of the club, standing with two girls he hadn’t seen before (she was clearly having a lot of fun).

Then he found Markus and Simon, who were still on the dance floor, but something was… different. Very different, because the playfulness and the jokes were completely gone from the atmosphere around them, their movements slow and tentative now, with Simon’s arms latched around Markus’ neck, who in turn let his hands grasp onto both sides of Simon’s jacket.

They were standing close, eyes locked into each other, while Simon softly mouthed the words to the song.

_‘And you can see my heart beatin’._

_You can see it through my chest_

_That I’m terrified, but I’m not leavin’_

_I know that I must pass this test_

_So just pull the trigger’_

Then the song abruptly ended with a gunshot sound.

They stopped moving, but continued to just stare at each other, unable to move closer, and definitely unable to move further. Stuck in the middle.

Then all of a sudden Simon smiled at him with that sad smile, consciously letting him see it all, _making him_ look at it, every emotion written on his face. Making all of those unspoken secrets flash across his face, for only just a moment.

And as if he made the decision to just give up, let it all go, he pulled his arms away from him, darted his gaze down to his shoes and stepped back, sighing and looking so, so very tired.

And just like that he left Markus there in the middle of the dance floor, who didn’t even try to go after him, just stood there frozen to the ground beneath him. He didn’t stop following him with his eyes, though, watching him closely as he walked back to their table to Connor, who was looking at him like he finally understood, finally saw what was happening.

That this wasn’t just some kind of casual thing. This was real for Simon. Always had been.

He wanted to share with him that he understood, tell him how much, tell him what exactly, but he couldn’t really find the right words, so he just settled for a telling question.

‘Too many feelings?’ he asked, to which Simon sighed again, not even caring about denying anything anymore.

‘…yeah’ he breathed out and looked at his hands. Then he lifted his gaze back up at Connor.

‘You too?’ he asked, to which Connor shunned his eyes away towards the dance floor, then when he collected himself, he looked back and then nodded ever so slightly.

‘Towards who?’ Simon asked, fidgeting with the menu on the table, while waiting for an answer. As if he didn’t already put the pieces together. As if Connor was ever about to answer truthfully. Well, he did think about the possibility, but he couldn’t even place his feelings himself to begin with, let alone try to verbalize it, so he just shifted the conversation away from the topic, like it was nothing.

‘North is really getting some tonight’ he said, casually pointing to North, who was whispering something to one of the girl’s ears.

When she saw Connor, she flipped him off. He returned her kindness but he made sure to accompany that with a wink too.

‘Connor’ Simon pressed, eyes worried, trying to go back to the conversation they just abandoned.

Why was he even worried? Nothing to worry about. Just some dumb feelings suddenly creeping up into Connor’s every move, and taking him down, in the middle of a night club. Normal. Nothing to be concerned about.

‘It’s okay, Simon. I’m fine, I promise’ he said, and faked a smile, which Simon obviously knew wasn’t real.

‘You sure?’ he asked, not giving up, still trying to get through to him.

‘Yeah. Just… need air’ he said. It was a perfectly useless excuse; he literally did not need air at any point of his short life. But he did need to get out of the crowd for a minute or two. Or more.

He just wanted to be alone with his thoughts and calm himself down and try not to imagine Hank lying on the floor, drunk, playing Russian roulette, while Connor was dancing around and having fun in another state, so excruciatingly far away from him.

Should he call Hank...? No, that would be overstepping, surely.

But still, he wanted to overstep, if it meant he could hear his voice and be sure that he was alright. He wanted to overstep, if it meant he could feel just a bit closer to him. Just a bit like he was with him. On some level. On any level.

His flow of thoughts were then suddenly interrupted because he crashed into somebody on his way out. He was thrown off his feet, and out of balance, but the other person quickly grabbed his hand and steadied him. He was about to mumble a ‘thank you’ and pull his baseball cap lower to make sure the stranger didn’t recognize him, but then he looked up and realized who the other dumb idiot was, who just ran right into him.

_Markus_. Connor’s anxiety levels dropped instantly, and he could see that Markus felt the same way. He gestured outward, which Connor understood as something along the lines of ‘ _let’s go outside and be depressing there_ ’. And Connor was very down to do just that.

After looking around for a second, they saw camping chairs laying around, that nobody was occupying at the moment, so they thought they would put them to use themselves. They sat down and while it wasn’t the most comfortable thing ever, it was a comforting thought that they at least blended in well with the humans they saw hanging around. Connor didn’t really want to talk, didn’t really know how to. There was too much to explain to really get to the bottom of what he was feeling right now, and too many uncovered emotions he would’ve just liked to avoid in conversation.

‘Hank? Russian roulette?’ Markus asked and Connor almost fell out of his chair in his surprise.

Was he right all along? Was Markus really an omnipotent being, their ‘android Jesus’ so to speak? Could he do miracles, like human Jesus did? Was one of his miracles mind-reading? Did he just read his mind casually, like it was nothing?

Markus saw the confusion on Connor’s face, and to make himself better understood, tried to actually explain himself.

‘I saw your memories, you remember? In the car. I saw that night when you found him… well, I don’t need to explain it to you’ he said, awkward.

Oh, so it wasn’t really a miracle. It was just the normal, everyday kind of mind-reading. Gotcha.

Also, it did make Connor insanely relieved that Markus couldn’t actually read his thoughts all the time. That would’ve been be embarrassing.

‘So… am I right? Is that the reason why you have your sad puppy face on?’

‘I can’t help how my face looks, I was manufactured in a laboratory’ Connor groaned, rubbing his artificial skin with his artificial hand on his artificial body.

‘As we all were’ Markus laughed, which prompted random piss drunk strangers in close proximity to shoot glances at them and start making noises of… appreciation?

‘ _Dude_ , that is so fuckin’ deep’ said one guy with a fake raspy voice getting all up in their faces ‘like, we all know that all this life is fake and we are just in a computer simulation, righ’? Like, the government is literally fuckin’ with us every way they can, but like, none of this shit is real’

Markus and Connor took side-glances at each other before they both quickly darted their eyes back at the stranger.

Then Connor, after a millisecond of silence, put on his most serious voice and leaned forward, never breaking eye contact with the drunk guy.

‘Yeah man, it’s so obvious, like this fuckin’ android revolution type o’ shit? They couldn’t get any faker, we are in the dark timeline for mcfucking sure, m’dude’ he said, to which the guy lit up, like a candle. A candle soaked in alcohol. A candle, probably on fire.

‘ _Man_ , you really know your conspiracies, don’t ya? You’re one o’ the real ones, keep walking the flat earth, dude, ya ain’t alone!’ he waved at Connor with a weird hand gesture that he did not recognize, but returned it anyway, which was a good call on his part, because it made the man leave and take his little group with himself.

‘Holy’ he heard Markus’ voice beside him ‘ _Shit._ Connor… how… what… I didn’t understand one word you just said…’

Markus was blown away, that was for sure. Connor just shrugged.

‘Hank told me about meme culture at some point, and this man looked to be in the general age group of people who might have participated in that. A quick scan and I found one of his old meme blogs which led me to his newer, coincidentally, conspiracy blogs, and then I just went with what I saw there’

‘HOLY SHIT CONNOR’ Markus repeated, but with more volume this time ‘now I really get why you were on the force, like, you are really good at this stuff!’

Connor smiled a bit. He really appreciated Markus saying that. Police work _was_ important to him. He wasn’t over-exaggerating hen he said he could do that for eternity, because he felt like he really could. Well, he knew that the ability to be a good detective was programmed into him, and he was naturally good at it because of that very reason, but he didn’t just like the job because he was exceptional.

He also just liked it. As simple as that. As human as that.

He then felt something he never felt before, at least he didn’t think. The need to open up. Maybe it was Markus’ persuasive but also kind nature, or maybe it was just him trusting Connor and understanding him, through everything. Or maybe he just really liked Markus, who knows? One thing was sure, he was about to talk, willingly, which never really happened before (except when he was talking to one singular Lieutenant, but that’s different).

‘You were right, it _is_ about Hank. Everything is, if I’m being honest’ he said, slightly surprised at his own honesty, even after consciously making the decision to talk ‘I don’t know where to place my relationship with him, I just know that I care about him. A lot. It’s overwhelming and it’s probably stupid, but it’s true. Even if I’d rather just run away from all of my feelings if I could’

His chest felt… lighter, somehow. He felt better, even though Markus haven’t even said anything yet. Who knew opening up in itself could be rewarding? Who knew it could actually feel not that horrible?

‘You’ve been talking to him on the phone throughout our stay here. Are you sure that it’s stupid, and not something, that he also feels?’ Markus asked, voice careful. He knew how hard it was for Connor to talk about these types of feelings and he didn’t want to scare him off.

Connor looked up at the black sky, that held no stars for them to see. He didn’t know how to answer. It felt plausible, maybe. But he still couldn’t imagine that being the case.

Because as much as the possibility of Hank not feeling anything towards him hurt, the thought of him feeling the same things made him experience an anxiety so strong, but excitement stronger, that he almost felt like his synthetic heart was an organic one pulsating too fast in his chest, which was obviously not possible.

‘Would you consider telling him about how you feel?’ Markus pushed him only slightly more, but that was enough for Connor to panic. So he attacked, as any good feeling-represser would.

‘Well, what about you and Simon? You have this… thing that you never talk about. Why don’t _you_ tell him how you feel?’

That’s when, in turn, Markus also started panicking.

‘What thing?’ he asked, playing with the holes on his chair, looking away, acting like he had absolutely no idea what Connor was insinuating. As if he wasn’t the one holding Simon’s hand for exactly 34 minutes and 12 seconds that night. As if they didn’t look like they were going to drown in each others eyes while dancing to an overly dramatic romantic song.

Connor let out a tired huff of breath. More for the motion, than in necessity.

_‘Conscience doth make cowards of us all’_ he said.

A beat. A second passing. Markus was searching for where that quote came from.

‘…Shakespeare?’ he asked, confused.

‘Yes. Hamlet. I’ve been reading it. It’s… interesting’

‘You sure love your books’ Markus said, with a soft light in his eyes.

‘If only there were more physical copies of them’

‘Carl has quite the selection at home. When we’re back, remind me to lend you some of it’

‘Your dad?’

‘Yes’ Markus smiled.

For a second, Connor thought about what it would feel like to have a father. Weird, he concluded. He already had trouble with authority and accepting if somebody was above him in rank and that if they gave him an order he had to follow that and not… do whatever the fuck else he wanted, just cause he knew he could technically pull that all off without getting hurt.

So god knows how he would’ve acted if he had somebody who, by the laws of nature, was always above him. That sounded awful, he thought. Or maybe he just didn’t understand what having a father was supposed to be like. Then Kamski creeped into his mind, as somebody who, as his creator, was the closest to something he could’ve called a ‘father’, but he shunned that thought away immediately, and made the decision that if that was the case, then he would rather not have a father at all, thank you very much.

‘Thanks’ he said eventually to Markus’ offer, kicking himself out of that thought process as quickly as possible.

They shared a look then and he could see that Markus’ eyes were carrying his trademark Softness, and he knew that his own eyes were copying the expression too, although involuntarily.

He was glad he met Markus, and that he could make history with him. He felt honored to be his friend, but these words alone didn’t convey all the feelings he was experiencing at that moment.

He fucking loved Markus. With those exact words. Straight up. He didn’t know before this trip that friends could be so important to a person, but here he was, suddenly having the urge to hug Markus and tell him all of this, tell him, that he hoped they would continue to see each other and do crazy shit like what they did that night, tell him that he really grew fond of all of them. But hell, he would never tell him any of that, that was just not how he worked. Not who he was.

Markus lifted his left hand and squeezed his shoulder, then blinked, like he understood.

‘ _Hell, if he’s reading my thoughts for real this time I’m going to punch him in the face and then run’_ he thought, but Markus’ expression didn’t change, so he concluded, that maybe he was just very good at reading people. And that Connor was just naturally very paranoid.

Then a song came on, and they both stood up, as if struck by lightning.

‘Let’s go?’ Markus asked, and Connor nodded rapidly as an answer. They went in, and found a moping North (who had just been ditched by both of the girls she had been talking to) and Simon at their table. They then literally picked them up, and threw them to the dancefloor, where they started to violently lip synch to the lyrics they only downloaded like 1 second ago. The music was pumping through their bodies, and they were probably moving like they were insane, but they were having fun and that’s all that really mattered.

Simon and Markus were not really dancing together anymore, not like before, but Markus made Simon spin a couple of times, so Connor took that as a sign that they made up. Meanwhile North was dancing like a star, eyes closed, moving to the beat and looking, like always, the sanest person of the present company, even though she was mostly the most insane to be honest.

When the instrumental part came Connor suddenly felt really awkward in his own body, and didn’t really know how and what to move, but then North, of all people took his hands, and moved him around just a little to make him more comfortable.

‘You look like you have a stick up your ass, relax, you annoying shit’ she said, smiling throughout. He was definitely relieved that somebody came and cared enough to rescue him from embarrassing himself and then when North spun him around like how Simon was spun around just minutes ago he felt an overwhelming sense of happiness at that moment.

A happiness, that he couldn’t contain, so it escaped his body as a big, hearty laugh. North laughed with him, but then they were interrupted by Markus and Simon, who took their hands apart from each other, pulling their fingers into their own hands instead, just so they could join them in the moment they were sharing. So then they ended up all holding hands while they shouted the lyrics into the open air of the night club, screaming the words at each other, as if that would make the other understand more, or something, it didn’t make sense, but when does anything ever fucking make sense?

It made sense, because they could feel the pump of the song in their ears, they could feel each other’s hands in their own, they could feel their bodies being free and doing whatever the fuck they wanted, and they were… Living in every sense of the word.

Because they were alive. And they were free. And they were fucking allowed to be dumb and dance to even dumber songs and do unnecessary things that made them feel like their mechanic hearts were singing, even if just for one night. Even if they were classified as celebrities now and they really shouldn’t have acted this way.

Who the fuck cares though? People are people. People have big feelings that they can’t really open up about; big feelings they don’t even know how to even begin explaining. But people can dance, and sometimes that is good enough, sometimes that is everything you need to be complete, to feel understood.

To feel like you are truly living your life and you are the one making your choices, even if those choices are batshit crazy. You are the one who has the power to change your life, and if you want to fuck up your life? You should. Fuck up your life, just because you can. Fuck up, because it makes you feel alive. Fuck up, because you have every right to do so.

‘DESPACITO!’ they screamed. And despacito, they felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm..........sorry? (I'm not actually sorry sdkjfhsd)  
> (I also can't be the only one who gets the deepest of thoughts right in the middle of parties, I'm literally the kind of drunk who starts philosophizing about the randomest shit and I bet that fact doesn't surprise any of you jkfd)
> 
> connor, trying to act more human: hi i'm human also i want a uuuhhh.... very human umm beer  
> bartender:  
> bartender, now suspicious: can i get a name please?  
> connor: my name is....evan  
> bartender: evan who?  
> connor: evan................escence  
> *Bring me to life starts playing in the background*
> 
> markus: admit your feelings  
> connor: no YOU admit your feelings!  
> simon: why don't you both admit your feelings?  
> markus and connor: you know what? YOU should admit your feelings!!!!  
> north: i'm surrounded by idiots in love, this is tragic i'm gonna play despacito


	21. Secrecy makes barriers confessions break them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found myself literally unable to sit down and upload because I don't wanna let this story go and also all of you!!!! AAAAAAA anyway we gotta be strong and not get too emotional (says me, with literal tears in my eyes as i hit the post button i'm a mess hi hello one chapter left IT'S FINE)
> 
> (i mean there's gonna be more but still, let me be overdramatic about this, this is my bABY)

‘I love you guys so much’ Simon said, one hand over Markus’, and the other over Connor’s shoulder. The three of them were squished into two full seats on the bus, Connor literally hanging off on the side and while he would’ve liked to maybe, possibly sit somewhere more comfortable, sadly that was not possible, with Simon death gripping him like that. 

North’s ego was still in shambles after being dumped by not one, but two beautiful girls, so she was just curled up on the seat across them, legs hugged to her chest. One would think she would look small or vulnerable like that, but no, not at all, she still just looked ready to kick anybody who would’ve even dared come close to her.

They felt like they were about to pass out, even though going into stasis wasn’t really a necessity for them, it was a straight up choice. But they all felt like they would very much like to make that choice right now, just to get all the stimuli from the night out of their system.

‘Me too’ said Markus eventually. Connor and North just made sounds that could’ve maybe counted as them agreeing. 

As their stop was coming up, they yanked themselves and each other up to a standing position, then attempted to stay in said position for just until they got back to the hotel where they could finally safely collapse and possibly never get up ever again. While going about that plan, Connor caught a glimpse of himself in the reflection of a window and he had to admit that he definitely looked a bit washed up: his cap left his head at some point, but before it did, it messed his hair up, so it was now standing in every direction, making him look like a crazy person and a half. Then he looked at his clothes and that’s when he noticed something very out of the ordinary: under his zipped up hoodie he wasn’t wearing anything anymore. Meaning that his shirt was gone. Just like that. Like that was something that he could've just... not noticed.  


‘Who did this?’ he asked, while quickly zipping the zipper up to his neck. Simon looked him up and down, then gave him a very suggestive look.  


‘It wasn’t me, but damn, wish it was’ he said, clearly joking, and Connor obviously took it as joking, but then he glimpsed at Markus’ face who was looking… different. 

‘Okay, Simon, stop flirting with Connor before he runs away’ he said, voice playful, his face smiling, but still, Connor saw right through him. This wasn’t lighthearted playing around anymore. Not to him, at least.

He continued to stare it him, but Markus looked away on purpose. He knew that he was caught, but he wasn’t about to admit to it. Connor realized that maybe he and Markus weren’t that different. At least when it came to these types of situations, they really were all the same (maybe all people were the same in some way or another).

They stepped off the bus into the cold air, and Markus was more than ready to dart off towards the hotel already but Simon’s voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

‘Why, are you jealous?’ he asked with a very out of character kind of facial expression on him: he was smiling, but it was harsh and almost like a warning; his eyes closing into a slit, daring him to lie, daring him to ignore him, but also promising no good outcome if he would decide to go down that road. Upon seeing that, Markus' eyes dropped from his gaze, but when he realized where he was looking, he darted them back up quickly, now staring right into his threatening gaze, showing how much power he really had, not falling for his attempts.  


‘… it’s getting late’ he said, strained, still cutting right into Simon's eyes with his own. Then he slowly turned away and was about to start walking, but Simon was quicker and grabbed his arm before he could've even taken a step.

‘Are you going to run away again? Like you always do?’ Simon's words were harsh, harsher than he ever was before. They could all see regret seep into his face the minute he said the words, but that quiet step back and the shame in his eyes still didn’t stop Markus from lashing out at him.

‘Really, Simon? ' _Like I always do_ '? You of all people should know what I did for our people _and_ you, how can you even say that to me?' Markus shot back, hurt flashing across his face, then rushing into his every movement, shaking Simon's hand off of him, eyes betrayed. Simon just blinked a whole lot after hearing that, but didn't look away, which only made Markus even more frustrated, and now even angry.  


'Okay, then! Then tell me, when did you fucking see me run, huh? At the freedom march? Or when I threw myself in front of those bullets just to save you? Multiple fucking times? Huh? Which one did you mean? Oh, or did you mean the demonstration, where I was more than willing to die for all of you? Hm?' Simon was still not answering, so now Markus raised his voice to such a degree, the air vibrated around them 'I asked you a question, _Simon_ '

His tone was dangerous, almost threatening. He never talked like that to Simon. Never.  


‘You didn’t run, I'm sorry’ he muttered, eyes darted away, still angry, still hurt.   


Markus stepped closer, challenging, almost like he was daring Simon to question his authority, question his position. As if Simon would ever do that. 

They were both not being themselves at that moment. 

'Then why did you say that?' he asked him, so awfully interrogative, taking one more warning step closer.

And that was the moment, when Simon completely lost it.

'You _know_ why I said it!' he shouted and as his voice rumbled across the air, it made everything else die out, made everyone else stop for a second. 

They didn't even know how to react, because they've never seen Simon act that way. Never seen him angry, never heard him shout or lose his temper any other way. 

Silence.

He looked away then and sighed, as if to get the fury out of his system.

'You know why I said it' he repeated, much quieter now, much more familiar and much, much more gentle. 

Markus scoffed, then turned away. His anger evaporated in a millisecond, making room for new feelings to emerge: quiet frustration and fear. He didn’t want to talk about this, he didn’t want to be questioned about his decisions. He was about to leave for real this time, but then Simon put his hand on his arm again, this time just slightly touching it, this time just curling his fingers around his coat, not even really making contact, just letting him know he didn't want him to leave. 

And that's when he knew there was no way out. They were going to do this now or never.

He looked up at Simon, whose eyes were pleading for him, so gentle, so tired of not talking. They stayed, staring at each other like that and didn’t say a word for a little while, silent apologies being exchanged with just eyes and small, almost-not-even-there touches.

That’s when North and Connor started to really feel in the way, so they just shared a glance and with only that one look, agreed to go back to the hotel without those two dumb idiots, leaving them some space to figure their shit out.

When they left with muffled sounds and apologies, Simon moved his hand from Markus’ arm to his knuckles and then slowly, very hesitantly intertwined their fingers. Markus let him do it, couldn't say no anymore, didn't even know how or why he would do that. Then Simon lifted their interlocked hands up in the air between them and retracted his skin. An invitation. 

Markus could feel the push of data trying to find a way into him; all he had to do was say yes, and he would find himself getting flooded by everything Simon was. And in turn, Simon would be able to see everything he was too.

Something rushed inside him at that thought and he realized as much as he wanted to turn away, not let it happen, be the strong one, and as much as the possibility scared him… this was still what he wanted to do most in his life. 

That was the one truth he knew in that moment they were standing there, so close to breaking the silence.  


‘Simon… we can’t do this’ he said, eyes soft now. Asking for Simon to be the responsible one and walk away. Save both of them, because he couldn’t do it anymore. But a part of him still hoped Simon would stop it, stop them from making a mistake. 

Yeah, Markus would be hurt after that decision, of course, he would probably want to scream, and he would definitely not be okay for a while, but saying no would still be the responsible choice. It would still be the only choice he would ever let himself make.  


‘I think we’ve been hiding from each other for far too long, Markus. I’m ready to show you everything’ he said, thumb tracing over the skin under his palm. Markus looked down at their shoes, and shut his eyes. So Simon was not about to run either. So this was really going to be out in the open now.  


‘I can’t promise you anything, Simon’ he sighed, realigning their hands, so their fingers were now stretched out, palm-to-palm. Simon’s eyes shimmered at that motion and he blinked a few to try and really comprehend the situation.

‘It’s okay. Just show me and then we’ll figure it out’ he promised, then lifted his other hand to Markus’ face, who, at that movement, looked up again and when he saw how close they were standing, how close Simon’s blue eyes were to him, he broke. 

He just broke.   


Markus, the leader of the revolution, leader of the androids, the android messiah, possible rA9, and every variation of those... was gone. 

The only Markus that was standing there at that very moment was Markus, the person. The person, who suffered so much, who lost everything and then got back everything, who still carried the weight of their people on his shoulders at all times and who never let himself want and need. Never really let himself be happy.

And that person was screaming in his chest, demanding to give him this one good thing, begging him to let him take something for himself just this once and suddenly he couldn’t think about any of those logical reasons of why he shouldn't do this, couldn't think of anything, that should make him scared, not when those shining eyes were looking at him like that. 

He could not deny what he was so clearly feeling anymore. He tried and he failed. But sometimes it’s better to fail. 

‘Okay’ he said, not even believing himself, that that word just went out of his mouth. Well, here came more of the same kind ‘I trust you, Simon’

Simon smiled, no, he beamed at that declaration and he caressed his cheek slowly, biding his time, almost not comprehending what he just heard.

‘So is that a yes?’ he asked, just in case and Markus nodded quickly, a smile appearing on his face now.

‘Yes’

As he said the word, almost like a spell breaking, little white dots appeared around them, more and more snow freezing and developing in the atmosphere, only to fall down onto the ground, make the world white around them too. They looked up for a moment in awe, then back at each other and they laughed, because it was all so surreal, but perfect, somehow. 

That’s when Markus finally retracted his skin too, and at that moment there was no regret, no fear, no shame in him. No, the only thing he felt was happiness, relief, as if he had been underwater for months now and only let himself come to the surface at that shared moment of touch.

And as he let Simon in, he immediately felt everything pour into him, like water flooding his vision. Memories, feelings, internal monologues, wants, needs.

The only thing he was focusing on then was Simon and in turn, Simon was only focusing on him, seeing everything he ever saw, he ever felt.

Different lives, different perspectives. Only _one_ common ground. A _feeling_ seeping into both of their consciousness; but its existence was so gentle, it wasn’t even a revelation, it was almost as natural as having a limb or breathing.

Love, love, love.

Markus still found himself feeling relieved again at the confirmation of that, as if it could’ve been any other way. As if there was even a possibility that Simon didn't feel the same way about him. In any universe. At any time or place.  


Then, as Simon got deeper into his consciousness, he knew he couldn’t stop what was coming and so he just let him look around inside his head, look around and find things he had been carrying around.

‘You are scared’ Simon said, voice soft, caring. He heard the words inside his head before he said them out loud, but it was still a shock to really hear him say anything about it.

He nodded, then looked away.

‘You are not turning your back on our people just by letting yourself be happy’ Simon spoke again, using the hand that he held to Markus’ cheek to turn him back towards himself. 

His eyes were glistening and snow was everywhere, in his hair, on his eyelashes and he was. 

Beautiful.

‘I can…’ 

‘I know you hear everything before I say it, but you still need to hear it with words’ he pressed, then continued, smiling that soft smile ‘You have been so selfless, Markus. Always’

He stepped even closer, hand travelling to his neck now, warm and constant.

‘Let yourself be selfish for once’

Merely a whisper, simple words. How come it was still everything Markus ever needed and wanted to hear?

‘Do you really want me to be?’ he asked, genuine. His eyes dropped down to his lips, waiting for an answer, contemplating the possibilities.

Simon’s eyes were unwavering.

‘Yes’ he said, and Markus, as if on command, leaned close.

It really was perfect. The snow falling from the sky above, gentle, faltering to the ground. Consciousness shared, secrets out in the open.

He wondered if this was how his journey to inevitable doom started. A tender brush of lips, chest vibrating with love and arms holding close in desperation.

Oh, how hard it was to let go now. It was almost harder than letting him  _ in _ in the first place.

It felt impossible. He couldn’t be with him, but he couldn’t be without him. Nothing would work, they were meant to fall.

‘We’ve fallen a long time ago, Markus. We’ve fallen the minute we've met’ he heard Simon say inside his head, as his arms travelled up his neck and pulled him closer, lips never leaving his ‘If this will cause the end of everything, then I’m ready to face it’

Maybe they were always meant to fall. Maybe they couldn’t have ever stopped it. Maybe this was always what their story was meant to be.

But this didn’t even feel like falling. It was more like a gentle kind of descending. 

Soft, melting before hitting the ground. Just like snow.

 

* * *

 

‘Do you think the bitches gonna fuck tonight?’ North asked, as she kicked the hotel room’s door open (The keycard was still in Markus’ pocket and they were not about to go back for it, no sir). As she straightened her stance and went in, Connor followed her.

‘Wouldn’t rule that out as a possibility’ he answered, being just as nonchalant about that topic as North, while pulling the coat off his back. Which was big and warm and whatnot, but you know what it also was? Completely unnecessary. Annoying, and being in the way of making normal movements. How could humans carry around this many clothes at once, at all times? They were crazy, that’s how.

‘My room is right next to Markus’ and I’m not going to listen to any of  _ that _ happening, so… do you wanna join me on the balcony?’ she gestured towards the sliding doors, then waited for Connor to answer. She could’ve just gone outside alone, but she decided to invite him too. And wait for his answer. Wow. That was a big deal, especially for North. And it did make Connor feel pretty important. 

‘Yeah, sure’

They stepped outside into the cold air again and both leaned on the rail to look down on the world, maybe for the last time before they went home again. Maybe that's why Connor was starting to develop some kind of... weirdly sticky and stingy emotion, something warm, but hurtful, all at the same time. 

Nostalgia. Remembering all the times they shared, all the nights he spent outside, all those soft voices circulating inside his head, making him dizzy and slip into some kind of other emotion. 

One, that he wasn't going to identify then and there, and that was a fact.

He looked over to North, who was very preoccupied with unbraiding her hair and putting it up into a bun.

‘You think Markus is a top?’ she asked, again, so casual. Like that was a normal question.

Connor shrugged, not wanting to give an actual opinion, asking his psychology program to spew some bullshit out of his mouth instead.  


‘Would make sense. He likes being in positions of power and enjoys bossing people around, so it’s only natural he would want to be in charge in the bedroom too’ 

North squinted, as if trying to picture that.

‘I think he is more of a pseudo- top. Looks like one, but is secretly the bottomest bottom’

‘Why are we even talking about this, North?’ Connor asked then, now very done with this conversation.

But also… there was something in North’s expression that caught his attention. Something underlying. 

...Worry.

Worry? Worry of what?

‘I’m just trying to deal with this situation in my own way. I mean…’ she shrugged, brushing the topic away. 

He could've let it go, but because he was Connor, and he was the leading champion for putting his nose into stuff he wasn't invited to (and also, his tongue onto stuff he was definitely not invited to, but that's another story) he decided to push her about that just a little bit. 

Besides, the fact that she was acting so strange after such a great night was weird and definitely made him worried too.

‘What?’ he asked, an invitation for her to speak. She recognized it and then sighed loudly, before continuing.

‘Well, when those two walking-talking drama queens become a thing, and you leave to be with your magical Lieutenant, I’m… I’m going to be alone’ she admitted, face so awfully sad. She put her hands on her arms, hugging herself, as if to protect herself from anything and everything that might come her way.  


Connor furrowed his brows in confusion. That didn’t make any sense.

‘You won’t be. They won’t abandon you, but even if they do, you will still have Josh when you're back’ he said, but those were clearly not the right words and they only caused North to lash out at him.

‘I don’t want Josh!’ she raised her voice to a dangerous volume, which then went right back down, when she added ‘I want _ you _ ’

Now THAT he did not expect. 

‘…what?’ he asked in complete confusion and shock and when North saw his expression, and realized what caused the misunderstanding, as a reaction she pushed at him so hard he almost fell right off the balcony.

‘Not like _that_ , asshole. I’m a huge lesbian if you haven’t caught up to that fact yet’ she shook her head, annoyed.

Oh. That cleared some things up. 

Connor finally exhaled then and lowered himself down on the rail again. Nothing to fear, the world didn't go completely mad, at least not at that night.  


‘I just… you get me, you know? I think nobody gets me the way you do. You always bother to listen, even though I’m a jerk most of the time’ North said and it was all starting to get way too honest and all too real. 

‘Yeah, you tend to be one’ he replied, and North was about to shoot him a look, and possibly shoot him for real (not that she had a gun, but she was North, she would make do) so, of course only to protect his own body from any possible damage, he quickly added ‘but I like that you are a jerk. Makes you one of the most real people I know’

Of course, he knew that what she said was important. And he felt what she said too, to an extent. But that didn't mean he was ready to let her know how much she meant to him. No, that was the opposite of repressing feelings and he couldn't even be completely honest with Hank, the one person who he felt the closest to, so how could he just tell North about the things that he oh so clearly felt, when he knew that that would make him vulnerable and also...  


He wanted to say 'honest' but then he stopped himself when he realized that being honest wasn't supposed to be something he feared, something he should feel bad about.

He sighed, knowing that he just came across another part of his personality that he had to work on, apparently. 

Being honest. Letting people he cared about know how he really felt. That sucked. 

But maybe he could at least try and make just one step towards working on that problem, that night. Maybe North, another notable feeling-represser like him, could help him with that, in her own, weirdly harsh ways.

And on the topic of him and North... he was well-aware that they had a very one of a kind kind of relationship. They were very similar inside, but in a way that nobody could really pinpoint. It’s like their souls were cut from the same general material, like, still very different, but kind of similar? Or something like that (If they even had a soul. Connor still hadn’t thought about that topic deeply enough to really have a conclusion to that).  


Maybe their similarities was what made them so insufferable for each other at first. They saw themselves in the other and they hated that. But as they grew to love themselves, they grew to care about each other too. Or something like that. It was complicated, but an important complexity nevertheless.

‘You know, Connor, I never thought I’d say this, but you're actually an alright guy’ she said, nudging him with her shoulder. She seemed a lot lighter now, like she knew he understood so there was no need to push the subject anymore. 

‘Thanks, North’ he said, looking down at the busy city under them. The lights were vibrant just like all the other nights, but he still felt himself unable to take his eyes away from them ‘you are not so bad yourself’ he added, then laughed, when North shoved at him.

‘Alright, you’re the cool guy, we get it’

‘I really am not, honestly’

‘You are. I think you are cool’ North confessed, looking away.

And Connor, being the asshole he secretly (publicly) was, of course started to act like he just heard the most scandalous thing in his entire life.

‘North! You like me? So even  _ you _ lie to me all the time when you say you hate me… look at that, a guy can’t even trust his enemies!’

‘You're a fucking dork, do you know that?’ she laughed ‘also, I  _ do _ hate you, but like, I also like you’ she then added casually, like any of that was supposed to make sense. 

‘Alright… I also like you, and I’m glad to know you’ he said, working very hard on actually making himself say those words. Then he flinched ‘wait, why are we being so nice to each other all of a sudden’

‘I don’t know, it’s weird, but I’m just going with it’ North shrugged, but then went serious ‘also… the  _ ‘I want you’ _ thing… I did mean it. You get me. And as cheesy as it sounds, and as much as I wanna hit myself in the face for saying any of this, you… you have made a place in my heart and with us going home tomorrow I-I guess I’m just worried you’ll forget about us, and I won’t have anyone to back me up in the group anymore’

The honesty in North’s voice made Connor freeze for a second, because he knew that she never really opened up like this. The fact that she was saying all this to Connor meant a great deal to him, but he definitely didn’t know how to show her his gratitude, or make her feel so appreciated as she made him feel like. That felt like it was a recurring theme of his life, though.

North straightened her back then, and was probably about to ask if Connor wanted to go into stasis on the sunbathing beds, but she couldn’t really say anything, because Connor, like the madman he truly was, pulled North into a hug as a spur of the moment decision. He then held onto her tightly, and kinda swayed her around trying to make it all goofy, but it was still very serious, considering, that Connor also never initiated physical contact like this. North hugged him back, and when he was beginning to think that that was going to be it, he then felt strange drops of water fall down onto his shoulder (well, he didn't really feel that, it was just his system, that detected it). 

Tears? From North? For what, the third time that week? 

Okay, maybe the world was indeed going mad.

‘I love you, you fucking piece of shit, I hope you’ll get everything you fucking want in life, because you deserve it, you asshole’ she said, full on crying, and surprisingly enough, that curse and appreciation rollercoaster of a sentence was the thing that made Connor’s eyes water too.

‘I love you too, you murderous douchebag, you are insane, and fucked up, but I swear to the-non-existent-God, if I neglect the squad, just come and murder me, I’m asking you to, so please deliver, thanks’ he said, to which North laughed a tearful laugh. 

They let go of each other then and both wiped their eyes and when they looked presentable enough, they collapsed right on top of the chairs. 

‘Fucking hell, feelings are exhausting’ North said, and Connor couldn’t agree more. They both went silent, looking up at the starless sky above them, thinking.

This was also Connor's time to shine and say the words he knew for a fact he would never say if he would not do it then and there. So with great power and determination, he finally opened his mouth.

‘I meant what I said too, North’ Connor muttered, almost just talking to himself ‘I won’t forget about you. You are very important to me’

Upon hearing that, North turned her head towards him, with a genuine smile on her face.

‘Wow, actual emotions from you? No joking? Am I dreaming?’ she asked, but it was all light-hearted and she was smiling and she looked so nice and non-threatening, he had to let it go. 

He then yet again felt that feeling that he felt before on that night, at the party, when Markus smiled at him with those soft eyes. He remembered he felt the exact same thing when Simon shared his story with him, trusted him enough to let him into something so personal.

And now he felt it again, when North looked at him with eyes so appreciative, with eyes so grateful to have him.

All three of them, in some, twisty way, and in another very straight forward way, made him somehow experience the same emotion, but in such different forms, with such different facial expressions, different words and different movements. But it was still the same emotion.

_ Love.  _

It’s weird how most people think romantic relationships are the only ones a person can care about this much, but there are so many different and messy ways of feeling love towards multiple people, it’s… beautiful. 

Beautiful to feel this much upon seeing a smile, hearing a laugh, having somebody close. Beautiful to know that they care about you as much as you care about them. 

To know that they would do anything to protect you. Almost like family, he thought. Or maybe similar. Or maybe exactly the same.

One thing he was sure of, though. If he didn’t have these people, his life would be a lot darker. A lot more complicated. Bleaker. Worse.

But thankfully he had them, and he knew he would always have them, and that gave him a kind of stability that he craved every waking hour.

Not that Hank wasn’t important. Of course he was. He was the most important. But he was important in another way. He was a constant, more so than the others. 

If he had to visualize it, it was like Markus, North and Simon were standing around him in a circle. Close, important.

But Hank was standing right next to him, inside the circle, one hand on his shoulder, close, closer, _warm_. 

It was different.

‘Go to stasis already, I can hear you thinking’ North grumbled, hitting him with a cushion.

He hit her back with the same cushion, then when they both heard the hotel room door snap open (it was still very unhinged thanks to North), then the sound of a big thud accompanied by laughing, they both looked at each other, horrified.

‘Race you to stasis’ she said quickly, then closed her eyes already, winning.

He grimaced. Shit. Okay, he had to go soon, or else he’d hear something he really didn’t want to, but he just couldn’t stop thinking and also, he never really just went into stasis like that, he always let himself ease into it with some reading or some alone time. Or both. 

He never just. Went.

There was another thud coming from inside, followed by shushing sounds from both of them. Then there was giggling, which then turned into other types of noises and so Connor decided that commanding himself into stasis wasn’t as bad of any idea anymore.

And so, he just went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> simon: talk?  
> markus: no  
> simon: :(  
> markus: OKAY JESUS YOU DON'T GOTTA DO ME SO DIRTY
> 
> markus: the world is gonna break if i let myself be happy, sorry i don't write the rules  
> simon: okay, but consider this: what if we ignore that and make out at this instant?  
> markus:  
> markus: okay, you know what? i'm sold
> 
> north: i luv u  
> connor: sorry i'm gay  
> north:   
> north: i'm gay too you Dumbass With Zero Brain Cells  
> connor: i don't have brain cells to begin with i'm a literal computer  
> north: yeah, it shows


	22. The Last Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *clutches chest* LADS! THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER!

The morning definitely felt like it was out there to kill Connor. Firstly, they could only be in stasis for just about 2 hours, which was not at all enough for him to process everything that happened yesterday, so he still felt emotionally exhausted when he woke up to a similarly tired North nudging him awake, saying that they only had an hour before they had to go give a press conference.

Emotional exhaustion was a weird thing, because with or without stasis, he eventually always got over it and recharged in other ways, like reading or being alone, or sometimes talking. But the easiest way to make it go away was still by going into stasis. And when he didn’t have time to really do that, he had to endure the exhaustion and that made him snappy and well… not fun to be around. 

The other thing that made him feel like that day was trying to kill him was the fact that they were apparently leaving a lot earlier than he thought they would. 

Markus announced that fact while he was tying his tie, not even looking up, (like this wasn’t an important update at all) telling them that they were already needed back at Detroit, because there were some ‘complications with the database’ (that’s all he said and nothing more) and therefore the only press conference they had time for was the one that morning, and so after that they would just go straight to home, this time taking a plane.

That hit hard and Connor felt the sharp mixture of shock and confusion and sadness creep into him, adding to the exhaustion even more. 

He thought they had at least a full day for just themselves, but the fact that they didn’t and that they had such a tight schedule was literally the worst case scenario he could ever come up with. How was he supposed to deal with so many emotions hitting him when he was still exhausted from the ones from yesterday?

He was about to kill a man, that’s how.

In the taxi Markus led them through everything they needed to know, so they wouldn’t really have to think about what to answer on the spot. That, somehow cleared his mind and made him at least a bit calmer.

And about Markus… what happened yesterday between him and Simon was an open secret; all of them knew that they knew that they knew that  _ they  _ knew what happened, but they sure as hell weren’t going to talk about it. None of them. 

The only thing even suggesting that something had happened was the occasional touches shared between Simon and Markus and the general calm states that they were in throughout the day.

It was good though, because up until then it felt like they were both holding their breaths, not letting each other really relax. Now they were calm and more functional than ever. Oh, how Connor envied them.

‘At first they are going to take some pictures of us with the President and then we will be escorted to…’

Connor was already zoning out, thinking of everything else, _ but _ the press conference.

There was just too much time and too less at the same time. Too much time until he was back at home, at a place he knew and at the place he had unfinished business at. At the place where Hank was. At the place where he might get to  _ actually _ feel at ease for the first time in his life.

But there was also so little time to still spend with his friends, the ones who grew so close to him in the weeks gone by. Who he really didn’t want to say goodbye to. Not now. Not ever, but certainly not  _ now _ . It was all happening so fast but still not fast enough. 

He was just done with all of this. Done, done, done.

North of course noticed his misery and after a while she decided to reach out to him and touch a part of his hand, offering to give back the favor she got from him not long ago. He was about to not react, just ignore her, keep on wallowing in his own despair, but then when she tightened her grasp, he sighed and let her interface with him anyway. 

She was calm, collected but a slight sadness still carried along within that calm. 

But it was also relaxing. A sadness, that he could deal with. When it felt that calm, he could deal with it. 

He thought to himself, that maybe what he was originally feeling was also a way of feeling sadness, but it was less clear-cut, less digested. It was a provoking feeling, anger at himself for being sad at the first place, anger at sadness itself, trying to stab it into non-existence but only making it angrier and bigger and bigger and bigger.

But feeling North’s type of sadness tipped him over the edge and let him accept that feeling, brushing the anger away, smoothing out the rough edges of his own pain. 

Who knew just accepting emotions made them easier to deal with? Well, certainly not him, he was still, as the kids call it, a dumbass.

‘Thank you’ he said to her through their shared connection. She just blinked back, that real smile from yesterday tugging at her lips.

‘Anytime’

 

* * *

 

‘So are we supposed to think of all androids as humans now? Like, as equals?’ a young journalist asked from the President, acting like that was one of the most ridiculous ideas he had ever heard.

Warren was about to open her mouth, but North was faster and she snatched that question right away from her, shooting her most murderously kind smile at the kid.

‘Yes, that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do. I’d advise you read the dictionary. Especially the part about what equality means. You seem confused’ she said, then shouted at the crowd ‘Next!’

Several hands went up, while Connor, Markus and Simon tried really hard not to start snickering out loud.

It’s not like most of the questions were like this; most people were nice and professional; asking about the next political steps they’d take or Markus about Cyberlife, or President Warren about homelessness and the rising numbers of unemployment and so on. It was all about things they already debated over in the meetings so most of them were just zoning out over the answers, only paying attention to at least  _ trying  _ to look presentable and not like they were on standby or something.

When they were done with the hard questions and everybody felt like they got good enough answers, they were all ready to leave, but then one very nice lady lifted her hand up before they did, asking if she could just ask the four of them one more harmless question, to end the press conference with something pleasant. Warren, (also looking very tired at this point) waved a hand to express that while she hated the fact that she had to sit there for another second, still gave her permission to the woman to speak.

‘If I might ask a personal question to the Android delegates: now, that you are all free, what are you looking forward to do the most when you get back home?’

That was an odd question, especially because they were political figures, not celebrities, but they supposed that maybe for humans that was still an important question, because it was an opportunity for them to yet again see a more human side to them. 

And well, Markus was always ready to show them how human they really were, so he made the decision that they were answering that, without even asking the others for their opinion.

‘Thank you for the question, and well, I think we all could use a bit of peace and quiet for a few days. I know I definitely need some’ quiet laughs in the audience ‘but in all seriousness, what I’m probably most excited about is finally seeing my father again. He hasn’t been feeling well lately and I know he’s also worried sick about me, so… reuniting with him will definitely improve a lot of things in my life’ he said, so honest about something so personal Connor had to take several seconds to get over the fact that there were people in this world apparently, to whom honesty just came so easily (well, to an extent).

‘But on the more professional side of things I also can’t wait to get started on doing something good for our people with the resources Cyberlife can grant us. There’s nothing I want more in this world, than to try and give every android out there the life they truly deserve’ Markus said, then looked at North, to signal that it was her turn. Who, upon realizing that she had just been asked about her future plans, continued to not speak for a while, just staring in front of herself, probably having a full on existential crisis.

Then, when she looked up and remembered that it was still her time to talk, which she was still not doing, she sighed, then shrugged.

‘You know, let’s be honest here, not everybody has their life all figured out to every miniscule detail like Markus does. I definitely don’t have it figured out at this point and I don’t think I will have it figured out for a while, but maybe… I guess maybe that is the beauty of it. That now all of us at least have the opportunity to figure it all out or... just continue not figuring it out. Whichever’ nods in the audience, somebody wiping away a tear, probably a lot of people watching them on tv, suddenly strongly relating to everything she just said. 

She was a good talker, they had to realize that once again. They thought that was all she wanted to say, but then she apparently felt the need to add more, leaning forward this time, as if trying to make sense of everything she just said.

‘Point is, other than ourselves, nothing is stopping us from going after our dreams anymore. Now we can do anything we please… obviously inside the lines of the law’ she finished her monologue, seemingly completely serious, but that last part still made the other three laugh out loud. She shot them a look and they did try to hide their smiles, but that doesn’t mean that they really succeeded (they didn’t).

Needless to say, the journalists were confused, but appreciated seeing this small fond moment of theirs. 

And now it was Simon’s turn to speak, who pushed down the developing laughter inside him and tried his hardest to put his serious face back on, his words probably carrying a lot of weight, ready to break out and share his deepest emotions.

‘For me, it’s always been about taking care of the people that I love. And I plan on continuing to do that. I know what you might be thinking: as a former household android, that is very machine-like of me, but honestly, I disagree. As a machine, I was  _ bought _ by a family, so who I took care of wasn’t  _ my _ decision, it was a task. But now, I have the power to choose my own family and let myself be chosen in the process too’ he said, then he peaked over at Markus, who was already looking at him, smiling. 

Connor, despite being grumpy McGrump himself just a few hours ago still caught himself starting to develop a feeling of genuine joy at the realization that those two friends of his have both found their ways and were this happy, despite everything. They have both seen hell and came back out. And now they had the opportunity to be happy. To become a family.

That was a good thought. And as he was thinking about that, he forgot that with Simon finishing his speaking, it was his time to say something.

Anything. 

Only if his mind could actually think of something inspirational too, or something concrete, but no, for him, there was nothing else to say other than the plain, factual truth.

‘I’m… um… I’m just realizing that I don’t have a prepared answer, nor do I think anything I say here will sound true, so I’ll just say the two things, that I’m quite certain about, regarding my future. Firstly, there’s a police lieutenant, maybe possibly watching this right now, who I have to get back to. And secondly, I’m going to pet a very good dog, whose owner doesn’t yet know but I’m definitely going to steal his dog’s heart and then run away with him. That is all I have to say’ he said and as he was done with talking shit and wanted to pat himself on the back for the reaction he probably just evoked in Hank, suddenly, without him really anticipating it, his insides started to jump around, like there was something fluttering there. 

He glanced into the camera on the far right side and almost without his own permission, his eyes and all the parts of his face responsible for movement started to realign towards the exact expression that he only made once before. To Hank. After that night, when they finally met after it was all over. Before he pulled him into that warm, warm hug.

And as he let his gaze fly deep into the camera’s black void, he somehow knew that Hank was looking right back at him. Through wires and screens. 

He somehow still knew.

 

* * *

 

After packing everything back into duffel bags and more professional looking actual suitcases, they decided to lay around the lounge just one more time, for old time’s sake. But it didn’t really look like the calm hanging around it used to be. No, it looked more like just general sad sulking.

This was different. Very different.

‘Is everyone set?’ Markus asked, going from room to room just to check if they forgot anything.

‘Yeah’ they all answered quietly, breathing the words, not really saying them.

Then they got up without even making a sound and ended up standing in the middle of the room, looking at each other. Hands flying to their sides at the same time. Heads turning as their eyes connected to each other’s. 

Synchronized. In tune with each other. 

That realization hurt.

‘Okay, come here. All of you’ Markus demanded, already getting emotional.

They ended up forming a big four way hug again, but this time it was so desperate and crushing, it felt like they were trying to hold onto a moment of breathlessness before they actually took another breath.

Breathing is a necessity, just like letting go is. They knew the time has come to move on, but knowing that didn’t make it any less hard.

They did it anyway eventually, hands wiping away their tears then those same hands lifting their luggage up, just to let their legs then carry them out of there.

And right before Markus, the first one to get to the door was about to step outside, Connor, at that exact moment honest to god  _ panicked _ .

‘Can I quickly say something, before we leave?’ he asked, words quick, limbs not moving one bit. As they looked back at him and their eyes softened, he got a glimpse of how he must’ve looked, how vulnerable, just standing there, reluctant to leave before he actually  _ talked _ . 

He knew that the others have never seen him like this before. He was never willing to tell about whatever he was feeling, it always had to be dug out of him. But not this time. Now he wanted to share everything and he was going to.

‘I just… acting as a delegate was just a necessity for me at the start. It was another mission I had to get done. But that has completely changed and I’m… you have taught me so many things. All of you, individually have shaped who I have become. I am very lucky that I have you and while I don’t necessarily think I deserve you, I still- I’m very thankful that I  _ do _ have you, despite everything’

He could feel his tear ducts fill up and the thought of maybe turning away and wiping his face without them seeing it crossed his mind, but it was already too late, the water appeared on his face, not caring if he wanted it there or not.

‘I know you are all capable but if it would come to that, I would protect you with my life, without even  _ thinking _ . I trust that you know how important that makes you. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I really care about you’ he declared, voice breaking slightly, his chest trembling for some reason. And with only that, he managed to make the others emotional too.

They all knew this was a big deal.

‘This fucking guy and making me cry, goddammit’ North bawled as she walked towards him to pull him back into a hug, which he accepted.

‘You and making my emotionless killing machine persona crack’ he retorted, pushing his face deep into her shoulder. 

Goddammit, he really became a sappy piece of shit. Hank was going to tease the fuck out of him, he knew that for sure.

‘You all know already, that we love you, right?’ Simon asked, as he put his head on Markus’ shoulder, while looking over at the embracing duo ‘you can come to us anytime, okay?’ 

‘We know! Fucking hell, all of you are fucking great and I’m just a piece of shit to all of you’ North yelled, from deep within.

Now  _ that _ was too much. That sounded too real to just be a joke. 

‘Don’t talk about yourself like that ever again, or I’ll have to beat you up’ Connor said, hugging her even more tightly ‘don’t hurt my loved ones or you’ll see me standing in your way’

She laughed at that.

‘Fuck, murder guy is the best out of all of you, who would’ve thought’ she said, then suddenly pulled away ‘okay, let’s just fucking go, or we’ll never leave. We are all emotional messes, honestly’

They could definitely agree with that statement. 

Then right before they got all of their stuff back into their hands and headed for the door, they smiled at each other once more. For one, long moment.

And then that was gone too, and it was indeed time to leave and so they did eventually lift their luggages back up, and their legs did take them out of the room, just like they were supposed to do. 

Connor was the last one to leave the room and before he closed the door, he looked back just one last time, scanning the place. 

He could see memories flooding his vision: lounging around, planning, conversations with Hank on the balcony, watching TV with Simon, Markus giving them directions to go in, them listening. Sitting, close on the sofa. All of them, like a little family. He freeze-framed that last memory and put it into a special folder. Just in case.

Then he finally got his strength back and closed the door, leaving room 404 forever.

This part of their journey was officially over. 

But there was an even bigger journey awaiting in the corner, he knew that.

It was life itself. His life. And there was so much to experience in that life, still.

Going home, after such a long time. 

Going home to a home that he only had been to once before.

Going home to a person, who felt more like a home than anything else in the world did.

It was time for Connor to be with him.

It was time for him to never let him go again.

 

 

* * *

 

‘Shit, Josh, I told you, we’ll talk about it when we’re back’ Markus asserted, while trying to make the toilet’s door close. It was not closing.

They have been on the plane for exactly 23 minutes, and apparently Josh just couldn’t wait with pestering Markus until they got home.

So now Markus was trying to hide away in the toilet, just so the others wouldn’t suspect that he was having a conversation (little did he know that the fact that he, an android felt the need to go to the toilet was exactly what made them suspicious at the first place).

‘Are you sure that it can wait until then? I mean, isn’t his safety more important?’ Josh asked, voice clearly suggesting that he was not approving of Markus’ decision.

‘Don’t say things like that, please’ Markus hissed out loud. He didn’t want to consider the possibilities of what the future had in stock for them.

‘Sorry, but  _ please _ be reasonable. Why are you even withholding this from him? He deserves to know’ Josh tried again, this time pulling on his heartstrings. And of course it was working.

‘I’m not withholding, I’m just... delaying the… sharing of information’

‘ _ Markus _ ’ Josh pushed, knowing far too well, when he was bullshitting him.

He sighed. This was all not fair. And not ideal. And why  _ him _ , of all people.

‘Listen, he’s so happy right now. You have no idea. He doesn’t really show when he’s feeling something big, but right now, he’s fucking  _ ecstatic _ , alright? And he is just… at ease, he is so trusting towards the world, I mean, fuck, Josh I can’t just break that for him, not when he progressed so much with his, you know, like personality and emotions and just… Josh, don’t make me do this’ he sighed again, thinking back to everything that had happened up until that point. 

The first night, when he was so scared to even tell him about the whole hijacking situation. When he was so scared and angry and lashed out so easily and… he didn’t want to make him become that again. He wanted him to continue being okay and to get back to his Lieutenant in one piece and be as happy as he always was when they talked. 

Why couldn’t it all stayed like that? Why did he have to ruin that for him?

‘I’m not the one making you do this, those assholes are, who broke in and got all of those shells lined up just to…’

‘I don’t need to hear that again and I really don’t want to imagine it either, thanks’ Markus cut Josh off quickly, shivering at even just the thought of what he was describing.

‘Sorry. What I’m trying to say is that you don’t have a choice this time. If you wanna protect him, you gotta tell him what happened. We can’t fight these people without him’ 

Markus sighed again, knowing full well, that Josh was right. Of course he was, he always is.

Then, giving up arguing and also giving up his fight with the toilet’s door, he let go of it and let it slip right open. He stepped outside, there not being any reason to continue playing this very unstealthy stealth game of his anymore, and was about to go back to his seat, but then his legs stopped moving, because right after stepping out, the first thing he saw was Connor looking out the window, smiling a bit to himself, not one crease on his face.

Goddamnit. 

‘I know’ he muttered eventually, giving in completely ‘but let’s just give him one day without all of this shit, okay? Let him get back to the Lieutenant and have a day of blissful ignorance, before we tell him about everything. He deserves at least that’

Josh went silent then, probably thinking about the pros and cons of that idea, weighing it all, considering. 

And then he gave in too.

‘Alright, let’s wait a day. I’ve already scheduled a meeting, just to make sure you won’t forget about it’ he said, and while Markus was thankful he was doing this for him, he definitely would’ve felt better if he could just let him forget about it. Of course he couldn’t forget, androids don’t forget, but… this time he desperately wanted to. 

They have been faced with many difficulties before. Many, that seemed impossible to overcome. Many, that challenged them all in the worst ways possible.

And yet, they still overcame everything.

But this? This new kind of threat, that none of them really understood, only maybe vaguely grasped the meaning of? This threat, which implied so many other things, which all had the power to ruin them?

This, he was not sure they could overcome. 

He hoped, but he wasn’t sure.

Not anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end.  
> ...To the first part. Because there's a second, even longer part to this story whoops!!!
> 
> I'm still currently working on the second one, so there might be a bit of radio silence from me for a bit (not for long, I promise!!), but I WILL upload that one too eventually because listen. I still have a lot to say. And our boys still have to actually meet after like 90k+ words of this story klfdjf
> 
> And. I also just wanted to tell you all that it means the world to me that you all followed my little story all the way up to here!!! You really made me feel appreciated and I love you all to bits, and that's a fact.  
> I literally LIVE for your comments you have made one gay bean very happy and I will forever keep you all in my heart, that's another fact <3
> 
> That being said, I hope you'll join me for the continuation of this story too, I can promise you more dumb jokes, an inexplicable amount of gay pining and denial, solving cases and even more deep convos between our favourite buddies and cops, also A Lot Of Hank Anderson, who I Love And Cherish AND TO WHOM I WILL GIVE A HAPPY LIFE FIGHT ME GOD
> 
> But until then, I hope you'll be okay, take care, mom's out <3 (for a while. A Bit.)


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